Surviving Summer
by Jen Hatmaker on June 13th, 2013

Folks, I’m one week into summer, and I have some thoughts. First of all, for all the teachers and parents who made it: HALLELUYER. For those of you with four days or two weeks left, may the Lord’s face shine upon you. We are on the other side, lighting candles for you. Godspeed.
Second, some readers struggle with satire; it is lost on you. I get it. We aren’t all fluent in sarcasm. Example: a district employee where my cherubs attend read my last post, dashed to her principal with the truly horrific discovery that I was only educating two of my five children, and lamented, “Something has to be done!” So for you, I’ll include [[non-sarcastic parenthetical notes]] so you can stop holding prayer vigils for my family.
 
I, like most of you I suspect, approach summer with equal parts delight and dread. Delight, because NO HOMEWORK FOLDERS. We’re all chilling out! We’re so chill! We’ve got our kids to ourselves and no one is our boss! And of course, no pre-dawn wake up calls to hasten the moment when some kid is all I can’t find my shoes and Did you sign my reading log and Where is my library book and Jessica’s mom eats lunch with her every Tuesday and Thursday. (Well, Jessica’s mom also cried when she went to kindergarten, and my friends and me went to brunch, so...)
 
[[I actually LOVE to eat lunch with my kids two days a week, which equals about 80 days of the school year in which the first kid’s lunch starts at 10:50 and the last kid’s lunch ends at 1:10, so let’s see, I’ve been at school two-and-a-half hours in the middle of my work day (twice a week) dodging the petrifying cafeteria monitor and pretending Brandon packed lunches because I would *never* send Pringles and a tortilla slathered with Nutella. We are legit, me and Jessica’s mom.]]

^ That was my attempt at "non-sarcastic" and I'm going to go ahead and give it a D-.
 
But there is also a teeny bit of dread, because here they all are. Every day. Up in my grill. Even on my best days, we spearhead a cooking project together, finish a craft, take a bike ride, and go swimming, and that gets us to 1:35pm. It’s like time stands still, and plus, the sun goes down at approximately 11:20pm, so it can feel like the summer solstice of doom.
I believe this was approximately 10:49pm.

I’ll be honest: I’m pretty decent at the big activities, but the filler stuff that gets us to bedtime isn’t my jam.
 
Remy: “Mommy? Can you play beauty shop with me?”
Me:     “Oh, I would, but I can’t.”
Remy: “Why not?”
Me:      “Because I don’t want to.”
 
[[Never fear. I totally love playing kid stuff with my kids. I find Legos riveting. You should see my towers. So straight. So towering. Absolutely no dimension or visual interest. This never, ever gets old. In fact, I play Legos by myself when the kids are gone.]]
 
This can backfire. For instance, say your sons decide to fill the unstructured time themselves, and you say sure, whatever, just whatever takes up another hour, and they fill a giant, inflatable punching balloon with water in the upstairs bathroom, and since the hours are infinity, you say fine, but the next thing you know, five gallons of water is pouring through your downstairs light fixture, seeping through the floor, because evidently water balloons eventually break. When the husband has a coronary and asks WHO LET THEM DO THIS, you work up a tear about staying home all summer while he works in his quiet office, and he backs off because he doesn’t want his solitude screwed with.
 
[[Disregard this. I carefully supervise every single moment of summer, and there is never a moment where I can only account for three kids.]]
With natural light plus the cascading water, Remy noted, "We have a rainbow in our house!" I'll be sure to include that amenity for future resale.

I’ve culled a few structural ideas for us Mediocre Mamas who want this season to be fun and memorable, but we also live in the real world where not every solitary day is pinnable (thank you for these shame-based new verbs, Pinterest). Nor can we afford to take five kids to water parks each day, because Brandon is a pastor and I am a writer; two professions noted for wealth building, except not that.
 
There are loose structures, because for me, complicated systems are basically an invitation to fail more. I can handle one really cool fun thing a week. That is the outer limits of my capabilities, and just whatever about it.
 
So we are enjoying our third summer of “Mystery Thursdays.” The kids know every Thursday we go somewhere neat, and it is a surprise: floating the river, going to the lake, daytime movie and a picnic (a bunch of theaters show free kid movies all summer), swimming at Barton Springs so my kids might see an old, naked person (Austin keeps it weird, folks), paddle boarding, Schlitterbaun, anything that shakes it up. Some of these are free, some really inexpensive, some super pricey, but after fifteen summers as a parent, I’ve calculated the value of keeping us occupied and the summer moving along, and I am willing to pay 17 million dollars.
 
[[Of course I don’t really think we can buy our kids’ happiness and our personal sanity. I also philosophically reject babysitters, house help, date nights, a hefty book budget, movies on demand, DVD player in the car, and all forms of child bribery incentives.]]
 
With average success, we carve out an hour of Room Time every afternoon. Theoretically, the kids are supposed to read, and some do. Others probably do something involving a controller, but Mama needs the Hour of Peace and I don’t even care. This will technically fulfill the Summer Reading Program I agreed to at the end of school because I was just trying to get out the door. On the fifth hour of summer, Remy gasps: “MOMMY!! WE HAVEN’T STARTED OUR READING LOG!!!” and I think I had a stroke; I smelled burnt toast. So 1.) Room Time for reading, 2.) log your own hours, and 3.) I’ll sign them the morning of August 26th as you’re heading back to school.
 
[[Don’t spaz over reading minutes. WE LOVE TO READ. I’ll remind you I am a writer and place a stout premium on the written word. But when we have to do it and log it and sign it and turn it in, it’s like the difference between running for fun and running from a murderer. I’m totally kidding. I have no idea what ‘running for fun’ means.]]
Summer Rule: The trampoline can sub for a bedroom. Room Time for reading? No problem.
Actual nighttime sleeping? Sure.

Everyone still has a daily chore, which marks the end of Room Time. At first I said, “You have a chore a day. You can finish it whenever you want.” And the children did. Interestingly, whenever they wanted turned out to be never. They never wanted to finish a chore actually, which is shocking because they obviously care so much about cleanliness and order. Opposite Day! So Room Time ends with Chore Time, and I hope you are starting to get the picture of this Hatmaker Summer Party.
 
Then we brainstormed a list of filler activities instead of risking their lives by saying I’m bored: ride bike, rollerblade, basketball, four-square, Rip Stick, board games (or as I like to call them, Bored Games, because Monopoly is like a very slow and horrible way to die), arts and crafts, iStation (a cool online reading program our school hooked us up with), trampoline, friends, make a movie/video, iPad apps, build something, write and illustrate a book, Legos/Bionicles (my 15-year-old begrudgingly “helped” the younger boys "for a minute" and I discovered his complicated architectural war-scape five hours later), Spa Day, or any of the zillion games we have for the Wii, Xbox, and Kinect. Swimming at our neighborhood pool is in regular rotation too, as these homeowners’ fees better go toward something other than watering demerits and hate mail about our fence.
 
