Amen and amen! Thank you for calling us to the edges. You inspire me with each post to be a bridge builder (and remind me that I am not alone!!).

Ditto what Sarah said... just. amen.

Yes Sarah. Heart racing- running right beside you Jen. Can not wait to see what will become of our angsty tribe.

Plus One

Love, G

Wow finally someone who has so eloquently spoken what I have been feeling for the last 5 years. I simply called it "playing church". Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Yes, indeed. Thanks for articulating what my heart longs to say. Thanks for putting into words why I KNOW my son has decided "religion" is not for him. My prayer is that he will be brought back to Jesus, not religion.

Add me here, too, friends.

that was my LOVE LOVE TOO! that is soo hard !!!!

Amen....I am with you too!!

This is so amazing. I pray it blesses your relationship with your son and his relationship with Christ.

Kim - your post and your actions are courageous. Praying for your family. The best thing we can do as parents is leave a spiritual legacy in our children greater than our own.
You are getting it right!!
In Him - Tracy

Yes, love this spirit Kim! Give it away to your son. He will welcome your maturity in Christ for sure! blessings!

My husband is a student pastor & we just moved out of the "Bible Belt" to Missouri [partly] because we wanted to be in a place where "church" wasn't so cookie-cutter and rigid. Hang in there, there are others around you who are with you, and when you find them and join together, what a difference you'll make :)

Yes, I echo this!!!

Me too Melissa! Jesus loves the cloth diaper. :)

So the purpose of Jesus is empowerment and worth? Those might be byproducts. Is salvation in there? Jesus the life affirming buddy?

I have to say if you love Jesus and your voting straight ticket democrat you might be voting for pro-choice, those 2 do not go hand in hand.

I'm in Virginia, too! Can I come to the coffee party with you, Rachel? Jen, even though you write as though we are the same person, we're clearly not because I have this strong desire to be you when I grow up. Everything you write, my heart cries, "YES!" Please keep writing.

I second what Kelcie said as I agree 100%

Love Mercy House and what you're doing, Kristen!!!!

Seems safe to say here that living the life Jesus lived IS worship of Him. That is the highest form of praise and honor and giving worth to a life that was I given for us.

Me, too! Being the product of such a church took me far, far from God for many years. The man I married over 16 years ago led me back, and we are leading a home Bible study in the buckle of the Bible Belt! It is encouraging to read your reflection of our hearts! Let's keep The Main Thing as The Main Thing. I read somewhere, it is up to God to judge and up to the Holy Spirit to convict. It is our job to love one another as Jesus loves us.

As a "none" who left the church it was for the exact opposite reason you suggest. I didn't leave because I was self centered. I left because the "traditional church" was cultivating self centeredness in us - OR - the current attenders of that church were demanding that the church cater to our/their every want and "need." It was about the style of worship we liked, the right kind of teaching, cool lights and awesome graphics, the right kind of book studies, and ladies retreats... and cafes and coffee stands. Bookstores. Campuses... etc.

I don't think her tone is condescending. I think she is speaking to many of us who have thrown our arms up in distress about how to be a part of the church in a way that feels authentic to the gospels and the examples we have of the way Jesus lived.

I have to agree here to an extent. The Jesus that so many are fleeing from is the one who is showing us our sin and calling us toward repentance. As sinners, all people are fleeing God, we are running from him. A gospel of "morality" is no more saving than a gospel of "social justice." Jesus advocated neither. He advocated himself.
He is the way, truth and life and no one comes to the Father except through Him. The one true Gospel is Jesus death on the cross for our wretched sin, and His MERCIFUL, saving grace that was freely given to my wicked self. No other gospel saves. People are running from the church, yes, but it is just as likely that they are running from acknowledging their own sin and need for a savior, as it is that they are running from morality culture and tradition. The church is encapsulated in sin and populated by sinners. Many of them don't even know the true gospel for running in circles trying to please God with their own version of "righteousness." Whether left or right or somewhere in between, we should be concerned about the GOSPEL that saves. The social justice gospel is just another version or morality and legalism, but it just sounds better. If you want to shun morality and legalism in the church--DO IT! But do it on all sides, don't just invent another merry go round to get on! My head is spinning trying to keep up. JESUS is all that matters. HE came to call sinners, of which we are all qualifying, and he calls us to REPENTANCE and RIGHTEOUSNESS that can only be attainted through Him. Sure we can rethink some things and ask hard questions and not be the status quo, etc, etc, but not at the expense of the true Gospel of Grace!

