The Truth About Adoption: One Year Later
by Jen Hatmaker on August 21st, 2012

Yesterday, we got up at the crack of 8:30 (farewell Summer Sleep Schedule, parting is such sweet sorrow), threw dirty clothes into hampers behind closed doors, yanked our bedspreads up, wiped the crumbs off the kitchen counters, and made sure everyone was wearing mostly clean clothes.

This was as much as we prepared for our social worker’s final 12-month visit.

12 month visit.

Our kids have been in our family for one year.
I get asked all the time: “What is adoption really like?” Well, sit down, my curious friends, because I’m going to walk you through the first year of adoption with absolutely no only a moderate amount of hyperbole.

Of course, our story is not everyone’s story – we adopted unrelated, older kids from Ethiopia with no major health issues, and we already had three bios at home. This might look very different with babies or foster kids or domestic adoptions or kids from other countries or kids with severe physical needs or families with no other kiddos. But some stages will be identical, no matter. Adopters, if you are in the waiting part (WE HATE YOU, WAITING PART), or the early days, or the later days, or maybe you’ve got an adoption itch you can’t shake, let me share the fairly common stages to expect:

Pre-Stage: Waiting for Your Kiddo

I just want to touch on this stage, as it bears virtually no resemblance to every single phase that follows. This is the hungry, manic process of paperwork, dossiers, referrals, court dates, in-country travel, Embassy appointments, and deferred hope. Maybe 5% of my adoption friends sailed through this stage. For the other 95% of us, expect delays, frustrations, snags, unforeseen interruptions, bottlenecks, slow-downs, obstructions, and an obliterated “timeline.” (Dear People Who Give Us Timelines, please stop doing that.)

Here is the upside: This is the stage you realize God can put a vicious fight in you for a kid without your blood coursing through his veins. Those early doubts about loving a child without the helpful instincts of biology are put to rest. Of course, you don’t know this kid yet, but you love him in your heart, in your bones. You’ll fight like hell to get to him. You can’t think of anything else. You are obsessed. You dream about him like you did when you were pregnant. You realize that when God said He sets the lonely in families, He meant it, and He doesn’t just transform the “lonely” but also the “families.” He changes us for one another. God can create a family across countries, beyond genetics, through impossible circumstances, and past reason.

Stage 1: The First 4-6 Weeks (Honeymoon)

She is home. You can’t believe it. It’s been 18 months or two or three-and-a-half years since you started this process, and here she is, sitting at your dining room table. Look at her sitting at the table! Look at her eating eggs! Look at her in her pajamas! Your bio kids are treating her like a pet. All outside life has stopped. People are dropping food off on your porch. You are in lockdown, circling the wagons around your treasured one and spending more time with your kids than you have in the last three years combined.

This is Fake Life, and everyone is smiling. Your bios are more helpful than they will ever be again ever, and it’s like you are at Weird Family Camp. Nothing is normal. Everything is fragile and bizarre and unfamiliar. Your new one appears compliant and easy-going and obedient, and dear ones, this is because she is about to have the Most Epic Freak Out in the History of Life.

For her, this is like the part of the sleepover when you just get there, and the games and toys are awesome…but then all of a sudden it’s bedtime, and you’re like: wait a minute. This is not my bed. That is not my mom. This is not my space. Good feelings are gone.

Stage 2: Spaz Out (4-6 Weeks – 3-4 Months)

Who knows what the straw on the camel’s back will be – maybe one more food he hates, maybe one final conversation he can’t decode, a moment of discipline, just a smell might trigger it – but something will happen, and your little one will finally lose it. Honeymoon is over. Once the damn has broken, it will flood for months.

There is screaming, kicking, hysterical hysterics. There is wailing and tantrums and full-out meltdowns. You may chase your beefy 8-year-old down the street where he ran screaming barefoot into traffic, throw him over your shoulder and lug him back home where the two of you hunker down for the next two hours, drenched in sweat, while you hold him tight and whisper love into his ears and he thrashes and yells and finally passes out. It is so helpful that your husband is out of town on this day.

Your sweet one is grieving. This is sorrow and loss and fear and trauma; it is visceral. It is devastating. You and your spouse are haunted, unshowered, unhinged, unmoored. You stare into each other’s eyes, begging the other one to fix this: What have we done? What are we doing? What are we going to do?

The house is a disaster. Your bios are huddled up in the corner, begging grandparents to come rescue them. You can’t talk to anyone. Everyone is still beaming at you, asking: “Isn’t this the best thing?? Is this just the happiest time of your life?” You are starving for truth-tellers in adoption. You scour blogs and Yahoo groups, desperate for one morsel of truth, one brave person to say how hard this in and give you a shred of hope. You only find adorable pictures and cute stories, and you despair. You feel so alone. You’ve ruined your life. You’ve ruined your kids’ lives. Your marriage is doomed. Your adopted child hates you. You want to go back to that person pining away in the Pre-Stage and punch her in the liver.

Stage 3: Triage (4 Months – 8 Months)

Somewhere around the 4th or 5th month, you realize the fits are under ten minutes and only happening every fourth day. This alone is reason to live. You’re out of the weeds. Your little one has been pulled from the burning building and subsequent terror and spaz-o-rama, and she is now in triage. You are definitely not out of the woods – the assessments, the precision surgery, the rehab is still to come – but she is out of immediate danger and stabilizing.

Evidence of her preciousness keeps peeking out. You see her real self more and more frequently. She is feeling a teeny bit safer, just beginning to trust your love. Some of those tricks Dr. Purvis taught us are working. (Except for those bitterly frustrating “scenarios” in The Connected Child when the kid follows the script to a tee, auto-corrects immediately, and goes back to playing blocks, nodding his head like, “Lesson learned, Mom. You do indeed know best.”)

As for you, you’re coming out of the fog. You start returning phone calls. You brave a Date Night. You look at your bio kids and ask, “Oh, hi there. So how have you been the last seven months?” Maybe your new role as Trauma Counselor won’t be permanent after all. You color your two inches of gray and get a haircut. You step on the scale and realize you’ve either lost or gained ten pounds from stress. Okay, it’s gained. I’m just trying to give you hope.

Stage 4: Rehab (8-12 Months)

The meltdowns are over. You wave praise banners and start speaking in tongues over this. Your new son is telling jokes in English. He is reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid by himself. He is a soccer phenom. You start grooming him for the Olympics. (No you don’t.) (Yes I do.)

You start dealing. You engage Life Books and play therapy and creative ways to honor his birth parents and birth country. You get serious about addressing his brooding and manipulations or whatever coping skills he’s trotting out. He is giving you more amazing reasons to praise him, and you’re no longer resorting to things like, “Um, I really like the way you buckle your seatbelt. You, uh, click that thing right in place every time. Totally nail it.”

While typing this very blog, I was serenaded with happy "music."
This is only slightly better than Stage 2.


You remember how your dear social worker told you on your 3-month visit, as she looked into your bloodshot eyes and you burst into tears, that attachment takes time…for everyone. Adoption is not the normal way, biology is, which helps us love that screaming, no-sleeping baby just madly, irrationally. But in adoption, it takes everyone time to fall in love.

And that’s okay.

So in those first few stages, you might feel like you are raising someone else’s hysterical kid. You might be chockfull of resentment, anger, disappointment, and regret. Love may feel elusive, even impossible for awhile. You might wonder if God called you to something then left you.

Normal, dear ones. So very normal. You are not a terrible person, nor is your new son or daughter a lemon. There is so much hope for everyone.

I read this paragraph by Melissa Fay Greene on the first year of adoption, and I’ve never forgotten it:

"Put Feelings on a back-burner. This is not the time for Feelings. If you could express your feelings right now, you’d be saying things like, “Oh my God, I must have lost my mind to think that I can handle this, to think that I wanted a child like this. I’ll never manage to raise this child; I’m way way way way over my head. I’ll never spend time with my spouse or friends again; my older children are going to waste away in profound neglect; my career is finished. I am completely and utterly trapped.” You see? What’s the point of expressing all that right now? Put Feelings in the deep freeze. Live a material life instead: wake, dress, eat, walk. Let your hands and words mother the new child, don’t pause to look back, to reflect, or to experience emotions. “Shut up, Emotions,” you’ll say. “I’ll check back with you in six months to see if you’ve pulled yourselves together. But no whining meanwhile!”

Here is the good news: eventually, you can pull Feelings from the deep freeze, and you’ll discover surges of genuine love sneaking up on you for this kid. You’ll find out: Oh! He’s funny! She’s sassy! He’s good at science! She is compassionate! I had no idea! You’ve mothered with your hands and words, and God did the heavy lifting, just like He promised. You don’t have to be a miracle worker; that has always been God’s territory. You just have to be the ordinary disciple who says yes.

Is adoption easy? No it is not. Is this simple? Nope. Complicated and long-term. Will bonding be immediate and seamless? Maybe, but probably not. Will you struggle with guilt and fear that first year? Yes, but you shouldn’t. You’ve agreed to partner with God in some difficult, heart-wrenching work, and it’s no kum-by-yah party. Give grace to yourself; God already has.

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting through, and adoption is one of them. I can hardly think of something closer to God’s character, who is the “Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy.” Certainly, we are his difficult children who spaz out and pull away and manipulate and struggle. We distrust His good love and sabotage our blessings, imagining our shame disqualifies us or that God couldn’t possibly be faithful to such orphans.

But He is. We are loved with an everlasting love, and it is enough to overwhelm our own fear and shame and humanity. In adoption, God is enough for us all. He can overcome our children’s grief. He can overshadow our own inadequacies. He can sweep up our families in a beautiful story of redemption and hope and healing. If you are afraid of adoption, trying to stiff-arm the call, God is the courage you don’t have. If you are waiting, suffering with longing for your child, God is the determination you need. If you are in the early days of chaos, God is the peace you and your child hunger for. If your family feels lost, He is the stability everyone is looking for. If you are working hard on healing, digging deep with your child, God is every ounce of the hope and restoration and safety and grace.

In Him, you can do this.

He is enough for us all.


Where are you in adoption, and how has God shown Himself to be enough? Our stories give each other hope and courage. Thank you for being truth-tellers for one another.


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422 Comments
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Esther - August 24th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
Our experience was quite different from Jens experience. We adopted two kids from the foster program. Both were older at age 4 and 8. Both had severe behaviors. We tried for 10 years keeping them home with us. The violence, threats of murder, making child abuse allegations in the community among destroying our property, running away and self harm and aggressive tantrums. Now both kids are in institutional care.

My story is not alone. There are thousands of stories like this where kids dont heal from RAD but other psychiatric disorders emerge such as personality disorders.

Although not an easy story to tell this is a common story in the adoption world.

I wish i had known how genetic mental illness was before taking on children with multi generational mental illness.
~Laura~ - August 24th, 2012 at 2:25 PM
{{{{{Esther}}}}} I feel your pain. We are struggling right now with our adopted 7 year old. He was diagnosed RAD, PTSD, ADD, and ODD. While he has attached to us in his own weird unhealthy way, he isn't wired like most of us. I asked his Christian psychologist if he's ever seen anyone "normalize" from such trauma and behaviors. He took a long sigh and said that it is rare, but that he has seen it. Our struggle is with not knowing when to call it quits, or even if we should.

We WANT to help this child, but aren't willing to put EVERYTHING else in our lives at risk for him to "maybe" turn the corner, "someday". As they say, "You can only do our best, and leave the rest to God."
michael - July 21st, 2013 at 6:46 AM
who ever is reading this testimony today should please celebrate with me and my family because it all started like a joke to some people and others said it was impossible. my name is Michael i live in Chicago i am happily married with two kids and a lovely wife something terrible happen to my family along the line, i lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because i was unable to take care of her and my kids at that particular time. i manage all through five years, no wife to support me to take care of the children and there come a faithful day that i will never forget in my life i met an old friend who i explain all my difficulties to, and he took me to a spell caster and and the name of the temple is called, okundonorgreatspell, i was assure that everything will be fine and my wife will come back to me after the wonderful work of dr okundonorgreatspell, my wife came back to me and today i am one of the richest man in my country. i advice you if you have any problem email him with this email: dr.okundonorgreatspell@gmail.com and you will have the best result. take things for granted and it will be take from you.
Anonymous - March 29th, 2014 at 7:27 PM
First, I strongly recommend against international adoption of older children. Unknown family backgrounds and health history, lack of regulations, bribery by so-called "officials," etc. etc. DON'T DO IT!

