Some Things I Wish Would Go Away
by Jen Hatmaker on March 19th, 2014

I like to think I’m an easy person, that I can flex and flow. I’m not wound super tight. For example, last week during Spring Break, it occurred to me somewhere around Thursday that none of my children had taken a shower that week. Do you see what I’m saying? I’m chill like that.

But there are a few things that I cannot handle. My threshold has been reached and I could become that crazy person who screams at the Barista because her half-caf is the wrong temperature. High maintenance over-priced hipster coffee is not my issue, but some other things are. I give you a handful of things I wish would go away:
The Frozen Soundtrack
If you have a daughter between the ages of 4-12, I do not even need to explain this. How can I help you understand my despair? Well, perhaps this picture of Remy’s bedroom door that faces our front entry (you’re welcome, guests) will help you understand what we’re dealing with:
Every word to "Let It Go" transcribed, including exclamation marks, all caps, and melodrama.

Now maybe, perhaps, I mean I don’t know but I’m speculating that if it was just listening to “Let it Go” on a continuous loop, I might be able to handle it, but what I am actually hearing is REMY’S rendition of “Let it Go” on a continuous loop, and I love that child within an inch of her life, but she does not have a future in composition. She feels differently about her musical potential and has been asking my friends lately what she had to do to “get on a stage,” to which I whisper under my breath, “Join debate.” Bless. All I’m saying is, if that Frozen CD “gets lost” or “gets scratched” or “get shattered with a hammer,” I expect you to look the other way. I am a woman filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, but this is one area even God’s strength cannot reach.
Loud Phone Talkers in Airports
I’ve been assaulted on my last four or five trips by this breed of person. And reader, I don’t mean the ordinary Mom who is quietly talking to her children before she flies to Minneapolis for a sales conference. I’m talking about the guy with the phone and the decibels and the clear disregard for his fellow airport compatriots and is all so then I was like, listen bro, if I wanted to move to Detroit, I would freaking pack my bags and move to Detroit, I mean, this is my sales territory and if Dennis wants to move in on it, then we can throw down until he steps off. I’ll say that to his face, bro. What a wang nugget!
I feel like I am taking crazy pills.
Dear Loud Phone Talker at Airport Gate, this is a small space. Look at us all in here. It’s basically like we’re sharing a bedroom. We are your roommates quietly doing our homework and reading our textbooks and you are tempting us toward mob violence. We are a peaceful people ordinarily, LPT, but if you don’t stop the piercing noises coming out of your mouth hole, Dennis is going to be the least of your worries. WE will throw down if YOU do not step off, bro. Yes, us, these peace-loving moms and uncles and young children and elderly grandmothers sitting near you. You don’t know what we’re capable of.   
Let me tell you something: If airplanes start allowing cell phone service during flights, that is the first clear evidence of end times.
Phones That Cannot Be Dropped
You know what? Hi, Apple. Well aren’t you the cat’s meow. You got us. You got us good. We belong to you. We cannot live without you. Our phones and tablets and computers and apps are all synced, and now we’re locked into your updates and newer versions and latest technology, because OOPS, the old technology doesn’t work anymore and unless you upgrade within six months, your phone will turn to salt like Lot’s Wife.
And about this phone. Any phone that is so precious that it cannot handle one tiny drop on the floor is a menace to society. What do you think we are? A People Who Never Trip, Drop Things, or Bang Into Stuff? You are not a phone for humans; you are a phone for stationary plant life. You are only good for cacti. You are small and slippery. It is your lot in life to fall on floors at which point you shatter right alongside our replacement budget.
I may break you, but you will not break me. Seven weeks and counting with this baby.

You ought to be better than this, man. You are weak. How am I supposed to tweet about the Loud Phone Talker in the Airport now? My right index finger is permanently damaged from your glass shards, and these ten fingers are how I make a living. Thank you very much for ruining my career.
Middle School
I’ve now been in middle school four times and I have two delightful more trips through this quagmire of awkwardness. Hey Middle School Teachers, YOU DESERVE FORTY MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR. Bless it all. These children are all possessed. Reader, tell me there is no worse three-year period in the human experience than 6th-8th grade. It was unquestionably my worst stretch, and now I have one survivor, two soldiers in its trenches, and two more in the innocent, precious world of elementary school still.
I told Sydney (who has struggled and fumbled and tripped all the way through MS), “Baby, these are your worst days. You are horrible, your friends are awful, your body is a nightmare, your brain is impaired, your peers are lunatics and sociopaths, your emotions are a trainwreck, and you are convinced that your parents are hopeless morons. You could be a Prisoner of War and have a better experience than three years of middle school. Just put your head down and get through it. High school is better, college is the best, and then you grow up and pay bills and then you die. I love you. Good talk.”
And I believe you all know Caleb is in sixth grade. Jesus, give us strength, for this one testeth the patience of our wills and I beseech thee to grant him either frontal lobe development to increase his favor or strong legs to outrun us, for thine is the kingdom but as for me and my house, we are not above woe and wrath.