Therapists say healthy people have boundaries, so I set some. Kids, things I am not in charge of this summer:
  • Breakfast.
  • Lunch is a crapshoot.
  • Figuring our your snacks. You know where the kitchen is.
  • Entertaining you.
  • Solving all your problems.
  • Enduring fighting. You fight, the thing is gone, good times are over.
  • Being your cruise ship director. 
I will stock the kitchen with the goods, so if you ask me what’s for breakfast, I’m going to show you my coffee mug and give you a blank look. I taught you how to make eggs and smoothies and breakfast sandwiches and oatmeal, and I’m sad to admit this, but there is the cereal. Enjoy your chemical concoction, a nutritional hypocrisy I’m comfortable with.  
 
Last, Mamas and Daddies, do not forget to get away from the darlings periodically and do something together. As Remy says, “Sometimes I just need to be by my lone.” Summer contains some of our best family memories, but after *a lot of togetherness* it’s good to have a breather. Do what you gotta do: pay a babysitter, trade free child care with another friend, put the littles in day camp one week, trade time off with your spouse, ask Grandma/Aunt/Sister to take them for an evening, trade sleepovers with your kids’ friends (we once engineered all five kids at sleepovers on the same night, and I turned instantly Pentecostal, waving my praise flags and I’m pretty sure I spoke in tongues).
 
Our plan is to keep it light and keep it fun. It’s so nice to enjoy my kids outside the rigors of school for awhile. For me, structure summer too much and all the joy is gone; structure it too little and I will lose my crap. There is a sweet spot somewhere in the middle where we balance resting and playing, chilling out and going out, staying at home and hitting the highway.

When I remember I only have three more summers with my oldest, everything suddenly comes into clear focus, and I realize what Bo and Hope and Stefano have always known: these are the days of our lives. May they be filled with laughter and cannonballs and good books and grilled hamburgers and fireworks and road trips and friends and happiness and love.
 
And may the children learn to make their own lunches. Amen.
 
One last note: Happy Father’s Day this weekend to all the amazing Daddies and Papas and Grandpas and Papaws! Whenever men invest heavily and sincerely into their marriages and children, love abounds. For every time you’ve attended tea parties, recitals, student-led conferences, baseball games, concerts, and then tucked the littles into bed, we love you! In your honor, please enjoy this card Remy made for Brandon after following the template at school:


Want more? Click here to read "10 Things to Do With Your Kids This Summer" which I wrote for my BFF, Barnes and Noble today, where I've spent around half my salary for the last 15 years. After I wrote it, I realized 10 things was my absolute maximum, so in other words, here is everything I know about Summer Fun in 1000 words. So sad.


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328 Comments
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Jill - June 16th, 2013 at 8:05 AM
I only have three kids and in a moment of quiet - during which, lets face it, I just sat with my tea and I didn't even want to KNOW what they were doing because, you know, it was QUIET - they made potion in the toilet bowl with three containers of ajax, mouthwash, and hand soap, stirred it with the plunger and whispered over it like a trio of ghouls. So I'm totally with you on the light fixture waterfall and and I praise you for finding the love and not losing your ever-patient mind. (Or maybe you did and it's just that that part didn't make the blog). Regardless, well done.
Suzi - June 16th, 2013 at 4:10 PM
Another perfect post! I love your blog. I loved your last post, too. This one had me howling with the "make your own breakfast" and "Parenthesis for non sarcastic types". You cover it so beautifully - we have "down time" each day for reading, too. And pool time. And fun activities. And a budget! And I just love the truth about how hard and slow these days can be - mixed with knowing these days aren't here forever! Thanks for sharing your words with us!
Stacy - June 16th, 2013 at 8:35 PM
LOVE your blog... thanks for keeping it real!! Can't wait to read more!
Shalene - June 16th, 2013 at 10:04 PM
Lol is not even a fitting acronym, this is hilarious! The parenthetical quotes had me rolling, and that sleeping-on-the-trampoline thing ... Yeah, I slept outside on mine growing up once, and then ran inside when the coyotes began howling!
Cat - June 16th, 2013 at 10:39 PM
Love! you are so me (except i can't write like you do) - keep writng and keep me laughing!
Diana Trautwein - June 16th, 2013 at 10:58 PM
You make me smile so big. I, too, celebrated every kindergarten first day. I loved my kids, but I LOVED that they got to go to school. I always loved school much that I just assumed they would, too. They were pretty happy in elementary. It got dicier in middle school, and the public high school became a place of danger, unfortunately. But. . .they all survived, in fact thrived, and are stellar adults today. And our summers were a lot like yours (except I wasn't smart enough to think up Mystery Thursdays - genius, I say!!) (When do you come to Santa Barbara, Jen? Love to take you to lunch somewhere by the ocean. . . )
Rachel - June 17th, 2013 at 12:14 AM
Your friends are so lucky to have you in their lives! Your perspective is priceless. If I were in TX instead of NJ I would be on your doorstep with a pitcher of margaritas and a bag of nacho chips. We'd get through that late afternoon crunch just fine! Thank you again for sharing and a laugh (only because you voice things I am thinking!)
Bronwyn lea - June 17th, 2013 at 12:22 AM
Pinnable - a shame-based new verb, thank you Pinterest! Oh yes and halleluyer to that insight :-) keep hitting the sweet spot, Jen, both in your writing and in the summer-savvy-scavenger hunt for balance.
Tasha - June 17th, 2013 at 6:36 AM
I swore I was going back to sleep but I keep rereading this post and giggling. I've been going nuts trying to fill the "I'm bored" void. My grand master plan I had in place before the final bell rang is shot. Yet I feel much better about blatantly telling the girl child that, no, mommy doesn't want to watch you play another game that boggles her mind. And one day I looked out back and she and her friends had hooked the sprinkler over the trampoline. I yelled "don't break any bones!" and went about my business. Now ... what are we going to do today?
Beth - June 17th, 2013 at 10:10 AM
I'm one that has questioned your satire (sarcasm)...but only once and probably b/c it was the first post I'd ever read on your blog. But this was great! Even though I'm not a mom, I thought this was a great insight and so honest! I know my mom-friends feel guilty when they don't have fun every day with their kids in the summer and I love that you can allow them to be honest with themselves. No one is a bad mom just b/c you don't entertain your kids every day and that moms need some alone time! Love your honest...and your sarcasm! :)
Jj - June 17th, 2013 at 12:44 PM
Love it, thx for keeping it real!
Deachoong Mama - June 17th, 2013 at 1:14 PM
Love your blog! Stumbled on it on your last post and never laughed and cried so hard while reading a blog! My sons in preschool part-time and I have a 1 year old... so everyday is like summer for me. I'm looking to both starting school like a light at the end of the tunnel, though your last post did have me think twice about that;) Being home all day can be dangerous, I just blogged about it recently.

http://daechoongmama.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-dole-whip-of-judgement.html

Lord help me!
Desiree - June 17th, 2013 at 1:19 PM
My friend (male, never married, no children) sent me a link to your worst end of year mom post. No clue why he came across it, but I'm so glad he did. You are HILARIOUS, and I relate to you 1000%. Now when my children are driving me nuts I lock myself in the bathroom and read your posts and laugh like a hyena. Good thing they are only 5 & 7 and don't know how to call the asylum. Thank you for what you do!
Kim T - June 17th, 2013 at 5:28 PM
This is SO HILARIOUS! You seriously need your own sitcom ... BTW, you were awesome on the Today Show, truly awesome!
Beth M - June 17th, 2013 at 8:02 PM
I'm a kindergarten/first grade teacher, wife, and mom of four girls (3 of whom are teens), and your articles always remind me that it's all good. And you're right on about the reading logs....yep.
Dana - June 18th, 2013 at 12:55 AM
Thank you!
Next time I'm skipping the parts in the brackets written for the sarcasm challenged...if there is a next time. I say you just leave it out and call it a day.
We know.
D
Deb Alvarado - June 18th, 2013 at 7:07 AM
You. Are. In. My. Brain. Thatisall.
Kim - June 18th, 2013 at 8:26 AM
In my world, we call Monopoly "Monotony". Have a day!
talia - June 18th, 2013 at 9:23 AM
OMG! This is the funniest post ever. Thank you for the much needed laugh and for keeping it so very real. With all the "perfect' displayed all over the internet, it is so refreshing to see an honest and real look at summer.