I applaud those who have successfully adopted international children; especially older ones that are so often discarded. God blessed you. However, our reality has been filled with anger, sadness, and despair for the 5 years we have had these children.

My wife and I are Christians. We have successfully raised one biological son, and have a mentally-disabled biological child who is thriving. We attribute this to the skills God has given us: patience, understanding, and special training (my wife is a special-needs teacher and I coach Special Olympics).

Five years ago, we adopted two boys from Haiti, one a pre-teen and the other 16 years old. We didn't do this on whim; it was long before adopting Haitian children was "en vogue." And we had ample time to change our minds, considering the adoption process tool well over 2 years to complete (although we chose to ignore the first warning sign, that the 16 year old had had 3 previous failed adoption attempts - the orphanage director only told us the families backed out, and we didn't push for a more detailed answer).

Initially things were OK. Even after a year with no emotional connection, we were nave enough to think love could conquer all. What we didn't realize is that love is a two-way street, and while we knew it would take a long time to develop love, we mistakenly thought we would make more progress after 5 years.

Although speaking broken but intelligible English in the orphanage, and seeming fairly bright and enthusiastic there, we noticed the 16 year old's speech immediately began to worsen, such that it became (and is currently) barely intelligible. We also noticed how he did not communicate basic needs to us, and seemed to be disinterested in learning about his new surroundings. After the honeymoon wore off, he pulled away from us, sneaking around the house and hiding. Then came the (diagnosed) paranoid and psychopathic behavior. Needless to say, for the sake of the safety of the rest of the family, he was placed with another family at the age of 18.

The younger child, more reserved, polite, and intelligent did well for a little while, but then dramatically started exhibiting similar behavior as the older one e.g., extreme selfishness, detachment, apathy, robotic behavior devoid of any emotion, disinterest in learning about his surroundings. We would try to hug him or playfully joke with him and he would just sit there as stiff as a board and pull away, and does so to this day. We tried repeatedly to instill a questioning attitude so he could learn how the world works. But this was (and is) met with obstinacy and defiance. Family dinner and dinners with other groups of people are especially awkward and painful; distant blank stares and ZERO communication even though lively conversations go on around him. I guess he has been like this all along, but we didn't notice given the more severe behavior of his older sibling (by the way these two were not related by blood). And he expresses these behaviors despite immersion in numerous social activities (sports, church youth group, etc.). But this immersion is only based on what we his parents structure; he rarely talks to any of his peers without excessive prompting from us, and never initiates conversation in social settings. Once engaged however, he communicates fairly well, but it's as if he doesn't care to seek communion with others, instead waiting for interaction to come to him.

So here we are going down a similar path with the 16 year old. Although we are committed to sticking with it until he graduates high school (3 long years from now), we are tapped out, exhausted, and very bitter.

If only some of our attention and affection was reciprocated. If only there was someone that had a proven way to instill a desire to socialize in our son, instill the emotions of caring and concern, and a sense of belonging. We are resigned to probably never experiencing that, and unfortunately impatiently awaiting the day he finished high school and goes out on his own. He is truly a survivalist; selfish and indifferent, There are however two silver linings: 1) our relationship with the older son, who is now 20, is improving now that he has had time to grow and 2) the youngest does do very well in school and is fully committed to excelling there. So all we can do is hope and pray.


Kate - August 24th, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Jen - THANK YOU for your authentic heart in sharing your adoption story thus far. My husband and I await clearance from the Ethiopian embassy to travel once more and bring our five year old son home. This was helpful, encouraging, scary and necessary to read. You have a gift with words my friend...but even more than that - you have a beautiful
Dani - August 24th, 2012 at 12:35 PM
I'm in stage "not there, don't get it, why did God do this to us?" Our hearts were captured by adoption. We have a TON of families in our church adopting and all I see from them is shiny, happy people holding hands. I wanted that. I wanted children I could hold and know I didn't have to give them back after babysitting time was over, I wanted my husband to finally be a father. I wanted at least one little girl to not age out into a life of hell. I wanted a giant van to carry my brood around in. Instead I got a broken heart. Our adoption of a 12 yo girl that was a "sure thing" fell apart. It took nine months for our hearts to fully break with loss. So many things we were told in the beginning turned out to be misinformation, leaving us feeling lied to. Then just before the one year mark we found out that people in country were going to try to kidnap her from her grandparents because they were afraid she would be killed. This happens all over the world, her story is not unique, but she is part of our story now. Her face won't leave my dreams.
And people want to know why we aren't pursuing another adoption. I don't know if we're ready. I don't now if we'll ever be ready. I can't imagine going through this again, and I can't imagine going through everything you and others have described. I can't imagine ever being a mom, after so long of that being all that I wanted to be.
In a church teeming with children (like 4:1 child to adult ratio) where does a childless couple fit? We park our little car at the minivan/SUV/bus convention every week and feel a little intimidated. We pour into teenagers during youth class time, but their parents don't think we're legitimate sources of gospel truth for their kids because we're not parents so we just don't understand.
I don't get why we are where we are. I have to constantly fight anger and bitterness toward God, and our agency, and people who don't get it, and parents who plaster facebook with their perfect little precious kiddos. People tell me God is good, and I know that it is true, but my heart doesn't get it. If I hear one more time Romans 8:28 used out of context and thrown is as an awkward response to "My heart aches" I might scream.
So dear sister, thanks for sharing your heart. Thanks for making space for people to talk about adoption openly. Thanks for starting out with the disclaimer that this is your story, not everyone else's. Thanks for speaking the truth, maybe someday I'll reread this post from a totally different life stage and see even more truth in it than I do now.
Brandi - August 24th, 2012 at 3:26 PM
Dani, my heart aches for you and your husband. I am an adult who as a child who was almost adopted. I lived with a wonderful family for 4 years of my life. When I was 5 years old my mother met a couple, let's call them Bob and Deb, at church through some mutual friends that had been babysitting me. Bob and Deb grew tired of seeing me sleeping on a couch, living out of a suitcase at their friends' house. They had no children of their own at that time and they offered to babysit me and give me a bed. My mother needed a babysitter so that she could do whatever she wanted and not have the responsibility of a child, or whatever her excuse was. She was supposed to take me back home sometimes but apparently one excuse after another came up and the days stretched into nights which stretched into weeks and months and eventually years that I didn't see my mom. While in the care of Bob and Deb, my mother signed me over to them so that they could enroll me in school and put me on their health insurance, etc. My mom all but disappeared. No one knew where she was, where she lived, her phone was disconnected, mail was returned. I loved Bob and Deb and called them mom and dad, but I knew my mother was out there and I would tell them that if I could see her, I could make her love me. I just knew that if I could spend 5 minutes with her I could make her want to be with me and love me and take me home. I know that killed Bob and Deb, I know their hearts broke every time I said something like that. They had made sacrifices for me, they didn't have a lot of money but they cared for me and clothed me and fed me and LOVED me and here I was wanting someone who didn't want me.

Anyway, fast forward to the age of 8. Bob and Deb wanted to move out of the state so that Bob could attend seminary school. In order to do this and be within the law they had to adopt me. They filed papers and served someone that knew my mother. My mother came back into my life again and fought to get me back. Well, eventually the judge ordered me returned to my natural mother and I was sent back to her within a couple of weeks of that ruling. I was saddened that I would be leaving the mom and dad I knew and by this time Bob and Deb had two daughters who were my sisters, but at the same time I was so excited that I was going back to my mother and she wanted me.

I found out upon my return that she didn't really want me, she just didn't want other people to think she didn't want me. She wanted my stepdad to marry her and the only way to get him to do that was to convince him that she wanted me and that he had to marry her so the court could see her as a fit parent. I went through neglect, emotional abuse, drug use, suicide attempts and the only thing that saved my life was GOD! I didn't kill myself because I thought, what would God think of me. I pulled myself together, and realized that I was only 15. I quit the drugs, did well in school and when I turned 18 I moved out. I am now happily married with 3 kids who I love and adore and who are my world. I speak to my mother, our relationship is ok. She is an unhappy person and I have learned to cope with her. That is her and I have to accept her for who she is.

I recently, within the last 3 years, found Bob and Deb through facebook. My mother made me cut the relationship off as soon as I was returned to her so we lost each other. I have only recently learned that they went through the same torture you describe. They almost lost faith in God but were able to work through it. They decided never to try adoption again, but I wish they had tried. I thought they were great parents and I would have liked to see them share the love they had given me with another needy child.

I wanted to share this story with you because I am a product of an almost adoption and I am so happy that I was able to spend those few years with them. Although we were all hurt by the situation, it helped to shape me and mold me into the person that I am today. Without them I would probably have committed suicide or been a drug user or whatever, no telling where I would be, but I don't believe my life would have been as good as it is today. I think the Lord puts obstacles in our path and we have to have the strength to climb over them and move forward. You have love to give a child in need, so give it! Don't keep that to yourself and don't let the fear of loving and losing another child hold you back. You may try and you may lose over and over but eventually you will win and you will make all the difference in the world to that one child! You may not be everything to everyone but you can be everything to someone. Please don't give up.

Good Luck!
Sue - August 25th, 2012 at 11:49 AM
Dani, You are NOT alone. There are many failed adoption stories (like ours too), but they are even harder to come across that the "truth about adoption" stories. I know firsthand the guilt, shame, and failure that you must be feeling. To go into this thinking you are following God's will and with such high expectations, only to have everything pulled out from under you feet is truly devastating. No one will fully understand your gammet of emotions expect those of us who have walked through failed adoption too. Time really is the healer of all wounds. It does get easier. It's been 9 mos since our 12 yo girl left us, and it is getting better. God is still sovereign. We may not know or understand HIS reasoning now, but I am confident that in heaven He will reveal it to us. Then it will all make sense. Prayers for you, sister.
Michelle - October 9th, 2013 at 8:25 PM
We also went through a failed placement. We have one biological daughter, but after a traumatic first year due to conditions that run in both families, we decided to have a vasectomy performed. Adoption had been on our hearts since before we were married, and we felt that God had a different path for us.
When our bio daughter was almost 3, we tried to adopt a 16-yr-old girl through the State, but there were several things in her history that were not shared with us when we viewed her case file. Even then, we declined after we saw her file, not knowing if we were capable of handling her difficulties, but her caseworker persuaded us that we could be just what she needed.
Our honeymoon period lasted all of a day before she was cursing us and slamming doors, narrowly missing slamming the head of our curious 3-yr-old. The night that she left bruises on my husband's chest before trying to walk away, I remember holding my 30-yr-old husband on my chest like an infant as he cried out his broken heart. My tears took a little longer, but they came, too. The next day, we called her caseworker to have her picked up, fearing for the safety of our other child.
We had looked forward to this child with all of the anticipation we'd felt when we were expecting our bio, we had researched every way to help her that we could, we had painstakingly set up her room and her Christmas gifts and even a heritage notebook with all of the information I could garner about both us and her birth family. We had committed to her that we would stick with her no matter what, unless she posed a physical danger to our family. She knew that, and she exploited it so that she could go back to her life of shopping, parties, and sex. The day after she left, she called me just to get the pin # for her Visa gift card, acting like nothing was wrong, while we we grieving the loss of the child we had waited for for so long.
We didn't know how to tell people about what happened. In a way, we were still trying to protect her by not telling most people how bad it really was. All of these people had prayed for us for so long, and shared our ups and downs in the placement process, but when it all fell apart, we were alone. From our perspective, we had lost a child and were experiencing the biggest grief of our lives, but we got the impression from people on the outside that we had given up on her, that we were quitters. Privately, our faith went through a serious trial as we tried to understand why God had placed such a heart for adoption in us, then allowed our hearts to be ripped out.
After I had had some time to heal and go through therapy, I was able to continue a tentative long-distance acquaintance with our foster daughter. When she turned 18, she left her foster family and moved in with a 30-yr-old boyfriend whom she'd been dating since she was 17, and who had no job and lived with his mother. She got pregnant, and called us up, suddenly deciding that we were "grandparents," a title she dropped when we sent only a modest gift of a nice nursing wrap and an assortment of classic children's books. Her relationship with her boyfriend also went south, and there were rumors of her attacking his mother. Today, she lives with her son in an apartment provided by DFACS and bounces from one min. wage job to another. She never finished high school. I'm still there to offer advice if she needs it, which she has done occasionally, but she never follows it.
So now, almost 4 years after this happened, where are we? Our bio is almost 7, energetic, creative, and healthy, and expressing her discontent that she's one of the few kids in her circle with no siblings. My husband and I discuss adoption frequently, but the truth is that we're terrified. We have a wonderful, close-knit, adventure-loving family, and we're afraid of what could happen to it. I struggle constantly in a battle between the part of me that says, "We have so much to offer," and the part that says, "We have so much to lose." We have incomplete forms gathering dust on the counter for Emergency Placement for overseas military kids (We are now stationed overseas; this is temporary care in lieu of State services). We have a myriad of sites bookmarked for Ugandan adoption, grants & military adoption assistance, and blogs & forum posts with any information we can glean. but we are still paralyzed. The truth is, there is really no way to know for sure whether history will repeat itself.
I want to move on, but every time I think I've either let go or renewed hope, my thoughts circle around and around again. It's clear that adoption is still on our hearts, I just don't understand why. The family I already have is full of more than enough love and challenges for every day. I just can't help but wonder if I have another child out there somewhere. It's something I pray about frequently.
irene namutebi Ntende - November 17th, 2013 at 6:56 PM
Hey am. From Uganda I have children who really need help. Mother and Dad died. Of. Aids. I
Know this because I knew the dad very well. I have already 4 of Maine otherwise. I would take them on. Am based in Ireland. So I can't afford 6children.