Or, perhaps those "nones" are tired of the special brand of self-centered Christianity that the traditional church has all to itself, with its righteous indignation towards anyone who has a beer or might have slept with their spouse before marriage or does not have the right skin color or drive the right kind of car into the parking lot? There is plenty of western culture in the traditional church, as well as its current "nemesis", often called contemporary church.
As a pastor who is trying to help revive an older, once-dying congregation, I can say that I have witnessed what a lot of believers of all ages are longing to find. And it's not Western, self-centered culture, because they've already seen plenty of that. It's a genuine search for Christ and what Christ wants us to do. And the traditional church isn't challenging them to it.
As far as the "condescending" tone, I simply disagree. She didn't refuse to go and speak at the church, they turned her away. I believe that the tone is more kind and conciliatory than perhaps I would be.

Keith, Thank you for making this NOT a pro-hatmaker echo chamber. Jenn, I feel your anger at growing up in such a legalistic, non-Christian environment. (no sarcasm.) I totally agree that evangelicals lost generations of youth because we would not change our music style, one of many shallow issues we clung to, and not exactly a salvation requisite. However, I did not grow up in the nasty, superficial culture you describe. I also find it regrettable that you have "open arms" for the liberal democrat, and nothing but disdain for the Christian conservatives (those evil people who vote for pro-life candidates, and pro-traditional marriage laws; things like that.) Yes, embrace the misguided with open arms, no matter their politics. However, our nation is already paying a very high price for the Church's lack of involvement in politics and government and social justice. I guess churches I was in went to the other extreme - political neutrality - hardly a mention of voting for righteous candidates and principles. Political neutrality. Really? In a nation that God gave us - yes, He actually did - as a means to spread the gospel, i.e. advance the Kingdom in the last days. The USA is not ancient Rome, or the middle east of Jesus' day; it was founded on biblical principles. No, the government will not save us or feed the poor, (although our govt will go bankrupt trying.) But the only way to have the "righteous" in authority, is to support them and vote them in. ["When the [uncompromisingly] righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; but when the wicked man rules, the people groan and sigh." Prov 29:2]
Jenn, you have great influence, but you seem to enjoy using it to encourage young believers away from political involvement. We are supposed to impact the culture, not abandon it. ...Just my reaction to your article. Be blessed, and go in peace.

Christina, I can relate to what you are saying. I saw Jen speak in Oostburg WI last month. Life changing experience for me... and a confirmation of my heart's song. But I believe at this point, God is asking me to remain at my entrenched place too... if for nothing less than to be a thorn that questions, that asks the hard questions, and makes people think a little more about exactly who or what they are following. Praying that the fog never descends upon me again and that holy spirit continues to guide and gird my heart.

This is where we call home. http://www.cityofgrace.com/ :)

Try gateway church in scottsdale.

Yes, I wonder the same thing. That's the one main thing that I appreciate about "traditional" church setting, is there voice for the unborn. And contrary to much belief, it's not always harsh to the woman struggling. Please don't leave out the precious unborn for the sake of everything else. I completely agree with your blog post otherwise.

thank you for pointing this out - about meeting with a brother and talking it through vs the public manifestos... great point

I felt the same way, not sure why it seems that lines are being drawn.