Too funny. (also love the sarcastic/non-sarcastic notes)
jen - June 18th, 2013 at 12:58 PM
Jen,
I have just discovered you and your hysterical and awesome work. Today is 6/18. I am kicking myself! You were just in my town. Oh how joy turns to sadness so quickly! I had no idea June was almost over. I hope you had a good time in Reisterstown and I hope you got to taste "The Cow."

Carol - June 18th, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Girl, do you have any idea how much you rock? I read your previous post, and I'm fairly certain we were separated at birth. This post confirms it. Also, I grew up in Austin, and currently live in West Texas... aka, the barren desert. There's only so many times you can take your kids to PetsMart and call it the "free zoo"!
Mary - June 18th, 2013 at 1:49 PM
"Lunch is a crapshoot." I am dying. That is so funny.
Kara - June 18th, 2013 at 2:05 PM
I have 6 kids 4 - 14, and I laughed so hard at your last two posts that I cried!! Keep these coming, we can ALL relate!
Samantha - June 18th, 2013 at 4:16 PM
Another piece of gold here. I am on the early edge of children and this is my first summer as a mom that does not have a job outside the home. I suspect there is hope for getting through the summer, though I sometimes wonder. Thanks for the reassurance.
Nana - June 18th, 2013 at 4:44 PM
Uh, something is not right here. I am writing this at my daughters house while I let her 12 year old watch youtube (supervised! I am checking!), the 4 year old stand in front of the tv, and the 1 year old steal chips off his brother's plate. My two year old grandson will be here as soon as he wakes up from his nap; he lives down the street. My daughters have a solution to the craziness: they either call me to come over or send their kids to my house. I am home in the summers. As you can tell from my second sentence, it is nothing but quality time when they are with Nana!
Catherine - June 18th, 2013 at 4:57 PM
What a joy you are. I've never, ever written into anything anywhere. So there you have it - I'm more than impressed with your love of life and family (and all related joys and challenges), and a huge fan. Thanks for sharing your candid gift of laughter with a world that really needs it.
Jordan - June 18th, 2013 at 7:14 PM
I%u2019m totally kidding. I have no idea what %u2018running for fun%u2019 means. - This is pretty much amazing.
Jackie - June 18th, 2013 at 10:30 PM
Just wanted to say I discovered you and your book 7 from the Greater than Rubies blog and that I was very inspired by the book. Thank you.
ellie - June 19th, 2013 at 12:10 AM
Opposite Day! lol. our 17 yo. mentioned today that I never made him lunch. hello. he never even came downstairs?! for realz. (well except he went to baseball in the morning and football in the late afternoon - but between? yikes. I never even saw his pimply and stubbly face!. send that boy to college is what I say!) anyway . . . . I have 4 (so you're ahead) good luck. i.love.summer.'cause my 10&6 year olds can make mac n cheese. all by themselves (adopted from Ukraine and China - no idea why my homegrown 17 year old cannot even figure out how to get downstiars. yikes. i'm a failure mom) lol.

I am wishing you a fun. non-lunch making. non-homework-doing. non-running around all the ding dang time. sleeping in. no fights. just.the.right.amount.of.tv.computer.ipod.ipad.isurvivesummer. stuff!

xo. ellie. :)
Wendy - June 19th, 2013 at 12:37 AM
I all-out cackled, wiped my eyes, and produced some asthmatic sounds a dozen times reading this.
I write like you in my imagination.
Jessie Pingle - June 19th, 2013 at 9:51 AM
HOW DID I JUST DISCOVER THIS? Love, love, love this blog. Very well written and soooo funny. (I too speak sarcasm. Fluently.) *tips hat*
Angie Phillips - June 19th, 2013 at 11:47 AM
Oh my gosh, you don't understand how much I love reading these because I swear the same thoughts are ALL in my head!!!! We moved to Austin from Denver 10 months ago and if our paths ever do cross I think we may just be instant best friends. Weird? Maybe, but all the very sweet ladies I have met here (minus 2 hilariously sarcastic ones) are all soooo serious. So, thanks for the refreshing laughs and honesty cause this girl was ready to check into some sort of ward from all the summer "fun".
Stephanie Spitaletto - June 20th, 2013 at 9:12 AM
I wish I had a video of me reading this. I am crying/laughing hysterically. I have four of my own at home all summer, with the occasional church camp/visiting grandparents. I so get this and you! Thank you for verbalizing (humorously and sarcastically) what I feel. My love language is Sarcasm.
Becki K - June 20th, 2013 at 7:05 PM
Thank you so much for writing this! This was just what I needed.
Neen - June 20th, 2013 at 10:07 PM
Oh God, I laughed til I cried reading this one!!! WHERE were you when my dear stepson was in school?
I REALLY could have used your wittty stress-relieving humour then! I was not a perfect stepmom, nor was I the "evil stepmom" from those dreadful storybooks~I HATE those stories! I busted my butt getting him through school (He struggled mightily) and by God even my dear mother-in-law admits that I am the reason that child graduated! How do I sign up for your blog? I do I just put the website on my desktop?
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how real & how funny you are!!! God bless you and your enormous brood!
audra - June 20th, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Sometimes I'm afraid that if I have kids, I will get so wrapped up in parenting that I'll lose my personality. Then I come here and read essentially everything you have ever written, and I feel like I'll probably be okay. :) You are refreshingly real and endlessly hilarious. Thank you for your voice.
Karen - June 21st, 2013 at 9:42 AM
I have such a deep well spring of joy in my heart because my youngest is 22 and married with a baby and I NO LONGER have to DO SUMMER. Thanks for sharing what we've all said in our heads but never dared to let cross our lips. You give moms young and old permission to be real!
Jackie - June 22nd, 2013 at 1:36 AM
I LOVE REMY!!! Such a literal kid!

