Not a Fan
by Jen Hatmaker on September 3rd, 2012

My friend Doug once described me in an article he wrote like this:

“Imagine if George Carlin and Beth Moore had a kid…”

The ease with which deep, important spiritual ideas cohabitate with absolute drivel in my brain space is probably disturbing. I crave comedy and laughter so viscerally, that when my thoughts have hung out in the deep end too long, I physically ache to watch a Will Ferrell movie.
I don't know which is funnier: The perfect comedic timing of calling Will Ferrell "Sporty Spice" or bowing up on this tiny woman. Consequently, I say "ARE WE DOING THIS?" to my kids constantly.


So after the last few For Real Blogs about basements and adoption and life-changing books, the drivel is begging to be penned. It needs a voice. It says, “Hey there, Mrs. Important Topics. We matter too. We are legit. You know you’re thinking us, so give us our just due in print.”

So I was thinking, my Beth Moore side is often disturbed by true injustices, like human trafficking and self-righteousness and greed. But my George Carlin side has a bone to pick with some stuff, too. In no particular order, what follows are some grievances I have with the universe, for these are the things in which I am…NOT A FAN.

1. Party favors…not a fan.

Okay, listen, I am not a party mom. I’m just not. First of all, I have five kids. Second of all, four of their birthdays are one-two-three-four in rapid succession. Third, I’m not a detail person and I’ve been trying to tell you people this for some time. For instance, I jammed my youngest two sons birthdays into one party (veteran move) scheduled for this Saturday, September 8th: Caleb’s actual birthday was June 4th and Ben’s was August 7th. You picking up what I’m laying down here?

So it’s a bloody miracle I’m giving any of their little friends something to come to at all. If there is cake and an activity, I feel like I should be nominated for an award. Why do we have to give prizes for coming to a party? You got to have fun and I paid for it. That’s your prize. I once omitted party favors for one of Gavin’s birthdays, and a boy came up to me as he was leaving and asked, “Where is my present?” and I said, “I’ll give you one on your birthday, kid.”

I have friends who go so over-the-top on kids’ birthdays, I’m talking about from the time they are 1-year-old, that I often marvel we are friends. My girlfriend Christi did a whole sushi party for her 3-year-old daughter complete with kimonos, bento boxes, hand-rolled sushi, and Japanese CD’s. I just lost consciousness typing that sentence.

2. Shredding cheese…not a fan.

Some people hate war. Others hate politics. I hate shredding cheese. Of course, it must be done, because the waxy preshredded bags of cheese just won’t do. I can’t explain it, but when the recipe calls for cheese, I just despair. The process of grating the block of cheddar over the shredder until I develop Muppet Arm has literally caused me to abandon a recipe in midstream. It’s an irrational aversion and I DON’T CARE BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU CAN’T FIX ME.

The downside of being a pretentious ingredient snob is that you must shred your own cheese, proof your own dough, blend your own sauces, and hand-batter your own okra. It’s a mess. Your kitchen always looks like a frat house. Every recipe takes approximately ten times longer. You end up saying pompous things like, “Grocery store tomatoes are not 1/100th the quality of my Cherokee Purples in the backyard.” This actually makes people hate you, like when you complain about shredding cheese and someone says just buy the preshredded bag and you call it waxy and unacceptable and they are like I kind of wish you were dead.

3. Hot tubs…not a fan.

This is especially tragic because my hubs would spend 16 hours a day in a hot tub if he could. The first time I went to Brandon’s house in Colorado after dating a few months, he made the casual suggestion that we head to the hot tub one night (veteran move). While he clearly had making out on his mind, I was entertaining a different mental thread: how to not puke. Reaching my threshold, my peripheral vision started shutting down and his face became a pinpointed, prickly, spotted mass of light. The next thing I knew, I was face down on the cold tile half-passed out, which as anyone can imagine, is super sexy. You like this, Boyfriend? There’s more where this came from, you lucky man.

My core temp simply cannot be raised. This is devastating, because now I’ll never star in The Bachelor.

4. Talking on airplanes…not a fan.

I know. You had the most amazing conversation of your life on a plane once. Your seatmate ended up converting to Christianity and now he is a missionary in Peru. And once? You sat next to a girl who turned out to be your long lost identical twin. What are the odds?

Let me explain what a plane ride is to me: FREE TIME. I’ve downloaded or packed at least two books for this. I might even have a People magazine to get caught up on my news. If you look closely, you’ll see not one child in tow. I am going to sit there for two or four hours, and not one person will ask me to tie their skates or cut up a peach or count how many days till her “birfday” (149). It’s like a vacation and while, yes, sad and pathetic, this is my life and that’s the end of it. Have I ever put headphones on and acted like I was listening to music so I didn’t have to talk? Maybe.

(Disclaimer: If I breach this rule, I go big. Idle chitchat is not my medium. The last couple I talked to on a plane were flying to Austin for their first ever visit before moving here, and by the time we deplaned, they had a list of 12 restaurants, 10 notable excursions, 15 must-see spots, 3 potential pediatricians, and my phone number. Bless them. I’m sure they were terrified. I completely ignore you or over-love you. I have no middle lane.)

5. Signing kids’ folders…not a fan.

Not only is this daily, every kid is different. Sign here for my daily behavior, here for my homework, here for my reading minutes, here for next week’s assignments. This one is once a week, this one is every day, this one is only if the behavior chart is signed, this one is only if your apple got moved.

YOU FORGOT TO SIGN MY CHART AND I HAD TO MISS TEN MINUTES OF REEEEEECEEEEESS!!! YOU SIGNED MY READING MINUTES BUT NOT MY BEHAVIOR CHART AND I HAD TO MOVE MY CARD TO YEEEELLOOOOW LIIIIIGHT!!

You want to know what is awesome sauce? Middle school. The teachers virtually never communicate with parents. No homework folders. No reading minutes. No 459 pieces of paper in every Friday Folder. They are like, “Play time is over, kiddies. Do your homework or flunk out. What do we care? Mommy can’t bail you out anymore, chumps.” If you’ve been paying attention, I subscribe to the same sink-or-swim philosophy in this house, so I’m buyin’ what they’re sellin’.

(Dear Elementary Teachers, you KNOW I’d take a bullet straight through my brain for you, but the paperwork/correspondence occasionally makes me consider homeschooling.) (This is a bold-faced lie.) (Never leave me, Elm Grove Elementary staff, oh my gosh.)


George Carlin Jen has spoken, and she is not a fan of party favors, shredding cheese, hot tubs, talking on planes, and signing kids’ folders. It’s a hard-knock life for my inner GC, clearly. Someone put me on your prayer chain.


How about you? What first-world problems does your inner George have a gripe with? (Not world hunger and orphan stuff, but ketchup that squirts out too fast and Blu-tooth stuff.)



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335 Comments

Katie - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:36 PM
The one that drives me over. the. edge. The lady who just walked up to the register and darts out when another line is opened, like she's the one who has been standing behind the super-couponer-making-five-different-purchases-and-breaks-the-register-lady like you have for the last hour. I'm sorry, lady. That's my spot, sister. Move it.

(And I have nothing but respect for the super couponers out there. I wish I had your patience and diligence, because it clearly pays off. I just hate being in line behind you.)
gretchen - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Amen!
rosie` - September 4th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
I am a couponer, possibly an extreme one. Let me apologize for anyone who is ever stuck in line behind me (or any other couponer for that matter)! I feel so bad for them! Granted, I only do one transaction and try to go to the store at times when it isn't so busy (in hopes of not pissing people off, lol). The poor guy behind me in line this last time had one carton of ice cream. He did have to wait awhile, and I felt bad. But after a few minutes, I wondered why he didn't go to the self checkout.....
JJ - September 4th, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Maybe grocery stores could open a 6 coupons or more lane :)
SarahB - September 4th, 2012 at 12:21 PM
That would be me. If I can get to new line faster than you, I'm there. It's not "take a number," and it's not my responsibility to verify which order everyone stands in. It's a line, and if you choose the wrong one, that's on you. Choose better next time, or better yet check to see what the policy is on opening a new line so you can be the first in it. It's no one's fault but your own that you didn't move fast enough.
Monicam - September 4th, 2012 at 7:30 PM
Wow Sarah B... That's all I can say
Kayla Aimee - September 7th, 2012 at 6:57 AM
But, but...normally when they open a line they say "I can help the next customer waiting" which would be...the next customer waiting? Not whoever just wants to go over to the new line? I live in a very polite southern town and typically people are tripping over themselves to offer the new line spot to other. "Oh no, you go ahead. You are next. No really, you have the baby, you go. No no, you just have that one bag of skittles. You go ahead." And then the cashier is all "SOMEONE COME GET IN THIS LINE RAT NAO."
Ava - October 2nd, 2012 at 4:02 PM
Kayla Aimee, I just laughed so hard at your cashier's typed accent. (I know, I'm way late to the conversation, but this is hilarious....)
Name - September 14th, 2012 at 5:51 PM
Sarah, you made me lol.
Liz - September 24th, 2012 at 4:34 PM
SarahB, I worked in retail during high school and college. Any time I was opening a new lane, I made sure to physically go to the next person in line and tell them I would check them out to ensure that jerks like you didn't pull this crap. I don't know how you live with yourself.*

*No, I don't think this is the worst thing someone can do, but if you're that rude in one aspect of your life, you're usually pretty awful in others' as well.
Erica - September 26th, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Sarah, You made me laugh. I used to do that very thing. Then I had kids and time seemed to slow waaaay doownn. Just don't care to do the hustle anymore, although now that I have 2 kids with me, people are just nicer and I often am waved over anyways.
Ginger - April 25th, 2013 at 7:23 AM
I really just hate couponing...mainly because I know how much I fail at it. I always have good intentions, but the coupons just sit in an envelope on my kitchen counter.......
Cristie - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:36 PM
I TOTALLY ditto on the homework folder signing! UGH, and ALLL those papers! And by the way, when I have 3 children in the SAME school - stop killing so many trees and sending me 3 copies of every item! I also cannot stand party favors - that one about made me pee my pants. And well, breathe a sigh of relief. I am like the worst Mom in the world. When my kids begin to talk about their "next birfday party" - 363 days before it happens - I become a bear! I also can't stand CHALK! Do not, I repeat, Do not give my child chalk for their birthday. It will be re-gifted. Period. I can't stand the way it feels and the horrible mess it makes. I am a texture girl and well, that texture is simply AWFUL! My kids are so deprived! I also can't stand dirty feet. Do I even need to explain ... don't come in my house with those things. UGH! And well, with 4 kids - I am still trying to figure out how that happened (two adopted) since loud noise makes me grumpy. WHAT! I have 4 kids ... I am working on finding my joy in that. Thanks Jen for your musings. They make me feel *normal*, whatever that is!
Jennie - September 4th, 2012 at 11:03 PM
Oh Cristie, laughing my rear off! I have seven by birth, four through adoption and I tell my husband all the time I'm trying to figure out how we got here. I hate loud noise, messes, and TOTALLY hate dirty feet. If I had a nickel for every time I've said, "Wash your feet!!!!" ..... well, you know I'd be a billionaire.
Suzy - September 5th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
And those 'reading minute' charts that make my kids who LOVE to read refuse to pick up another book.
Gabriel - September 23rd, 2012 at 10:56 AM
I just successfully asked my son's teachers if we could quit with the reading logs because he was refusing to read! Big relief!
CKitson - September 23rd, 2012 at 11:03 PM
Right? My son would devour books, but once he started school and they told him he had to read 20 minutes a night he would read EXACTLY 20 MINUTES a night, no more.
I too MUCH prefered middle school, and now that he's in 9th, high school rocks even more.

Becky - September 12th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Cristie, I totally hear you with the chalk!! "Mommy will you draw me something with the chalk??" "NOO!! Don't make me touch it!!" I'm glad I'm not the only one.
AHK - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:38 PM
Dude. Everything.
Michele - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:38 PM
Shredding cheese: if you've been blessed by the presence of the kitchen aid cuisenart chopper, there is a shredding attachment. Shred once, freeze for a lifetime. Or, a week, if you're like my family. But it must be stored in the freezer to prevent the large ball of cheese with lines where the shreds used to be.
Also: do not get on pinterest. The party pins will make you puke in your mouth.
Michelle - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:50 PM
YES! The cheese attachment on my Kitchen-Aid mixer has CHANGED my LIFE! And now my 12 year old boy is the designated cheese block shredder in this house. He flips out with excitment when I let him put his fingers near the rotating metal teeth. The 1lb block of cheese is grated to perfection in under 3 minutes. :)
Alli - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:38 PM
I absolutely cannot stand people who want to have idle chit-chat in the laundry room or in an elevator. I'm one of those get in and get out kind of people. If I'm in an elevator it's for one reason: I'm too lazy to take the stairs. If I go to the laundry room, I want to put my clothes into the washer/dryer and then get back into my dorm to finish watching Drop Dead Diva on Netflix. I don't want to talk about randomness such as the fact that your parents got a new dog named fluffy and he can bark his own name.
Ila - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:38 PM
LOVE DDD on Netflix!!
Jada - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:39 PM
Hahahaha! I'm not a fan of party favors either....or shredding cheese. So, we only have birthday parties every other year. On the "off" years, it's a family dinner/ fun night (wish we could talk them into that for EVERY year and I only have two kids). For the cheese, this is what I do, "Jon, can you grate the cheese?" If he's not home, it's the food processors job. And plane trips are so, TOTALLY, my FREE time! I pretend to be asleep, but am really listening to audiobooks (Bad, perhaps. Sanity-saving, yes!)

What am I not a fan of? Bad coffee. Seriously, I would rather not drink any coffee than drink the cheap stuff (Coffee snob? Uh-huh. But I live in the coffee mecca.) Also, not a fan of women's events where I'm expected to craft or make something cutsie or play ice breaker games (I excuse myself to go to the bathroom). Just. Not. Me. But give me a cooking/dinner club, book club, or lecture and I. Am. So. There.

:-)
Michele - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Jada, I think you need to be my new best friend as I LOVE your way of thinking on parties, coffee (you live in PacNW, too?!), cheese (I use my salad shooter), and blessed it girl, cutesie/ice breaker/crafty "games" are just PAINFUL. Yes, I also LOVE dinner & book clubs/lectures. We need to meet... Just not on a plane!! ;)
Jada - September 4th, 2012 at 12:18 PM
So, you are in the PacNW, too?!
Michele - September 4th, 2012 at 4:49 PM
Yes!! I live in Southwest WA. Because Seattle and PDX battle for "coffee mecca" claim rights, I'm not sure where exactly you are at, but I'm guessing Seattle area since that is the home of Starbucks. Am I right? Or are you referring to PDX (aka: Stumptown Coffee)?! Either way, PacNW kindred spirits! =)
Jada - September 4th, 2012 at 6:00 PM
Yes, I'm in (well, near) Seattle. BTW, I prefer Stumptown coffee over Sbux! :-) I drive thru PDX several times a year en route to an abbey in Mt. Angel, OR (taking a Spiritual Formation class there).

raeann - September 25th, 2012 at 7:55 PM
if you two get together, let me know. i'm in seattle, too. and, that spiritual formation class sounds awesome! no kids, tho - that hasn't worked out so far.
Elizabeth - September 10th, 2012 at 12:46 AM
In my cousin's family, kid's only g0t birthday parties when they turned 5, 10, and 16 - other years it's a family affair. I so understand that now.....