I think American Christianity as a whole perpetuates this "me and Jesus" mentality where our personal "salvation" story is the main point. My guess is that Jen gets the passage about the sheep and the goats. Many will think they are saved, when they did nothing for the least of these. This is a scary thought, and I applaud Jen for taking a stand! Not only for the salvation of the haves, but for the salvation of the have nots.

I'm not sure why lines are being drawn either. I'm a foster mama attending a conservative church. I'm not sure why I need to pick a tribe of Christians to belong to. I like Jen's challenges but I'm not choosing sides- I appreciate my spiritual heritage and being surprised my so-called "safe" brethren AND I want to live life with the right priorities like Jesus did.

Jamie, you've obviously been blessed to have come up in Christian churches and organizations who have done this. Jen describes a commonality among many legalistic evangelical churches. Your churches got it right. Ours, unfortunately, didn't. And as you can see by the comments, many others are reading this blog who had the same experience Jen describes.

To whomever said above "I hear your anger...." I didn't sense any anger in anything Jen wrote. She's singing my song. I am 55 years old, and my faith in God has never waivered from the time I accespted Christ at the age of 6. But my faith in the church has. Jen has written the lyrics to the song of my life. I went through a period of anger until I learned that what frustrated me about the churches I had attended was what Jen so clearly defines here. Then there was no longer a reason to be anger.

There's a place for those churches: they're for those believers who call them home, God is moving there just as he is everywhere. But I want more. I don't fit in there. Not because I'm looking for a watered down version of my faith but because God has challenged me to get dirty in my faith. And the churches I was in weren't interested in engaging in that kind of ministry.

My pastor now is 27. Our church is made up of mostly 20somethings. They are hungry for the word. They long to know Christ more. Today a man stood up in our service and shared how he just finished trucking school - which our body paid for (I didn't ask him if he is "really" one of the least of these...is there a test that determines that?), and he's going to Arizona this week to pick up his truck and start his new job. When he first walked through the doors of our church two years ago, he was homeless. He told our pastor he wanted to pay the church back, and he was refused. It was a gift. Unearned. Maybe even undeserved. Hmmmm...sounds a little familiar.

I echo your thoughts, Kathleen.

I happen to agree. If I'm brutally honest, all this article says to me is, man I wish I had the platform to do something significant for the cause of Christ - and no intention to find the causes all around me. If your discontent then learn to proactively be a light in your church...if you feel 'called' to reach a particular type of people that you aren't currently reaching...then don't point your finger...go do it.

I agree with you as well Kathleen. While it is ok to have an opinion I don't think that basically slamming this church (that's how the blog comes across) for uninviting you to speak was very gracious. Division amongst Chritians is one of the enemies greatest tactics and I fear that rants and articles such as this one give him a foothold he doesn't need. Conservative church, modern church, Orthodox Church, home church.....as long as Jesus Christ and the Gospel is at the heart of it and the Bible is being soundly taught then why are we fighting about the little details. One wise bible study teacher has been quoted to say "Differences will always exist, but division doesn't have to be the result". This article seems like it divides the 80% and the 20% as one being better than the other. We are all in need of Gods grace and we all need to be working towards unity in the body, whether you have a glass of wine or not and whether you go to church in sweats or in a three piece suit.

Kathleen, thank you so much for posting. I was digging thru these comments trying to find someone who might not think this post was awesome. In Acts,
We are called to church. We are all just doing the best we can. I enjoy reading Jen's posts, but it seems to me you are as ok with the church's uninvitation as you are letting on. Otherwise, you would have gracefully accepted and walked away. Instead, it seems you have written a post that has caused disention. Can't we just all love Jesus and get along? Why does your way have to be better than my way? We are all just fumbling our way through this Christianity thing the best we can.

I can't see agreeing to what Jen has said with that kind of A-men as being a positive light on the way people who love Jesus from either side of this conversation should talk.