My brother tells the story about walking his son into school for the first day of kindergarten and holding it together until the little guy was in the room. But as he left the building, the principal stopped him to check to see if he was okay because he was crying so hard. He went to Waffle House to collect himself before heading to work only to find all of the moms there high fiving each other and celebrating that the kids were finally back in school. Still makes me smile.
Melissa - June 22nd, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Can't wait until my kids are old enough to do breakfast and lunch on their own. The 8 year old can make his own sandwiches, but I'm waiting for him to be able to pour milk and orange juice without it going every where! I'm the mom who makes their kid buy his lunch all school year because I want him to have a hot meal, but in reality, I just don't want to make lunches every day. :) I'll gladly pay $10 a week for a school lunch.
Allison - June 22nd, 2013 at 10:29 AM
Amen to frustration with all the people who have nothing better to do than to nitpick the fun out of everything we do, say, write. I'm a writer and teacher and still haven't fingered out how to publish all the funny things those kids do and say without being banned from every public school in TEA. You are hi-larious!
Jenni - June 23rd, 2013 at 1:56 AM
You made me smile!
Stacie - June 24th, 2013 at 10:28 AM
Get out!

I literally just said to my hubby "I feel like the cruise director this summer". Largely due to the fact that we have the distinct privilege to spend the summer in an apt in NYC (our home away from home). Which means fun activities, more than my normally prescribed once per week "field trips" lots of fun adventures. But I feel you on the down time - especially since we have about 5 small toys for each of my three little misses. So the "go entertain yourself for an hour plan" that I normally love isn't really working. Yikes!

I actually celebrated,( took stupid photos of myself mind you) on my first hour alone - mind you I ran errands and got a starbucks - but I was ALONE - for the first time in over two weeks. There were not 30 fingers grabbing at me. Three darling mouths were not clamoring for me to answering their imperative questions as we cross the city streets. Alone. Maybe again in a few weeks. I would pay good money for that hour. And I may or may not dream of it.

I appreciate your sarcasm. I love your wit. It echos my sentiments perfectly.
An honor to be a mama with small kiddos and this honor it pulls and tugs at every fiber of my individuality so that I have to continually surrender my own selfishness. Man this mama job is not for the faint of heart.
Thanks!
Suzette - June 24th, 2013 at 1:32 PM
Love this!!! You have put a smile on my face and encouraged me to keep-on this summer ( we are on week four of vacation). thanks!!!
Chris - June 24th, 2013 at 2:27 PM
I just love you! it was like reading my own life from when my kids were young! I can't believe I survived it... but guess what y'all?? I did.. I mean WE did.. yes, we.. each and every whiney one of us! Enjoy this time with your young ones because it is gone quicker than you think.. sighh.. but now I am a nice young 43 year grandmother of grandsons and I LOVE it! The best memory I bet my kids will say is their favourite is when we went camping with all our friends(5 mommies and 11 kids in total!) for a week. Each of us was in charge of one certain meals, snacks & crafts and when we went swimming we had the Camp Itchy Bo Scritchy Olympics! They did crazy jumps into the water, races, you name it.. it was a blast! Find some like minded mommies and do the same! One year there was a torrential downpour with no signs of stopping so we schlepped all the way back home and all the kids camped out in our basement for the rest of the week! All the other mommies would come back in the morning(cuz we'd already had meals all planned and activities) so we just continued on! Good Luck!
Yvonne - June 24th, 2013 at 11:52 PM
i had to warn my husband and his friend who were talking in the living-room that they may hear spearatic laughter from the kitchen as im reading some thing way to hilarious.
Stephanie - June 25th, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Jen, GOD BLESS YOU!!! Thank you for capturing my thoughts about parenting in two hilarious back-to-back posts. My twin sister and I frequently combine our children (5 total) during the summer and wow, are you "singing to the choir". Hats off to you for having five on your own....and having the ability to enjoy it one way or another. You have a follower in me!!!
Cindy McLennan - June 25th, 2013 at 8:11 PM
This is perfection. I'm on my last summer with my eldest (and have two youngers). I bless you, as, I am sure, does Alice Horton (and her donuts agree).
Jennings - June 27th, 2013 at 10:32 AM
This is hilarious! Reminded me of when my daughter was 3 and woke up before 6am every morning. We stuck Beauty & the Beast in the VHS, showed her the "on" button, put out a box of cereal, and told her to wake us up AFTER it was over the first time. My daughter just got married last weekend, and my son graduated from high school in May... I miss these days!
AnitaV - June 28th, 2013 at 11:32 AM
A friend and fellow teacher shared your Worst Mom of the end of school year, and I loved it (this piece as well). As a mom and teacher, I appreciate and enjoy your stories. I'm now hooked and can't stop sharing (and your friend's blog Momastery bedtime on lmao)! Thank you for sharing!
Kristi - June 28th, 2013 at 6:52 PM
So I'm in love with your blog. The end.
Elly - June 30th, 2013 at 6:19 PM
I miss Bo and Hope.
Amy - June 30th, 2013 at 10:29 PM
You are fabulous!
Michele - July 3rd, 2013 at 8:06 AM
As a mother of five - I can't tell you how much I LOVE your blog! It's so refreshing to me! I've been checking it for a few weeks now! You make me laugh! Keep up the great job.....and continue to keep it real! :) xoxo

Heather - July 3rd, 2013 at 3:45 PM
Could you PLEASE homeschool your children so I could relate more and laugh even harder? lol
Heather
still - July 6th, 2013 at 3:13 PM
How sad that you go from one post complaining that the people you view as simply babysitting your children for nine months of the year actually were actually wanting you to do the bare minimum in educating your children to the next post whining and complaining that over the summer you don't have them to pawn your kids off to. Such a shame you lose all the valuable time to keep blogging about how it's more important to try to seem clever and funny than to actually give a dang about your own children.
Mary - July 13th, 2013 at 1:32 AM
Is this a serious comment?
Nancy - July 18th, 2013 at 12:28 PM
Got to be from someone who doesn't actually have children
Lisa - July 7th, 2013 at 3:01 PM
"still" above needs to have a drink and put her feet in the pool/kiddie pool/sprinklers/sink...whatever.
Don't know how I found you, but I am sharing with others! My boys are 17 and 19, the oldest will still say some mornings...'What are we doing today'!!! Those of us who are laughing hysterically...get it. I bet that even on our worst days...we are still pretty fabulous moms, right? But if you can't laugh and share with others...really, whats the point? ps....loved the father's day card!
domonique | a bowl full of simple - July 8th, 2013 at 2:04 PM
I love reading your words. It's like you take the word right out of my non-writer brain and put send them off to cyberspace for me to read. thank you thank you. may you all have lots of together and separate time this summer. it really is the best and i think you've struck a balance that works for you and your peeps!

John Lawrence Smith - July 8th, 2013 at 5:20 PM
I have instantly become a fan of your work. Life can and is fun. You prove that with your work as a writer. As soon as I get off the floor curled with laughter I will write to tell you this - - - - Whoa!! I'm writing this now.
Dan400Man - July 9th, 2013 at 11:20 AM
Jen, you can't please everyone, and it's apparent EVEN AFTER YOUR EXPRESS STATEMENT (with parentheticals no less!) ABOUT SARCASM AND SATIRE that some people "still" don't get it. Oh well. Too bad for them.

I came upon your "worst mom" post via some other link before your Today Show stint, and I became an instant fan. I did a few things that I never do: 1) LOL-to-the-point-of-tears at stuff I read online and 2) read a blog post out loud to my wife. I LOLTTPOT again with this post, especially at the "running for fun" line. I am dying trying to catch my breath from the laughter.