Elizabeth
Kristina - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:40 PM
I totally agreee with shredding cheese. I loathe recipes that call for small appliances. Blender? Ugh. Food processor? No, thanks. The red Kitchen Aid stand mixer that I HAD TO HAVE? Meh. I cringe at the thought of cleaning ALL THOSE PIECES.
erin - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:41 PM
You just made me laugh so hard Jen! Thanks for that!
You need to buy a Salad Shooter for your cheese...works super fast and easy! :) You can do a whole big block in no time!
And I SO agree about party favors! Only in America!
Lou - September 4th, 2012 at 12:53 AM
No, party favours have spread like a virus. Having lived in Oz and now UK, have now had both 'brands' of kids ask "Where's my party bag?" I had been so determined when DS & DD were tiny to never do party bags but gave in to the pressure. However, I draw the line at spending more on favours than my child has received in presents! All they get is a balloon, a lollypop and maybe a sticker & a pencil or somesuch!
Sarah S. - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:42 PM
The folders make me cuckoo. Mine are in high school now. I just have to have an inferiority complex over how much Algebra I absolutely do not remember.
Martha - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:42 PM
Oh my gosh! This is hilarious! I'm not a fan of party favors either. I has some for my son's birthday party and forgot to hand them out. They went to school the next week as Valentine's Day gifties!

My gripe? Little girl dresses that are entirely too short. If I wanted my 4 year old's bottom to show I'd just put her in a t-shirt!
Angie - September 23rd, 2012 at 4:38 PM
Martha- all 4 of my girls wear shorts or leggings under every skirt/dress. The other day I had one in tears because she wouldn't go into church because she forgot her shorts under her knee length skirt. she felt naked, so far i'm ok with this:)
Wendy Hagen - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:43 PM
Jen, I live in a land where party favors are often more costly than the gifts children receive for their birthdays. At least the gifts we give. I am not crafty, I am not a fancy party thrower, I am not a cheap party bag giver. It's cheap, but it's not in a bag anyway. I think you will appreciate my party favor tutorial because although you don't like 'em, you gotta do 'em. Or you might get kicked out of your land. So here you go friend. Pin this action. http://hagenhoopla.blogspot.com/2012/02/tutorial-fancy-party-favors.html
Jen Hatmaker - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:35 PM
No lie. I'm doing that party favor this Saturday. And by "I'm" I mean Brandon. But one of my boys is totally into hip hop, so this could get dicey.
Wendy Hagen - September 4th, 2012 at 10:50 PM
You gotta just kidz bop it Jen. No one will notice it is not the real version, except everyone. My then 3YO loved JLo's "On the Floor" and it's not that dicey. Except it talks about drinking Vodka and my daughter calls the song "Put Your Drinks Up." So we decided to toss it and now only listen to the Kidz Bop version. But she will never forget. A year later she still reminds me about the original version of "Put Your Drinks Up." Please post your set list on the blog. I know it's gonna be off the hizzie.
Megan S - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:09 PM
Super love that blog and the party favor! In recent years I have also dismissed party favors, same philosophy as you Jen ;) I may have to use this one though
Jackie M - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Bad coffee, politics, passion perfume, nail polish that chips, Walmart, and drunk people that read over my shoulder on airplanes. ;)
Jen Hatmaker - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:34 PM
Oh my gosh, Jackie. Hilarious. The memories...
Krisen M - September 4th, 2012 at 1:34 PM
Ditto Walmart
Whitney - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:47 PM
Not a fan: The Twitter brag (ex: "So proud of myself while my fam pigged out food I stuck to my paleo meal!!"). Judgmental cashiers at the grocery store (they cut you with their eyes). Leggings as pants. The stick family stickers on cars. Camping.
Jen W - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:54 PM
And the comment of the day award goes to...

Katie - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:25 PM
Amen. You win. #awesome
Ashley - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:45 PM
Leggings as pants!!!! Hilarious!!!!!
Brenda - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:59 PM
"Leggings as pants." A.Men.
Ginger - April 17th, 2013 at 10:06 AM
I love leggings as pants because I'm skinny. I hare them on fat prople. So there.
Liz - September 4th, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Hysterical! The twitter brag. I'm crying. You.are.funny.
Jennifer - September 4th, 2012 at 1:58 PM
hate the stick figures too! too funny!
Nadine - September 17th, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I'm with you on the leggings as pants.
Niki - September 23rd, 2012 at 1:21 PM
And the women who ALWAYS wear the "leggings as pants" are the ones that shouldn't be....you know what I mean. Bless their hearts.
Katrina the Poorganic - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:49 PM
I am totally with you on forms from school. The forms that come home on the first day almost counteract the glee that I feel about them leaving for school. As for my own pet peeves, I am not a fan of 1.) Facebook comments about the weather. SERIOUSLY!?!?! The worst are from residents of places like Charlotte, Atlanta, or Dallas who mention the humidity. Really? I'm shocked! It's humid there?!! 2.) Goat cheese and all the recipes with it. Gag me on your belly button link. 3.) Twitter parties. I would say ALL of Twitter, but I think that would be blog suicide. But the idea of gathering around to pretend to socialize behind our little glowing screens is like a Ray Bradbury prediction come true. 4.) I know this one is a little bit mean, but I am going to just go ahead and say it because we are all thinking it. Unspoken Prayer Requests--not a fan. They are just like teasers begging us to be curious without actually making us pray. Jen, thank you for this opportunity. I feel fabulous now after purging this.
Shawna Lee - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:16 PM
I live right outside Charlotte. I moved here from somewhere humid. My family has to use all sorts of lotions to keep our skin on. These amateurs have NO idea what humidity is!!
Kourt - September 4th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
Oh-freakin-yes to the unspoken prayer request. There is no way that the request itself is as interesting as what my crazy mind comes up with.
Teresa Stout - September 24th, 2012 at 12:07 PM
"There is no way that the request itself is as interesting as what my crazy mind comes up with"

That's the funniest thing I have read in a long time!!!
Wendy - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:49 PM
Snacks after ball games! Geesh folks, we signed up for baseball not snack time! If they can't play outside for an hour without needing a drink and snacks you need to go HOME! I will not bring them and my kids won't eat what you bring. He can bring his own water or wait til we get home!
Name - September 4th, 2012 at 12:21 PM
seriously!!! They are not going to keel over if they play 20 minutes of soccer. and we wonder why kids are fat :)

jennifer - September 4th, 2012 at 2:01 PM
ball game snacks: i know and half the time it's complete JUNK food. I signed my kid up for sports to have a HEALTHY activity why ruin it with post-game oreos!
Beth - October 11th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
HA! I brought mini waters and small halloweeen sized fruit snacks that I gave out at 8:45pm after a 7pm fall ball game....and I thought some of these 8 yr olds were going to kick me! HA
Wendy Hagen - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:49 PM
P.S. I am trying to get my church to get you to come speak at one of our women's events. Either the cheese festival (where shredding abounds) or the breakdancing contest. So if someone from Cornerstone Fellowship in Livermore, CA (cornerstoneweb.org) contacts you or your people . . . your answer is yes. Many of your friend have done shindigs there in the past (Lisa Harper to name one) so you can get a review from her or Amy Grant before you say . . . yes. Loved your book Seven and look forward to reading Interrupted as well. And loved Irresistaible Revolution by Shane C. In short, I like getting worked.
Jen Hatmaker - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:33 PM
You should definitely bring me in for the breakdancing contest. You can't understand my leftover skillz in this department.
Laura - September 4th, 2012 at 11:34 AM
The z on "skillz" obviously proves she is legit.
Becca - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:52 PM
Im bowing to you right now!!! I cant tell you how many times Ive done the "frustrated folder fling"!!! Those suckers went flying more than I care to admit. Im surprised Im not still curled up in the corner, rocking to and fro in the fetal position humming 'Amazing Grace'. And if I hear "how long til my birthday" one more time from my THIRTEEN YEAR OLD Im gonna fling him!!...heading back to that corner now.
Suzie Simpson - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:54 PM
Definitely the signing folders thing... drove me nuts! My boys are now in middle school and high school and we just adopted 2 five year old girls and I just don't know if I can go through it all again, so we are considering homeschooling...
Ashlie - September 3rd, 2012 at 7:57 PM
When walking out or in a DOUBLE door and someone coming the opposite way waits for you to go through so they can use the SAME door. Come on! There are 2 doors, lets use them.
Jenny from Mommin' It Up - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:01 PM
You should TOTALLY turn this into a series. ALSO (related): we should be best friends. I wanted to marry you before I was even halfway done with this post. (FRIDAY FOLDERS RUIN FRIDAY! WHY GOD WHY??) I write a series on my blog called "Jenny's Life Klass" and I think the George Carlin in you would like it. A LOT.
Kim C. - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:07 PM
Oh my gosh have you ever hit the nail on the head. Shredding cheese not so much but all the rest...perfection.
Meredith Cox - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:07 PM
Shredding cheese and hot tubs...both things I leave to my husband. One hurts my wrists and the other once gives me nightmares of floating sub sandwiches and probable water-borne diseases (my apartment complex housed many a college "Greek". yucko.)

Oh, and washing lettuce. If the preparation of a raw food requires more than one step (lettuce is a two-stepper: wash AND dry. no. no, no.), I ask my husband if he can "give me a hand" with dinner. Bless him.
missy - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:10 PM
There was an article a couple weeks ago in....one of those Chronicle-wanna-bes....anyway the guy was talking about his job as a pool guy and how impossible it was to keep the pool at the levels they're supposed to be at blah blah something scientific blah blah.

He mentioned that he once worked in a nursing home and the hot tubs were the worst because as soon as just one person sweated/peed/farted/etc in the pool the levels went ballistic.

Old people. Farting. In hot tubs.

I'm still not over it.

He then proceeded to do his own little home tests on Deep Eddy etc but I just clamped my hands over my eyes and decided ph balance ignorance would be blissful.

My point: your wimpy core thermostat, while another Weird Jen Thing, is obviously your friend.
Jen Hatmaker - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:32 PM
I feel like I need therapy now.
missy - September 4th, 2012 at 11:45 AM
maybe we can get a 2-for-1 special.
Mindy - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:15 PM
Magazine fundraiser at both my kid's schools (just let me write a donation check), car rider circles that take up 2.5 hours of every day, political robo messages blowing up my phone, people in front of me writing checks particularly when they don't even start looking for the checkbook until their whole order is totaled, people in the toll lanes who don't have their change ready (surprise, you are on a toll road!), chronically late people, and finally extremely specific school supply lists that make me feel as if I'm on a youth group scavenger hunt (ie: mauve vinyl folder with pockets, not rings, made in the USA, from an Eco friendly producer..GAH). Apparently, I hate many things and am in need of a Savior.
Amanda - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:18 PM
This absolutely makes me LOL and brings tears to my eyes! TOTALLY AGREE!
jami - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:17 PM
I hate party favors too! I usually try to sneak out of parties with my kiddos without getting the favor bags. Most of the time, though, mamas will hunt me down, running to my car, saying, "You forgot the goody bag!" Often, I will trash them as soon as we get home. I.HATE.LITTLE.CHEAP.TOYS. I also hate birthday parties. I hate throwing them and taking my kids to them. So, really, I am pure evil. I do, however, like the park and sprinklers. Anyone can come over to my house to swing or play in the sprinklers, and I'll even make brownies.
Kait - September 4th, 2012 at 12:23 PM
OH MY GOSH THE CHEAP TOYS!

(yes, that was worth screaming)

I have four kids between the ages of 4 and 6. I hate those little cheap toys with a burning fury usually reserved for people who compare anyone to Hitler.

Also? I hate political debates on FB. Or any kind of difference in opinions. Not because I want everyone to agree with me but because everyone seems to lose their minds and forget that you're never going to get your point across if you're constantly yelling your validation. Let's hug it out friends.

(I also hate hugging it out)
Katie Gonzalez - September 4th, 2012 at 1:43 PM
You are so me! I am a total scrooge about bday parties. We have 4 kids and only do friend parties about once every 5th year. Maybe. Once they are teens they can have a party and they're thrilled with frozen pizza, a DVD, and being left alone!

I avoid other children's bday parties like the plague (what in the world do I have to stand around and talk about with a bunch of adults I barely know while my kids get hyped up on their junk food that I never allow them to eat at home. My husband and I actually played rock paper scissors recently and the loser had to take the kid to the party!).

What I really hate is when the cheap party favors include a water gun (oh yeah, got 4 giant ones recently...that'll be fun!) or some noisy hand clapper thing that my kids manage to get a hold of in the car and flap in each others' faces resulting in more noise due to the yelling that ensues.

I think birthday parties that include any but family should be outlawed until you are of voting age!
Donna p - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:17 PM
You had me at "Caleb%u2019s actual birthday was June 4th"!!
Marybeth - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:20 PM
Pee on a tile floor. Potty training a stubborn, i-love-my-diaper, little 2 foot tall midget who resembles me way too closely in every way. Gah!

When McDonalds hands you a drink, then shuts the window. Girl, where's my STRAW?! I know you didn't just hand me my ice cold Coke without a straw!!!



Mindy - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:25 PM
I store straws in my glove compartment for just this reason. What is wrong with these McDonalds employees?
Auntie J - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:42 PM
We have a collection of straws in our glove compartment, too. And at the back of our silverware drawer, for those times when we're grabbing fast on the way home to eat there, and get short-strawed.
Libby - September 4th, 2012 at 11:53 AM
Short-strawed! I'm so stealing that. :)
Auntie J - September 4th, 2012 at 10:21 PM
Happy to help!
Heather - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:34 PM

Repeating myself (which does not pair well with having 4 children and a husband), calling it "sugar diabetes" it's the only kind people it's just DIABETES, people not giving a simple/brief wave of "hey thanks for letting me in line and keep
ing my blood pressure down 10-20 points", live and in person narrators (we are not all interested in a play by play of your activities at the pool. We are here too. We can see you and we can certainly here you).
Nina - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:07 PM
I could write an entire diabetes section. 90% of them would start with, Oh, my *blank* (insert old relative) has diabetes too. People asking if I can really eat stuff (it's called an insulin pump, they have been around FOREVER and works like your pancreous (except your pancreous never forgets to bolus). Did you get it bc you ate too much sugar (no that's your grandmother and others with unfortunate genetics like Native Americans #thewhitemansfaultforbringingcarbs)... I've got to go check my blood sugar. I'm either low or shaking with frustration. God love them, they don't know better!
Lori - September 4th, 2012 at 1:28 PM
I have to jump on this one. I have Celiac, so no random nosey stranger at church, I can't eat just a little. Yes, that includes the communion wafer. I'm pretty sure I'm still going to heaven if I hadn't brought my own tyvm. Yes, my child really does it , do I have to go in to all the GI symptoms for you to believe me and take it seriously? If so, don't roll your eyes and look away as I describe his reactions and mine. And yes, it's like Atkins if that means that you're in pain for 24 hours like someone punched you in the gut, you can't get out of bed and the did I mention the GI issues with intestinal damage that doesn't allow your body to absorb vitamins and renders you lactose intolerant until you heal. ... I feel better, thank you :-)
AKW - September 5th, 2012 at 12:31 AM
Lori. AMEN. Same here. Our church finally started doing rice wafers. Bless.
Auntie J - September 4th, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Well, given that there are several different forms of diabetes and not all of them are insulin-dependent...