I can only speak for THIS particular 30 something but I didn't leave because I had better things to do. I left because after a lifetime of going to church I started to question it's effectiveness. It didn't seem to look at all like the life Jesus modeled or the instructions He left for us. And then, while wrestling with these feelings week after week, bitterness took root and I just felt repulsed by the megachurch "big show" that I sat in for 47 minutes per week.

So I left for 3 years.

And then God used Jen's writings and the things she said to give me a place to process what I was feeling and helped me to articulate what I was really feeling. Ultimately, it was Isaiah 1 that I was able to use to define my feelings about church.

Since then, we found a beautiful church that is 100% about worshiping God, serving the marginalized and not about exalting itself or it's members.

It had nothing to do with T-ball. ;)

My church is full of folks in their 20s and 30s. This past Saturday we had a few hundred people come to an all-day Bible study on the book of John. All day. Saturday. We do it every month, and it is incredible. They could have been anywhere else, but they were there. Because our pastor sounds a lot like Jen. Passionate for the whole world, loving the hungry -- physically and spiritually.

Don't worry too much. God is looking out for us. The average age of our church is 26. These are young professional men and women who are living out their lives with mission, purpose, and passion to the glory of God. I would love to share some amazing stories we've seen through the last nine years of our church plant, but this isn't the space.

Eshet Chayil, Jen! Another great post. We may never meet on earth, but my people are working with the same heart walking the second mile in Tucson.

AMEN! It's not the church's job to keep 20 and 30-somethings coming to church. That's the Holy Spirit's job. The church just has to speak Truth and model Love.

A very thoughtful reply. Thank you.

Well stated Joanna ...my wife is taking this ministry to such an extreme that she is deciding to forfeit the value of our almost 23 year Christian marriage because she feels I'm one of the more "traditional church goers" and she is more to the liking of Jen's left church. My wife sent me this blog to share with me her recent feelings when I tried to share with her that indifference to our marriage and lost love that she is developing since reading Jen's books and blogs. My wife places more importance on this teaching and lifestyle than that of maintaining a healthy loving unconditional marriage. I have been a Christian for more than 40 years and have kept faithful all my life. I don't push my traditions on anyone; however, I do share my faith and the gospel of Jesus Christ to all walks of life. I firmly believe drinking is not for Christians; mostly because of the sin it causes and as pointed out, how much of a stumbling block it can be for believers and nonbelievers alike. I CHOOSE to abstain and have asked my wife the same prior to getting married. But I believe your words can be taken to loosely and you can give people misdirection. The LOVE of Christ IS ALL ENCOMPASSING, but we must be careful about our direction and live as examples. We are not perfect, we are forgiven...but don't lead a life that could cause others to sin. Jesus DID in fact associate with ALL walks of life, but he was GOD! And Jesus walked a life on earth blameless and without sin or guilt. We are creatures who walk in sinful nature and need correction- all the while living humbly and giving Jesus Christ the glory and credit.

After 9 years of marriage, 5 moves involving four different churches, five homes, three cities, three states, two countries, plus the addition four children, and the difficulty of a near-breakup, we moved to a new city and church, completely spent. I joined the moms' group at church, full of many wonderful women. After a year of inviting people for play dates and coffee and doing my best to make friends in this new place, and receiving nothing but declines every single time (except once!), never any reciprocation, and finding out that another new woman was going through the same thing, I finally decided to bring it to the group. I laid it out all the loneliness, the vacancy, the pain of having no family for over 1000 miles, having no friends, no one to put on my emergency contact lists for school, no one to call in a pinch, no one who even knew our kids' names in Sunday School. They nodded and looked sympathetic at my teary mess. Then they had a group prayer that God would bring people into my life. And that was it.

I was devastated.

And that's when God whispered to me, "See that? Don't ever do that. You put my love in action."

The solution isn't always to leave. It's to show the way, to be the change. I recently heard someone say they disagreed with their church, but they weren't going to leave, because as soon as they left, no one would have to face the ideas they represented. Amen, and Amen.

Brian, reasonableness has no place on the internet! Just kidding. I enjoyed your well thought out response.