Jen, God has truly blessed you with a gift for humor and writing. What an amazing God we have who, along with the more familiar traits of love, truth, justice, etc., also must have an awesome sense of humor. (If you have any doubt, just look at the platypus.) I imagine He chuckles... no, wait, LOLs at our good-natured humor.
Regina S. - July 17th, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Love your blog, it makes me laugh about the drudgery of mom-dom. Your writing reminds me of Gail Collins (a compliment). : )
Donna Phillips - July 28th, 2013 at 3:30 PM
I am a mother of four grown children, and a Grami of ten grandchildren between the ages of 17 and 3. You are hilarious! All I can say is "keep these words of yours coming! Love, love your blog:))!!
Kristi - August 9th, 2013 at 12:11 PM
Thank you for keeping it real!!! I am a homeschooling mom, and THIS IS MY LIFE. LOL!!!
Lauren - August 27th, 2013 at 6:57 PM
Shango spell, I was at my wit's end with trying to get my boyfriend to commit to our relationship fully. I had tried everything I knew, but what I DIDN'T know was that all I had to do was come to you, and with your blessings and special magic powers, I wouldn't have to do all the work at all. I got my life and my love back and now all in my life is balanced and happy again. You do a great service to people, and I don't think many people as should know about you. Your talented and give of yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magic love spells for me and Rick. It's back to just the way it was when we first met, and we're coming up on our fourth anniversary now!. Thank you so much Dr Shango for your assistance. You can email him at shangoshrine@gmail.com
sarah - August 28th, 2013 at 10:20 PM
My Name is sarah.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my boyfriend back and he means so much to me..The boy want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another woman..,When i called him he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook and he changed his facebook status from married to Single...when i went to his place of work he told his boss he never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my boyfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast prayer for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Us the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those praying and he has bought all the materials needed for the prayer,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Wednesday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Wednesday and apologies for all he had done ..he said,he never knew what he was doing and his sudden behavior was not intentional and he promised not to do that again it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my boyfriend called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Saturday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerfull telephone number is 2348074839242 for any help you want him to do for you. ..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.if you are interested to contact DR ALADE for your solution now EMAIL is ( greataladesolutiontemple@gmail .com) and telephone number is 2348074839242 for any help you want him to do for you.
sandra - August 29th, 2013 at 3:27 PM
Hello i am Sandra ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr vovola the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr vovola about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Drvovolaspelltemple@live.com at the following email address: vovolaspelltemple@live.com and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: vovolaspelltemple@live.com. and get your problems solve like me..
Kelly Ellis - August 30th, 2013 at 4:38 PM
I am currently dying over the "I smell burnt toast" quote. I say that ALL.THE.TIME and no one in my family gets it! So - thank you for that.
Stacy - September 1st, 2013 at 4:13 PM
Every time I read your blog, I feel like you and I could be twins separated at birth. You write what the rest of us are thinking and only wish we had the guts to say out loud. Thanks for keeping it real, and making me laugh til my face hurts!
Dr.Zona - September 1st, 2013 at 10:07 PM
Get your problem solve in great Dr.zona.You can get the following problems solve here.I want you all to know that there is no side effect in using this spell casting ,Its to help you get what you want in-order. And you will be free from wrong spell casters if you come for solution,your problems will be solved here.

1.} Get back on your financial ground
2.} Bring back lost lover,if lost for a long time
3.} Remove bad spells from homes, business & customer attraction etc.
4.} Get promotion at work or in your career.
5.} Read all your problems before you even mention them to him
6.} Find out why you are not progressing in life and the solution
7.}No more family problems
8.} Excellent grades in school for children with mental disabilities
10.}No more breakage in relationship
11.} We heal barrenness in women and painful menstruation
12.} Get you married to the person of your choice
13.} Guarantee win in court cases & divorce
14.} Ensure success in work and business
16.} Mental illness & bewitched
17.} sleepless night and thinking too much
18.} Bring supernatural luck into your life
19.} General protection on you and your love ones

CONTACT US VIA :EMAIL:zonaspelltemple@gmail.com

ALEX COLEMAN - September 3rd, 2013 at 5:47 PM
I am Alex Coleman and I%u2019m American. I am so full of Joy today because of something I thought can never happen has happen in my life and I must share it with the world majorly because, it might give you that is reading, hope and maybe solution to whatsoever that might be your concern.
Around Late-August, something happened at my working place that gave way to my out of work and as if that wasn't enough, I was charged for assault on one of my superiors in office which I never did but a set-up thing to tarnish my personality and record because I am black and was doing better than the whites in the company. When this thing happened, my family was in jeopardy as I couldn't cater the needs of the family, my children that once ate anytime they love to couldn't eat up to twice a day and I couldn%u2019t pay their college tuition fee. I and the kids have to depend on the little income of my wife and it was a shame to me for I was supposed to be the bread-winner of the family. And still in those difficulties, I will have to go to court and paying visits to my lawyer for the sake of freedom.
In all this, I was confused, frustrated and anytime I embark on searching for a new job, my offer is always turn down and that made me sick. I did all I could do just to make the company call me back and drop the charges but no way. Something pop my head on a certain day to visit internet for help and while I was surfing, I came across a website in which someone by name, George Merrick gave a testimony on how he was cured of weak erection that made his wife to desert him and how he became reunited with his wife through a powerful spell and magic lord on hoodoospellcasts@outlook.com and I said to myself %u201CMaybe, this spell and magic lord can help me out of my problem%u201D and I contacted him for help, immediately, he gave me a reply and assured me that I shouldn%u2019t worry that my situation was one that shouldn%u2019t weigh me down. Then he told me that before he could help me, that I need to provide some traditional recipes to consult and seek the attention of the gods of his ancestors to my aid.
And the recipes, he enlisted to me and directed me to a hunter in Kenya to providing the recipes. At first, I were scared and afraid it might be crook but I remembered a friend of mine who was Ghanaian and then I told him about it and he understood my ordeal and told me he could help me with the recipes, that they were common in his country and then I told the great Dr. Esiendo about it and he said to me, %u201Cfine, tell your friend to go near a river and call out my name seven times with the recipes at hand; and then the recipes shall appear at my temple. I told my friend what this god said and he promised to do it and surprisingly, at dusk, I received email from Dr. Esiendo that the recipes were at the temple and I quickly call my friend and he told me he had done that which I requested him to do and I was happy.
Later that day, Dr. Esiendo emailed me and told me he had completed the spell and he gave me instructions on what to do and I did as he instructed and to cut my testimony short, exactly a week, a letter of reinstatement back to work was sent to me by the same company that fucked my ass and charges were dropped. And amazingly, I was promoted and those that blackmailed me were demoted.
Today, I cater for my family%u2019s needs; my children are back to college and we are all happy.
If not for Dr. Esiendo at hoodoospellcasts@outlook.com, I am not sure if I will be testifying now. Indeed, he%u2019s a problem solver and a restorer of lost glory.
Please if you%u2019re experiencing some couple of shits now, don%u2019t fail to contact Hoodoo magic lord, DR. ESIENDO because I am well-sure that if he could help me then he can help you.
FARE-WELL