amy mathews - August 24th, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Ohhhh do I remember those days.....Im here to tell you that when they hit 7-9th grade that you might go threw some of it all over again....They are finding themselves, want questions answered, and because you have stuck by them and loved them they take it out on you....I wouldnt change my life at all but it has been a rough one....Hopefully as they become adults God will show me my rewards....
michael - July 21st, 2013 at 6:47 AM
who ever is reading this testimony today should please celebrate with me and my family because it all started like a joke to some people and others said it was impossible. my name is Michael i live in Chicago i am happily married with two kids and a lovely wife something terrible happen to my family along the line, i lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because i was unable to take care of her and my kids at that particular time. i manage all through five years, no wife to support me to take care of the children and there come a faithful day that i will never forget in my life i met an old friend who i explain all my difficulties to, and he took me to a spell caster and and the name of the temple is called, okundonorgreatspell, i was assure that everything will be fine and my wife will come back to me after the wonderful work of dr okundonorgreatspell, my wife came back to me and today i am one of the richest man in my country. i advice you if you have any problem email him with this email: dr.okundonorgreatspell@gmail.com and you will have the best result. take things for granted and it will be take from you.
Natalie - August 24th, 2012 at 3:56 PM
I cried through most of this post because we are right in the middle of the turmoil of our adoption story. God called us to adopt when our two bio kids were 2 1/2 and 8 months and we were placed with a sibling set who'd been in foster care for four years (9.5 year old girl and her 6 year old brother). I am SO completely overwhelmed by the journey that is to come, but when I just focus on each day and how God has been completely faithful to provide just enough energy and resources to get through it, I'm SO hopeful. God is faithful to those who obey and trust, and these kids and our adoption story with be the testimony of our lives. Thank you for sharing your "raw" experiences - it was just what I needed to be reminded of...the crazy crazy task this is, but that God is far greater and give him the glory for all.
Kristir - August 24th, 2012 at 4:08 PM
Thank you so much for writing this. I'm bookmarking it now since we're in the waiting stage. Adopting from the foster care system and I'd be lying if I said we weren't scared to death. But if there's one thing God has confirmed during this time it is that our child is waiting for us. We just have to fight for him. Remind me of that in a year.
Ginger - August 24th, 2012 at 5:31 PM
Oh my. Typo in first paragraph of Spaz Out. Dams break. Damn is a curse word.

HTH!
Angie - August 24th, 2012 at 10:49 PM
Jen...I'll just add to the comments on your already viral freakin' awesome post. We are in Stage 2 (shoot me in the face please) Just adopted a 2 year old from China and have 2 bio kids (2.5 and 8) The girls are for all purposes twins!! What were we thinking!!!??? Your post made me laugh out loud and tear up...it was better than Cats. Thanks for you truth telling. It was really needed in this home! Blessings!
Tracie - August 25th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Thank you for your honesty!!! We have 2 little girls adopted as toddlers from China. Our second was not the fairytale we imagined. My husband and I wanted to lay down and give up. Our dam broke on day 3 in China. I felt ashamed, I felt alone, I felt like a lousy mom. The best words I heard were from a friend who said, " forgive yourself for your feelings now because they will change later." as moms we strive to be perfect. Adoption is far from perfect but God is good and conquers all those challenges for us.
Sue - August 25th, 2012 at 11:02 AM
Finally found a post about FAILED adoptions. That is where we are at as well. Had a Haitian "daughter" who was 11yo when we received her, had her in our home for almost 2 years. She was extremely physically and verbally abusive to our bio son who is a year younger than her. She bullied him relentlessly every day at home and at school in front of his friends. Our whole family almost fell apart, but my wonderful, Godly, compassionate, incredibly loving bio son walked through hell more than anyone else. We had to choose to protect his life over saving/helping the life of the Haitian girl. She left, we are still healing. God is definitely good, and we have learned so much through this, but not all of there stories have a happy ending. Satan is alive and well and will use anything and anyone to unravel and destroy our Christian families. And THAT is the brutally honest truth.
charles - August 14th, 2013 at 11:14 AM
I know too well myself having adopted a Korean child of 5 months. He was later diagnosed with bi-polar disorders and became very difficult to live with . My wife and I divorced and she gave me full custody. After I remarried ,my wife tried to help me with him but I eventually had him confined in a lockdown school for a year which was extremely expensive. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do but I tried. My current wife has gotten deeply involved in her new Catholic faith beggin me to convert from my much more conservative upbringing in the Christian faith. I have been on a couple of international mission trips with her and I experienced another world. The people are so grateful and it is so heart warming to help. However my wife came across a baby she fell in love with and approached me with for an answer while amongst other mission workers. I elaborated ,I would work hard to find her , the baby,a good home but my heart was not open to adopting her. My wife has since been heavily involved in following up (including traveling there several times)and paying a translator to go with her. She got what she fought for over three years, the approval for adoption (priviledged adoption) with or without me. She flew back home and again asked me about adopting her while crying her heart out pleading with me. I have felt little to no love coming from her as a spouse. I would have deeply supported the mission to help the child find another home but I know of God it is not suppose to be in the middle of our home. We now are having serious marriage problems and I don't know if I can stay with her. It seems she is pushing hard for me to divorce her with her coldness. I have been told ,by her, I would loose a lot in court. WHAT A MESS! btw I have helped raise her two children through the tough teenage years, one of which she invited back to live (28yr old ) with us, without my approval. I will be 60 next year and now I am a very unhappy husband.
lune - September 18th, 2013 at 2:23 PM
This is why I (an adoptee from Haiti) am against international/interracial adoptions. You can't play with peoples lives under the guise of a savior complex. Family is something that cannot be undone. I love my mother (adoptive mother) with all my heart but I don't agree with adoption when the child was better off with their identity, culture, heart in tact even in the throes of "poverty". The latter things cannot be bought or converted.
Connie - September 18th, 2013 at 3:38 PM
Thank you for having the courage to say that. It will go unheard by most, but there are some people who see the ethical problems involved with snatching children from impoverished families/communities and bringing them to the U.S. where they will have "everything." It sure isn't popular to say so, though.
califmom - September 26th, 2013 at 9:41 PM
These kids we "save" will likely die or live horrible lives. When my son came home from Ukraine, he was in the 5th percentile for height and weight. He was malnourished and had rarely been outside of the orphanage. He was 2.5 and he spoke about 10 words. His orphanage was considered a model among Ukrainian orphanages and his caregivers were wonderful women who were doing the best with the little they had.

I agree wholeheartedly that the best thing would be to keep them in their country of origin, but the infrastructure of many countries is just inadequate. The poverty and lack of jobs keeps parents from being able to support their children. In EE, many parents abuse alcohol because their situation is hopeless.