Growing up in a conservative Christian family, alcohol was always discouraged and warned against. When I was old enough I decided to listen to many of my friends and stop being so legalistic about it. Unfortunately, I brought my new views into my marriage and convinced my husband that it's okay to drink every once in awhile (his upbringing was similar to mine and he was anti-alcohol). Needless to say, this one seemingly harmless choice led to a slippery slope and unimaginable pain in our marriage. We have worked through it and decided to abandon alcohol altogether. I am open minded enough to realize this choice is not for everyone. However, I am not okay with Christians trying to convince other Christians that they need to drink to be regarded by the world as approachable. How can we know who is predisposed to become an alcoholic? In general, I think there is still much wisdom to be gleaned from the older generation, and we write them off with our critical spirit. I agree with Brian that we need to turn our focus inward when those negative thoughts arise. Placing ourselves under the authority of our church leadership doesn't mean we will agree with everything said or done, but it seems that our generation is so much more tolerant of others on the internet than in the church pew in front of them. I think the church can change for the better, but we have to be committed to it. We can't all run away. That means we may have different convictions and ministries than others in our church, but diversity has always been a good thing! These are just my thoughts. Praying for unity among believers so that we can reach more for Christ!

And yet the beautiful Catholic church has fostered some of the most sacrificial servants of the poor in all time...Mother Teresa, Henri Nouwen, thousands of devoted monks and nuns. Your church has a long and strong lineage, and deep richness of faith can be found in the liturgy and ritual and tradition, if it is understood well. This is coming from a wannabe Catholic, can you tell? :)

I'm sorry that's been your experience of Catholicism. I taught theology at a Catholic high school for the past six years, and it was my honor to get to teach my students about our faith, helping guide them to a personal encounter with Jesus and to understand that Catholicism isn't just a bunch of rules. I taught Scripture and church history, so that my students could understand where all these teachings come from. I also have very high hopes for Pope Francis. I think that God is going to do some great things through him! I'm excited to see what's going to happen next.

I think you have a really good point. We all have to be careful that in trying to get rid of certain rules and definitions that we used to associate with Christianity, we don't just start a new list of rules and definitions to replace the old. "I'm not one of those legalistic, Republican, creationist Christian! I'm a free-thinking, Democrat, evolutionist Christian! See how it's better!!!" It's hard for all of us to not get sucked into labels, I think...it feels safer and easier to categorize things nice and tidy, no matter whether you lean left or right. Praise God Jesus was and Independent. Just kidding. :)

the irony of all of this is that this "new brand" of Christianity claims to be so open and non-judgmental when in fact they have just swung the pedulum a different way, they are STILL very judgmental and critical people......they're just judgmental of a new group now. Christianity will only change when Christians stop thinking we are better than other people (including each other), and become humble and accept God' grace which he has freely given to us all.

I too am tired of the "sanctimonious renegades." SOOOOO decisive-and that's not what the Lord wants form His BRIDE!!

My daughter accused me of this today, too. I think I'm just glad to find a kindred spirit.

Yep, a resurgent Puritanism is the real threat facing America%u2019s unchurched today. Sad that the left seems interested only in listening to an echo chamber, instead of challenging its own hypocrisy and ignorant stereotyping of what being a follower of Christ is about.

your, not you're... shoot I'm tired :)

Completely agree. She comes across as really patronizing and smug (self-righteous?)and still has the same "Let's go get 'em!" rah rah stuff the churches she dismisses do. Just walking up the different side of the same mountain. An emphasis on the social gospel (nothing new there, really) with no mention of the saving work of Christ; Jesus is a buddy who will listen to your deep,deep libertine problems. Eldest sons and prodigal sons both need saving. It's great that it's your calling (pats on head).

You've built up quite a following on your blog. I hope it's about the gospel and Jesus Christ crucified and not how awesome your approach is.

The message doesn't change, but the medium certainly does, has, is and will.