lilian - September 4th, 2013 at 12:52 PM
my name is miss lilian, i want to use this time to share my great testimony to the entier world on how i got my lovely husband back to me by this great voodoo power, my story starts like this i was married to my lovely husband Dr jackson in the year 2007 and i had two kids for him sudenly we had a little misunderstanding regarding a male child which lure him outside and started cheating on me, i tried to stop him but i could not.it gote to a time he brought another woman into the house thinking it will solve the problem of geting a male child but a year latter she also gave birth to a female child, i started praying to God to make every thing okay with me and my lovely husband untill a friend of mine came to visit me in my house and told me that she has a friend that had a similar problem that was solved by this special voodoo power but i was never a fans of any such believ but convinced me to give it a try which i did i narrated every thing to him and promiss me only four days to perform his voodoo power, realy two days later,he drove his second wife out of the house and started beging me for forgiveness. but today am happy that i have gave birth to a healthy baby boy to my husband now we are living happily.any body with such problem should reach solutionvoodootemple@gmail.com
Micheal smith - September 5th, 2013 at 6:57 PM
An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me..
My name is Micheal smith i live in Australia,and I`m happily married to a
lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my
family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took
the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay
with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of
my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried
all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no
avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never
wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from
work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained
every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife
back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too
So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow
her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom
she visited.{dr.oshiospellsolution4u@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i
sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured
me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!!
I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need
to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call
me for the past seven {5}months,gave me a call to inform me that she
was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same
day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for
the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our
relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a
spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same
website {dr.oshiospellsolution4u@gmail .com},if you are in any condition
like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So
thanks to the dr.oshiospellsolution4u for bringing back my wife,and
brought great joy to my family once again.dr.oshiospellsolution4u@gmail.com call on 447035960457
Thanks...chool-year-mom-ever
nancy - September 9th, 2013 at 11:49 PM
Hello my name is nancy, I know a great spell caster who helped me when I had problem with my Husband if you need a right place to solve your problems contact DR OKUDAYO MAGIC TEMPLE is the right choice. he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like.

Contact Dr. OKUDAYO on: okudayomagictemple@gmail.com

(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care.

Contact Dr. OKUDAYO on: okudayomagictemple@gmail.com
or contact him through his mobile: 2347039885282.

JOY - September 10th, 2013 at 9:37 AM
I had been sick for years now, I lost all of my possession due to this illness, every member of my family became tired of me because to them i was now a liability, i bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at vovola temple who uses this email address: vovolaspelltemple@live.comwhen he requested for 350 dollars to buy the items for the spell to cure me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to him and she said to me that she paid 500 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced to pay the money and i did two days after , he cast the spell i was cured of all of the diseases that i was attacked with. And also he said to me that my husband that had ran away will be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took place%u2026This man at vovolaspelltemple@live.comis just so good at his spell work. CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA EMAIL:vovolaspelltemple@live.com
JOY - September 10th, 2013 at 9:37 AM
I had been sick for years now, I lost all of my possession due to this illness, every member of my family became tired of me because to them i was now a liability, i bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at vovola temple who uses this email address: vovolaspelltemple@live.comwhen he requested for 350 dollars to buy the items for the spell to cure me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to him and she said to me that she paid 500 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced to pay the money and i did two days after , he cast the spell i was cured of all of the diseases that i was attacked with. And also he said to me that my husband that had ran away will be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took place%u2026This man at vovolaspelltemple@live.comis just so good at his spell work. CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA EMAIL:vovolaspelltemple@live.com
brand - September 11th, 2013 at 10:11 PM

mrs keith.brand | 7/18/2013 15:43:34 pM |
Good Day Every One On This Sites,,

I have a testimony to share,,My Name is Mrs keith.brand am from the United State Of America am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in California,I married for about 24years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.
Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor IMONG in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide.
please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Mrs keith.brand from USA direceted you, his email imongspiritualtemple@priest.com or websit www.imongspiritualangelictemple.webs.com

h - September 14th, 2013 at 5:50 PM
juliet - October 12th, 2013 at 8:15 PM
want to testify of what a great spell caster did for me and my
husband.we have been married since 2005 without a sign of pregnancy.I
went off birth control then and did not have a period.my gyro gave me
progesterone to jump-start a period and it did.,but i did not have
another one.we did another round of progesterone followed by 100mg
clomid for 5 months,we followed all doctors instructions but all to no
avail.I have been buying ovulation kits pregnancy test AND i finally
got 3 test when i was ovulating! So ever since that we been trying for
years now! Well i was very confused because i keep taking ept test AND
they all keep turning out to be negative! I really want a baby girl
while my husband want a baby boy LOLL!will have be trying
So hard for so many years now looking for solution,but no solution.
and i still yet do not have my period?nobody to help because every
body around us was already at the verge of losing their faith on us.no
were to run to until one faithful day i was reading a magazine and i
stumble on a page were i found topic or a head line {A SPELL CASTER}
who can heal someone for any kinds of problems,so i went true the page i saw so many testimony on how she help

so many people in solving there problems.she bring your
EX boy,girl,wife,husband,lost job back.enlarge your BREAST,help you win a VISA LOTTERY,or any kinds of lottery

you may desired to play.make you have
money,connection,famous,and also protect your business and your family for bad lucky.if you are seeking for

loan for any company and they did not respond to you,come to my temple i will cast a spell for you so that any

were you go favor will follow you,and they will give you the loan. save your relationship,did you want to

reduce your WEIGHT
or flatten your Tommy,did you want to find favor in the sight of men and women,or any were you go.JUST CONTACT

ME ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WILL BE OVER.After i have finish reading the testimony i decided to gave her a try.to my

greatest surprise i begin to see my period again.
before i could know it dr. hope rescued me from my problem by
casting a spell for me and told me to go and make love with my
husband,then i did,and after nine months i delivered a twins A BOY AND
A GIRL. just as he said.This spell caster name is dr.hope so many
people have witness his wonderful work.He is nice woman,this is my first time of coming across a woman that is

so powerful in spell casting. contact her on
(hopespiritualspellcastertemple@gmail.com) you are in any predicament email
her immediately without doubts,she will listen to you and solve your problems.she dose not charge for money

after the spell has be cast you can show her appreciation for what she has do for you.I can say she is the best

woman spell caster on earth.Thanks so much.FROM JULIET.