I consider my son a "starfish": I can't save them all, but I can save one. And it so happens that this one is one whom I adore wholeheartedly.
From4to5 - January 22nd, 2014 at 2:15 PM
Califmom... Is your son from Luhansk? (The description sounds like our daughter's orphanage and exact situation!) we just brought home a 2.5 yr old from there and are hitting the spaz out stage.
Ginny - August 25th, 2012 at 5:14 PM
We adopted two boys, (approximate) ages seven and three from Liberia 3 1/2 years ago. Each of our stages has lasted I would say two to three times your estimates with the exception of the honeymoon period which I would say for us lasted maybe a week. We had four biological children ages six weeks to 8 when our boys came home. Our first year was harder than we could have imagined. After almost a year, we disrupted the adoption of our younger son for the safety of our other children. It was devastating on so many levels. The healing process has been raw and slow. We will hit the four year mark in January 2013. Our adopted son is about ten years old now (we aren't sure of his age, were told he was several years younger than he actually is.) We cannot imagine our family without him. He has many strengths, many. I believe that God has an amazing plan for his life. I remind myself of this on those days when those orphanage behaviors peek through, on those days when I am feeling discouraged that after three and a half years he still reads at an early second grade level, and that he will most likely always struggle. I still suffer from the loss and shame associated with our disruption, even though everyone involved believes what we did was necessary and best. Necessary and best is not always easiest. But we aren't called to choose the easy path, we are called to follow Christ. Adopting older children isn't comfortable, it isn't easy. We don't understand the "why" of many aspects of our adoption, but we trust. We trust that God has a plan for our family, and that he will use all that our family suffered for good. We thank him for the crosses, we thank him for the progress we've made. We thank him for the beautiful soul of our adopted son.
OreoSouza - September 12th, 2013 at 1:57 PM
Ginny, your story is our story, right down to the ages of the boys. Our younger son is considered unadoptable, and is in the foster system, so we haven't actually disrupted. We *thought* we had...long story. He is still ours, tho we never see him. Our older son did so well for so many years. It was such a pleasure to have at least one of the adoptions be successful. But then he went into puberty, and now can't live with us because he molested 2 girls and is serving time. Still, we do have relationship with him. The adoption is successful, but it seems we weren't able to give either of the boys enough of what they needed. We all hurt...including the boys. We all did our best...including the boys. We will all be healed completely some day...including the boys. Adoption is *definitely* not for the faint hearted.
Bronwyn - August 25th, 2012 at 5:23 PM
I really really want to adopt (or foster) but not as a single person. So I'm hoping and praying that God will both put the lonely in families (with finding me someone) and use me to help put lonely children in families. I'd appreciate prayers - it's a tough stage. thanks!
Christac - August 26th, 2012 at 7:51 AM
"You wave praise banners and start speaking in tongues over this." Hahahahaha!!
Lynese - August 26th, 2012 at 3:34 PM
We are a family of 3 in South Africa. One bio son from IVF, aged 12. A history of should we, shouldn't we? with regard to adoption We have now crossed paths with a 6 year old little girl who may need fostering, and we need to give an answer. I am terrified, confused and don't feel as though I can trust my feelings one bit. I don't feel as though I have what it takes,am so scared of screwing up my son forever and am frightened of having my heart broken....again.
Literally putting one step in front of the other and saying yes.
Thank you for this post.
Jeanene - August 27th, 2012 at 10:01 PM
Our journey is a bit different...we are in the process of adopting two little ones from foster care...they are not related, we got them both at birth...they are 4 months apart in age...right now, our soon to be adopted son is 13.5 months old and our soon to be adopted daughter is 9.5 months old...both have been affected by drug exposure...we have certainly had our moments, although, no exactly like yours...I can tell you that I have had my moments of fear and wondering if I was stark raving mad!!!LOL! But, SO grateful...we are SO in love with them. We just keep walking and watchin the miracle unfold. Thanks so much for sharing truthfully about adoption!
joy - August 28th, 2012 at 4:56 AM
After being in relationship with emma for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email cafaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.
joy - August 28th, 2012 at 4:56 AM
After being in relationship with emma for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email cafaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.
Mary Morrison - August 28th, 2012 at 7:28 AM
I am thrilled for your family that after one year, you are no longer in the throws of insanity. For my family, 9 years into it we are still living in what feels like sinking sand most days. I ask myself what we did wrong, that this child still cannot find joy and peace in his life. Perhaps the damage was done too early and runs too deep. What I know is that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I wait with anticipation for the day that he no longer resides under my roof and I can find peace again.
Elizabeth - August 19th, 2013 at 5:45 PM
I am a bio sister and we are 23 years into the adoption of my brother. He is no longer under my parent's roof and my parents would tell you that most days still feel like sinking sand. In fact, some days they must take it hour by hour. His dysfunction shakes our entire family. He was placed with us through the county as a foster child at 3 months old. You said "yes" to your child for a lifetime. Jesus. Every. Single. Hour. Of. Every. Day.
Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy - August 28th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
All I can say that if you have a domestic adoption that is going badly, ask the original family if they want their children back. Chances are, they will.. warts and all. And the kids might be better off. Even in some impoverishment country.
Andrea - August 29th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
This is not possible. Unless you privately adopted most adoptions are through DHS and in order for the children to be available for adoption those parental rights were terminated due to ABUSE. This wouldnt be a good idea although Im sure those parents would love to have the children back. You can try to look for another adoptive placement but this is far from easy depending on the behaviors and age of the child.
Ashley - August 28th, 2012 at 9:36 PM
Jen, I so appreciate the availability of honesty about adoption you're facilitating with this post and comments. My parents felt called to adoption and have given their lives to this ministry. However, it has devastated our family (I'm one of 4 bio kids). It's been 20 years since their first adoption, and several adoptive sibling groups later, it's ended in pretty epic heartbreak and disillusionment. We (my parents and bio siblings) still love Jesus and believe in the gospel ministry of adoption, but man. We're pretty broken, and even since I've long since married and moved away the pain is still a regular part of my heart and life. As a kid (and now an adult), watching my adopted siblings hurt and abuse my parents like that is really tough.
Jen - December 8th, 2013 at 12:52 AM
Dear Ashley, can you share more about the struggles your family has had? We have 3 children, ages 14, 8, and 5. We cannot seem to ignore God's constant nudging for us to adopt. However, it's the timing that is the mystery to me. We are not sure if we should adopt now, wait until our bios are older, and whether or not to foster or go international. If you have wisdom you can share about mistakes made in your family, we would be most grateful, not to stir up emotions or pain for you!! I too live with some pain from childhood that came from my bio family. So don't want to bother you if it is too much. But whatever you could share would be a great blessing. Thank you.
erin bankste - August 28th, 2012 at 10:58 PM
Praise God for this post! I am printing this and hanging it on the fridge as we are beginning to leave the honeymoon stage and I am laughing and crying as I read the truth of it all.... And sigh with relief that these are not crazy feelings and thoughts! God is good to lead us to encouragement in His perfect timing and I am encouraged that we ate NEVER alone!
Jen - August 29th, 2012 at 1:07 PM
Thank you so much Jen. We are "waiting" for our 6 year old daughter from India... I have those panic moments when I wonder what have we gotten ourselves into? I think of the shear terror she wll feel the day these complete strangers come and take her away from all that she knows. Sometimes, when I get a moment I look forward and wonder... "what will we face?" ... your blog has been an amazng window into some of our future and being as prepared as we can be means hearing the truth.... I love your candidness and thank God for you...
Elizabeth - August 30th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
What a wonderful blog! I can totally relate - I've two adopted sons, adopted when they were toddlers, so the screaming and tantrum throwing started right away. No honeymoon for us! :) But they are both great kids (6 and 12 - soon 7 and 13), and I can attest it did get better - until recently when the standard teenage drama has started to rear its ugly adolescent head. Sigh. But at least it's "normal" teenage drama. ;)
CCheney - August 31st, 2012 at 4:32 PM
You just have to be the ordinary disciple who says yes~ Love that!


Dana Suggs - August 31st, 2012 at 10:31 PM
I read this entire post choking back tears! Nodding and laughing right along! THIS IS TRUTH! This is our life!

We are foster parents following God's call, but the call was BIGGER than we could EVER have imagined. It was to a sibling group of *3* and we had 3 of our children too! HA! But, we were willing to say YES! Our FIRST go-round, and it's with 3 siblings....1 that came so close to death 3 times when he was barely 4 months old! Emergency BRAIN surgery on our FIRST vacation in 14 YEARS.....oh man. It has been a long, rough road just keeping this baby alive and trying to mother 3 other children and 2 teenage boys. Oh yes.....I think we lived 8 months in a solid COMA to life! LOL We've lost all our friends who now think we have gone crazy, or....they are just afraid to invite the crazy family with 6 kids over to their BBQ. Either way, we're a family....with no friends.

But, now, we are 12 months into it and we are waking up and we are seeing these incredible children that God has blessed us with.....and we are staring down adoption by the end of the year! We MADE it! He sustained us and we have all made it out alive.....and together!

I've written those honest posts....it's ugly and it's hard, but they need to be written. I cannot thank you enough.....
Judy - September 11th, 2012 at 10:33 PM
I wish I lived near you:) We feel the same way.....a family with no friends. We adopted 2~ 5 year old girls from China.....adding to our family of 4 boys.....raising our numbers to 6 kids. One girl is Deaf, the other has a Heart condition requiring open heart surgery. We would LOVE to invite you to our BBQ......IF we could muster enough energy to have one that is:)
Crafty Mama - September 2nd, 2012 at 9:56 AM
Thanks for posting the truth!! We've talked about adoption on several occasions, so this is good to know. :)
Julie - September 2nd, 2012 at 9:57 AM
I wish I had read a post like this 11 yrs ago when we adopted our twin boys. For the first year or even more, I felt like I had heard God wrong or maybe I was just a horrible mother. My birth children hated the new kids, and the new kids hated me. That first year was so hard.
Now, 11 yrs later, I look back and see things I could have done better, but I no longer beat myself up over those things. We were all in survival mode. And we all made it and are a loving happy family. Adoption is hard and I thank you for talking about that part of adoption that most people won't talk about. Adoption is also the thing that has caused my heartto grow the most, caused me to trust God and cling to Him, and taught all of us to love even when it is difficult.
Amy Tilson - September 4th, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Ha! I'm wondering if this - "Once the damn has broken, it will flood for months." - was a typo or intentional. It's broken forth in my head many times, but hasn't actually come out of my mouth. We're at stage almost 3 years in. It's getting interesting now! He was 9 months old and is now at the point of saying things like "when I was a little baby".... hm, well, yes, about that.... I never know what was a result of the move at 9 months, how much was he aware of, does he have lingering memories that don't make sense to him. I think even now I may need to keep the emotions and perspective in the deep freeze for a while longer. This is some serious tough stuff!! Oh, but he is about the cutest, sweetest, smartest, most loving little boy in the world (except when he's not)!! Can't even begin to tell you how much we love him!!
John Venture - September 5th, 2012 at 8:54 PM
Many Americans are not aware of the fact that you can foster to adopt, right outside your door, in the United States. You do not have to spend the $10,000 to $50,000 to go to other countries to adopt a child when there are so many right here in the United States. There are currently over 530,000 youth throughout the United States and an estimated 25,000 age out each year.
One of the better agencies to work with is The Bair Foundation. Here in Tulsa Oklahoma located at 91st off Harvard, their headquarters can be reached at 1 800 543 7058, www.thebairfoundation.org John Venture
Camille Bruno - September 9th, 2012 at 3:18 AM
My name is Camille Bruno, from Canada USA. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i see my friend online this week on a business summit of transfer. I also meant a man online who%u2019s name is DR mukulu he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one%u2019s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I%u2019m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn%u2019t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is mukulutemple@yahoo.com
mrs lovth - September 9th, 2012 at 5:19 AM
My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your email address and a request for a specific love spell, and Dr cafai powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My %u201Cex husband%u201D is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, you can contact him via cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com




Brenda - August 27th, 2013 at 1:44 AM
I am so confused by these last two posts. Not trying to be rude but I am completely missing something? Isn't this blog about adoption? The above posts seem to be about seplls or something? I respectfully request that someone or anyone remove them if possible....its like they are either spam or really really wrong... bc I am super sensitive to these type of things and these are screaming at me whoa, wrong, need to be taken off here. Not trying to be rude at all Jen, or even judgemental. and if they had ANYTHING to do with your post then it would make some sort of sense. but its almost like , esp being two in a row, they are meant to totally make the reader of the posts freak out or lose focus or forget about the encouragement of the other posts so as to deter from what you are writing about- our Father's heart. I don't judge people of a different faith than mine, which is Jesus is my Savior and it's ALL grace, but these are not right.....hope i have made some sense. and if I am out of line PLEASE feel free to delete MY post. wow, i jsut saw that this is from Sept. So probably won't even get read. oh well, I will just still keep it...
Robin - September 26th, 2013 at 2:59 PM
these are spam. someone is attempting to get folks to visit that website listed above. whatever you do, do not do that. ignore, ignore! =)
Brandy - September 10th, 2012 at 7:17 AM
We came home with our ten-month-old daughter from Ethiopia in July of this year. This part, "Adoption is not the normal way, biology is, which helps us love that screaming, no-sleeping baby just madly, irrationally. But in adoption, it takes everyone time to fall in love." -really hit home. OH, how I wish it weren't true!! I didn't believe that it would be true. But it does take time. It is happening for us. But it does take time. Not only for us to fall in love with her, but for her to fall in love with us as well. Thank you so much for writing this.
chelsea - September 12th, 2012 at 12:53 AM
Beautiful post! Thank you for writing so openly and honestly.

Spelling correction: near the beginning, you wrote damn instead of dam :)
mercy - September 12th, 2012 at 8:57 PM
I can't thank you enough for all that you have done for me. About a year ago I my partner split up, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your email on a site about what you have done. I requested 3 to 4 day casting of the reunite us love spell and within 4days mark company had relocated him back to our hometown where I still lived. We immediately reconnected and move in with each other. Our wedding date is set for Summer 2012. Expect to see your invite in the mail!.thanks to upesaspelltemple@yahoo.com
Zoie - September 16th, 2012 at 11:18 AM
Thank you. We just signed our paperwork for a 5 mo. boy from Korea. Our first child and we are in our 40s. God has been with us in this process and has provided abundantly.
Angel - September 17th, 2012 at 12:42 AM
Thank you, this was so helpful to me. God bless you and your family
Debi - September 20th, 2012 at 10:19 PM
wow - hard to say what stage we're in. We're foster parents, so not the same technically as adoption. We also have 3 bio boys, and now 2 younger siblings. Only God knows for sure, but we think we'll have them for a while. I feel like we've been through all these stages already in the first 6 weeks! And at different times with each of them! So, just wanted to say thanks for the encouraging words. I feel like you're the one person I've read that can say the exact words that are in my heart and I thank you for it!
Anthea - September 21st, 2012 at 4:28 AM
Thank you! I needed to hear this.......
MARA - November 15th, 2013 at 5:48 PM

My name is Mara. i am here to tell you a true life story of my life, i am a woman who was once married with 2kids and one day i was at home when i decover that there is unfaithfulness in my husband, so i decided to watch what he is up to and one day on my way to visit a friend of my, i found my husband and my best friend in a sitting room kissing and smooching their self and i got angry at once so i slap the face of my husband and i left when i got home, in the evening of it, my husband came with his mother and they both tell me that am a problem to them i was so confused thinking i have to recieve apologies from him but it was not the way i think so the next day he got up and tell me to my face that i should leave his house. i was so ashamed of him and i decided to do some thing real bad but did work so one day i saw a contact on the internet and i contacted the email address and a man told me all about my troubles and what i need to do and now am happy, and my husband came beging on his kneels actually the Dr Sango told me that a woman will confess and my mother in law confessed to me that she was responsible for all the troubles of my life and my husband now is happy with me. thank you very much sir the almighty will guard u and bless you for me. please women out there reach him via emial sangospelltemple@gmail.com