Oh, heck with that. I'm so with you.
Brandy - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:34 PM
My last birthday party for my 6 year old was at a baseball game. It was kids' day at the ballpark and all kids 12 and under got a lunchbox. Party favors - done.
Mary DeMuth - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:35 PM
This is precisely why I adore you muchly. (and even used a fake adverb in describing my affection). So witty and right on. I do the same cheese cringe.
Auntie J - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:40 PM
I have three children in the same elementary school. All three of them came home with the same fundraising kit. All three of them had the same form letter from the PTO. "If every child could just sell three items each...." Okay, I HATED these fundraiser things with a PASSION when I was a kid. I am NOT making my kids do them, especially since they're in kindergarten and second grade. It's not like they're funding their band. That I can see. But nooo, this would require ME to gallivant around the block with them, trying to get our neighbors to buy things, when the school is RIGHT THERE in our neighborhood so it's not like they haven't already been inundated with "buy me!" requests. Nor am I going to beg my parents to help me out with each kid selling three items. If they're lucky, each of my kids MIGHT sell one. My folks are certainly not flush with cash. My husband's a youth pastor. I'm a stay-at-home mom who keeps moonlighting as a copy editor. My mother-in-law is on a seriously fixed income. We have NO money to spare. Not to mention that my kids keep growing and need new clothes. I'm not asking people to buy stuff for my kids! Gah. SO not a fan of elementary school fundraisers.

I have this cousin who routinely throws insane birthday parties for her two kids. I do not know how she finds the time. My idea of a "party" is to invite my parents, and we go do something fun or just have pizza, cake, and ice cream at home. If you're lucky, I might get inspired, and decorate the cake. Or make my 3-D duck-mold cake. My cousin has two kids (6 and 4), and she threw a superhero-princess party for her daughter earlier this year. My girls went, because they're the only girls her kids' age (most of her kids' friends are boys, since her son is the oldest). I kid you not: they all made little foam superhero masks, which they got to decorate with stickers. They got little stuffed kitties to take home with them. They each got a paper cape (made out of the same stuff as those leak-proof paper tablecloths). They each had a crown, also decorated individually. They played a cross-the-moat game. They "killed" the evil dragon (her kids' uncle). They had a bubble-blowing game. They tromped around with little foam swords. They rescued the princess. They found the treasure (pinata). It was INSANE. No wonder the party lasted almost four hours! Granted, she found a LOT of this stuff at the dollar store, but STILL. I am never going to throw a party like that. I don't have the time. And did I mention she's a doctoral student? Statistics. Yeah. She makes me look bad. Love her, but...not a fan at party time.
Amber - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:39 PM
Oh, I am so with you on the school fundraisers!!! This year I am lucky enough to have three in school, which means three fundraisers. I conveniently lose them in the trash, the issue is the big school assembly they have prior to sending them out, where they tell the kids they will earn prizes for selling just so many. I have been guilted into buying overly priced unnecessary items from each of my kids in the past just so they can each earn a "prize" because I will not have them going around trying to sell the junk! This year I say NO MORE. This year when they bring them home, I will show them how much I would spend (the least amount possible) and then we will take that amount and give it to our friends who are saving up to adopt.
Alicia G - September 4th, 2012 at 6:11 PM
Also with you on school fundraisers! Do they not get that all 2,000 students from that school will then blanket the same neighborhood? The best part for me though was when my daughter's teacher said to her - "Don't worry about what your mom said, just try to sell some anyway and don't tell her." REALLY? That was a fun conversation with the Vice Principal :)
Mindy - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:42 PM
Ok..a couple more and I promise I'll stop: captchas, websites that play music automatically (I'm supposed to be working, duh!) cryptic Facebook messages like "worst day ever" and then when someone inquires why, the poster replies, "don't want to talk about it"...then why did you post? Finally, texting...can you just call me and we can hammer this out in 30 seconds, and surprise I don't walk around with my cell 24/7 on my hip, so pls make the phone ring if you need me.
Whitney - September 4th, 2012 at 12:19 PM
OH THE CAPTCHAS. For the love.
Brittnie - September 23rd, 2012 at 5:20 AM
Ditto the websites that play music automatically!!! Haha!

Oh and Facebook status updates. I love my friends and all but seriously I don't need to know that you are standing in line at Target or about to eat spaghetti for dinner. Don't. Care.
Karalee - September 3rd, 2012 at 8:47 PM
"friends" that sell stuff like Mary Kay or thirty one and you can't talk with them with out them asking you to order something or have a party! Seriously, I thought we were friends not business partners!
Leslie - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:04 PM
Oh man--party favors! I'm an empty-nester, but then there's WEDDING favors. Really? The venue, flowers, food, music, cake, gown, etc. isn't enough of an expense? And in an interesting twist on party favors, do you know "honorees" at bridal/baby showers are now expected to bring gifts for the hostesses? Some of these affairs have 20 hostesses! Talk about stress! Here's the thing -- I actually love giving gifts. I just don't want to be told I have to. Oh -- and "save the date" cards. I refused to send them for either of my kids' weddings. A total waste of paper and postage. I mean, I'm sending you an actual invitation...isn't that enough? Wow. I feel better.
Thanks, Jen.
Debbie L. - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:34 PM
You said exactly what I was thinking!! What is up with the bride having to give wedding favors? That must have just come along in the last few years. And, now that my daughter is of marrying age and all of her college roommates are getting married, I've learned more about wedding favors. I hope it's out of style by the time my daughter gets married because I do not want to do it! Also, save the date cards. Got one a month ago for a wedding 6 months out. Isn't that too soon?

I'm feeling really bad now because i do use the prepackaged shredded cheese. Don't judge me. :)
Auntie J - September 4th, 2012 at 6:52 PM
I do, too, sometimes. But I buy the Sargento brand of shredded cheese, which is surprisingly really good.
Paula - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:06 PM
True story: We once gave a kid a fishing pole for his birthday. It was a party at a lake so totally legit gift, right? An hour later we left the party and the favor was the exact same pole we had given him. I thought $15 was enough to spend on the kid but, oh no, this Momma bought $15 poles for every kid at the party.
Lauren L. - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:37 PM
Mm hmm. And at preschool, I send a sucker and an ittybitty card, but my kid comes home with no less than 4 lbs of candy plastic stuff because 4 moms felt that $9/kid was an appropriate sentiment for Valentine's Day. And Halloween. And Christmas. and St. Patrick's Day. Not a fan.
Beth - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:08 PM
I am with you on the folder... I say I have 10 minutes of homework to do as a mom everyday just reading the garbage and signing the folder. But even more, I dislike fundraisers. I feel bad for my kids cause they don't get all the prizes, but this mom can't buy everything that comes home. Ask for a donation that requires me nothing. Especially with muliple children in one school, who has the time or money.

My other, which is probably really rude. But the parents who think there children are angels, do no wrong, read five grades higher than they should, etc. I just say, "My kids are just average non-perfect cause they take after there mom and have a sin nature.". And usually walk away.
Mariah - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:08 PM
Ketchup. Oh, ketchup. Being a girl from Pittsburgh, nothing but Heinz will do. And that awesome burger joint with the best french fries in town? Sure, I'd love to go. But I will be bringing Heinz in my pocket, because they have Hunts, and that's just a travesty.
Dardi - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:13 PM
Ha! TOTALLY agree (except for the shredded cheese thing....I may have just developed a complex about bagged shredded cheese, though). And Wendy said it! Those darn snacks after a game, & then everyone is confused as to why our country has obesity issues. Sheesh. I am also not a fan of oodles of homework that I must assist my children with (you know the kind that a parent MUST help with). I might win the bad mom award on this, but if I wanted to be their teacher, I'd homeschool. When they get home, I want to hear about their day, PLAY, eat dinner together, etc. Read books together...absolutely! Beyond that, no thank you.
Krystle - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:17 PM
Oh thank heavens for this post. I cannot afford any more books (and yes the Library has most of them and also some of my dough because I cannot for the life of me bring them back on time) or anymore heart-ripping, pruning, smack me in the face posts....I needed a break.
We took August off of media, so thanks for having this post ready for me when we got back on...I just would have had a breakdown with anything else :)

Signed: If Kevin James and Sara Evans had a kid.......

Lauren - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:18 PM
Audiences that clap at the end of a movie. The people responsible for your enjoyment can't hear you.


Natalie - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 PM
My hike down 3 flights of stairs to the creepy basement to do laundry in a machine I own. I was way spoiled with a first floor laundry in our house before we had to move and start renting. I think its the fact that I'm taking my clothes to a dirtier place to try to get them clean.
Sarah - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:20 PM
When you order a Dr. Pepper/Pibb at a restaurant and they don't have it, why does the waitress offer root beer? It's not the same, folks.

Michelle - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 PM
I hate it when I ask for Coke and they say " Is Pepsi ok?" Umm.. NO! I'll have water please and thank you!
Auntie J - September 4th, 2012 at 6:56 PM
Um, is Monopoly money okay?

I won't even drink Mr. Pibb. It doesn't taste right.

I used to be totally into root beer before spending time in Texas, where they don't believe in root beer, so I switched to Dr Pepper. I'll order a root beer if they don't have Dr Pepper, but, by golly, it's nowhere near the same thing!
Alysa - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:20 PM
Not a fan: People who don't use their blinker, gum-smacking, OMG, "Totes", GIGANTIC cupcakes at school every day for birthdays (how are there so many birthdays?)...oh, and shredded cheese.
Flower Patch Farmgirl - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:21 PM
I'm tired of saying we're twins, so I'll just say this: I just sat down with the unwritten preschool check, the reading log, and the Scholastic book order, and I think I may have had a mini seizure. Petit mal. I blacked out a little. And when I came to, I still had to sign my name and add numbers. AND THEN I had to upload photos to the computer, WHICH I HATE.

But lucky for me, this little gem (http://www.scottyboyandkatygirl.com/2012/08/i-beg-of-you.html) came my way and caused me to shake with laughter at my desk until I could safely move forward with the signing and the math.

ps - I'm not even lying when I tell you that I have trouble signing my actual name. YOU try signing two cursive "n"s in a row without throwing an extra one in.
Jen Hatmaker - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:30 PM
Omg. Just went to the pen reviews and am cackling. This: "I feel I must complain in the strongest terms about the sexism of this item. Where are the "For Him" pens? How can I embrace my masculinity, when there is no pen for me? Am I destined to just watch all of the women around me falling into a sparkly dream of ponies, crochet and butterflies, while I pace angrily here, unable to access the manly world of construction vehicles, barbeques, motor racing and science? I can barely adjust my crotch, I am so angry.

Make pens For Him. Strong pens. Manly pens. Pens that dress on the right. Pens with good grips for masculine hands. MANPENS!"

Hilarity. And also? Double N's? Hello. I have misspelled my own name on so many book signings, you would drop dead.
Abby - September 4th, 2012 at 5:35 PM
Double N's in my maiden name...and it was never legible when I signed!!! I actually SMILE sometimes when I sign my married name that's how much I love not having the double N anymore!!

My other pet peeve is not just when the ketchup, or ranch dressing, or mayo (yes we use all in our house!) squirt onto the cap...but when the rest of the family just squirts out what they need then flip the lid closed! DO YOU NOT SEE THE GROSSNESS THAT IS GOING TO GET ALL STICKY AND CRUSTY THERE???

As for wedding favors...I am paying for the whole freaking wedding, for your food, for the decor, the entertainment. That is your gift people. And yes, I am thankful for your gift, but does that really require me to also give you a favor that you will NEVER USE OR LOOK AT AGAIN. We did cookies...and STILL had leftovers!!! People didn't even want something they can eat!!!
Michele - September 6th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
My last name is Tinnin. Go ahead - try to sign that one. I love my husband but I think we should pick a new last name. It's not unreasonable, right?!
Miffy - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:21 PM
Ooooh, oooh, Mr Kot-ter! (rip arnold horshack). For party favors, I'm a big hit with the kiddos cuz I hand out, wait for it, their own rolls of tape or boxes of bandaids. Done!!! Parents think I'm weird, but so???

Can't handle jetted tubs. Can you IMAGINE all the follicles & skin flakes just waiting to be vomitted out into the water from their recesses????? And in a hotel? eeewwwwww. Just typing that sets my gag reflex a-going!!
Amanda S. - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:27 PM
Wearing name-tags at events/functions/get-togethers, Ice-breaker games at events/functions/get-togethers, Grown men wearing their pajamas in public, skull and cross bones on children's clothing, people who abbreve everything (ie: presh, adorbs, gorg), all recipes that call for "softened" butter. Ugh. I want to bake cookies NOW, not in four hours when the butter is perfectly soft. I feel a cleansin' comin' on!
Shayna - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:28 PM
Not a fan of...Thick paper products. I really can't handle how all of those ply-things sound and feel when they rub together...it doesn't matter if it's tissue, paper towels, toilet paper, paper napkins. If it's too thick, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Also not a fan of...the first few months when friends get involved in multi-level marketing organizations. It doesn't matter if it's jewelry, make-up, pots & pans or why you got involved. All I know is that our friendship is (momentarily, I hope) out the door and there are dollar-signs involved. Please. Let's just drink our coffee and have a nice chat, yes?
Jontie - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:29 PM
When I'm right in the middle of something or just sat down to relax and the words "MOM can you get me...". Oh how it drives me up the wall I want to kik and scream like a 2 yr old but instead I put on my big girl pants and say of course I would love nothing more than to get you...
misty - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 PM
Not a fan: " I have the best family or husband EVER!" posts on Facebook. Everyone thinks they have a great family, kids, etc. Just look over and tell your husband who is sitting beside you, and tell him how great you think he is and not everyone else!

Gayle - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:37 PM
I can't believe I haven't seen this in the comments. Not a fan of trophies for everyone! If my child participated in a team sport and they LOST every game, why should he/she get a trophy? What are we rewarding? Participation? Well you can't be on a team unless you go and we should get a trophy for that? So years from now when my children have their own homes they can point to those trophies and say well I got that one for ballet (yes I am not kidding) or soccer because my mom drove me there every Saturday. Ridiculous!