mellisa - October 13th, 2013 at 4:22 PM
HiV healer. obadan has help me cure my disease, i am Mellisa Yvonne and I work in a communication company I want to share my testimony to the world, my name is maria katrina, i am from united kingdom in belfast north Ireland, I was a stripper in a club I got effected with HIV due to the nature of my job, In April 15 2013 i was tested positive to HIV, Believe it or not this is a true life experience. This is not design to convince you but its just a personal health experience . I never taught doctor obadan could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing spell, i have tried almost everything but I couldn't find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening to me, i always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day i was just browsing on the internet when i came across a great post of !Michelle! who truly said that she was been diagnose with HIV and was healed that very week through the help of this great powerful healing spell doctor ,I wonder why he is called the great papa obadan, i never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so I quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and so i did all the things he asked me to do, He never collected any money from me until I was finally cured, only to see that at the very day which he said i will be healed, all the strength that has left me before rush back and i becomes very strong and healthy, this disease almost kills my life all because of me, so i went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said i am HIV negative, i am very amazed and happy about the healing doctor obadan gave to me from the ancient part of africa, you can email him now for your own healing too on his email: dr.obadanspellhome@gmal.com, thank you doctor for healing me. or call 2348160922240.
rose - October 20th, 2013 at 2:46 PM
Hello, my name is Rose Winnse, I'm from Canada. I want to
inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real. I
never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Tarique,
I needed him so badly. I found in a site consultant about DR AISABU spells
and i ordered a love spell. 24 hours later,i got a phone call from him.
Tarique was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come
back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him.
Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we
have to share together and he came back confessing how much he loved me. I
recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you
wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were
meant to be." you can contact the spell caster on
abracadabralovespell@gmail.com. he's very nice and great spell caster, he
can help you solve any problem contact him on his email. i promise you will
share testimonies just like me.
gift - October 22nd, 2013 at 1:54 PM
My name is gift More . I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster. I meant a man who%u2019s name is DR.ikoko he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one%u2019s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell.. anything you can ever imagine that you've lost. I%u2019m now happy and I'm a living testimony simply because the man i had wanted to marry left me 6weeks before our wedding and my life was in a chaos cos our relationship has been on for 7years. I really love him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what has happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and pt my faith on it. And in 7 days when i returned to London, my fiancee (now husband) called me by himself and came pleading that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he has gotten a new job so we should get married. I didn%u2019t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my fiancee's name and all i wanted him to do. he told me after 48hrs that my problem that looks like a mountain will be solved..... i just kept that little faith of mine..... as i will have it.. just after 48hrs i got it done.....(ikokootemple@gmail.com)

contact Dr at ikokotemple@gmail.com
vicky - October 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 PM
My Name is vicky Nash from USA. My boyfriend had been gone for about 7 months, I contacted Dr.ikoko from other testifiers and within a few minutes of speaking with him, I realized that Dr.ikoko was the one person whom I could completely trust. I didn%u2019t expect the spell would work so fast. Within 48 hours, my boyfriend was back in my life. I want to express my warmest gratitude to Dr. ikoko Temple. I%u2019ll never ever forget all the happiness you gave me. I%u2019ll like to share his contact email:ikokotemple@gmail.com OR his phone number 2348077841571
Rose - November 3rd, 2013 at 7:54 AM
HI
My name is Mrs Rose Alexi, I am from Canada
I had problem in my love life%u2026my lover left me and went away 5 months back%u2026I was very tensed and was scammed many times%u2026I was not able to sleep and cried day and night%u2026but everything came 2 an end when I met a real and genuine spell caster Dr j lord ..it just took 2 days for him to solve my problem and bring my lover back to my life%u2026he is not only an expert in solving relationship problems but also can solve any problems in human life%u2026he is an Angel to me%u2026he treated me like his daughter and told me not to worry at all%u2026..and after 2days of spell casting my lover called me up and asked for forgiveness%u2026sir i am very much thankful to u for bringing my lover back 2 me%u2026..I will not stop publishing your name%u2026anybody who wants help in any problems in life may contact him%u2026 Rest assured, the Love Spell will not hurt your loved one, it is not evil; it is just to help rekindle the love in his or her heart%u2026 is contact email address drjlordshrinetemple@hotmail.com and mobile contact is 2348086803504

becky - November 7th, 2013 at 6:02 PM
I am Becky by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address dr.Wisdomspellhome@gmail.com, have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr. Wisdom. His email: dr.Wisdomspellhome@gmail.com
Mr William - November 7th, 2013 at 10:01 PM
My Name is Mr William, am from USA .I love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 1 month ago, to our weeding for another man in morocco..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man called DR, ODUDUWA when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 2 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too,This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him on this e-mail; simthoduduwatemple66@gmail.com i want to help people across the world..he email is down dear, and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck his email; simthoduduwatemple66@gmail.com or call 2347037059120
mr clark - November 8th, 2013 at 1:24 AM
hello my name is clark, i just want to tell u all my friends about how the most trusted illuminatiagent helped me. all i did was to email him that i was interested and he made life better for me. now to get any car or any other thing that money can buy of my choice is no longer my problem. just email the most loyal illuminatiagent at illuminatiagent280@gmail.com and i am very sure that he will never fail you
mercy - November 10th, 2013 at 9:45 PM
Hello my name is mercy i know renowned
spell caster who helped me when i had
problem with my boss if you need a right
place to solve your problems contact DR
GREATALADESOLUTIONTEMPLE is the right choice.
he is a great man that have been casting spells
with years of experience. he cast spells for
different purposes like
(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care
Contact him today on:
dr Greataladesolutiontemple@gmailcom
james - November 12th, 2013 at 10:55 AM

I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD'S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS;okutemple@hotmail.com ......HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT OUR OPPORTUNITY ... CONTACT THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER VIA EMAIL:okutemple@hotmail.com




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aumagba - November 16th, 2013 at 3:16 PM

MASTER caster and herbalist:

My name is Dr. adumagba I am a professional Spiritual Healer, I can help you with any problem or wish that you might have. I have over 25 years experience in the field of Spell Casting / Spiritual Healing. For many years I have worked for thousands of customers in more than 50 countries around the world. My services are very much in demand which is proof of the success I am achieving on a daily basis. I specialize in the following, love spells, Marriage spells, Protection spells, spiritual healing, fortune teller, witch doctor, curse removal, herbalist, remove negative energy, spiritual cleansing, Voodoo, charms, traditional medicine, gay love spells, break up spells, etc. .

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santo - November 22nd, 2013 at 5:48 PM
My Name is SANTO WESTLEY..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called okutemple@hotmail.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she%u2019s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years%u2026So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution%u2026so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she%u2019s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me%u2026The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this%u2026he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing
harrison - November 22nd, 2013 at 11:19 PM
I was been suffering hardship from HIV/AIDS since 9yrs now,
and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we
cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease
and now i have do all what a human like i and my husband can
do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places
to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i
melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented
by Miss Marilyn about how this powerful traditional doctor help
her get cured of the disease (HIV-AIDS) " my fellow beloved" i
firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer
was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress
on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save
my life?" so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to
contact him through his Email address at
drogensurlahivcure@gmail.com , so after i have mailed him
of helping get my disease cured, i respond to me fast as
possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and
powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all
set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on
a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all his
oracle said. I did all by accepting his oracolous fact and only to
see that the following week Dr ozander mail me on my mail box
that my work is successfully done with his powers, i was first
shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth
after i have concluded my final test on the hospital by my
doctor that i am now HIV- Negative. My papers for check are
with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help
and power.
With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help,
either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at these
following email now,drogensurlahivcure@gmail.com