I understand this feeling. Consider discussing with a Christian counselor. It helps! Take the time to understand this and yourself. It's never too expensive to invest in YOU.

Jackie, I struggle with the same thing that you have experienced: trying to live the faith for my children, while not getting caught up in the "church thing". I find myself praying that my children (and others) see Christ in me daily. I don't want others to think better of me because I go to church every Sunday, or to consider myself better than others because I go to church. I am not saying that this is what you did or others do: it is what I try to do. Trusting Him to use me in His work has to be my focus, although I am easily distracted. I pray that what I am doing is right, and try to have open and honest discussions with my children about my thoughts and beliefs.

This is beautiful. Thank you for writing this. I'm so glad you posted.

Your comment hit me just as much as this post of Jen's. Lots to pray about. Thanks for commenting. I quoted you in my blog and hope that was ok. ;-)

Beautiful.

I agree with every single thing you said.

Yes, I'm old too! And feel exactly the same things!!! Looking for a safe place to ask those same questions.

@Heath - Scholars only debate whether Jesus changed wine into alcohol because they want to justify their personal convictions! It is very clear from the context (both scripturally and culturally) that it was alcoholic. Why else would the Pharisee's call him a drunkard and a glutton?

Deuteronomy 14:26 also makes it clear that God has no problem with "strong drink". He just expects His children to be mature enough not to abuse it. It amazes me that so many people condemn alcohol, yet abuse sugar, caffeine, and the cocoa bean. Should I give up chocolate because people abuse the Hershey's?

@Jen - excellent article!

If you're at all familiar with Jen, you'd know she and her husband are doing exactly this (per your last paragraph). I believe when she's referring to the church here, she's referring to the institutionalized business-like quality of the traditional western church. Not the "people of Jesus" you refer to here, who often times move outside the traditional constructs, confines and concrete walls of "the church." And since when did we worship the Church, the Bride, and not the Bridegroom, our Saviour?

I was thinking the same thing! What does drinking alcohol have to do with politics?? Sheesh.

Dear Jen,
We have never met personally and I came to read this by chance when someone posted it on facebook. My name is Ben Crout and I just wanted to tell you I find your stance encouraging. I am 26 and have not been attending any church now for a few years, not because I have lost my faith but I have overwhelmingly lost faith in most "church establishments%u201D. To be honest I'm not entirely sure when this happened. When I was a child I had seen multiple sex scandals within the churches I had gone to, and that coupled with a complete in-ability to really go outside the traditional Christian talking points and feel good sermons left me not only hungry to learn but disengaged with the only place I had been told to seek answers. Luckily my Mother is a strong woman of faith and has really encouraged me to learn and delve into the questions we do not understand or have any easy answers for, no matter where these questions take us, or how that makes us feel. I guess my point here is that I think if there were churches made up of Christians like you, that are unwilling to squabble over whether or not God wants you to be a Baptist or a Lutheran, whether Jesus would be a democrat or a republican, and actually focus on just being a CHRISTian that is a church I would probably attend. Please continue to take a stand for a principled but not pretentious church.
Sincerely,
Benjamin Crout

I just wanted to add, I'm not writing this from a viewpoint of a church leader or pastor's wife who is tired of being criticized. On the contrary, my husband and I haven't attended a regular church for 10-12 years. We meet with a small body of believers regularly in our homes. (this is just what we prefer and is encouraging to us, not saying it is the right way.)