Erika - September 6th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
I completely agree. My daughter went to a summer camp this year and for their camp games, they only gave out awards to those who won. It was so refreshing.
Elizabeth J - June 5th, 2013 at 1:43 PM
I just discovered this blog so i"m way tlate to comment but I completely agree with this!!! My son is 4 and just finished his first season of flag football an every kid got a trophy and a medal...when he tells anyone about either/both of those he literally says "I got a trophy from footbal for playimg in the dirt!!". Because thats what he did every. single. game.
Leigh - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:37 PM
Lol. This is my first time to your blog. I'm reading your book and going to your Dallas event in Sept. I absolutely love this post and so thankful I'm not alone in the I might be half Christian half crazy weird comedian. :)
I CAN.NOT.STAND. party favors. Or that I'm expected to throw a party for each of my kids birthdays and invite 20-30 kids. I'm sorry, but why on earth would I invite my kids whole class to my house or even at all??? My kids aren't friends with everyone in their class....and now there's a rule for fairness that if you send out one invitation through the school then EVERYONE must be invited.(which IS fair.) But still...then I have to buy them a present. Whatever.
The Sound Of Chewing---NOT A FAN! If you are chewing with your mouth closed and I can still hear you...you must be a crazy insane person. My dad and husband do it and drives me nuts. How can grapes be so darn loud??? Is it just me? I mean seriously, are you eating a large tortilla chip that takes 15 minutes to chew??
Whew...so glad I got that off my chest.
Nice to meet you. :)
Leigh
Name - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:37 PM
My Pastor mentioned a book he is reading titled "Not a Fan" I thought you may have also read it...oh well,I laughed like crazy at this blog post!
Gretchen - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Not a fan of ANYTHING to do with parenting after 10 pm, and/or the "good night" tuck in. Parenting will commence at 7 am tomorrow. Done. Small exceptions made for blood or emesis, but I'm really not a fan of those, either.
MrsRitz - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:45 PM
Not a fan of:
- the word "chunk"
- stray hair on the toilet
- dog smell in my house
- swimsuit shopping
- waiters/waitresses that say they are going to "take care of me"... lies
Marla Taviano - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Hot tubs make me hyperventilate. Gabe would live in one if he could. On our honeymoon, he had the brilliant idea of showering together (in an itsy-bitsy teeny, steamy shower). We almost got divorced.
Hannah Cole - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:51 PM
You are hilarious. Love it.
Ashley - September 3rd, 2012 at 9:55 PM
School folders. Totally agree.

School fundraisers. I mean, I can only ask the same people so many times to buy magazines, candy, wrapping paper, sheets, pay my mortgage, and car payment for the love!!! Seriously, if I could write ONE check at the beginning of the year and "opt out" of all the other stuff I so would!

Also, skinny people constantly talking about how fat they are. [insert large overly dramatized eye roll here]

ashley t - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:04 PM
Not a fan of: the drop-off/pick-up line at my daughter's elementary school. IT. IS. NUTS!! And people are rude, and crazy, and unable to follow the simple rules that are in place to make it run efficiently. Not a fan.
Shannon - September 4th, 2012 at 11:28 AM
Nothing brings out my crazy like the drop off at our elementarty school. My kids must ride the bus in the morning just so I can start my day off as a sane human being. We have 2 lines (1) a park and walk your child in line and (2) a pull up and drop off line. There are 2 moms EVERY morning that hold up traffic in the pull up line. They park their car, get out, walk around to the automatic sliding minivan doors, and unbuckle their 2nd graders...and shut the door. SERIOUSLY? First of all....they are in second grade...this should be skill they know already. Their car does half of the work already. The doors open on AUTO and shut on AUTO. I need to stop typing, it's making me crazy just typing.


Heather Mac - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:06 PM
Absolutely agree with everything you said about airplane chatting...and add to that chatting during a pedicure or a massage. These things are major treats andi'm not there to make a new BFF, it's my mini-vaca! I feel so incredibly selfish even typing that, but thanks for giving me permission to do so! Ha!!
Also, Halloween! My kids literally start planning "next year's costume" on Nov 1. And they will change their plans about 423 times, in 364 days. They stress me out with the expectation that they will all be themed alike & I will be able to snap my fingers and provide awesome costumes. My new rules: I will not sew and I will not spend money. Find something in our house and wear it...I may get a hot glue gun out, but that's it!
Hugs to you, sweet & hilarious friend!!
S Wade - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:07 PM
High pitched shrieks, especially from little boys, make me crazy. Your kid might be cute, but if she/he screams/shrieks at the top of his lungs every few minutes I might just lose my mind. And I don't care if the squealing is because they are having fun. It makes my ears bleed! Laziness sends me close to the edge... My five-year-old is known for walking through the house to put something away (books, shoes, clothes, bag, you name it...) at my request and drop it on the floor three steps from where it belongs. For the love... Take the three extra steps and put that away so I won't have to call you back in here to do it correctly. People who constantly post negative things on social networking sites. Seriously, there has to be something in your life for which you are thankful. And please, no family drama on Facebook, especially of you are Facebook friends with your children.
Stacy - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:13 PM
I love Jen-Land! I feel so at home here...thank you for speaking my language!
And if you think signing weekly folders is a mess add in IEP's (individualized education plan) for special needs in which each year they present you with a "Parent's Right's" booklet (EVERY YEAR!) meet with you for several hours, painstakingly draft a plan with you and 4-5 other facualty members to help your child... you sign, and sign, and SIGN, copy after copy and then they completely ignore the IEP (did I mention it's supposedly a legal document?) and your life becomes a miserable cycle of fighting the system while advocating for your child.
I did that for 4 years, I had spoken the words "I could NEVER homeschool"....now I homeschool :) (God LOVES a challenge!) ....and may I say life is so very peaceful, my kids are happy and despite my fears I haven't sucked the brains out of their heads.
angie - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:48 PM
using the word *moist* to describe food. Stop. it.
erin - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:33 PM
There is some sort of epidemic of people who can't stand this word. So funny!
Alysa - September 4th, 2012 at 12:20 AM
Haha! I have a friend who hates that word. I use it as often as possible around her... :)
heather - September 4th, 2012 at 11:36 AM
Stop saying MOIST!!! Don't add the word FLESH, or I may explode. I hate those words.
Rachel - September 4th, 2012 at 1:15 PM
Worse word ever. There are shivers down my spine just thinking about the word.
Krista - September 4th, 2012 at 1:16 PM
This word in any context is just so gross. I like to say the word cranky in lieu of the gross m-word. "Wow, Megan, these brownies are cranky!" I honestly cannot say that work without wanting to die.
Amy Hill - September 4th, 2012 at 5:52 PM
I'm so sorry, but I don't have a problem with the word "moist", but "gristle" on the other hand.....
Sherry - September 3rd, 2012 at 10:50 PM
I am not a fan of remote controls. The man in my house thinks they are intuitive. Maybe if we just had one I'd remember how to work the thing. But six? Obviously I watch TV only when he's watching TV...which is really fine with me because I'm also not a fan of TV. (OK, Downton Abbey.)
Joana - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:13 PM
Dude...you have five kids. Why are YOU grating the cheese???
carrie - September 9th, 2012 at 10:19 PM
I have boys, and i don't care if they just scrubbed their hands in a vat full of bleach, their hands are not going anywhere near my fromage. (French for cheese...just felt like being classy.)

What I am not a fan of is people who share dairy products. Or anything that involves a spoon. The very thought of sharing a glass of milk with someone, or heaven forbid, someone asking for a bite of my wheat chex or ice cream makes me gag. Literally. This is actually how "gag me with a spoon" originated. Sharing a spoon is too personal. I don't care if I birthed you, no one is that close to me.
erin - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:36 PM
I am not a fan of cutesy spelling, ESPECIALLY when it's a daycare. You really want people to send their kids to a place called Kidz Kare? Really?

I also am not a fan of people who write checks in the grocery store, ESPECIALLY when said people wait until the last minute to get out the checkbook and find a pen and write out the total. Have they not heard of debit cards? Swipe, swipe!
Krista - September 4th, 2012 at 1:19 PM
Both of these are pet peeves of mine! I was behind a van once that advertised "Kidz Konnection." Okay. Nope. Not a parent but if I was, I'd never ever ever send my kid there. I would like my children to go places where people value basic grammar!
Ali - September 5th, 2012 at 7:55 AM
Totally agree on the spelling! There is a laundromat in my town called the "Warsh House". Plus, we also have "Karen's Kountry Kitchen" restaurant. It drives me to the brink of insanity.

I also can't stand the word "slacks". Creepy.
Stephanie - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:38 PM
Such an entertaining read. Thank you.

I agree about shredding cheese. Makes my arm go limp every time. Clearly, I need to do more strength training.

RE: party favors. My oldest daughter's 6th birthday is this weekend. We invited friends family out to a nearby trailhead for a hike (at her request). Then, we'll come back for cupcakes at our house. Simple, just the way we like it. I may, however, give individual trail mix packets out at the hiking trail as "party favors." ;)
Leah - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:51 PM
I LOVE you. And you are definitely not on my list. Thank you for changing my life with your beautiful, Jesus-loving sarcasm. I pray we can have coffee some blessed day. Stay you.
Larissa - September 3rd, 2012 at 11:54 PM
First world complaints, huh? Definitely loose toilet seats (kinda want to feel secure here), tiny bath mats (balance while drying off so you don't wipe out, Mama), when no one else empties and refills ice trays, and when my kids have a breakdown over being told to clean up their toys when they had absolutely no issue pulling them all out in the first place...I have been known to confiscate everything on the floor at this point; no tolerance!

And hey, I'm a missionary in Peru, so if you end up on a plane sitting by my dad, put those headphones on. :)
Diana - September 4th, 2012 at 1:07 AM
Can I just say, as an elementary school teacher, I so WISH we could completely abandon over-the-top correspondence with parents. (Perhaps I'm a middle school teacher at heart?) But there are actually parents who seem to have nothing better to do with their lives than micromanage their fifth grader's life. Tragic. For them, and for the kid who doesn't learn a little self-discipline. So I get away with as little as I can...and feel guilty about not doing as good a job of communicating with parents as my colleagues. Wish I had more parents like you, Jen.
Jenn - September 4th, 2012 at 2:09 AM
Hahaha! You're so funny! "You got to have fun and I paid for it. That's your prize."...that made me snort laugh :) Love your way of looking at things!
My kids start school tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to signing the folders!
Widge - September 4th, 2012 at 4:08 AM
All of it! Except maybe the cheese thing, but I do hate baking that requires additional steps like having to go back and ice something after its cooled down. It's not uncommon for my baking to go mouldy waiting for me. True story.
And dude. 4 kids. Same school. Signing stuff drives me beserk.

Glad to have just found your blog.
"hi" from New Zealand
Amanda Hill - September 4th, 2012 at 6:13 AM
I discovered you while I'm supposed to be doing my morning devotional (hey - the piece you wrote that linked me here was very serious and appropriate to start my day, so I'm counting it). I feel so strongly that the serious must be balanced with the funny to keep people coming back for more, and to keep people captivated. I find myself pouring out my soul for a few days on my own blog and thinking "dude I so need some funny up in here." It was a joy to run into your blog. It reminds me that my own needs a creative makeover!

Amanda over at hillpen
Laura - September 4th, 2012 at 6:54 AM
Clowns. The word "wash" being pronounced "warsh". The front porch geese statues that people dress up for different seasons. The pressure to buy your kids Valentine's Day presents and make Easter baskets like a second, pastel-colored Christmas. And (inexplicably) the Family Ties theme song. Makes me want to punch something.
Bev - September 4th, 2012 at 11:50 PM
Yes! "Warsh" is crazy making!
Cinderellamommy - September 5th, 2012 at 10:10 PM
Ha! Thanks just had to google "Family Ties" and now I'm all "Sha- la-la-laing" over here. And I thought "warsh" and "warshing" were culturalisms from my husband's hometown and surrounding geographical area. Who knew? Except all of you who it drives crazy, too, of course.) Unless you are all from here, too, in which case we should probably hang out.

The rest of my list (okay, a short excerpt from my list):
1.Catch phrases and celebrity chat that everyone uses and uses and uses. . . Sorry, you like that stuff? Oops. My bad.
2. Leftover smells from cooking. Notice I did not say baking. Unless you are baking fish. Or bacon. Or whatever my mama cooks that makes me think "what smells like nursing home during the winter?" (I love my elderlies, excessively and obviously, I hope. But I want to throw a senscy party there each week to cover up the mashed potato and gravy, hot, stale old man farty smell. Ugh. Unless that's the scency smell of the month...mashed potato and gravy, hot, stale, old man fart with a hint of day old coffee... Then I'll wait until next month. MMMmmmmmmmkkkkkkkkkkkk? Mmmmmmkkkkk.
3. Hover-overs that give me pop-ups if I even think about going near them. If I want to know about it/buy it/try it/define it, I will actually click on it. Annoying? Yes. I know. Right?
4. Little girl clothing that looks like it was designed for a twenty year old and was accidentally shrunk whilst in the warsh. Do I dislike thee, trampy 2T clothing that includes a rhinstone padded, built-in, push-up bra and matching thong diaper cover? You betcha.
5. 100 calorie packs of everything. Yes, it is possible to dry out and place 100 calories of toothpaste into wafers and then put them in a cute little bag. Does that make it necessary or a good idea? Seriously? Seriously. No. No it does not. Seriously.

Thanks for the purge. Also, please no one right after me say they aren't a fan of mis- and over-used punctuation markings. I don't know how to stop using them and still get all of my dramatic pauses and slight eye-rolls across via text. So sue me. Or don't. I couldn't care less. Seriously. Ya hear me? Seriously. My bad. Sha- la-la-la.
Iva - September 4th, 2012 at 7:05 AM
Thank goodness those days are past. Just have Great grandchildren to worry about now;
April - September 4th, 2012 at 7:29 AM
What the crap is up with poorly made PATIENT FORMS from doctors offices. Someone in the front office made it in a Word Doc for sure and gave little thought to spacing. Like email:_________ then zip code: _________________________________________________ SERIOUSLY!!!!!! Then their is the vertical spacing problem where you have to write in 8pt font if you can. It's torture. Every time I get stuck filling out one of those crappy forms my OCD kicks in and I find myself wanting to pull out my computer and showing them how it's done. AND putting it in a PDF form that you can fill in on the computer. I'd be like "BAM! Suckers! That's how it's done!" I'm sure at that point I'd be either hired or referred to another physician. Why risk it.
Iuliana - September 4th, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Right on!
Carrie - September 4th, 2012 at 7:49 AM
Pajamas. It's simply another outfit for me to have to keep up with, wash, fold, and put away. I'd rather poke my eye with a toothpick. I abandoned pj's 4 kids ago. My kids are either naked or wearing a pirate costume to bed. I told them I don't care what they look like as long as their head doesn't leave that pillow til morning. Oh ya, and people who eat apples by taking a bite with their lower teeth. The bite is bigger than their mandible can handle and they look like a squirrel. I clearly have issues.
carrie - September 9th, 2012 at 10:30 PM
I also am not a fan of pajamas. However I was mortified when my mom informed that when she watched them one night, she asked where their pajamas were and my children declared "were wearing them!" (Jeans and a hoodie.) I have now switched to gym shorts or underwear or whatever they are willing to sleep in that is not denim. Apparently that is the line that a mother can't cross. Lesson learned.
P.s. in my defense, they did not have shoes on and they do have blankets.
Amy - September 4th, 2012 at 8:19 AM
Hey, you. With the cheese "issue". Do you know what I would give my muppet arm for? Real cheese. Have you tasted cheese made with TAPIOCA? Pre-shredded. In a bag. Not a fan.
Also, animated angel emails with music. And polyester bedspreads. These things are not in harmony with the universe.
Shannon Wheeler - September 4th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
If I have to be interrupted during my morning coffee, it's not pretty. Heaven forbid my coffee becomes tepid. I have a food-temperature-thing. Oh, and if it rains on a spray-tan-day, hideous.
Tessy - September 4th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
This whole blog was awesome sauce... and the comments following... you could probably combine them all and have a best seller. :-D

Those people who are in the ten items or less line with a trillion items -- it makes me want to bring out my mad Kung Fu skillz. People who cut through parking lots and act like they have the right of way.... and probably the biggest peeve is people who go skank in public. Yes, have some self respect and leave the yoga/pj pants at home.... (exceptions apply if you kids are sick and you are doing a midnight run for meds etc..)
Bethe - September 4th, 2012 at 9:36 AM
I had no idea I was eating waxy shredded cheese all of these years. The horror! Things I "hate" include the pressure to have the perfect dessert table at a baby/wedding shower, complete with the tissue paper pom pons, a backdrop, some sort of bunting, and color coordinated food. I have a window behind my food table and I don't do color-coordinated food. I figure chips and guacamole go with any theme.
Also - dusting furniture. It's just going to get dusty again, and yet I have to do it anyway.
www.tryingthebestican.blogspot.com
Audra Blumn - September 4th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
I have friends who go so over-the-top on kids%u2019 birthdays, I%u2019m talking about from the time they are 1-year-old, that I often marvel we are friends. My girlfriend Christi did a whole sushi party for her 3-year-old daughter complete with kimonos, bento boxes, hand-rolled sushi, and Japanese CD%u2019s. I just lost consciousness typing that sentence.......