Can you even handle this picture? His cuteness and charm is currently saving his life.

These are my current hot buttons. How about you, Dear One Who Only Has So Much Patience? What are some things you wish would go away?

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Lisa-Jo - March 19th, 2014 at 11:14 AM
I love you. The end. Especially when you speaketh in King James.
Jeremie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Baha! Loved the article and this comment!
Megan - March 19th, 2014 at 12:08 PM
haha, me too!
BeckyHaskins - March 19th, 2014 at 11:16 AM
The sad thing is that my girls have not even seen the movie yet. We are about to go and purchase it so it is only beginning for us:)
Mary - March 19th, 2014 at 11:17 AM
I will have you know that the frozen soundtrack got me through a dark time in my life also known as repainting a bedroom with 4 coats of paint. As someone with zero singing abilities and the dream of getting on stage that won't die, I am on Remy's team. As for all the other things on this list - a thousand times yes. I taught middle school for a year and it took everything I had somedays not to grab them by the shoulders and ask, "kid! What is WRONG with you? Why are there no thoughts in your brain?"
Gretchen - March 19th, 2014 at 11:47 AM
Love this comment!
Erica - March 19th, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Pregnancy constipation. That is all.
Wendy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:50 AM
Oh, honey... My "baby" is now 6, and I still have PTSD from this. I went double-digit days in the first trimester without going. People would comment on how cute my bump was, and all I could think about was that my zygote was about the size of a dime, it was my HUGE AMOUNT OF SHIT making that "adorable" baby bump (aka POOP BALL! Adorable poop!). I Googled every home remedy possible and may have also Googled whether or not one's intestines can explode from TOO MUCH POOP!

I am going to share my sage wisdom with you, and you will love me forever. Chipotle. Eat it. Daily. I am going to write a pregnancy guide someday that includes this advice that every pregnant woman should know and follow.
Shelly - March 19th, 2014 at 12:09 PM
this is beyond fantastic. BEYOND. Thank you for saying what we ALL wanted to!
Jenn - March 19th, 2014 at 12:16 PM
Girls. Me too. It's been eight years, and I still can't talk about it.
Julie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Holy crap on a cracker. My middle schooler is going to be the Death. Of. Me. Thank you for owning it all. You rocked the house in Savannah.
Former Middle School teacher who should know better.
Kimber - March 19th, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Preach. It. Sister. Amen, and AMEN.
Lauren - March 19th, 2014 at 11:21 AM
Um, my phone is cracked right now, and I had a dramatic "conversation" with my husband about it, and he is less than sympathetic. Somehow him sitting quietly in his office doesn't break his phone. Only my rowdy mom life does. Anyhoo, secondary to my diatribe, he promised that, "as soon as you're up for an upgrade, babe, we'll go make an event of it. Until then, sorry." Whatever, Apple. Love this post and love you!
Tami - March 19th, 2014 at 1:59 PM
Lauren - found a local place that will replace the screen for about $50. Totally worth it - at least better than waiting for the upgrade!
Maddie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:21 AM
I love you Jen! Thank you so much for putting this out there. As a mom of a lunatic middle schooler I often feel alone. You have helped me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Joy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:22 AM
Yes and yes with more yes!
Katy Byrne - March 19th, 2014 at 11:22 AM
PREACH about the loud airport talker. It is a guy bragging about business 90% of the time, and I am praying he is not sitting next to me as he walks down the aisle.
Sandy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:22 AM
Amen on the Middle School. Eesh. I have one in the homestretch of 8th grade, and she's lucky to be alive at this point....
Lori Harris - March 19th, 2014 at 11:23 AM
I swear. You just brought a little happy to my jacked up day.
Sincerely, the mama of 6, 1 being in middle school
Shannon - March 19th, 2014 at 11:23 AM
I taught 7th grade. While pregnant. The fact that I didn't end up on the news is a miracle in itself. Word.
Shelley in So. IL - March 19th, 2014 at 11:23 AM
I am fully entrenched in elementary school right now, so I say this fully knowing that my woe here is just in its infancy. I loathe homework. I have quadruplets so when a grade level starts "working together" on a project and the whole grade has to create the universe on a poster board out of lint and crayons and glitter, I get to do that 4 times. Four. FOUR!!!!! I hate homework.
Sandygee - March 19th, 2014 at 11:59 AM
Oh other comment is going to come near this.....respect to you. I hate homework and I only have one daughter to contend with!
Bean - March 19th, 2014 at 1:00 PM
God. Bless. You....with homework passes in abundance. Love, former elementary teacher.
Becky - March 19th, 2014 at 11:25 AM
I love you. I quote you to my husband. I recommend you to all my friends. My children are grown. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. But when you get them all grown - they leave home, and then you miss them so badly it hurts. Hang in there.
Suzanne - March 19th, 2014 at 11:41 AM
Amen Becky.
Virginia - March 19th, 2014 at 12:00 PM
Yes, but then there are grandchildren :)
Nicole - March 19th, 2014 at 11:44 AM
"But when you get them all grown - they leave home, and then you miss them so badly it hurts."