Diana, in response to your comments, most people who say "I know how you feel" would not be able to really mean what they say. Even though they might have the best intentions in trying to comfort you, or help you with your confusion, they wouldn't really know or understand what it is like to be in your shoes. I, on the other hand, do. I am in your same boat. I know what a lonely voyage in a very unfamiliar vessel it can be. Like me, you probably never thought you would be on this particular journey. My daughter also has a strong Christian background and even served in ministry for some years. She loves Jesus, and she is living in a gay lifestyle. I know that Jesus loves her, as you also know He loves your daughter. It is also very clear that He continues to pursue her, care for her, provide for her, and comfort her. My daughter is also beautiful, both inside and outside. And like you daughter, she is also in a committed relationship.
As you related the reactions you got from your Sunday school friends, I felt your pain. While many people have truly been compassionate and kind, there have been a few who have been judgmental and hurtful. And yes, some have walked away, like you said. I think people (especially those within the Church) just don't want to deal with this issue. Christians often have chosen to disengage from the issue of homosexuality, even though this issue is one THE biggest of our time. This issue is everywhere - but we have wanted to bury our heads in the sand and hope and pray that it doesn't touch our lives personally. Most Churches have shied away from addressing this issue from the pulpit, in Sunday school classes, in youth groups, or in Bibles studies because we hoped if we just didn't talk about it, that it might not creep into our doors.
And if a church has chosen to tackle the issue of homosexuality, oftentimes the term abomination is thrown around in the discussion. It seems like we Christians have set this particular sin in a category all its own, and deemed it to be THE worst sin. (I may get some huge and negative criticism here, as I just put the terms homosexual and sin in the same sentence. It is not my purpose in this piece to debate that subject. I am a person whose whole Christian life has been based on the truth of Scripture. If I give up or compromise truth, I would be giving up everything I have believed in and based my whole life on. But, please keep reading before you label me as a hater, intolerant, or whatever else you might be thinking of me. I also, like Diana, have a daughter living in the gay lifestyle, and I STILL love her, pursue her, help her, and show her much grace - as she does me!)
Now, back to the issue that Diana raised about how the church deals with gays: Since in some people's minds, it is the worst of all evils, homosexuals can be portrayed as worse than lepers or adulterers - worse than drug addicts or dead beat Dads - worse than people in prison. There has been more mercy and grace shown to such as these, than to gays, in some church communities. There has been more tolerance, love, help, and outreach shown to such as these, than to people in the gay community. The church welcome mat has been extended to many a sinner, but gays often feel unwelcomed and unwanted. Why is that? I believe it is because of all the negative rhetoric and judgmental statements that have gone out from the church, in general, about homosexuality. It has been hard for us to live up to the motto - "love the sinner, hate the sin." (If you are looking for an exact verse that says just that in the Bible, it isn't there. But, the intent of that "motto" is very much there.) The church often does a good job in reaching out to people in the 80%, as Jen referred to, but with this particular group of people, the church has been lacking. We have a hard time looking past the behavior, to the heart and soul of the person. We let their sexual orientation determine how we look at them. And in fact, if that person we are looking at is a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, we should look at them through that lens. God does. When God looks at us sinners, if we have accepted His Son's gift of forgiveness and grace, He sees His Son's blood covering our sins.
Within the Christian community, there is disagreement about whether or not a person living in the gay lifestyle can be a Christian. Now things can really heat up fast, and can get ugly. (We could have another one of the "Ron Burgandy moments", as I read about before in the responses to Jen's blog. I sure hope no one calls me a BAD name!) I personally DO believe that a person can be a Christian and be gay - identified, because I have a daughter that I know was saved at an early age, who served the Lord in full-time ministry for a number of years, and who still loves Jesus. Some call her salvation into question, based on her actions and choices.