This made me belly laugh with tears!!!
Addi - September 4th, 2012 at 10:37 AM
My middle school husband teacher loves you right about now... :)
Aislinn @ Not Less Than Everything - September 4th, 2012 at 10:48 AM
100% agree about the kitchen=frat house thing. I love to cook, and I'm lucky that my husband both likes to eat and is a good dishwasher. ;)
Shane - September 4th, 2012 at 11:07 AM
The word OINTMENT..........Just say it slowly.........See? It's nasty!
Jeanie - September 4th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Party Favors: I didn't like it when I had to buy them and I didn't like it when my kids received them.
Three words: human, lung and hummus. They are my most hated words. I don't like the way the sound.
Teeth: I don't want to look at them, touch them to pull them out of someone's mouth, see them wiggle or watch them be cleaned.
Bar soap: Unless someone is rubbing it on their washcloth ONCE in the shower...I don't want to experience it next.
tamara white - September 4th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Mucus. If I hear one more glowing pregnant woman talk to me about her (gag) mucus plug I will throw up on her swollen feet. Keep your mucus to yourself...whatever will she say when the kid is a snot machine. Ew!
Sue - September 4th, 2012 at 11:16 AM
People who decorate their mini-van like Rudolph.
Ashley - September 4th, 2012 at 11:16 AM
-Eggs in a recipe. If I have to crack an egg, I'll search for another recipe.
-Blue pens. Our church recently started passing out blue pens, instead of black, and I question this.
-People who ride bikes recreationally on the same roads that cars drive on. Scares the mess out of me. I don't know where else they can ride, but I don't care. Around here the narrowest roads seem to have the most bicyclists.

Lora - September 4th, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Thank you notes. And birthday cards. I know you're grateful for the gift, you don't need to reiterate it in print form with postage. I skim my eyes across your 'Thanks so much for the bladitty blah..." and zip into the trash it goes. Zip. Like that. I don't save them, or modge podge them. I don't alphabetize them. I open them near an open wastebasket. They go directly into the can. Sorry friends. When you say "Thanks" as you open the gift, it's enough for me. And PS, that gift you just opened is from The Barnes family. Not buying a card for that one either. I'd rather put $4 into a starbucks card. Waste. of. paper.
Angela - September 4th, 2012 at 11:22 AM
Amen and Amen. Let's stand.
Dawn - September 4th, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Not a fan of bad customer service. I just went off on the service manager at my local Ford dealer and by "going off", I mean, I accused him of being combative and asked him if his general manager would be pleased with this conversation. Harsh words my friend. Harsh words indeed.
Erin - September 4th, 2012 at 11:21 AM
newly coined phrases like "doing life" that are run into the GROUND!
Camille - September 4th, 2012 at 11:26 AM
hahaha...these are all so great!
*Hate the word moist.
*Can't stand chewing noises... (my kids won't even eat cereal in the same room as me anymore..haha)
*People who don't know hot to maneuver through a 4 way stop (You stopped WAY before me and it is your turn...you don't have to wait until all the directions are full before you go ;-)
*Also hate grating cheese (it's officially in the job description of my hubs)

For those of you that hate getting multiple copies of the same paper home from your school try and put into place a youngest and only list....(then normal info papers only get sent home with the youngest in the family or only kiddos....saves lots of paper :-)
Kristine - September 4th, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Can I just take a moment for true confessions: i HATE clutter (translation, all those papers teachers send home actually give me anxiety - Kindergarten is the worst; do NOT send my kids home with party favors bags - they go in the trash, I don't want all that random stuff all over my house)
Camille - September 4th, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Oh....and I HATE the word panties!
Mrs. Gore - September 4th, 2012 at 11:36 AM
Can't believe I'm saying this out loud...I'm not a fan of "Toy Story". I think a cowboy should have the voice of James Garner, not Tom Hanks, Buzz Lightyear's story makes me so sad, and I don't need animated reminders that my children are growing up and leaving not only their toys, but their Mama.
Not a fan of TV or movie dramas. When I was last pregnant, the first 5 minutes of "The Book of Eli" caused me to break down weeping over the darkened state of our fallen world. This tender-hearted girl needs lots of comedy and lots of reality competition shows. SYTYCD, American Idol, X-Factor...I eat them for supper.
Not a fan of little league sports. Paying money to go sit at a ball field 3 times a week? Kill me now.
Not a fan of apocolyptic creepiness like the trumpet-like blast of our town's train in the middle of the night, or swarms of ladybugs or scary stories about people who encountered angels in taxicabs that said "Gabriel's lips are on his trumpet". (anyone else hear those stories as a kid?). And the "Thief in the Night" movies from the 70's...God help me and erase my memory!
Auntie J - September 4th, 2012 at 10:48 PM
I can't even think about those "Thief in the Night" movies! I don't like scary stuff anyway (and no one can argue that those are NOT scary). Moons ago, we had a youth group movie night at the pastor's house. I went, thinking, hey, movie. This should be fun. No. We watched the first one of that trilogy, and I was never so glad to see my parents come to pick me up. You could not have made me stay for the next one for nothing. The pastor's wife laughed at me and told me to "Read the Psalms, dear; they're very comforting." Do you know how many psalms David wrote about enemies breathing down his neck? Yipes!

My five-year-old hates the mirror guy in Disney's Snow White, and I don't blame her one bit.

I'm proudly raising another generation of horror-flick wimps. And I will not instruct them to read Psalms for comfort.
Mrs. Gore - September 7th, 2012 at 12:13 AM
My experience with "Thief in the Night" was ALSO at a youth group function! I was just a little girl, tagging along with my big brothers, but I will never forget that horrifying movie. I spent the next 15 years being terrified of anything "end times"...not cool, youth group.
(and so weird...everytime I think back to that time in my church life, I start singing "Will You Be the One?" in my head. Speaking of awesome sauce...Al Denson).

And yes, the scariest movie we watch over here is "A Muppet Christmas Carol".
Jennifer - September 4th, 2012 at 11:36 AM
Fat free cream cheese. I mean, seriously, why bother???

Close talkers. I always feel like they're trying to come in for a kiss. Or, you know, "leaning"....

People who buy purfume at the duty free shop and then spray it on themselves ON THE AIRPLANE!

Almost all kids show voices. Must you really shout the whole time??
Dianna - September 4th, 2012 at 11:37 AM
I read this after my SON grated cheese for dinner. And not doing goody bags has worked in my favor. After kindergarten Valentines day at school I was never asked to be party planner again!

People who don't know what yield means, cotton balls, ewewewew, party games of any type, people who reqire me to match anything..........
Kelley - September 4th, 2012 at 11:37 AM
This is hilarious.

I'm not in on the whole shredded cheese thing; I'm all about some bagged shredded involves-no-work-for-me cheese. Waxy or no....it melts!

I do have a thing about the word chunk or, even worse, chunky...gag!

I can't stand girls wearing pants, shorts, etc. with writing on their rear end and am especially bothered by it in Toddler sizes.....let's just go ahead and start drawing the eye there from an early age; maybe Pampers could start printing "DIVA" on diapers.

People who post things like, "worst.day.ever" as their status or whose status is so passive aggressive and OBVIOUSLY a message to someone, maybe me. I have a FB friend who will post things like, "Well, excuse me for having an opinion......" or "God forbid I have sense enough to think for myself" or a favorite "Thanks so much for being so *!%( appreciative of everything that I do around here". Um, hello......we know who you live with.

And, here's one that wears me out....neighbor has three of the WILDEST, worst behaved children on the face of the planet and the harshest I've ever heard her speak is to say (in a sing songy whisper), "I'm so very disappointed in the choice that you are making". Seriously.....(not that I want her to beat them or anything). No wonder they look straight through her and continue whatever they are doing.

Lastly, if one more person refers to adoption as a "fad" or a "trend" again, I might come unglued.
Kim - September 4th, 2012 at 10:52 PM
Oh my word...I can't believe it. Someone said it. Bless you forever. Closely related to the "I'm so very disappointed in the choice you're making" is the ever so helpful, "Do you want a spanking?" Seriously? If he needs one, spank the urchin. If not, don't.
Amanda @wandering - September 4th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
As a former elementary teacher, I HATED having to see all the stupid folders every day. (Some of us had no choice in certain places/grades.) I was all about sink or swim for fourth graders, but parents didn't like me very much for that. :)
And I suck at parties. I pin stuff and think, "THere is no way I have the time, money, talent or inclination to do any of this stuff."

Other things I hate:
waiting endlessly in doctors' offices. My thinking is it should be like pizza delivery- 30 minutes or less or it's free.
apples that are not hard as a rock. Biting into a mushy apple makes me want to throw up.
bad readers in Sunday school/small group. I know - I'm a horrrible person - but if you can't read fluently, do not volunteer to read from Leviticus.
Canaan Herkamp - September 4th, 2012 at 11:43 AM
1) The word lover---spoken or sung. It creeps me out and feels like ear porn right out there in the open. 2) When someone (mostly men) refer to deodorant as "pit stick." I very nearly gag. 3) Walking on the carpet in hotel rooms barefoot. This girl never travels without slippers. And the shiny bedspreads in hotels. I pick them up with as little finger surface making contact as possible and stuff them in the hotel closet (thank you Lord for the white duvet that many hotels are going to...it changed my life) 4.) Celine Dion. Some folks have called me un-American for this. To which I say, "Celine is Canadian." That Titanic song is like my kryptonite. and 5) Restaurants who don't have straws.
I could go on and on. GREAT post and GREAT comments.
Angel - September 4th, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Self-photos on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and blogs...This is a picture of me standing next to my kid. This is a picture of me with my awesome new haircut. This is a picture of me just waking up. This is a picture of me looking at this big tree. This is a picture of me making a funny face. This is a picture of me posing like this statue. I hate it.
Brooke - September 4th, 2012 at 11:54 AM
running shorts. why do they have to be so short??? some of us love food AND running. some of us have build awesome quads running (and awesome inner thighs ice cream eating) why-oh-why must we go to the little boy's section to buy shorts that don't have our butt cheeks hanging out and our chunky-monkey thighs rubbing together?
Melissa - September 4th, 2012 at 11:56 AM
Puffy lip pictures of girls taken in the bathroom with a toilet in the background. Y? I really just don't get it.
Brooke - September 4th, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Im not a fan of people that have a trillion indoor pets bringing a casserole to a pot luck. Thank you, but I loved hashbrown casserole without the dog hair, adding it will not make it better. Also, the word moist always makes me laugh out loud. I never left sixth grade in my mind. Then you have those people that leave their Christmas trees up all year round. No, it does not make me feel warm and festive to see your tree lit in the window in July. In fact it makes me feel the opposite ---I wanna pull over and cut your outdoor power switch - Yes, I am a mean Grinch . . . I am not a fan of 100 calorie packs either because I have to eat four bags to get full and then I realize that I could have eaten 6 oreos in the calories it took for me to eat the 100 calorie packs.
Kristi - September 4th, 2012 at 12:00 PM
I have a deep hatred of party favors. But the one that really, really, really get under my skin is this: bikinis for babies. Toddler bikinis. Skimpy clothes for young girls drive me crazy. If she's four, she shouldn't be dressing the way you hope your teenager won't dress. Just saying.
Also not a fan of blogs that play music automatically and people who say this, "Oh, if you liked the Harry Potter books, you'll LOVE Twilight!" I'm sorry, that's not even the same genre but nice try. I have a problem with the shameless abuse of the word "delicious" in Red Delicious apples, which everyone knows are the least delicious of all apples. And I am on the verge of hiding life-long friends from my news feed because I can't take one more election year post. And, God help us, it's only September.
Kristen - September 4th, 2012 at 12:16 PM
Oh my gosh. I hate all the election year posts. I'm thinking about staying off Facebook because I cannot take one more nasty comment.
Kim D R - September 4th, 2012 at 12:01 PM

BOOK JACKETS. UGH I HATE THEM, please just lower the cost of my book by $1 and save the tree and extra ink because I'm throwing it in the trash about 0.4 seconds after I buy it... It's especially annoying on kid's books, really people? We're expecting little kids to look at books while in their book jackets? I can't even handle that.

Oh yea, and unsolicited birth or parenting advice from strangers (or maybe my mom). I once had a stranger (an older man, at that) ask 9-month-pregnant-me, "So, are you going to birth naturally or get an *epidural*?" (insert a pretty strong sneer on the 3rd syllable of epidural ). Wow, ok sir, which would you recommend? You seem to have quite a bit of experience in this matter....
Krista H - September 4th, 2012 at 12:02 PM
Not a fan: products you have to buy at a "party" in someone's living room who is "getting points" for your purchases! If it's such a great product, put it on a shelf! Let me find it at HEB, send me a link I'll buy online right now if I like it enough. Just don't invite me for a makeover or recipe party and hand me a catalog and pen instead of another glass of wine. And if you're raising money with "party with a purpose" just ask me to a fundraiser. I don't want a $60 beach bag in return. I'll give you the cash straight up. I care about your cause as much as you do. I love supporting people, just not buying stuff for it!
Jen - September 4th, 2012 at 12:09 PM
I hate party favors with a passion. It's not your birthday kid. Your job is to help the birthday kid celebrate. I do like hot tubs but only because we have a strict no kids in the hot tub rule in our family so it is a place I can be alone - like an airplane.

I am sick of people honking because they think you are not turning on a red fast enough. Don't mind those pedestrians in the cross walk I am trying to avoid killing. I think a car horn should have a limited number of uses (for real emergencies situations like the guy next to you trying to turn into your lane while you are currently in it) but after you use your allotment the horn stops working. Or better yet gives us some message like "I am in inpatient person please ignore my rudeness."
Joanna - September 4th, 2012 at 12:15 PM
Funky water.
Like ketchup or mustard water that squirts out and soggs up your bun before you actually get ketchup or mustard on it.
Hot dog water. Pink, salty, sometimes with a fatty film on it if you let it cool off on the stove. Eww. Just. Eww.
Water that sloshes onto the floor as you are putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Did someone really leave about two tablespoons of coffee in that cup and I didn't see it? You couldn't finish it? And now it's a sticky spot on the floor. Awesome.
Bath water that held two 3 yr old little girls. I ask one as they are getting dried off - "Do you need to sit on the potty?" Answer - "No, I teeteed in the bathtub."
Awesome.