Irritated - February 18th, 2014 at 11:15 PM
Have some respect for this site friggin spammers!
Laurie Wallin - September 23rd, 2012 at 3:17 PM
Jen, I love that you share this process so openly. When we adopted 8 years ago - two sisters from local foster care - we saw life fall into this Alice-In-Wonderland pit and nobody - even in our church - could really understand that "bringing home hurting kids" wasn't a "beautiful ministry" it was a blood-and-guts (and spit and hoarding and pee on the floor) ministry. When we had to admit our younger daughter to a residential psych facility last fall after 7 years of pouring out lives, we felt like failures as people, parents, Christians. But now that we've seen God do profound works of healing in her mind and life and we believe she may come home after all, we're JUST NOW seeing the beauty in this process. LOOOOOONG in the coming. But, oh! It's sweet indeed. And, honestly, I'd never trade it, because it's what drove me to coach adoptive and special needs families. To be that person who "gets it" and hears what's really going on and can support in tangible ways... it's an overwhelming gift to me every time. Praying God would continue to extend your ministry and use you to be that kind of positive force in the adoption conversation! Blessings on you and your family, girl!!
mombyanyothername - November 30th, 2013 at 6:55 PM
Laurie, truer words were never spoken. Our daughters were just 2 months old when they came to us through domestic adoption. I thought I had read everything and was prepared..we did, OT, PT, speech, behavioral therapy and sensory integration play right from the beginning- what ever it took I was going to head it off at the pass! I tried to ignore the hoarding, the beginnings of self mutilation thinking my love and care would conquer, but just 2 weeks ago my beautiful, loving, caring tender hearted 8 year old threatened to kill herself at school. I never saw it coming!! I thought I had all the tools I needed. Having to visit her for only an hour a day in a locked unit was devastating. I felt like such a failure. Reading here tonight has made me realize it's back to the drawing board but we can work together to come out the other side! Thanks all for your honesty!!
heyruthie - September 24th, 2012 at 2:04 PM
In an effort to "be real," there are even a couple places here, Jen, that I'd edit! I'd add that for SOME people, stage two could last MUCH longer....maybe even a year in-and-of-itself. Lest someone come to this page, being six months in, and feel discouraged....it can take some kids even longer. If your adopted kid is still struggling, it could just take more time.

Also, I'd add that there's a "Stage 5" (and probably 6, and 7, etc.!) It happens somewhere around year 2 or so. It's when you find yourself telling people "yeah, we just adopted" and you realize....uh.....the adoption's not new any more. It's "old news" to most people, yet things aren't "back to normal." In stage 5, you realize that you *thought* that the stages were somehow, someday, going to bring you "full circle"--but they don't. You realize that you, your marriage, your bio kids, and your adopted kids, are never going to be "normal" or "the same" again. You give up on "normal"--and not just other people's idea of normal (because let's face it--you were already bucking that: you adopted!) No--you realize you'll eventually give up your own idea of "normal." Things change permanently, and your kids (especially the adopted ones) will probably always be "special"--beyond the obvious stuff like skin color. So, you learn about IEP's, long-term therapy, support groups, learning disabilities, AD/HD (and even maybe medication) and you move forward with a long-term picture that isn't probably as rosy as you thought it would be, but is far more fulfilling than you imagined. And God is there in the midst of it all, reminding you that *you* are his adopted child.
Laurie Wallin - September 25th, 2012 at 2:02 PM
I agree, Ruthie. Of our two girls, one took 5 years to get through this year, and the other is on year 8 and isn't quite there yet. It's long-since been old news... but I love that Jen is at least showing there's more to the process. Sharing this forward with a group I host on FB - Moms Together. More believers need your version, my version, and the hint that MOST adoptive journeys aren't all unicorns and butterflies and altruism. :)
Julie - November 12th, 2013 at 10:53 AM
I identify with this post. We adopted 3 older children from Haiti 2 years ago who at the time were (9, 12 & 15) though in reality all 3 children are at least 2-3 behind emotionally, and physically and much more academically (no news to anyone here). We have 2 bios who were (10 & 13) at the time of adoption. Ours is mostly a healthy story that is still unfolding. So I'm speaking from that place. I see there are many instances of horrible outcomes where there wasn't any hope; I'm not speaking from there. However successful an adoption, it still does not come without wounding of all parties. I never expected normal, but what I didn't expect was how much healing I would need. How some of my children's junk brought out so much of my junk. How much of the deep places I had to go to fill the unfillable, were places I resented going. If biological children can hold up mirrors revealing the defects of our personality, adoptive children hold up megaphones. Many times I felt ashamed and way ill-equipted to mother to these children. The weight of the growing you must go through in order to parent and love these children becomes overwhelming at times. It is comforting to know there are others out there who are struggling and overcoming, most often with greater struggles. There were times when I wondered, "Where could I send this child; I can't take it anymore". But found that when I hung in there and reached out for help, it was there. Medicine, in our case, was a blessing and made a huge difference in my youngest daughter. We're all recovering, healing and growing.
June - September 26th, 2012 at 2:57 AM
Looks like you have some spam on here about casting love spells. You may want to check it out. Loved your blog.
Sherry - September 26th, 2012 at 8:39 PM
Thank you Jen. You nailed it. Especially the "what have I done to my family!???!" Somehow, we get through it. We have a bio son, 9, and our adopted son is about to turn 6. He's been with us for 14 months. It's amazing what he's come through and learned in such a short time, coming all the way from Vladivostok, Russia. He's thriving in Kindergarten. He fights all the time with his brother and I thank God because everyone tells me it's completely normal. :) Thank you again for your honest post. I think we're all afraid to scratch up the rosy picture that people paint in their minds of how wonderful adoption is. It's wonderful, but it's not easy. I just know I'm grateful to be past year one and finally falling in love with him.
Bri - October 4th, 2012 at 8:49 PM
Jen, I met you at Dot.Mom a few weeks ago. Dot.Mom was a life-changing event for me! God spoke to me, convicted me, loved on me and I went home renewed and restored and ready for life! My husband and I are looking into international adoption right now and I was hoping you could let me know the name of the adoption agency that you used. We live in Alabama and just don't know where to start. Any help would be awesome!
Thanks!
Bri

Cindy - August 26th, 2013 at 10:27 PM
We gratefully chose CCAI for our agency. They did an outstanding job for our family & many other families. We are coming up on our one year anniversary of bringing home two twenty-two month old boy & girl. It hasn't always been easy but they are a joy & have added so much to our family(10 membersnow).
Our agency has been very supportive even after we returned home. I highly recommend them,,,,
Dominique - October 23rd, 2012 at 12:42 AM
We've been in the waiting part for two years this winter. This is sobering and encouraging all at the same time. Sigh. Thank you for sharing.
Mike - November 29th, 2012 at 2:48 PM
We're just past three years since adopting our two boys, and we're part of a program in which we've helped find homes for a bunch of other kids and keep in touch and have reunions together. Everyone has a story, and our spaz stories have been has short as a couple of days, to as long as a couple of years, but none of the stories has ended in regret. Great writing, and a great resource amid a huge sea of stuff for people who adopt babies and toddlers, with very little attention to us who adopt the diaper-free crowd. Thanks!
Headacheslayer - November 29th, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Thank you for being REAL. We are in the "dreaming" state--we feel called to adopt older kids, possibly teens from our state. But there are some hurdles we have to clear before we're ready to start. So I'm reading and learning everything I can. I'm saving this. Your writing is beautiful and funny and so honest.
Davis - December 3rd, 2012 at 1:58 PM
Congratulations on making it through what seems like was a difficult, but amazing experience. Kudos to you for going through the adoption process.
Shanna - January 18th, 2013 at 6:08 PM
Loved your timeline! adopting is definitely tricky. Having a brother who was adopted, it took awhile for all of us to adjust, but we love him!
Mattv - January 31st, 2013 at 6:15 PM
HA! We are living this blog! We are in the the 5th month with our 6 y/o for Russia. My wife said she reads this entry every day after I referred her to it. It is only now that we are starting to say "this might actually get better," I don't think there has been a day since brought her home (until recently) that we didn't privately think this was huge mistake.

Things are better every day, but only time will tell. I am not religious, so I don't have faith to fall back on, or reassure me. I feel good, at least, that she now has a loving family and has escaped a pretty brutal and unhappy past. We are committed to her forever.

For those of you thinking about doing this, it's harder than you can know by reading....

pat - February 4th, 2013 at 11:53 AM
One year later, still not there...
Delana Stewart - February 5th, 2013 at 1:56 PM
I can so relate to this part (especially the day dad is not there): "There is screaming, kicking, hysterical hysterics. There is wailing and tantrums and full-out meltdowns.... the two of you hunker down for the next two hours, drenched in sweat, while you hold him tight and whisper love into his ears and he thrashes and yells and finally passes out. It is so helpful that your husband is out of town on this day."

Though each year has certainly gotten much easier than the first year (we are in year 5) I agree with author Kathy Lancaster that talks about adjustments in terms of a year for every year the child is old when you adopt him/her. http://nineyearpregnancy.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/year-for-year/
Blessings,
Delana
Toby Crane - February 13th, 2013 at 5:45 PM
The Illinois adoptions agencies have work to do because there are so many parents that just give up their children. It is quite sad.
Pauline@NationalSocialServices - February 27th, 2013 at 1:43 PM
What a wonderful post, and very inspiring indeed. We've never adopted or been into adoption, but I looked up to people who go for adoption. It's a serious matter, cause when you to decided to adopt there is no turning back, you have to commit with it and deal with different kinds of situation that will come to you. But if you're strong enough then all of the things you've been to will be worth it. :)

By the way, you have lovely kids!
Cheers!
Dianne - March 1st, 2013 at 12:49 PM
A friend sent this post to me. We adopted from Kazakhstan, 2001, 7 yo boy, full of PTSD, abandonment, full of fear. He visited us in the summer for 6 weeks, and then returned to Kaz, through Kidsave program. He was a harmless, curious child, sweet, hesitant, not a full-on loving child, I didn't expect that, it was too soon. When we picked him up in December and brought him home to us, oh, my , heavenly Savior, this child went ballistic. And not just for a few months, but for years,,,,this was the part that was left out of the "isn't adoption great? aren't you great?" speech that we received. And when I tried to talk about it on an online adoption group, spilling my guts, and putting it all out there, to see if anyone else was getting this, some idiot told me that if I had just read a book on attachment disorder, then we would have never had these problems... sheesh. I hope she didn't go through with her adoption....
My son is now 18, and we are very proud of the way he is turning out: he has a job; he's a good student, although with some learning disabilities; and he even lets me hug him in front of his "manly" friends. My concern is when some young lady appears in his life, how we are going to handle it...
Anyway, I want to thank you for being quite clear about your adventure in adoption. More people need to hear about it, more people need to seriously consider what bringing someone else's child, with all the problems, into to their home does for the family as a whole. I am very saddened when I hear about more families disrupting adoptions because "it just didn't work out for us." I don't know all the circumstances, I just feel so much sadness for eveyone involved.
I have a spiel I give for people who ask me about adoption.
1)Know yourself, well, Know your spouse, know your strengths, your vulnerabilities, know your marriage .... Know how you are going to discipline. Know how you react under stress. Are you able to ask for help and support? It is surprising the number of people who were embarrased to ask for help... Have a support system in place, people who can fix a meal, take the other kids for the night, someone who will listen and not judge. It's okay to be angry with the child, the circumstances, the tantrums, but you must be able to get past it to make a life for the child. What are HIS alternatives? He is completely at your mercy. Be the adult...