Mine are 9 months and 6 and I already fear this, because they grow SO fast, and time just flies...
Lynn - March 19th, 2014 at 11:49 AM
Becky, you are absolutely right. I used to have a shirt that said "Parent's of teenagers understand why animals eat their young". If you can get through those middle school and high school years, somehow they become human again (around age 24-25). If you manage not to strangle them, eventually you get grandchildren, which truly makes it all worthwhile.
Tracy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:25 AM
Middle school for sure! My only 2 are both in it now. How about drivers that believe they are the only ones on the turn signals, no looking, just not a peep of a care that others are sharing the road. Last one....drop off/pick up line at school. Please say your goodbyes, instructions for the afternoon, life lessons before you are up in line and kids have your stuff gathered and ready to jump out of the car. I love the moms cutting in the pick up line, really....we all have places to go take a chill pill and wait your turn!
laughingmouse - March 19th, 2014 at 11:45 AM
A good friend just messaged me about exactly this!
Lynette - March 19th, 2014 at 11:26 AM
Thankfully, God did not bless me with girls and my boys are half grown so no "Frozen" for me, but I laughed so hard at the middle school section. My last one is almost finished with 8th grade and your observations are spot on! Love this! And I love your More sleep, more coffee, etc pic! I'm going to try to make one for my house. Thanks for lightening up my day!
Kari - March 19th, 2014 at 11:26 AM
Oh I agree!! I have a sixth grade boy... I think we need to form a support group. At any given moment I am ready to beat the life out of him or give him a big squishy hug of mamma love, complete with smooch on the cheek. LOL!!
J. McCutcheon - March 19th, 2014 at 11:26 AM
Pastor's family. Moved to Texas. 6th grade daughter. New school. Trying not to lose it. Hubby is a middle school pastor with degrees in this stuff. Not good enough. Plowing through with prayer. Holding onto Jesus.
NHredhead - March 19th, 2014 at 12:15 PM
Praying for you. Jesus is enough, though sometimes I struggle to move that from head knowledge to believing it with all my heart.
Laurie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:27 AM
Oh I feel ya with the middle school. I have one is 7th grade (I miss my lovable son but have been told he will one day return to us) and just last night we went to orientation for our 5th grader. And I made the mistake of speaking and was told that I not only embarrassed her but also all her friends. God help me! And guess what, they were already handing out school supply lists. Who buys school supplies in March for next year!
Katie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:27 AM
Two year olds. Just two year olds.
Christine - March 19th, 2014 at 11:48 AM
Right there with ya!!! My two year old is so dramatic....I'm not sure we'll make it to the middle school years!
A - March 19th, 2014 at 11:55 AM
twin two year olds who refuse to potty train!!!
Cami - March 19th, 2014 at 4:10 PM
Yes! I have a 4 year old, 2 year old (who has recently decided that sleep is for sissies) and one due any day. I. Feel. You. I used to run a middle school after school program and I'm convinced my toddlers are just less hormonal versions of preteens, still just as dramatic.
Laura - March 19th, 2014 at 11:27 AM
Fiddlers who think every electronic device is theirs (it's ok, I can say this, they're mine). My 7 month old has also jumped on the technology bandwagon. So basically if an iPad, iPhone, laptop, or remote control enters their line of sight it's tantrum city. Yay! All my internet and phone time has been relegated to nap time and after dark.
Leah - March 19th, 2014 at 11:27 AM
Oh my gosh, thank you! I have a 8th grade boy and a girl who will be a 6th grader next year. I'll get a couple years off and then do it all over again with our baby. Heaven help us :)
Lois - March 19th, 2014 at 11:27 AM
Laughing myself silly here. This post makes me simultaneously want to be your best friend and run in fear! My son is 3 - is this what's coming down the pike?!
Amanda - March 19th, 2014 at 11:44 AM
EXACTLY what I was thinking, Lois! My daughter will be 2 this summer. Love you, Jen.
Kelly Lagaras - March 19th, 2014 at 11:28 AM
Oh my goodness. I have two middle school boys and I keep saying "Have they lost their mind?" The worst part is that I am one of the ones who should be making 40 million dollars a year. You think I would know better and suck it up but have been shocked into a greater prayer life. Feel your pain- my 6th grader has been saved by cuteness, especially the freckle on his face that calls for kisses.
Sherry - March 19th, 2014 at 11:28 AM
I love you Jen Hatmaker!!! You say EXACTY what we are all thinking!!! It's good to know we are not alone in the fight for survival called raising children! The picture of Caleb made me giggle, I remember him from Oak Hill and more specifically, Mrs. Roberts Kindergarten Class where I think he and Matthew gave her a run for her money that year! Looking forward to seeing you at Parkview soon!!
Jill Richardson - March 19th, 2014 at 11:28 AM
Cray cray. I am so ready for this non-word to disappear. Totes. And by the way, my baby is 18, and Frozen still reigns supreme here. She has learned some of it in Spanish, just for fun.
Sarah - March 19th, 2014 at 11:28 AM
Can we also add people who have loud phone talks in public restrooms. There is business to be done...preferably not on the phone. Hang up and pee, please, people.
Rhonda Sanderson - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
I wholeheartedly agree with your take on the middle school years. I HATE middle school.
Middle school makes me pray for the rapture daily!! God bless those wonderful middle school teachers!!
Naomi - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
My 13 year old (yes Jr High in all its glory) loves Frozen and has found on pandora a channel that is all Disney songs and quizzes us on what movie each one is from.
PS - you can replace just the front glass screen on your iphone for almost nothing - find a techie friend. I have one here so if you want to come to Oregon :)
Lisa Biedebach - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Homeschooling! Trying to catch my newly adopted daughter up before
Middle school next year. It's painful and not in my wheelhouse.
But she is catching up, and today she did everything herself. Miracle of miracles!
Meredith - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
I am deep in preschool trenches...for me, that means 1 four year old and 2 year old twins. Help me, Lord. I hope we make it to middle school. That is all.
Angela Ruh - March 19th, 2014 at 12:33 PM
Meredith, you will survive! It gets least for awhile. Our twins are 11 and we also have a 9 year old. On the cusp of middle school now, and NOT looking forward to 3 in that stage at once. Ugh.
Nicole - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
I love every word of this....and if all your other offers of internet best friends fall through, i'm totally waiting in the wings to lament lots of other airport concerns and complaints with you. :)