I do not believe it is up to any of us to judge another person's salvation. We should leave that up to God, and the person. He is THE ONLY one who knows their heart. Again, this issue is NOT the reason I am writing this piece, so I will move on. (When you get into this whole gay issue, there are so many twists and turns, points of possible disagreement and argument, places where the whole discussion can fall into a ditch and not move forward that no wonder we want to avoid it altogether!) But, some of us can't avoid it. We can't ignore it because it is affecting OUR family. As Christian parents of a gay child, our lives are greatly impacted by our child's lifestyle. While I guess that is true of every parent, it is particularly hard for parents like Diana and myself, and my husband. We feel the rejection our child feels. A Mother can't help it - even if it involves a grown child. We in turn feel rejected, judged and condemned if they feel those things. When people walk away from them, and when people walk away from us - it is painful. And when it is the very people who should be loving us - fellow believers - the pain really pierces the soul. Fortunately, our church family has been compassionate and supportive of my husband and I, thank goodness. I don't know if that can be said of Diana's church group. I hope they have loved on you, and been there for you.
But, then the question you raised in your writing comes up - where do gay believers go to Church? That is a REAL tough one. It sounds like your daughter and her partner do want to go to church, and probably to a church that teaches truth from the Bible, as you said she went to a Bible college. My daughter was raised in a conservative church, and also desires Biblical teaching. (Even though she embraces different interpretations as to what the Bible says about homosexuality, she still wants to grow in her knowledge and faith.) Some churches will welcome people who are struggling with sexual identity issues. (Notice the word - struggling). While they are struggling with their identity, most churches are willing to reach out to them, with the hope of helping them to possibly make different choices and to lead them toward repentance and toward living a holy life. At this stage, there is often love, grace, mercy, and acceptance.
But, it seems that when a person is no longer struggling with their sexual identity, and has fully committed to the gay lifestyle, there are very few places that would welcome them ... very few. There are very few places of worship where they would feel accepted as people and respected as people. Even if we don't agree with their way of living, they should always be shown respect as deserved by every person God created. We should show them respect and kindness, and extend the hand of friendship to them. But, finding such a loving community is hard to find for gay Christians. I know you desire that for your daughter and I do the same for mine. We know they need believers around them, as do we. I can only tell you to keep praying about it, and hopefully God will answer both of our prayers. Most, as you said, do walk away from church, because they do feel that rejection, judgment, and condemnation. Some people in church do fear them, and maybe even hate them, although I don't think they would even admit that emotional response to themselves. As Christians, we aren't supposed to hate people. So rather than do that, we just ignore, marginalize, put out, walk away, quit calling, treat coldly, don't sit with, don't invite to lunch, etc. I wouldn't want to go to a church that treated me that way. No one wants to be looked at with disdain and disgust, as if they were something very strange - something to be avoided, because what they have %u201Cmight be catching.%u201D That may sound very harsh, but as a parent of a gay child - I have felt just a tiny bit of that myself, and it has cut me to the quick. If that is how I felt in a particular church - I would run away as fast as these very out of shape 60 year old legs could take me! I hope and pray there is somewhere that they can run to. I know if there is not a place - there is certainly a person they can - and do - run to - and that is JESUS. Praise God that He never gives up on us. His welcome will NEVER END! God bless you Diana. I feel your pain. I know your struggle. I understand your confusion. During this time, you also need to hold tight to Jesus and grow in your faith. Know you aren't alone. (Even though you probably feel like it 99.9% of the time.) I have to believe there are others of us out there. We have been "hiding" because of the fear of rejection and out of shame, guilt, or whatever, we can become isolated. That is not a good place to live! We have to start opening up, and reaching out to each other. I don't know how we (and I am assuming there is a WE) can connect, but it would sure be great if we could. I know we all won't agree on every facet of this very complicated issue, but surely, as mothers and dads, we could help each other out. We need each other!

How did you even come close to reading that into the article? She clearly says that "I understand the current status quo" but is trying to show that "the church" in general is missing the mark of what being a Christian is really about!

Thank you! This times a million.

If loving people (no matter what their sexual orientation, addiction, political preferences, past, etc.) like Jesus did and still does is wrong, then I sure don't want to be right. We're not called to judge or condemn, just to LOVE. Loving the unchurched, dechurched, etc. does not equal "giving in."

Vanessa, your comment breaks my heart. I am so very sorry. I would be honored to be in fellowship with you.

Remember the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon? Why is it that there is always 1 degree of separation from people like the writer of this blog and people like you (those willing to flush the whole Bible down the toilet)?