Would I do it again? Seriously, not at our family's age right now, had we started sooner, maybe, but I would have to think about it long and hard...
n - March 14th, 2013 at 7:16 PM
Thanks for your honesty. This is the stuff that every potential adoptive family needs to hear. The truth!!!
Ashley - March 17th, 2013 at 8:33 PM
We are about to bring home our two boys from Haiti very soon. This is exactly the truth I was looking for, someone who has been there and can tell it to me straight! Thank you for your wisdom and encouragement, and you're right...God is enough for us all! :) Blessings!
Debra - March 25th, 2013 at 10:41 PM
I love the tone and message from this post! Inspirational! Thank you! Everyone in the adoption process or even thinking about (local or international) adoption should read this post! I have noticed in reading these comments as well as many other blogs, that there are so many international adoption stories! Are adoption trends tipping towards international adoptions?

http://www.adoptionagencylist.com/adoption-statistics-what-are-the-emerging-trends/
Leslie Knight - April 7th, 2013 at 10:38 PM
I found this on Pinterest. And oh my, I needed it.

We're not adopting yet. But we're about to start fostering. I'm a social worker. I know what to expect. I know what to say to people who are struggling with being the parent. But I don't know how to live it out. And that alone terrifies me.

But reading this.. It reminded me of WHY we chose to foster. It reminded me that God is calling us to this and because of that, God will do the heavy lifting.
Jeanene - April 12th, 2013 at 11:39 PM
This is wonderful...where are we? We are sitting here trying to figure out how our little boy is nearly two years old, and our girl is nearly a year and a half...we adopted both from foster care and the work has only begun with therapy, etc...but, the crazy thing? I think it's happening again!! I think I am out of my ever loving mind...but, I am feeling that nudge...that ache...the desire for more. So, tell me, how do you know when it is really God nudging you again, or when it is just that you were so addicted to crisis that you are wanting the rush again? Cause I have no desire to run off on my own. But, I am aching for a big family. Really...I think I have lost my mind.
Lindsay - April 18th, 2013 at 1:44 PM
Just wanted to say thank you for this very candid and powerful post. I read it before we brought our daughter home from China and keep coming back to it. We are 3 months home in the middle of Stage 2 and I am so thankful to know we are not alone and things will get better. I shared a link to your post on my blog, hoping to shed a little light and hope out there for adoptive families. Thanks!
Miranda Sharp - April 26th, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Thank you so much for your honesty. We are currently preparing our i600a so we are in the early, waiting and longing stage. I search for as much truth about the process as I can find. Thank you! Thank you for also pointing everything back to Christ. He is our everything!
Becca - April 29th, 2013 at 7:56 AM
I am a 15 year old girl adopted from Ohio and I know you save a child when you adopt but for the child that is actually being adopted it sucks. I love my parents but I hate being adopted and I want to live with my real dad. This is true for most kids but adoption sucks and I do not believe in adoption because I know what it's really like.
Chris - February 9th, 2014 at 8:49 AM
Hi Becca, why does adoption suck?
jacquelinemillington - May 2nd, 2013 at 12:47 AM
Adoption process, domestic adoption trends, and adoption statistics.
. http://www.adoptionagencylist.com/adoption-statistics-by-country/

erin - May 7th, 2013 at 2:08 PM
We also have 3 bio kids (8, 12, 17) and have just recently adopted a sibling group 13(g) & 9(b). Tears started streaming as I read this. THANK YOU!. Its as if you have been a fly on my wall. God bless you and your family, all of our families %u2665%u2665%u2665
Lois - May 13th, 2013 at 11:56 AM
At least when you adopt, you go thru this but get to keep them!! We had "Foster" children. and had to go thru this and then when all is calm and you have grown to love them like your own---one morning you get a phone call saying we've found a home for them, we will pick them up at such & such a time!! You put on a happy face for the kids sake while inside you're heart is falling to pieces!! Enjoy these little ones--you are all they have!!!! Frankie , Jimmy, & Mary, where are you??? Lois Stahl lmstahl34@yahoo.com
Lois - May 13th, 2013 at 11:59 AM
At least when you adopt, you go thru this but get to keep them!! We had "Foster" children. and had to go thru this and then when all is calm and you have grown to love them like your own---one morning you get a phone call saying we've found a home for them, we will pick them up at such & such a time!! You put on a happy face for the kids sake while inside you're heart is falling to pieces!! Enjoy these little ones--you are all they have!!!! Frankie , Jimmy, & Mary, where are you??? Lois Stahl lmstahl34@yahoo.com
Jenna - May 21st, 2013 at 10:00 PM
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I have been looking for this! We are also adopting an older girl from India and we too have three bio kids. I'm glad that you specifically wrote about your story, as it speaks to families like ours. I have saved this and I am sure I will come to read it frequently once the 'honeymoon' is over!
Melissa - May 26th, 2013 at 9:12 PM
December 2012, my husband and I began the adoption process of our great neice, and now miraculously, our daughter. We are inbetween fits and beginning to think that the light at the end of our tunnel may not be a train? But honestly, I am just not sure.
We are committed believers in our Lord, Jesus Christ. We prayed for this. Maybe I didn't type that properly... We prayed for this?!?! Both biological parents are still in town and want to "visit" although it is a closed adoption. Our neice, her biological mother, was and is more at terms with all of this. The biological father is not at terms. This situation was aided to take place out of necessity.
I remember asking our daughter's play therapist what book I could read to help me with this whole situation. I remember her laugh as she said, "Quit looking. They haven't written one for this situation." I just realized reading this post how silly I have been. The book has already been written. It was written long, long ago. It is inspired. I just need to keep looking at my Lord and reading His words.
And time. We need a tincture of time. It is a solution used in the medical profession. Healing just needs time to take place. For that is when God works...
Thank you so much for the reminder.
dee - May 26th, 2013 at 11:12 PM
what is it like to lose a child? the worst heart ache ever FOREVER! the cries and pleading are met with sw saying these are the best parents ever, you must give your baby this 'better' life, you must surrender for the good of your child even though you die for the rest of your life.

How did i survive losing my dear baby. dear in headlights.
I did and i didn't. I was sent to pretend a birth didn't happen. The home would
house me if i promised chores commodities and information. Some wanted lies,
some wanted more. I knew that i was not given enough information to defend
all my desires (to take my baby home without injury).
I agreed when fenced and pleaded when able. If i was abused
i lost sight of the area but felt my way around, polite agreeing. When there was
nothing i could do but suffer awake i apologized for not knowing. Yet in
my heart i knew their words were not true. Surely I was the best mom for my
baby. Since God had answered my prayers for my long ago loves i pleaded silently
every day. I knew that many of those there did not know god or they could not
torture us as they did. Yet tied broken and beat, i knew that i had the most wonderful
girl in the world. I would do all i could to care for her until she was stolen without hope.
My pleas would not be in vain. giving birth was exhausting and my shaken body could
only provide them so much information. yet mercilessly, a military nurse ordered me around.
she was fascinating. Very few people had worse stories than mine in the birthing rooms
but it was easy to see that i should ask her why she was happy to hurt me. Since i couldn't
hold my baby i would delight her in other ways. I drew her pictures, some amused her.
I told her my figurings and some of why some were off. She sang only sparingly to her
unborn too. These wandering tunes were a gift and perchance they should be pleasing
she would try. Yet here we both were, charged for the gift of the unborn. We now were
workahololics. There was so much more to know and many resources to buy back our right
to parent. We were suffering. We were telling those that profited from our suffering we
were thankful. They could not tolerate all our pain. The gift of the unborn was intended to
change us. So we did announce some kind of change. when her owners need to sing i sang
when they drew i drew, when they ate, i analyzed their nutrieative desires, i wrote them
jokes. I called my md's voice mail and said you are doing more than you said to me. they sent me home. hey but thank goodness a sw soul murdered us for the 10000 dollars ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Sarah - June 3rd, 2013 at 9:29 PM
I never post on blogs, but I just want to thank you for posting this. You are the first person to put into words this part of the journey of an adoptive family. Our son is now six and we brought him home when he was 14 months. Even though most would have considered him a baby, that young child lived more life in his 14 months than most people do in 14 years. I can relate to everything you posted, tears and joy and all. As we are considering taking the plunge again, I read this and think, yes, it's worth every moment. Thank you so much!!!
Robyn - June 8th, 2013 at 7:31 PM
I will add my thanks to the long list of comments! :) My husband and I are 6 to 10 weeks away from traveling to China to pick up our 2 (almost 3) year old son (our first child). We are just waiting on our Travel Approval. We wonder what the first year will be like and you have provided a realistic view of what so many others tend to gloss over. Thank you. We try not to have expectations of what it will be like when he gets home, but not having expectations is like telling a river to flow backwards . . . impossible! Even if we don't verbalize them we still know they are buried in there somewhere. We are excited, nervous, and in all honesty a little freaked out. :) Again, thank you for sharing part of your journey!
Deborah - June 13th, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Approaching our year anniversary with our domestically adopted now 7-year-old daughter who experienced 10 moves before coming home. Just smiling and nodding.
Jenny - June 13th, 2013 at 11:14 PM
It's been 3 years since we adopted our two sons from foster care now 9 and 11 years old. We also have a 1 1/2 year old bio child and another baby on the way. Both boys are diagnosed with RAD, PTSD, ODD and ADHD none of which was known at adoption. They have been in therapy since we adopted them and ive spent so much time and energy trying to get them involved in activities and work very hard to help them in school. Just when things start to get better for one child it seems like the other starts acting up even more. I envisioned adopting these two boys and thinking that it'd just take a year to help them adjust and that we'd be a perfect family and then add birth children to that family. It's been 3 years and it just seems to get worse as the children get older. My oldest steals from home, school, stores, sneaks around constantly and lies about everything and anything. He's gotten suspended numerous times from school this year. I just don't see the future for him. My 9 year old would throw horrible tantrums and was the meanest kid to me everyday but nice to everyone else. We finally ended up putting him on some psychiatric meds a few months ago and he has completely changed his behavior to me and is actually a nice kid to be around now and im just praying that this new him stays. I love my boys but I feel really bad for my birth daughter who is only 1 1/2 yo and has to deal with all of the stress in the house. Most days I feel like we made a huge mistake adopting the boys and that my life with my little one and the other on the way would be so much better if it was just us. I'm so sick of being angry, upset, hurt and feeling unloved after everything I do for my boys. Right now I don't see them or especially my older son ever getting better and being able to live on his own. Adoption is definitely not what I thought it would be and I'm just praying that things will eventually get better but it has been 3 years already and I feel like things are getting worse not better. My boys are 3 years older now then when we adopted them and they still act like they are 2-3 years old. I used to think that all a child in foster care needed was a loving home and now I realize that a loving home is not enough. Many of these children will never heal from the trauma they have faced and many have undiagnosed mental problems. I just wish I would have read more stories about the hardships of adoption or a story following an adoption from a child to an adult before we would have decided to adopt. I feel like most of what I read is about the positives of adoption and not about the failed adoptions, disrupted adoptions or parents like me who just feel that they love their children but are feel defeated, heartbroken and stuck in an adoption.
debi - December 1st, 2013 at 9:40 PM
I TOTALLY get this!!!! We adopted our daughter from foster care when she was 4 1/2. We had read and thought we were prepared; however, nothing could have prepared me for RAD and how long and hard and exhausting the past 3 years would be. I figured it'd be 1 or 2 years, but as we passed year 3 and are still dealing with major temper tantrums, it's just so so hard. Thank you for sharing and at least letting me know in the cyber world that I'm not alone.
Emmy - July 7th, 2013 at 12:22 PM
I adopted three and they are all grown, I spend nearly two times a week crying over the pain my oldest seems to inflict apon me every chance she gets..she is a borderline and I find myself wanting to walk away now that she is 26, but there are grand kids involved and they suffer from her wrath, so I can't. I don't know how much longer I can't take it. I feel regretful of her, she is 26 and heartless. I question myself worth every time I am around her.
My other child does his own thing and I see him occasionally.
My third who is developmentally disabled is the only one who seems to have compassion. I am burnt out and given everything I can with all of my heart. I have nothing left,actually feel like I wouldn't care if I fell off the earth. I never in visioned my family like this. It hurts so deeply. They are adults now, when do I have permission to say I am done!
Shelli - July 27th, 2013 at 12:07 PM
Hi Emmy, your post makes my heart hurt. I don't know the answer to your question- when/if we have permission to say we are done. I know that is not helpful. I just wanted you to know someone heard you, and is sad for you and is hoping you find peace and a balance in your relationships that grants you whole ness. I' just starting the adoption journey, and I have some fears about who m child will turn out to be and how he or she will love me and the world. But I suspect the fear (as well as the pain and the joy) are every parent's concern - birth or adopted. May you seize a chance today to do something life giving.
Dawn - August 9th, 2013 at 1:47 PM
Emmy,
Life is pain and Love. For everyone. A natural child could be borderline, ill with disease such as cancer, have an imperfect personality, Down's Syndrome, etc. Any child can be abused by a stranger or distant family member and end up with PTSD. Life goes on, Dear Lady.
I have a 22 year old. I also have a five year old. My children are natural and have each had their issues. Even naturally born children have issues. Medically. Personality (my son's biological father was abusive towards my son never knew him. It was an assault and I chose to keep him, however my son has outbursts towards me...heredity?) But, if I am honest, I will admit under God, that I have my own imperfections. As humans, we all have something.
Life is learning to Love and Accept, under God. To do the best we are able to do. To Love despite the pain.
There is Never a chance to be done. There is a chance to have a break. There is a chance to gift yourself some overdue attention. But, as long as we are alive, we are never done.
Hang in there. Have No regrets. They are, by all means, your family. Heartbreak could have happened wih biological children, or none at all.
Done? We are not done, until God decides we are finished and it becomes our own ending. Life, again, is pain and love and happiness and tears.
Hang in there. And, remember, Nobody gets out of here alive! :-) Enjoy what you are able to. Love, despite the heartache.
My naturally born children have had problems. Illnesses. Personality issues. My daughter turned out to be Wonderful, by age 22. My son? A sexual assault by someone abusive? Time will tell.
But, in the end, I now realize, that even if I had chosen adoption with my son, due to circumstances that hurt me, Someone would have had to raise his genetics.
Fortunately, I believe in God. When i am old and fully white haired and pass along, I have some questions for the Big Man in the Sky. Until then, I do my best and have Faith. My Faith, even I question, but it is what I have....
Blessings.