Shelley - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Mom's dropping off their tots in skin tight yoga pants. I get it. I'm a frumpy failure.
Dolly Mink - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Oh, Sister, you are only scratching the surface here. There is so much. SO MUCH! Where could I even begin??? Of late, the thing that I really want to jump over the grocery cart at is the look I get when, once again, I accidentally forget to bring my reusable grocery bags to the store with me. I even once received a condescending "Here, you can use a couple of mine. I have many- I won't miss them." PLEASE! They do not know the many uses that I have come up with for these creations- not the least of which my (professional) husband drags his lunch to work in them every day-- and I am the one who cuts up the six pack rings so ducks won't choke and who goes ballistic when someone flips a ciggy butt out the window, once even picking it up and handing it back! But catch me ONE TIME going to the store without my cloth carriers and I am a pariah. So yeah That kinda bothers me, thanks for asking.
Brooke W. - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
The only thing worse than a child middle school is moving said child in the middle of 7th grade. What was the army thinking!
Kimberly - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Jen, you brighten my day :) As a gal who works for a non-profit with approximately 500 middle school girls under my care each week, I needed to hear that.
Terri - March 19th, 2014 at 11:29 AM
LOL!! Now THIS is the post of the far!! ;) LOVE it!!
Tanya Dennis - March 19th, 2014 at 11:30 AM
I thought there was nothing worse than waking, sleeping, drinking, eating ... NEVER BEING ABLE TO ESCAPE FROZEN ... but then I saw this. And my kids watched this ... A DOZEN TIMES ... and now that incessant soundtrack, that is still on a permanent loop in my brain, is sung in 22 different voices.