Need I continue?
Ashley - September 4th, 2012 at 12:19 PM
And, school fundraisers. I absolutely refuse to participate. What I hate is when they send a rep to pump your kids up with all the prizes they can win if only they (their parents) will harass enough people to buy their crap. And they come home and I have to crush their dream of owning a new, super amazing spy kit. "But mom, you can listen to people's conversations from another room!" So what...I can do that with my bare ears. Just ask me for $20. I'll gladly write a check.
Ivy - September 4th, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Christian Bale's Batman voice. Ugh It totally discredits any "bad boy" he built up in the first 40 minutes of the movie. Please watch this. http://www.nbc.com/community/video/donut-cannibalism/1170869/
Chopping basically anything. My neck starts to hurt, I can't get them into small enough pieces, there is NOT ENOUGH ROOM on the counter. Thankfully my husband "loves to chop
Stopping for gas. I have allotted exactly enough time to get from Point A to Point B. Getting gas was not in my agenda. It's not about the money (although, it is getting there), it's about stopping, getting out of my car, and pumping gas.
Lukewarm food or coffee. Apparently I'm 97 years old and need my food to stay hot all the time. I microwave my coffee no less than 4 times in one cup.
Last one - wearing skirts. I know, "They're so much cooler and comfortable!" Wrong. My legs sweat, and my thighs rub together, and then I get chaffing. Shorts are where it's at.
Melissa - September 4th, 2012 at 12:27 PM
Sorting socks, carpool line, WHINING, cutting raw meat, the lines sewn in panties that go left to right and happen to be in the wrong or right spot depending on who is naming it. Negative people
Lora Loggins Hill - September 4th, 2012 at 12:28 PM
While there are still MANY things that make me crazy (I live in the house with 3 males, one of which has 4 legs)....I am FINISHED (thank you, Jesus) with party favors, school folders, drive-through drop-off lines for the kiddo, Parent-Teacher meetings (in which the teacher gets to rail you about your parenting because your child is a slug in math), trying to figure out appropriate lunches, and then just giving up and saying "get a burger" and handing him 5 bucks. I am FINISHED! Do you hear me? He is going to college, and I am NOT required to participate! My only offspring was 21 last week...and hopefully he will be looking for a new set of 4 walls soon. I love him SOOOOOO much, it is impossible to even think about it sometimes. But I am now resuming my life that went into "mommy hold" 21 years ago. Yes! (insert fist in the air icon here). By the way, a REAL woman ALWAYS shreds her own cheese (just joking, ladies).
Brandee - September 4th, 2012 at 12:31 PM
I hate all commercials that have the sounds of people eating! It just sounds nasty and rubs me the wrong way. I also dislike the word nom-a lot of my twitter friends use this to describe good foods, instead of the word yum.
A lot of newer commercials seem so mean to me too-there's one with a dad who gets his kid to hide, for a game of hide & seek, so he can eat the kid's chicken nuggets. There's also one where a little boy goes to a sleepover but takes all the pots and pans at his house, so his parents can cook macaroni & cheese while he's gone. I know it's supposed to be funny but it just seems hateful to me.
Sarah - September 4th, 2012 at 12:32 PM
Ahhh! Oh my gosh, the word "lover," totally agree!!! It's fine in the bedroom or during a romantic interlude where no one can hear you. Well, even then it's kind of cheesy. But you DON'T use it as you would someone's first name! My sister-in-law does this all the time with her husband, in front of all of us, and it drives me batty: "Lover, do you want some more chicken?" "Lover, can you hand me the remote?" Ewww!!!! I don't need a reminder that this is the guy you sleep with!
Lora Loggins Hill - September 4th, 2012 at 12:35 PM
Sarah....Oh YES! Sticking point with me, too. My son's girlfriend (of one year) calls him "love" in front of his father and I. She is his GIRLFRIEND. She is not married to him! I can't tell you how many walls this makes me want to climb.
Kelly - September 4th, 2012 at 6:30 PM
I have called my husband "Lover" ever since we got engaged--it is a Biblical name for the man in the Song of Solomon. I always call him "Lover" or "Sweetheart" unless I am super mad at him. Using his real name (Jeff) is akin to cussing him out, so I guess people who are uncomfortable with it will have to deal with it. It works for us;)
Ashley - September 4th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
1. party favors. hate them. refuse to buy them. i appreciate the solidarity. thank you.
2. shameless plugs for blogs, books, etc on comment sections of other blogs
3. Christian "acquaintances" who you haven't seen or spoken to in years asking for your money and prayers to support their mission work. Whaaaa???? Is it OK that I'm not a fan of this?
4. I'm a teacher and I am not a fan of these questions from the kids: What are we doing today? Are we doing work today?

I AM a fan of your work. Love it. Thank you for being so real...and funny.
Mari - September 4th, 2012 at 12:46 PM
When my family puts dirty dishes on the wrong counter.... Or their bedroom, or under a couch???
Croutons. Can't poke them with a fork and they fly across the table if you try. And if you do get one miraculously in your mouth, they are so crunchy you can't hear anything.
Being asked to close my eyes and visualize. Hate it. I won't do it. I'm an adult don't tell me what to do. And the same goes for repeating something outloud with a group of people. I'll,"Amen" when I'm good and ready.
Movies without George Clooney. Seriously, why even bother?

emily - September 4th, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Cold ketchup. Don't give me the it will spoil nonsense, when's the last time you saw a mini fridge on the table at a restaurant? I do not want cold ketchup on my hot food.

The every week prayer request lady. Look, we all need prayer! When you have an illness, a worry, a praise- I'm with you. But when there is nothing going on and you still have to ask for prayer for the guy that lives around the corner from your niece that you heard might have a dog with the flu, I check out of prayer request time and start making grocery lists in my head (shredded cheese, I'm lazy). I've actually dropped out of bible studies with some people because their prayer request time was making me lose my witness.
Camille - September 4th, 2012 at 1:30 PM
You have just changed my life ;-) haha....I had never thought about the fact that restaurants keep their ketchup on the table....yeah for non-cold ketchup (hate it when someone spells it catsup!) and more room in the door of the fridge!
Marie - September 4th, 2012 at 12:57 PM
Sitting in a waiting room with a ton of old people waiting on their 'old people' to get their colonoscopy results while having to endure the droning on and on about all there other sick nasty disgusting details of their surgeries! Sorry....these words I can live without hearing...gall bladder, jaundice, gangrene (is it green!), swollen lymph nodes and hip pins....GROSS! You asked Jen. I hope my Mom doesn't read this one! Forgive me!
Tammy - September 4th, 2012 at 12:58 PM
This is hilarious! I love that women can be serious and funny all at the same time.

I am not a fan of:
1) Any sentence that starts with "I know you are really ______, but _______." - Lets just be honest and say it like it is...My needs are far greater than whatever you may be dealing with at the time, so just do this for me.
2) Wet feet anywhere other than my home....I don't want anyone elses anything on my feet
3) Chopping onions - There are so many various contraptions I could use to make it easier/faster, but cleaning all of the various pieces seems like a lot more work than cleaning my knife and cutting board, so I will cut my onions by hand and cry about it.

Thanks for being honest!
Michelle M. - September 4th, 2012 at 12:58 PM
For all of you who hate to grate cheese and can't imagine taking out a huge appliance to do so, check this out. This grater has changed my life and the food holder - genius. No more grated knuckles or fingernails! I'm not just saying this because I sell the stuff - you can pick one up from me or your local consultant, I don't care, but you won't be sorry!

One of my pet peeves - the sound of someone eating a banana... drives me crazy!
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/mmussari?page=products-detail&categoryId=90&itemId=1129&productId=40071
Kristi - September 4th, 2012 at 1:01 PM
This might make me unpopular, but I am super bothered by Christian fish on cars. Everyone is occasionally (or often) stupid when they drive so I don't feel like it's your best time to be representing. I really roll my eyes at the ones with the whole family of fish stickers on the back window.
Kelli - September 4th, 2012 at 1:07 PM
-Word on the butt of shorts. I DO NOT want to read your butt and yet I'm drawn to figure out what you're proclaiming.
-When I order a diet coke and get regular coke. It's such an awful surprise.
-People who suck at parallel parking. Especially when you leave 1/2 a car length in front of you, which then messes up the number of cars that are able to park. When I have to park 10 blocks away because the 4 of you don't know how to park well on a street clearly designed for 5 cars, I go CRAZY. (Oh my, just typing this increases my blood pressure.)
-discovering that something I purchased at the store is ruined/rotten/torn and I have to return it. I hate going back to the store!
Michelle Melhorn - September 4th, 2012 at 1:12 PM
1. Why is there NEVER more than 2 checkout lanes open at Walmart when they clearly put in 2,347 check out lanes????? And why does the person either in front of me or behind me like to either a. invade my space, b. get really angry in the line, making a fool of herself and making everyone uncomfortable? This is why I only go to Walmart if someone is pointing a gun to my head. (or it's 10:45 and I must have a missing recipe ingredient or something my kid needs to take school tomorrow or she will just diiieeee!!!)
2. I hate seeing LOL. I mean, come on. How many times have your really laughed out loud while reading my text/status/tweet? I know I'm funny, but, really? And don't get me started on ROFLMBO. Give me a break.

I LOVE your writing Jen! You make me LOL, ROFLMBO!
Alice - September 4th, 2012 at 1:19 PM
Whistling in the car.
People boasting about their breastfeeding skills on Facebook: "baby put on a pound! My milk must be full-cream" etc. I'm glad your baby is growing but shhh.
People boasting about their weight-loss on Facebook: "I lost another pound! Only another 3 to go". I'm glad you're pleased but shhh.
When friends' children aren't that nice.
Sarah - September 4th, 2012 at 1:22 PM
Awesome Post! You speak the truth.
I'll add NOT A FAN of:
1. "share to win" posts on Facebook. While you're not going to win it, I can appreciate that you'd like to get that smocked dress or Christmas wreath for free, but I really don't want it hijacking my newsfeed.
2. Car Line for afternoon pickup at school. It's sucks the life right out of me.
Libby - September 4th, 2012 at 1:27 PM
Not a fan of...

1. Any ad, commercial, billboard, or slogan that starts with the words "YOU DESERVE... (low prices, a break today, the best in life, fill in the blank)." Really? How do they know I deserve low prices? For all they know I could be ridiculously wealthy and afford to overpay. I deserve a break today? What if I've been sitting on the couch all morning pretending to do laundry, but really eating Trader Joe's dark chocolate and sea salt-covered almonds and finally watching every episode of "Lost" back-to-back? (This is all purely hypothetical)

2. The evil twin of the "You Deserve" ads: "Who needs the hassle and inconvenience of... (getting off the La-Z-Boy to open your can of beer, exercising, eating in moderation, making an honest living, fill in the blank)."

3. Game requests from Facebook "friends." Seriously. I WILL UNFRIEND YOU IF YOU ARE LAME ENOUGH TO HAVE A VIRTUAL FARM, CASINO, OR OTHER ALTERNATE "LIFE."

4. Forced audience participation at any event that is neither a) a large sporting event or b) specifically for children. I will walk out and shut myself in the bathroom if you try to make me do some ridiculous chant, song, cheer, or motion just to validate that you have a microphone and can "command" an audience. If it's optional or spontaneous? I just might do it. Tell me to do it? My rebellious side kicks in and I will cross my arms and stubbornly refuse.

Thank you, Jen, for opening up this hilarious can of worms... I think I've wanted to get all that off my chest for about 19 years!!! ;)
Jane - September 4th, 2012 at 1:30 PM
Water parks--not a fan! My nickname for the lazy river? The "I'm so lazy I'll just pee here river." Old band-aids, ponytail holders, and hair in the water make me want to sterilize myself. Oh, and don't get me started on the wet Cheez-Its laying around the kiddie island. GAG!
Jessica - September 4th, 2012 at 1:34 PM
I tell all of my friends who are first time moms to PLEASE, PLEASE not do party favors when it is time to start doing birthday parties. WHy oh why do parents (me included) feel the need to send more cheap crap home to other parents?!?

Two other things I am NOT a fan of:
1. Having to send thank you notes. If you gave me (or one of my children) something in person and I told you thank you, why am I then expected to send a note in the mail?
2. Cashiers putting my loose coins on top of the bills when handing me my change. Do they not notice that the coins ALWAYS slide off the bills and onto the floor or counter?!?
Kristen - September 4th, 2012 at 1:43 PM
Wen ppl text bac ansers lik dis. R u kiddin me?
Nancy D - September 4th, 2012 at 1:45 PM
Photos that show the arm of the subject of the photo, which is attached to the phone they are using to take a picture of themselves. Not a fan. I always think, why are you taking a picture of yourself? Why? The phone/camera is only arms length away so you never get any kind of background it in that tells me where you are, plus you look just like you did in the last self portrait you snapped and posted a couple of days ago. Why? Why? Why?
Ashley B - September 4th, 2012 at 1:58 PM
You ready? Showers...as in the bridal/baby kind...even my own. My last one was great. We met at a restaurant, had lunch, & I got gifts. Yes, I know...RUDE! I hate the games & punch makes me want to well, punch someone!

Party favors. I do them, but I hate & refuse to fill bags with cheap plastic crap & candy. The party favors for my daughter's party were Strawberry Shortcake coloring books.

People who put dirty dishes in the sink after I have finished cleaning the kitchen. Wash your own dang dish!
stephanie - September 4th, 2012 at 2:39 PM
oh amen to that! annoys me to no end after i unload the dishwasher and clean the kitchen to come back and find dishes on the counter! also clothes on the floor after ive just cleaned the bedroom. i know that there may be clothes on the floor and dishes on the counter every other day of the week, but I decided to clean today so you better be dang sure to keep it clean!
Kristina - September 4th, 2012 at 2:07 PM
Co-workers asking me about what I'm having for lunch. Not a fan. I don't peer over your desk to see what you're eating, so please don't peer over at mine. When I bring my lunch from the microwave down the hall and into my office, please do not follow me into my office by asking me what I'm having. And do not even begin to remark about how it smells. Good or bad, I'm eating it. I don't care that you bring tofo and curry each day so leave my leftover pulled pork, spaghetti, or crockpot salsa chicken alone. You might as well just pull up a chair and grab a fork. Good grief.
Shaela - September 4th, 2012 at 2:14 PM
Constant Facebook updates about the workout of the day/injury from the workout of the day... NOT A FAN!

Misuse of your/you're... NOT A FAN! Your is possessive and you're is a contraction. Surely your (notice the possessive) educational system (be it private, public or homeschool) did not fail you that badly!

PS. I love Will Farrell. Have you seen his bad doctor skit? Hilarious!!
Hannah Crain - September 4th, 2012 at 2:14 PM
I thought I'd share our text message conversation:
Jess: Please at some point today read Jen Hatmaker's latest post, unless you're driving...Then call me and I'll read it to you. Very funny!
Me: Read it last night and tried to comment that i hate peeling potatoes #notafan, she is my hero.

We love you.
Melinda - September 4th, 2012 at 2:30 PM
Shower games. Shoot me now.