harrison - November 22nd, 2013 at 11:19 PM
I was been suffering hardship from HIV/AIDS since 9yrs now,
and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we
cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease
and now i have do all what a human like i and my husband can
do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places
to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i
melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented
by Miss Marilyn about how this powerful traditional doctor help
her get cured of the disease (HIV-AIDS) " my fellow beloved" i
firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer
was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress
on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save
my life?" so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to
contact him through his Email address at
drogensurlahivcure@gmail.com , so after i have mailed him
of helping get my disease cured, i respond to me fast as
possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and
powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all
set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on
a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all his
oracle said. I did all by accepting his oracolous fact and only to
see that the following week Dr ozander mail me on my mail box
that my work is successfully done with his powers, i was first
shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth
after i have concluded my final test on the hospital by my
doctor that i am now HIV- Negative. My papers for check are
with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help
and power.
With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help,
either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at these
following email now,drogensurlahivcure@gmail.com

mike - November 24th, 2013 at 10:11 AM
My mouth is short of words, i am so so happy because Dr. okpoko has healed me from HIV ailment which i have been suffering from the past 5years now, i have spend a lot when getting drugs from the hospital to keep me healthy, i have tried all means in life to always i can become HIV negative one day, but there was no answer until i found Dr okpoko the pairs of African who provide me some healing spell that he uses to help me, now i am glad telling everyone that i am now HIV Negative, i am very very happy, thank you Dr okpoko for helping my life comes back newly without any form of crisis, may the good lord that i serve blessed you Dr okpoko and equip you to the higher grade for healing my life. i am so amazed. so i will announced to everyone in this whole world that is HIV positive to please follow my advice and get healed on time, because we all knows that HIV disease is a deadly type,contact Dr okpoko for your Hiv healing spell today at: dr.okpokospellhome@gmail.com..... He will be always happy to assist you online and ensure you get healed on time, contact Dr okpoko today for your healing spell immediately, thank you sir: dr.okpokospellhome@gmail.com
Mac Lowis - November 27th, 2013 at 8:19 AM
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Quick Reply

john - December 14th, 2013 at 6:56 PM

dear dr mike

for the first time in my life GOT THE REAL BLACK MAGIC and RITUAL.I have suffered a great deal in the hands of many magicians on the world wide web. and in various magicians in SPAIN.

but finally i was searching one evening again,because i know that good magicians are still there...but how to get them is a very big problem.

after several searches for about 3 hours i inserted the last words.."BLACK MAGIC" into the google search engine.I have a love problem and i need a magical love magic.

when i got to the dr mike web ,i was amazed....but i felt bad as i thought about how i had wasted money on magic in the past.

I wrote several mails to DR.mike about the most interesting charm on the web -the bagorie.it does almost everything on earth.even though I was on my search for love item, I diverted to the bagorie.

after DR.mike had explained everything to me on the special brand/version of the BAGORIE i made my order on a borrowed amount of $500.the order got to me in 12 days...on the 12th JANUARY 2013.

i performed the small introduction the same night.i kept on carrying the bagorie stone as instructed from 13th January to 14th February.on February 27th2013,i followed a friend to a casino...what amazed me mostly was that i had never been to casino and despite the warning that i should only watch ,i had a feeling within me that i should be involved.to cut my story short....i won $28,678.00 only one night.

this is very amazing.i sent an email to Dr mike on the 1st of march informing him to collect a gift of $2,500.00 through the western union as i had promised him during his explanation before i bought the bagorie.

i have been to the same and various other casinos within the 27TH FEBRUARY AND 30TH OF MARCH 2013 AND I HAD WORN AND SAVED ALMOST $84,800 INTO MY ACCOUNT.I HAVE A FINANCIAL BREAK-THROUGH IN MY LIFE.

In the coming months i shall be focusing on love affairs as the web showed that the bagorie WILL DO ALL THINGS.

BIG THANKS TO YOU Dr mike
BIG THANKS TO VOODOO BLACK MAGIC SPELLS.!!
BIG THANKS TO THE 27 SPIRITS OF BAGORIE!!!
IN CASE YOU ALSO NEEDS HIS HELP
HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS( africanvodoo1@gmail.com)



prue holliwel - December 24th, 2013 at 4:14 PM


I want to testify of what a spell caster did for me and my hubby.we have been married since 2007 without a sign of pregnancy.I went off birth control then and did not have a period.my gyro gave me progesterone to jump-start a period and it did.,but i did not have another one.we did another round of progesterone followed by 100mg clomid for 5 months,we followed all doctors instructions but all to no avail.I have been buying ovulation kits pregnancy test AND i finally got 3 test when i was ovulating! So ever since that we been trying for years now! Well i was very confused because i keep taking ept test AND they all keep turning out to b negative! I really want a baby girl while my hubby want a baby boy LOLL! I think maybe we are just trying So hard, What i can tell you is that its been so many years now and i still yet do not have my period??nobody to help because every body around us was already at the verge of losing their faith on us.no were to run to until one faithful day i was reading a magazine and i stumble on a page were i found topic or a head line {A SPELL CASTER} who can heal someone from HIV AND AIDS,bring back your EX,enlarge your BREAST,help you win a VISA LOTTERY,losing your WEIGHT and even get six PACKS AND flatten your BELLY,I gave her a try and before i could no it Mama Isiabel rescued me from my problem by casting a spell for me and told me to go and make love with my hubby,then i did,and after nine months i delivered a twins A BOY AND A GIRL. after all this , i said to my self that i wont just testify on line, but make the whole world see and hear of her.This spell caster name is Mama Isiabel. so many people have witness her wonderful work..She is nice, contact he on:mama4africanspell@gmail.com if you are in any predicament email her immediately without doubts%u2022Thanks so very much!!

Mama Isiabel

kate - January 1st, 2014 at 9:04 PM

HELLO I AM KATE FROM NEW YORK I WANT TO SHARE
THIS LITTLE TESTIMONY ABOUT A GREAT DOCTOR
WHO SAVE MY LIFE FROM
THIS DISEASE CALLED
HIV/AIDS I HAVE BEEN
IN THIS PROBLEM FOR
SO MANY YEARS TILL I SAW A TESTIMONY ABOUT THIS GREAT MAN UDO,THAT SAVE MY LIFE YOU CAN AS WELL CONTACT HIM VIA THIS MAIL ADDRESS(udosolutio%u200Bncenter@out%u200Blook.com)TRY AND SEE THANKS.....
FROM KATE
williams - January 16th, 2014 at 10:32 PM
I am williams by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage, my wife left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called High Priest OLORUN which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 7 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped High Priest OLORUN 's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. High Priest OLORUN is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High Priest OLORUN anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact:{OLORUNLOVESPELLHOME@gmail.com.
sheryl - March 4th, 2014 at 8:32 AM
Dr EKUKU is the best spell caster ever.
i just have to share this testimony
Dr Ekuku is the best spell caster ever,I just have to share this good news with you out there. After Philip and I had words this morning,just three days after i contacted Dr Ekuku.Then this evening around 7:30 he sent me an sms to say he wanted to talk. Naturally I played hard to get, then he said he still loved me and that he was sorry.We ironed out a few issues so we are back on speaking terms,Dr Ekuku is to thank for the sudden turn around in Philip after he cast the reunion spell. Thank you so much for putting a smile back on my face again. Even Philip seems happier and admitted that he was miserable since the fall out we had 6 months ago. I will definitely recommend your site to all my friends. I am a believer.if you are facing hard times with you love life or any problem at all reach Dr Ekuku on ekukutempleofsolution@gmail.com.
Name: SHERYL
Location:Amsterdam, Holand

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