charles - August 14th, 2013 at 11:20 AM
I know too well myself having adopted a Korean child of 5 months. He was later diagnosed with bi-polar disorders and became very difficult to live with . My wife and I divorced and she gave me full custody. After I remarried ,my wife tried to help me with him but I eventually had him confined in a lockdown school for a year which was extremely expensive. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do but I tried. My current wife has gotten deeply involved in her new Catholic faith beggin me to convert from my much more conservative upbringing in the Christian faith. I have been on a couple of international mission trips with her and I experienced another world. The people are so grateful and it is so heart warming to help. However my wife came across a baby she fell in love with and approached me with for an answer while amongst other mission workers. I elaborated ,I would work hard to find her , the baby,a good home but my heart was not open to adopting her. My wife has since been heavily involved in following up (including traveling there several times)and paying a translator to go with her. She got what she fought for over three years, the approval for adoption (priviledged adoption) with or without me. She flew back home and again asked me about adopting her while crying her heart out pleading with me. I have felt little to no love coming from her as a spouse. I would have deeply supported the mission to help the child find another home but I know of God it is not suppose to be in the middle of our home. We now are having serious marriage problems and I don't know if I can stay with her. It seems she is pushing hard for me to divorce her with her coldness. I have been told ,by her, I would loose a lot in court. WHAT A MESS! btw I have helped raise her two children through the tough teenage years, one of which she invited back to live (28yr old ) with us, without my approval. I will be 60 next year and now I am a very unhappy husband.
Loren - August 23rd, 2013 at 12:16 PM
We are newbies in this world of adoption. I came here to "read up" on the truth of how it goes. I wasn't disappointed! Thank you for your honesty. We are fundraising right now, I added a link to the website, any help would be great! Thanks!
Lisa - September 3rd, 2013 at 11:05 AM
Enjoyed your post and your honesty. Very helpful. Please clean up your comments there are a lot of troubling comments
Erica - September 4th, 2013 at 8:42 AM
We have 2 bio kids and already know what dealing with trauma in out house looks like. My husband was critically injured in AFG almost 2 years ago. Adoption has always been one of my heart's desires. As I do more research, it just seems impossible. And as a Christian woman, I hate that word, impossible! Jen, I loved what you said in your adoption ethics posts about keping first families together. I am now so very conflicted on if adoption is even something we should continue researching. Its so scary. And so heartbreaking to know that there are kids in foster care and orphanages who are getting abused, or neglected, or are without many basic necessities. Its kills me. And in the same breath I fear for what the added trauma of adoption can do. No wonder so many who adopt want babies... im praying for your family Jen (and everyone who posted here) and can't wait to hear you speak at Women of Faith later this month.
Didi - September 4th, 2013 at 11:15 AM
I've only gotten through the comments to August 2012, but will return asap! LOVE your writing style, Jen. THANKS for doing this...I'm 'just' the grandma of 2 beautiful new grandsons, ages 3 and 4 'ish. They have 6 'new' siblings (to them), our son and his wife have been back from the Congo for 2 weeks now. I FEEL so sure they will be the 'happy' family...where all will go well, so I SURE appreciated reading yours and the comments to slap me back to reality and remember (and in most cases don't even realize how terrible life can be for some, "GOD, PLEASE hold them tighter") this is NOT heaven, and I live in a fairly spoiled Land of Plenty. I choose to remain thankful, in all things...but believe me, I've NOT seen much. I just want to say how MUCH I've appreciated reading this morning. I've learned a lot, and hope to exercise some of that when/where needed. I also plan to share this blog around, so more people can 'see' better, and hopefully be helpful to those who are in need.
Mary Koning - September 4th, 2013 at 1:30 PM
I love your story and can relate at a surface level. I wish that our 9 year old adopted daughter would have lashed out after a few months of being with us. Unfortunately my husband and I never even had a honeymoon period. From day 1 our daughter was unattached and absent. She was what the psychologist called a "hider". He said a child adopted at this age will either "act out" or "hide". If I had a choice (which I didn't) I would choose a child that act's out. At least there is an emotion to deal with. Our daughter is now 18 and has been diagnosed with PTSD. She is delayed academically due to neglect in her early, formative years. I feel we have done the best we could. Is there an emotional connection between her and I? No, there is not. Will there ever be a emotional connection between her and I? No, there will not. I am sad beyond words and understand your need (in the first few months of having your child home) to have someone that can speak the truth with me. It is a lonely place and even more lonely for my daughter. My advice is to not go into an adoption of an older child with any expectations at all. It could turn out great or it could turn out empty. Years of therapy have taught us to communicate, but not to love. If it is not there, it is just not there.
Michelle - September 10th, 2013 at 10:24 AM
Jen, your honesty is refreshing. We've just begun the "wait" stage for a domestic adoption. I feel like I've been sprinting to get to this point and now the brakes have been slammed on, bringing us to a full halt...it's brutal. Thank you for your courage and honesty.
Dean - September 12th, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Awesome post. We are in our third week post-bringing home the kids, and it feels like yesterday the honeymoon ended! Thanks so much for giving voice to the emotions coursing through my heart. It gives me encouragement that we will make it to the other side in one piece!
Katie - September 18th, 2013 at 1:08 PM
I don't know how the rest of the adoptive moms on here felt, but my heart was filled with love the minute we knew it was actually going through. From the moment I looked in his eyes, there was no difference in my love for him and my love for my bio kids. Every adoption goes differently, especially with older children that have dealt with abuse, neglect, loss, or were orphaned. I find that nearly every adoption story I hear or read has a bright light at the end of a long journey. As much as we want these children, imagine how much they want us. The problem is that even when they love you, there can still be attachment issues. I wish you and your beautiful children all the best.
Sara - September 26th, 2013 at 8:24 PM
Benita,
You are crazy. Get a life!
kewin john - September 27th, 2013 at 6:22 AM
If your adopting a child do not say about his or her origins...Experts says that it is imperative that the adopted child be told the truth at the right age and at the right time.
Kelly - September 29th, 2013 at 10:29 PM
My husband and I adopted biological sisters from Colombia 8 years ago. They were 7 and 8. I have found it very, very difficult still. My husband and I have one bio child together who is 13, and I have two from a previous marriage, age 20 and 22.
From the first moments, my husband connected with the girls. They are loving, kind and respectful to him. He adores them too...

They do not speak to me. They glare at me, slam doors in my face, avoid me, ask for my husband if I pick up the phone... are rude so me.

I have been meeting with a therapist weekly, and finally after all 8 years, my husband has begun to come around and he does not feel that I am at fault for the relationship problems that I share with the girls. It is extremely difficult to feel the guilt of being a mother who cannot connect with her children, but add to that the weight of a husband's blame.

Two more years until the oldest is 18, and three more years until the younger one is 18. I hope my marriage can survive. I am trapped.

I would never recommend adoption. I feel as though it has ruined my family...and my life. The girls act beautifully in front of others...they do well in school. but at home it is hell for me...

I am a smart person...I am a full time teacher in a public school, I have two master's degrees. My three biological children love and respect me...
L - December 12th, 2013 at 11:51 AM
K I am so sorry you are going through this. You're the mom, you're the target for all the fear, shame and anger that triggers for kids who have lost mothers/caregivers before you. If you were a crummy mom, the kids wouldn't feel threatened and be pushing you away so hard! That's sad your husband let the kids split you rather than standing up for you. Doesn't make the parents look very strong, and that's scary for children. As a single parent I get a lot of comments on how hard it must be alone, but I've seen several marriages split by kids' grief & loss issues in adoption and no wonder. The kids will have a better chance of healing if both parents ally to show that together you're strong enough to take care of them. Btw there is a big stage of brain growth and development between 15 and 24 years old, and if your husband can work with you on showing them a united parental front of strength and care, it may give them enough safety for the healing to follow. It is more crucial to their healing, and their future relationships, that he stand by you, than stand by them when they are rejecting you. I hope he will find the strength to see that and show them a model of a caring husband in a healthy relationship. Some kids simply neurologically can't let you be the "good mom" you are until they have begun to heal, and sometimes being a good mom looks very different than you expected or others can understand. Take care of yourself and don't let them beat you down. Be thinking of you, thank you for sharing and best wishes.
Mary - November 14th, 2013 at 5:40 AM
You seem to have had it pretty easy. Attachment disorder (Rad) is what they don't tell you about. We had 10 years, no help from anyone, self harm, suicide attempts, running away, drugs, drink, fires, house destruction, attacks on us, etc. The authorities are very careful to not tell you that 75percent of adoptive children had what you call Rad. It destroys 1 in 5 adoptions. Much as we love him, our message is DON'T DO IT!
Violet - November 25th, 2013 at 8:59 PM
Love this! I tell my story in a blog I just started. We faced infertility, fostered, adopted (three are siblings), and then two surprise pregnancies. We are a trans racial family raising seven children. It's harder than I could possibly have ever imagined.
adoptionahigherpurpose.blogspot.com
Natalie Norton - November 30th, 2013 at 10:57 PM
I don't know if you'll see this comment, but I pray that you do and that you know how deeply grateful I am to you for sharing your heart in this way. I read this post and wept. I feel so very called to this path, and yet I am filled with a very real sense of horror as I pine over all the countless unknowns that lay ahead. In the end, however, you are right. . . "He is enough for us all." I add my testimony of that absolute truth to your own. Namaste, friend.
C. A. Staff - December 2nd, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Hello everybody! I was adopted at age 7. Before I get started here with my story, I would like to say I am not against adoptions at all! Many Many couples adopt, and raise their adopted children as their own. Some children never even know they were adopted. Because I was seven I knew where I came from. My memories go back to almost 4. Somewhere between 4 and 5 actually. For me there were no language barriers, or other country issues. I was a normal, to grown up for my age, child, who just so happened to be labeled, "A Problem Child!" by the adoption agency where I was adopted through. I was first placed into a foster home for about 10 months. That is a long time in a child's life. I became a part of that family. My adopted parents even tried to adopt me, but were refused for several reasons. My adoption took place very quickly, as the court was eager to wipe their hands clean of me. My adopted parents were devout Lutherans! My adopted mother was very good at hiding who she really was. My adopted parents adopted two other children prior to my adoption. She got pregnant, between her last adoption, and my adoption. They lost their only biological son. (Very Sad) They decided after being told they should not try to have another baby of their own to adopt another baby. (The other two were adopted as babies.)