Libby T - September 4th, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Trimming the nasty stuff from raw chicken filets. I LOVE TO COOK but that one gets me every time. I am very much enjoying your book 7. It is impacting my life more than you know. My husband actually offered to build a REAL enclosure for a compost pile instead of just a dump site where local animals can eat at their leisure. Keep writing Jen. You thoughts are wonderful. Thank you for sharing them.
Ann - September 4th, 2012 at 2:37 PM
Adults who use text lingo in conversation, ie. "I'll be there. Totes." or "b-t-dub, I'll bring dinner tonight" (by the way). #notafan
Children screaming in play places at McD's. #notafan
Ringtones. #notafan
Bryony - September 4th, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Not a fan of people telling their children's age in months..."My daughter is 68 1/2 months." You could just say, "She's FIVE!"
Gianna - September 4th, 2012 at 3:00 PM
(Dear Elementary Teachers, you KNOW I%u2019d take a bullet straight through my brain for you, but the paperwork/correspondence occasionally makes me consider homeschooling.) (This is a bold-faced lie.) (Never leave me, Elm Grove Elementary staff, oh my gosh.)

Can I just say that after our school's Meet the Teacher Day, I said, "this is as bad as HOMESCHOOLING!" Because of the papers!
I was going to go insane! And school hadn't even started yet!
Stacy - September 4th, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Giada saying the word: Moot-za-rella. Pu-leeze.
Anne-Marie - September 4th, 2012 at 3:25 PM
So thankful to hear that someone besides myself hates thank you notes. I know you wrote it and sent it to me more out of obligation than gratitude so stop it already! (I've secretly thought I might burn in hell for my attitude on this)

I hate eating with women who only eat salads and talk nonstop about what is fattening/healthy blah blah blah. It makes me want to order the most fattening item on the menu.

Women who tell me they want to give me a makeover (I don't wear makeup). I'll let you do that just as soon as you let me wash the war paint off your face, okay?

Shopping. I hate it. Period.

People complaining about game requests on FB. You have a block that app so use it. I am not going to stop playing games just because others don't know how to block them and I sure cannot read your mind to know if you like games or not. Deal with it.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent!
Jamie - September 4th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
I am not your "sweetheart", your "dear" or your "Hon". I do not remember dating you, giving birth to you or you giving birth to me. So do not call me those terms of endearment.
Courtney - September 4th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
Thank you for fulfilling my deep need for humor and laughter today. This made my day. Especially the bit about air planes. Agreed! I always pack an obscene amount of books on trips and by golly, I plan on getting through at least half of them! Don't. bug. me. That includes you dearest husband.

Also on my list: People who double park. Not a fan.
Megan - September 4th, 2012 at 4:17 PM
My weekend was insane. My oldest child broke his elbow at recess on Friday. We spent all day Friday & Saturday at Children's Hospital in Cincinnati getting him fixed up. Then on Monday my middle child crushed his toe (a TV tray fell on it). We spent Monday at Children's with him. I needed a laugh in the worst of ways. Thank you for providing. I loved your pet peeves. Especially the talking on an airplane. Well said! My pet peeve list is long, but at this moment I just needed to be entertained. Thanks for sharing!!
Angela R. - September 4th, 2012 at 4:19 PM
Party Favors! Yes! I am with you, girl! I am SO not a detail person, either. I think it's why my husband and I don't take vacations, neither of us know how to plan them (oh, and the money thing, but whatever). What's scary is I'm trying to homeschool our children - and I CAN'T plan it - pray for me.

What I hate - the combo of red and brown together. Reminds me of puke. Can't. Stand. It.
People who don't put salt on the table. I'm sure your cooking is perfect and your cholesterol is outstanding - please pass the Sodium Chloride. The post office - WHY is there no such thing as a drive-thru post office?! Seriously. I have three kids in my car, please don't make me unbuckle them all so I can ship my $2 package. Or at least be open late enough so I can go when my husband gets off work. Please and thank you.
Mags the Wonder Squirrrel - September 4th, 2012 at 4:38 PM
Oh my word. Number five! We ARE separated at birth Continental Flight 755. I am sitting next to a stack of stuff I have to sign and it makes me want to tear my hair out. Every week this will happen. Sometimes nightly. He read the book. Maybe he didn't take his word for it. Or not. I know what you are trying to do, but Jeez E. Pete.
Wendy G - September 4th, 2012 at 5:03 PM
Not a fan of people or businesses using the letter "K" for "C" in order to (I'm guessing?) be cute. "Kathy's Kakes" or "Kid's Klub". Just kills me.
Susan - September 5th, 2012 at 10:57 AM
Krispy Kreme's too ;)
Tess - September 4th, 2012 at 6:30 PM
De-boning chicken.
Melody - September 4th, 2012 at 6:44 PM
Going to the dentist. I swear my hygienist is holding a grudge against me for not flossing (ever...). Every time I go, I know she stabs my gums on purpose to get revenge. I hate it.
Rebecca Boganwright - September 4th, 2012 at 7:09 PM
When people say 'heighth.' Come on, educated peeps, there is no H at the end of height.

Unloading the dishwasher. I'll load it fine, it's the reverse that makes me want to slit my wrist (too dramatic?)

When drivers leave too big a space between cars on a left-hand light turn. The rest of us gotta make the light too. Stay on that person's tail in front of you!

That's all I got for right now
Kylie Toone - September 4th, 2012 at 7:29 PM
Loud airport talker! They make it a point to talk sooo loudly on their cell phone so as to share their profound knowledge. Like the 20 something the other day who made it a point to practically shout- "so I had this huge revelation the other day. You can't get everything you need relationally from one person. You have to have different people in your life for different things.". As if he discovered Pluto and wanted everyone to know how brilliant he is. I wanted to hand him the airline phone and say "here ya go buddy. Say that again for the entire airport to hear your discovery. We all knew that when we were 15.". Ugh. Talk quieter people. The airport and plane rides are to relax. Duh.
Tricia - September 4th, 2012 at 7:39 PM
All that you said but hot tubs....and I do the pre-grated cheese thing. Snacks and drinks for after games - we should all bring a water bottle and our own darn snacks if our kids really need it!
Amy - September 4th, 2012 at 7:41 PM
I also hate hot tubs. My husband also loves them. For me though, it's more of a I've-just-taken-a-20-minute-bath-but-now-I'm-covered-in-chlorine-so-I-have-to-take-a-shower problem.

LRC - September 4th, 2012 at 7:43 PM
Oh my. I am sitting at my computer bracing for a long night of heavy brain stuff, both spiritual AND my-kid-is-back-in-school stuff, and the TRIVIAL side of me is begging me to watch a mind-numbing movie. So seeing your post tonight was perfect.
Not a fan? Topping my list would be: when a single wispy hair is trapped somewhere in the front of my shirt dangling over my cleavage and feeling like a spider, and there is NO appropriate place to shove my hand down there and get some relief! This always happens at the worst times, and it is impossible to ignore. How does it feel so much like a spider???
Megan - May 26th, 2014 at 6:05 PM
It's worse when it is actually a spider.
Jo - September 4th, 2012 at 8:21 PM
I have seven beautiful children, three of which are adopted from China. I HATE it when people ask me ( in front of the little girls, of course) "Which ones are yours?" I always reply, "All of them" because they all are. Unfortunately, MANY people go on to ask the rediculous follow up...."No, I mean which ones are REALLY yours??" ALL OF THEM!!!!!
Very bad question to ask an adoptive mom!
Debbie - September 4th, 2012 at 8:34 PM
Not a fan of wal-martians. You know the weird people at wal-mart...In line the other day behind a guy (thankfully couponless) who had a dead snake on his hat and a six shooter on his hip. We are in the south and it is legal to go to walmart with a gun by the way. He leaves and gets into a hairy truck covered in dead animals such as boars, bears and who knows what else. Def not a fan!! If you look up people of walmart I'm sure you would find this guy. At least he was dressed.
Amy - September 4th, 2012 at 9:27 PM
ALL. OF. IT!!! & I just signed a homework folder after tracking down the 5 sheets of paper scattered throughout the house!
Melissa - September 4th, 2012 at 10:03 PM
I'm not a fan of the moment when you're reading the most hilarious blog post and you start crying so hard that your mascara is blinding you to the point that you have to feel your way from the couch to the bathroom to heal thyself. Darn you Cover Girl. You can't hang with the "not a fan" post.
Deanne - September 4th, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Uh yeah we have four kids......18, 15, 8, and 2. The 8 year olds birthday was May 8th. All the cups, plates, and napkins with the cute army theme are purchased and have been in the cabinet for months. We are still planning the backyard army party.
Carissa - September 4th, 2012 at 10:57 PM
People who leave their sick kids in church nursery....seriously, stay at home. Because that's where I'll be with my own sick kid if you don't. Only my kid gets sick and stays sick for weeks (due to a medical condition). Nasty green boogery noses don't pop up in the 2 hours you are at church.

The neighbor kid who won't quit. I am home alone with 4 kids (hubby is in the military and has been gone for 2 months, and we're only half way done...) and you send your kid to my house to play? I do enjoy her company, but not every. single. day.

The cars who see the lane is closed at 1000 ft (because there is a dang sign posted that says so) and decide to go to the 999 ft mark in that lane to try to bypass traffic and then wants to be let in. HECK NO!! I will not let you in! Go back to kindergarten and learn to take turns!

Andrea - September 4th, 2012 at 11:23 PM
When you make a doctors appointment and then they call you two days before and say "please call us back to confirm the appointment." Ugh! When I scheduled it, that was me saying I would be there!
Bev - September 5th, 2012 at 12:10 AM
I've actually switched dentists because of this. I had no problem with the reminder call, but you need me to call you back to confirm that I got the reminder? No thanks.
Bethany - September 11th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
How the dentist office calls me on Wednesday to confirm my Friday appointment, and then how I say, YES I will be there, please don't call me back tomorrow too. But they do call me back on Thursday to confirm my Friday appointment AGAIN (because obviously people who schedule dental appointments are all imbeciles), only this time they mumble a totally different time on my answering machine and then act surprised when I call... It's been scheduled for a month people!

September Wse - September 5th, 2012 at 12:04 AM
1) Irresponsible people who fail to buckle their small children in car seats. Yes, I know... When I was a kid I sat in my Dad's lap and "helped him drive." That was then... Now we have these great little contraptions called car seats that keep little people from being projectile objects in the event of a sudden stop or accident. I have - and absolutely would do it again - call 911 to report your ignorance, along with your license plate and car description.

2) Stacked dishes in the sink or counter when the dishwasher is completely empty. Hello... Just open the door and you will see plenty or room for your dirty items.
Mary - September 5th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Not a fan of people driving slow in the left lane. THAT'S THE FAST LANE PEOPLE. Oh and when 18-wheelers try to pass in the left lane and a long line of cars form behind him as he takes approximately 15 minutes to get 2 feet in front of another 18-wheeler? Just what is he trying to accomplish there? Yeah... not a fan.

I also totally agree with you about the airplane talking thing. I know I should view every plane ride as an opportunity to get deep with whoever's sitting next to me, but I hate traveling so much that all's I really want to do is nap without my mouth hanging open and drool coming out. First world probz, people.
Susan - September 5th, 2012 at 10:00 AM
Not a fan of gas stations who let their receipt tape at the pump run out and don't replace it. When I choose "pay at the pump" and "Yes, I would like a receipt", it's a real bummer to have a screen pop up that says, "please pick up your receipt inside". After a day of really nothing going my way...yes, I realize that sounded totally selfish, but I'm talking pms and automated phone calls that ended with a dead line, I gave the gas station gal too much attitude and then had to be pinched by the Holy Spirit to repent. If there just would have been receipt paper at the pump! ;)
Sharon Fuller - September 5th, 2012 at 2:23 PM
I can't stand holding conversations in the ladies room. Don't talk to me, just pretend there is no one else there. Do your business and then WASH YOUR HANDS and leave. (Speaking of that: Have you ever been in the bathroom and hear someone flush and then leave before you get out but they didn't wash their hands? Then, you are all paranoid because that means that there is someone out there at church who doesn't wash their hands after they go to the bathroom. ICK!)
Name - September 5th, 2012 at 3:40 PM
I think I just wet my pants laughing...and that I need you to be my new best friend. Currently reading 7...and completely obsessed with the entire notion, and your authentic self-deprication is pure delight. KP in ATL
Simone @Greatfun4kids - September 5th, 2012 at 5:22 PM
Oh hilarious. Jen Hatmaker how have I not heard of you yet? I am going to go kiss the blogger who just recommended you to me. I've added you to my favourites reads bloglist. Straight to the elite group for you. Now I know you are way too busy to reply to this comments, seeing as it's your 243rd on this post, but i just had to tell you that you just gained your newest fan from Auckland New Zealand. Best thing I've read in WEEKS. Maybe months. Maybe Years. I love you already. You are my kind of mama/Christian/writer. Flippin hilarious and oh-so-real.
xx

(PS This in spite of the fact that I LOVE kids parties - but I only have THREE kids and I managed to space them out, quite by accident, at even four month intervals throughout the year - but I hear ya on the sushi party, I do!)

Jeanne - September 5th, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Just had to add my two cents - totally a first world problem, but 3 course bedtime snacks are the death of me! And I heartily agree with the party favors rant!
Joy - September 5th, 2012 at 9:09 PM
Does it bother anyone that people put pictures of the kids in the space that is supposed to be their own profile picture?
Becca - September 8th, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Yes!!!!!! I want to know who YOU are, not your kid. Along those lines... People who send a Christmas card with picture of just their pet.
Amber - September 5th, 2012 at 9:38 PM
I feel the same way about party favors (even when my kids get them - like we need more candy and plastic junk!). I'm also not a fan of the junk toys that come in kid's meals. I spend twenty minutes at McD's just trying to get Sponge Bob to work and all he does is bend. My 5 year old is like, "That's it? That's all he does?" Seriously, why can't all fast food restaurants tap into just a little bit of Chick-Fil-A's awesomeness and just let us trade the dang toy for some ice cream! Anyway, thanks, Jen for your your blogs, books etc. You help keep this stay-at-home-mom of 4 (and preacher's wife, like you - double whammy!) sane! :-)
angie - September 5th, 2012 at 9:49 PM
I hate the signing the folders! Everyone is in bed, but I just left myself a post-it on the table to sign my son's folder. I don't want him to get his card flipped b/c of ME.

Just starting reading 7 tonight. So excited.
Kristen - September 5th, 2012 at 9:55 PM
When I don't have an offering to put in the offering plate at church and I'm the ONLY one in the pew, and obviously not looking at the usher on purpose, and he still sticks it in my face, in front of everyone, and I have to do something awkward like say "I'm all set"...or "no thank you" or just wave my hand.... uggggghhhhh... If I don't stick my hand out, don't pass the plate!!


caroline - September 5th, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Ahem.
1) When people say something is "broke" - "Ah man, my car is broke." NO IT IS NOT. Your car is brokeN. It is honestly just one more letter in order for you to actually be grammatically correct. Seriously. One letter. Tha isn tha har.
2) While I am on grammar (I was raised by an English teacher, don't blame me) - for the love of Pete, people, when you pay an astronomical amount for your picture to be taken in coordinating-yet-trying-to-not-look-like-it outfits, by a photographer and then placed elegantly on a Christmas card - and then you say "Merry Christmas from The Smith's" it KILLS me. The Smith's what? The Smith's house? Car? Yule Log? Please stop using the stinking apostrophe whenever you dang well feel like it. (Deep breaths. Deep breaths.)
3) Children NOT opening their birthday presents at their party. Really? What is this about? No time? Then don't have twelve games to play! Is it because you know your kid will scream out "I don't like this!" or "That's all I get?" or "I already have three of those!" - well, then teach them manners. My poor five-year-old spent time picking this gift out, is so excited to give it to his friend, and he's robbed by not getting to see the look on his buddy's face when he opens it. Shame, shame, shame.
4) Any salad that is not green and leafy. i.e. Jello salad, fruit salad, tuna salad (just threw up in my mouth), chicken salad (again.) or anything else. Salad is green and leafy. Period. Respect the salad, people.
5) People who post 14 times a day on facebook. Really? Read a book.
6) Teacher appreciation week - Oh. My. Lord. On. High...This has gotten completely out of hand. (and I am a former teacher!) Monday - bring their favorite snack Tuesday - a flower Wednesday - A special note Thursday - their favorite drink Friday - gift card SERIOUSLY!?! If I received 24 plates of peanut butter cookies, Diet Cokes, flowers and stuff in one week, they sure wouldn't be my favorite anymore. Why can't we spread the love all year long, friends? Someone (not me!) make a spreadsheet! Please?
7) Shaving my legs, reaching my hand into gross sink water, chunky yogurt, and feeling like I have to have polished toes. My toe nails are nubs, leave me alone. I could paint the skin, but really, why? Love me anyway, just don't look at my feet.
Ahhhh, I feel better. Thanks, Hat! Oh and we can't wait to see you at FBC Euless in a few weeks. Fun will be had by all.
Hey, maybe I'll buy you Chick-Fil-A...we could go take it to those in need...? Ya, that was me. :) Love, love :)
Bethany - September 11th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
3) THANK YOU! My five year old loves your kid so much, and they are one of their favorite people ever, and I SEWED them a rag doll with my brand new sewing skills, and your daughter doesn't even open it!... Or we talked for ten minutes on the toy aisle about how this present is not for us, but for our friend, let's pick something out that they will really enjoy...How do I teach my kids the JOY of giving if we don't get to see the joy!?! Ah...
Debbie - September 6th, 2012 at 3:21 AM
Newbie fan. First time commenter.

thank you. the multitudes of paperwork that comes home in homework folders everyday is riDONculous! and the hubs who rarely has to help with homework just doesn't get it. seriously. i practiced signing my name before we got married, but that was PRACTICE... sheesh. Thanks for bringing this travesty to light, Jen.
annie - September 6th, 2012 at 10:02 AM
I agree with you on the talking while flying thing! Planes are my relaxation time. I read, I listen to music, or I watch the movies offered while in-flight. I don't want to talk!
Kimberly - September 6th, 2012 at 1:09 PM
I'd like to make an impact in the world by helping people include the requisit space in the the words, "a lot." I am NOT A FAN of when people try to explain to me that it is only one word, and I cannot convince them otherwise. "A lot" is TWO WORDS people!! Tell your kids!
Valerie - September 6th, 2012 at 1:47 PM
Loved it, Jen! And the few dozen comments I read -- hilarious! I am only a pseudo-ingredient snob, but I definitely say other things (innocently, of course) that make people *kind of wish I was dead* so I had to quote you in my most recent post. If in your next "not a fan" post, you say "people quoting me in their blogs," I'll know you don't mean me -- ha ha.

P.S. Loved Interrupted. Page-turner! I couldn't wait to finish, and yet the end still came too quickly. Thank you! Now I'm unraveling the mystery of the "so what?" in my life.
Cortney Schwalbe - September 6th, 2012 at 9:24 PM
not a fan of:
1) 13.7-month Navy deployments. the army dialed them down to like 6-9. come on Navy...you suck. that was too serious...somet things that are true world probs:

2) physically carrying my 2-yr-old out of places because "the party never ends" for her. i'm THAT mom. i'm so over it. but she is otherwise pretty cute 14 minutes of the day.

3) fruit flies swarming my organic fruit. that stuff is expensive, dudes. but i know a trick. i can leave a little wine in the bottle and you swarm to it. i cork it and it's fruit fly heaven. sayonara suckers.

4) kalamata olives with the pit still in. i used to live in Greece. i know the art of not pitting them. but i'm a sometimes tired mama to kids under 2 and i cut corners. not proud.

5) driving and texting. after witnessing this, i have been known to follow a teenager home and ask them if they value their life and mine. i can do this because i'm now in my mid-to-late 30s and they call me ma'am. i hate that but this is my revenge. i wish i was kidding. i'm not afraid to do it to the lady 20 years older than me, either. seriously.also too serious. i give up.

your book 7 is changing our life. love it! thanks for having the courage to do it AND write it. i'm reading it with bloom right now. i'm so glad i was intro'ed to you on your blog post in the basement. amazing.

Kell - September 7th, 2012 at 12:21 PM
I already commented but thought of another one today. My name is Kell and I'm not a fan of pretend. In fact I hate it. When the 4 year old brings me an armful of baby dolls that need to talk to one another, and sleep, and eat, and walk I start to twitch a little bit. "Play with me" gets me every time but I have perfected the art of nodding and mumbling. Okay, maybe I haven't perfected it but I'm trying. I hate pretend. This probably makes me a bad mother because I know imagination is SO important... can't she have an imaginary friend to play with?
Mecca - September 7th, 2012 at 3:32 PM
Just found your blog... also a mom of five... could not agree more. Maybe we could start an anti-party favor revolution. When my kids go to a party and get a bag full of candy, I truly want to decline it (not because I don't let them have candy, but there is never anything in there I like and they marginally like it, so it ends up chewed up and spit out on my mini-van floor.)
Mrs. Frito - September 10th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
Not. A. Fan. ... of pants with words across the rear. It doesn't matter your age or your pant size ... It. Is. Gross!! I don't want to be forced into staring at your rear end and left wondering why in the world you would choose to have the word "Juicy" plastered on it! (appears that you're stating a horrible medical condition!)
I suppose I am not a fan of the words across the butt of pants partly because I know, without a doubt, that if I attempted to wear a pair of shorts with the words, "Too Hot" on the rear ... the second "O" and the "H" would bunch together so that all that could be seen would read "TOOT" ... Clearly NOT attractive on even the most beautiful of people!!!
You're laughing now, but just wait ... the next time you find yourself in line behind someone with words across the rear of their pants & you are physically unable to look away (it's like a bad car wreck ... you can not stop staring) ... you will puke in your mouth a little!
Name - September 10th, 2012 at 11:29 AM
... or the pants from Victoria's Secret that have "PINK" emblazoned across the rear. Seeing these forces me to think of the monkeys at the zoo with their swollen, pink hineys ... NASTY!!! Just. Nasty.
Kristin - September 11th, 2012 at 1:21 AM
OK. You know what I'm not a fan of??? Actors talking with their "mouths full." Of course we know that they are fake eating, right? OK then.... So. They try to CONVINCE us that they ARE actually eating by talking with a FAKE full mouth.
Every movie - every TV show - they do this. Rich people, poor people..... As if this is something that occurs on a regular basis - world wide.
We don't talk with our mouths full. THEY don't talk with their mouths full.
They FAKE do it - so we think they are actually eating.
IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!!
Can you tell I'm annoyed?
Yes.... been a rough day here..... ALL THREE TEACHERS had a long list of stuff my kids pulled today.... I sat crying at the tiny table, in the tiny chair, of the preschool room talking to my son's teacher, in her cast.... her cast. The cast that she is wearing because she tripped over my son..... as she was chasing him..... and broke her foot.
Awesome.
joyofconception.blogspot.com
Joy - September 11th, 2012 at 3:42 PM
I think...there's a chance...we were separated at birth, Jen!
Christie - September 11th, 2012 at 4:28 PM
Checkout magazine headlines...not a fan.

WHY are people still ga-ga over Jenifer Aniston? She hasn't done anything since "Friends," which is soooo 90s.
Who the heck is Snooki and WHY do I want to meet her baby?
Kardashians. Ugh. Need I say more?
And the one with Beyonce, titled "The World's Hottest Mom." Just what us average, not-so-hot moms need to see as we are standing in the checkout line at Walmart, wearing the t-shirt we slept in and a pair of sweats, hair in falling-down ponytail, no make-up, and a basket with $200 worth of survival groceries (frozen, processed, salt-and-sugar saturated foods to appease the 6 constantly hungry children who roam my kitchen every 2 hours of the day).
And forget about trying to navigate these magazine-lined aisles with any one of my four boys. It almost makes me appreciate the strategically-placed toys and candy on the other side of the lane, so I can distract their eyes from the eye candy to the real candy.
Definitely not a fan.
Crissy - September 12th, 2012 at 4:46 AM
You are hilarious! I love reading the books/blogs you write, it's almost as it you are living in my head. I live in the same city as you and although I doubt I would ever bump into you, I am afraid that if I do, I would I start to uncontrollably start acting "cool" so you would let me sit at yOur lunch table. ;-) ok so now that we I know I secretly wish I was in your "council" (yes I read 7, TWICE while we built a new house... Talk about perfect timing) would you share the answer to an random question ....

Who took your family pics for this website? We need a photographer to come out and snap some pics of our family, especially since God surprised us with a baby girl after to rowdy boys :-).

Thanks for sharing!
Allison - September 12th, 2012 at 10:12 PM
I feel like you just gave me permission to never give my children "that kind of birthday party" again. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :)
Stephanie - September 13th, 2012 at 7:31 PM
1. Cashiers who are completely befuddled when I hand over green faces of paper with Presidential portraits to pay for my items. Even worse - sometimes I need OTHER green pieces of paper BACK from them. Yes, I hitched my horse out front and need to get back to my butter churnin'. 2. Magazines that promise me I can get organized, lose weight, and add five more years (good ones) onto my life EVERY MONTH. Clearly, it's their fault that I buy them, not mine.

I'm not a Mom but I will add one teensy benefit to the school-signing thing. My niece's teachers never had to ask about her homelife - when Mommy and Daddy were signing her folder, things were fine. When it was Daddy one night and me another night and Grandma and then who knows who, it was clear to them that her little world had been rocked again in a bad way.
Jessie - September 13th, 2012 at 10:39 PM
Metal testicles hanging off rear bumpers...hate them. I mean..really?!
Tammie - September 14th, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Apples. The crunching makes-me-want-to-die. Please, I beg of you don't eat one next to me. I do NOT want to hear it crunch and you slurp and see the juice on your chin.

people who sit by you and sniff . . .sniff . . .sniff. . .

School supply lists. They make me want to start a lobbying group. Its becoming like a gift registry for teachers. They sometimes are two pages. Really? I find it curious that they bother me like they do given the fact that I homeschool and have never had to buy from a school supply list. But I am nothing if not loyal and am outraged on behalf of all my much saner regular school mom friends sweating over their nit picky overly long school supply lists. "Markers, Crayola only! No Rose Art!" (. . .the nerve of a mom trying to sneak by with crappy Rose art for a classroom!)"
Jo - September 16th, 2012 at 5:23 PM
I prefer the bagged, pre-shredded cheese when it comes to eating anywhere but home. All I can think about is finding the corner of a thumb nail...possibly with the corner of the thumb attached to it in my food!!! Ugh

Also, facebook prayer request responses. A serious request, with 59 folks leaving the comment; "Praying". Every single time I see that, I ask myself: "Are they really praying?"
Pauline Hylton - September 16th, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Okay, Jen. Your blog made me laugh out loud--several times. Thanks for that. I'm not a blog follower, although I am a blogger, so I'll add you to some list that I don't know how to make and my younger techno-savvy friend will show me. (She's the one of sent me here.)

Also, my kids are grown and I have a new bone to pick. Party favors for weddings. Yeah, that's right. I spend enough money to go to Europe a few times and then I HAVE TO GIVE A GIFT TO SOMEONE WHO COMES TO MY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING! (BTW, I think there was a young man involved.)

Anyway. Thanks for making my evening. Bless you.


Nadine - September 17th, 2012 at 12:19 AM
Most of my "not a fan of" situations are work related.

I'm NOT a fan of idle chit-chat in the washroom. I don't need to chat with you whilst having a "private" moment in the toilet. Thank you! This especially applies to work.

Eating... not a fan. chewing with mouth open... really not a fan. eating chips at desk while chewing with mouth open... I may or may not turn into the Hulk, just sayin. It irritates me to no end! I have to put in my ear buds and crank up the tunes in order to drown out the noise.

Typing loudly on keyboard.... not a fan. Are you trying to rub it in that you are working and I'm sitting over here clearly not working hard enough because my finger tips are not bleeding from the pressure they are having to endure from pounding the life out of them on a keyboard. Geez!!
claudia - September 17th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
Going outside. I'm not a fan of that. Not a fan at all.
WICK - September 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
I realize I'm joining this party late, and almost didn't comment....but you said "awesome sauce". I have to give you a virtual high-five for that. I say it, and get made fun of (by midwesterners who mispronounce the word "Ornery" as "awnry", and call grilled cheese "cheese toasties"). Although I'll say - I always get stuck by the inward-focused-quiet-time people on airplanes....and it sucks. :)
karen hartman - September 17th, 2012 at 5:19 PM
MIss Jen- I'm new,. Let me solve all your problems, because that's much more fun than dealing with mine. Shred your cheese with the food processor and then make the kids clean it up. Buy a signature stamp and teach a semi responsible kid to stamp all the signature lines for you. When you get on a plane, chew a big old awful smelling wad of gum with your mouth open and be sure to introduce yourself real loudly to your neighbor. Instant invisibility. Big birthday party with company and favors only the first year you live with us and every 4th year after that. In just a few years, the big kids can be talked/manipulated into wanting to be party planners
Right now I'm hating socks. The worst part of the end of summer. 14 kids have 28 feet, and my exotic, sensory issue kids have to change socks a dozen times a day because they feel wrong. Ick. Thanks for letting me play, too. K
Sara - September 17th, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Girl this is so hilarious and fabulous I can't even start... I loved you before I read it, but after reading it I would throw myself in front of a moving train for you! Finally I get a Sister in the Beth Moore George Carlin offspring! WHEW!
Colleen - September 18th, 2012 at 4:26 PM
You made me snort this afternoon. And I'm really tired teetering on really grumpy and a missionary living in Costa Rica so you really saved the day on that one. Not a fan of peanut butter knives. How can it be so lovely when you scoop it out of the car and so gross in the sink 5 minutes later? Thank the Lord we only find peanut butter here like once every 4 months. Not a fan...of the school bell at the school in our town which is an emergency siren. And since elementary school is in the morning and high school in the evening, it rings like 25, 000 (or 6) times a day, leaving me to recover from the heart attack the impending that was really just the end of recess caused.
Allison - September 18th, 2012 at 6:15 PM
Jenn...I ditto pretty much your entire list. I am also NOT a fan of the patient who comes into the colonoscopy clinic where I work and complains to me about them having to be there. Did I invite you? NO. Do I care if you have your colon screened so you don't die from cancer? Well, if you're going to be so nice about it, then NO not really. Go home. Don't whine to me! It's not my fault!!
Kristin - September 20th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
I love this whole post! I LOATHE party favors. I don't like giving them and I don't like when my kids get them. A bag full of candy and a noise maker and cardboard and/or plastic toys that my kids will play with for all of one second? I feel like I'm taking their money and throwing it in the trash. I don't remember ever once not throwing away a party favor bag (favors and all) in the trash as soon as we got home.
I kinda love the folder thing though. Of course I only have two kids and they both only have one Folder each to sign every Thursday. In fact, I kind of look forward to Thursday afternoons. I'm a freak.

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