I still remember going to the agency, sitting in a chair by the door patiently waiting for something I was sure I did not want. You see I was happy where I was in my foster home. My foster parents only had me, and as I mentioned, they treated me as their own. Long story short, the couple I met that day, did decide to adopt me. Up to the day I was placed with them the only memories I had were of neglect. I do not ever remember anyone ever hitting me, or yelling at me. Having said that, my first night with my adopted mother was the beginning of something horrible. Nine long years of daily physical, and emotional abuse was what the courts placed me into. I had no one to turn to for help, because my adopted mother made me look like her problem. No matter how hard I tried, and I did try! No one believed me, because of that "Problem Child." label that had been placed on me and used every single time my adopted mother was questioned. I made it my goal at age seven to just survive until I was old enough to get away. I learned to bottle up my emotions to make my adopted mothers lashings less painful. The more I screamed, or cried, or tried to fight back, the more pain she inflicted on me. A child learns to adapt to their situation.

I am posting this to show how the adopted child feels. Children sadly do not have voices. They are put where ever seems best for them, because they are children. If you are going to adopt a child, or have adopted a child. First don't label that child! After you adopt, or when you decide on a child remember this child has become your child. That child owes you nothing. You chose that child, the child did not choose you! The most important thing I think I can stress besides the labeling, is this. Love Love Love! Life is not perfect, no child is perfect. Children are children, they have to be taught. Most adopted children need extra special love. Who knows what kind of life they had. Do not judge a child, by the biological parents court file, if you adopt an older child. The child is the victim here. Do not treat the child as a pet! We need more than just being housed, we need to feel like we are part of the family.

I just turned 50, I have five children of my own. My blood still boils when I see, " That child is Hurt, or Troubled, or A Problem" Why not say, " I see that child needs extra love, and attention, that can probably be accomplished by making that child feel a part of a family." Oh and hey if you are going to adopt an older child from another country, take into consideration the language barriers, and the difference that child was raised.

Having a child is a blessing, not something everyone is cut out for. Am I right? If we were all cut out to be parents would there be a need for adoptions? I think not.

I am the author of "September's Child", which can be found on Amazon


Steph - January 1st, 2014 at 3:23 PM
So in those first few stages, you might feel like you are raising someone else%u2019s hysterical kid. You might be chockfull of resentment, anger, disappointment, and regret. Love may feel elusive, even impossible for awhile. You might wonder if God called you to something then left you.

Normal, dear ones. So very normal. You are not a terrible person, nor is your new son or daughter a lemon. There is so much hope for everyone.

I read these words over and over again! Thank you for writing such a wonderful article that spoke to my husband and I so deeply. We laughed and cried, literally. After so many well meaning comments of, "how cute she is", "how wonderful!", "you must be so happy", it is wonderful to hear from someone who GETS it. We are in month seven after picking up our 5 year-old daughter from Taiwan. We have bio 8 and 10 year-olds. We are creating a new normal and it does get better every day, but I never realized it would take time to fall in love and that I would have any anger and resentment. After all, we WANTED her so badly and none of her behaviors are her fault. She is just trying to cope and so are we. Thank you, thank you.
Diane - January 9th, 2014 at 11:18 AM
We adopted a relative's child when he was age 5. His birthparents were both drug and alcohol addicted and had their parental rights taken away. We couldn't fathom letting this child lose everyone they knew by being adopted to strangers. We couldn't bear losing him.

When he came to us he reveled in "having a family" with us and our two bio children. The library, "movie night", Santa REALLY showing up and bringing presents! - all of these things were new and stunning to him. Sleep in the same bed every night? Amazing! Not having to hoard food? Really?

He suffered from tactile sensitivity (oh, that was fun trying to find clothes he would wear), feared losing everything he had (he would scrawl his name on EVERYTHING -including his clothes - with a permanent marker... arghhhh), and with learning disabilities. Discipline and rules were foreign to him. It was tough, but manageable. I called a counselor for adoptive children/families and we saw her every week from about 3 months into the adoption until he was 18. We struggled through following rules, school issues, his birthmom popping up infrequently and always drunk or high, but we were somehow making it through it all.

At age 15, after the death of his grandmother, all HELL broke loose. He began running away, was FULL of hatred and began using alcohol while running away.
We went through three years of deep hell with this child, which included many, repeated runaways, some judgmental, unhelpful law enforcement (and a few helpful, caring ones), many mental health hospitalizations (and the variety of skills/attitudes of the staff there), and eventually 6 months at an inpatient residential care facility out of state. We fought tooth and nail for this child who was showing us nothing but hatred and ugliness. We were beyond exhausted. We were emotionally beaten down. We were hopeful-hopeless-numb in a repeating cycle. He was diagnosed as bi-polar by several different doctors. He was put on medication which he fought taking with all of his might.

We had to argue with more than one police officer who told us "he wants to be on his own, let him go" when he was only 15! We had made a commitment to be his parents and do all we could, while we could (until we legally could not at 18) and they were saying to let him run the streets! He stole from us. If his lips were moving he was lying. He hated us with an ugly vengeance. In retaliation for all "we were doing to him" he reported us to DCFS for abuse. That was scary, but thankfully they saw the truth. (Our counselor, who had seen all of us for ten years at that point, was a great help in that mess). He was violent. He was chaos personified. And here we were fighting to try to help him.

My husband and I grieved differently. We processed this mess differently and on a different timetable. At times, it seemed our marriage was hanging by a very thin thread. I endured serious medical issues in the midst of this chaos and we hung onto his counselor like the lifesaver she was.

We heard it all - he HATED us, he would be fine if we just LEFT HIM ALONE to do it his way, he wished he was with his birthmother (which crack house should we check first? which city? which state? which prison?), we TRICKED him into being adopted, etc. (After years of no contact at all, his birthfather died in a alcohol related incident when our son was 10)..

At 18 (actually two days before his 18th birthday because he always has to do things HIS way), he moved out. What followed is years of using every drug, intoxicant and mind-bending substance available. Many interactions with the local law enforcement with all of them related to drugs or alcohol. He has had stints in jail and one year in prison.

He is now in his late twenties. We still are parenting him like most have to parent a teen... "think through your actions", "don't follow the crowd", "think for yourself", "get help for your bi-polar", "what would you do differently next time?", "remember what this choice led to last time?", "yes, you need to go to your appointment today".

He is currently living with us again. This is the 5th or 6th time we have tried this after he moved out. He stays here to get back on his feet and moving on the right path. In the past, this works for a while until he returns to his old ways and either moves out, goes to jail or we ask him to leave. We will help in any way to help him do the right things, but will not let him live under our roof if we have to watch him destroy himself. THAT we cannot do. We must protect this tiny part of our sanity.

So... do we regret it? No.
Do we sometimes think "What did we do?" Absolutely.
We have been through the wringer for this child. Our two bio children have suffered in many ways through this process- suffering in their own problems while we were too busy putting out the bigger fires (that hurts to admit, but it is the truth), chaos in the family, embarrassment, stress, worry,etc. But in the midst of it all is a child/man who is very artistically talented, has a great sense of humor, has a loving heart (when he isn't on drugs or alcohol) and who is struggling to find his way. He has to be reminded his birthparents choices make him more susceptible to addiction but that doesn't HAVE to be his story - it is his choice.

Do we love him? More than he will ever understand. Does he make us want to runaway ourselves? Absolutely. And often. But we hit our knees and pray to the God that has gotten us through thus far. He loves our son even MORE than we do. We pray he watches over him and that our son will reach out to God for guidance.

This my friends is ONE face of adoption. It isn't pretty. It isn't a fairy tale. But it is love in action... painful, overwhelming, crawling on our knees, praying all the way, down and dirty love.
jenifer - January 30th, 2014 at 9:18 PM

My name is Mrs. jenifer,From philipines,and I%u2019m
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few months ago,to the extent that he even packed his
things away from our house. He left I and and my kids
for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best
and effort to bring him back.I discussed it with a very
good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice
concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that
can handle my situations and problem,that he%u2019s
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when i got home,the next day,my husband called me
to inform me that he is coming back home%u2026..So
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One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to the
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be solved by spiritus marcus. So! my advice to you out
there is to visit this same E-mail address,and tell him
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Lamis Ghazali - February 16th, 2014 at 3:35 AM


My name is Lamis Ghazali i am from United States, I was i a relationship with Ben and we loved and cherished ourselves for 6 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14, a day i can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because i answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but i refused,and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and i begged him because i love him so much but he refused me i was so down cast and i felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a Dr OSIAN that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back,a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first i was scared but i have to give this man a trial because i love Ben very much and i am not willing to loose him to any woman,so i ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex is came back to me with much love and a caring heart...i am testifying to this great Dr OSIAN of Goddess. if you need his help you can contact him on osianspelltemple@yahoo.com

Emiliano Babarah - February 26th, 2014 at 9:21 PM
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Dilara - March 2nd, 2014 at 5:35 PM
Hello friend's i have a good news to share, my name is DILARA, am from united state, i want to use this medium to thank the temple of Crunkawi for the good work he has done, he has bring joy in my relationship, he is the man i know that can help you get your ex back because i am a partaker of his wonders, if you all want to be happy as i am. visit him at ( matsoncrunkawi1965@yahoo.com ) You will be glad you did a trial will convince you.

HE CAN SOLVE ANY PROBLEM YOU ARE FACING, CONTACT HIM FOR SOLUTION'S.

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Joy - March 17th, 2014 at 11:46 PM

Since (dradodojattotemple@yahoo.com) cast a love spell for me, things are going great in my marriage life. my husband who was cheating on me almost every week is now a loyal and dedicated man. I%u2019m glad he came back to me after the break up with him because I love him from the bottom of my heart, but without Dr Adodo help, all of this couldn't happen or even be possible. It is the first time I am using the service of a spell caster and even if I was a bit skeptical at first, I highly recommend his service to people like me who need an extra help.thank you (dradodojattotemple@yahoo.com)


Benita - April 7th, 2014 at 5:06 PM
THESE PEOPLE ARE SCAMS AND THEIR TESTIMONIES OF SPELL CASTERS MUST BE IGNORED.
Dr Malaika is the real spell caster. I tried all those people and
I was really scammed until one day I came crying to my friend asking to help me with my confusion. She later told me about Dr Malaika which my mind really urged me to give a try. She testified about how Dr Malaika
brought back her Ex-lover in less than 3 days and reversed the effect
of her lost womb, and at the end of her story she gave me Dr
Malaika's email address. I decided to give Dr Malaika a try though with doubt. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my Hubby came begging. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than before, am pregnant now to God be the glory. Dr Malaika is really a gifted man and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... Come to think of it I didn't pay much and all I have to do is tell the world about this wonderful man. Even my pastor said that God works mysteriously, that some men are used by God to help others. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Contact Dr Malaika anytime, he is the answer to your problems. Here's his contact odogwumalaika@gmail.com

Phil Scott - April 11th, 2014 at 4:43 PM
Hello friends, an awesome and amazing testimony about a Great spell caster i really love to share. My name is Phil Scott from the United States. Getting my wife back is what i least expected and could never imagine. I and my wife have been married for five years and we have been living happily but all of a sudden she changed completely and turned away from me and i never knew what was going on, i tried to ask her but she refused to tell me what the problem is, and as time went on she sought for a divorce. I was so worried and confused, and i did all my possible best to get her back but it wasn't easy, i thought all hope was lost, and during my search for a way out, a friend of mine who had similar problem told me about a great spell caster called Great Eziza who helped him get back his wife also. I never believe in spell casting in my entire life or a magic because i never thought it will work but i tried to give this man a chance and to my greatest surprise, He cast a spell on me but today we are back together into a lovely home with three beautiful kids. We are happy together again and i am using this opportunity to tell anyone passing similar situation to contact him on ezizatempleofsolution@gmail. com and you will be the next to tell a new testimony.

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