You're welcome.
Amy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:30 AM
I have never heard Frozen soundtrack, nor seen the movie. It's ok to envy me. I have no daughters, only sons, so I am spared the onslaught.
Amy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:30 AM
The attitude of teenagers still living in our home the day and after they turn 18. I'm on my 3rd, "You can't stop me! I'm an adult now!". They learn perty quick in our home that unless they want me to help them pack, they'd betta slowly walk out the way they came in and seriously rethink their argument. So 3 down and 3 to go, but man that attitude drives me cray cray.
Sandy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:30 AM
Two middle school girls. Hormones and drama.
Casey Prince - March 19th, 2014 at 11:30 AM
I'm going to have to add winter to the list. I know all things created by God are to be lauded and loved, but I am so completely over winter and my kids with their constant insideness. I am a solar powered person so the sooner the sun comes back the better chance my kids have at survival.
Angie Prince - March 19th, 2014 at 11:49 AM
Could not agree more. We must be related.
Shelley - March 19th, 2014 at 11:31 AM
Mom's dropping off their tots in skin tight yoga pants. I get it. I'm a frumpy failure.
Kevin - March 19th, 2014 at 11:31 AM
3 words: Clear Packing Tape. Got me through 8 months of a phone that looked like that.
Apple stuff is ment to be broken, and replaced. Its planned obsolescence.
Emily - March 19th, 2014 at 11:31 AM
My biggest button is people (adults who should be over this junior high stage) who continuously judge a person's value and capabilities by their outside appearance. I am tired of people judging the woman in the wheel chair...she must be mentally impaired because she can't walk NO. She's brilliant. Really. How about the overly obese woman? She must be lazy and unable to complete NO. She has medical issues and she is one of the most dedicated people you will ever meet. Give them chances and you will realize that they are amazing people you shouldn't be living your life without knowing...
Laurie Yost - March 19th, 2014 at 11:32 AM
Blessed are those that speak the truth! And let me tell you sister you are right on! I'm sure you were just narrowing the list down for the reader friendly version because I know there are more. When I taught middle school (and no I didn't get $40 million dollars!) I would have parents continually come in and tell me they were sure something was wrong with their son/daughter. Oh there was something wrong alright I'd tell them. Swimming in the adolescent sea of hormones, zits and feet bigger than their bodies--who wouldn't act like a crazy with all of that? I reassured them that their child would be ok and they were. I'd also like to add to the airport talker the obnoxious suit that sits directly behind me on the airplane and the second those wheels touch the ground is on his iphone yelling about this or that and his wonderful presentation that they will see if he can ever get past all of these people in coach to get to his destination. Uggg. You hit it all spot on my friend!
Keris - March 19th, 2014 at 11:32 AM
Middle School is the Devil. Lord help me, I'm only on the first one going through it!
Kristi - March 19th, 2014 at 11:33 AM
I love pretty much everything you write - but this was a great read today! I so love your honesty! Middle school...uugh! One moment I want to hug my 13-year-old son and the next - well, I shouldn't put it in writing! And I couldn't agree more with the inability to handle the "loud cell phone talkers" - at the airport, in the grocery store, etc. Some days I do a better job of ignoring them then others - but some days they get "my look". Which they ignore - kind of like my 13-year-old son does! :) Blessing to you today and thanks for the laugh!
Tess - March 19th, 2014 at 11:33 AM
Your poor phone. My husband owns a small business specializing in service/sales of Apple products. We'd be happy to fix that up for you for a very small price. It could be done and returned to you the same day we receive it. We've replaced thousands of those screens.
Nicole G - March 19th, 2014 at 12:45 PM me.. I have an I pod touch screen that needs to be fixed
Summer - March 19th, 2014 at 11:34 AM
Ahhh, but at least Frozen has a multiple choice playlist. You could be saturated beyond sanity with "Everything is AWESOME!!! Everything is cool when you're part of a team!" We did it to ourselves. That ditty was in the trailer and we STILL took him to the movie.
Kristin - March 19th, 2014 at 12:42 PM
You are so right! Now, imagine my nightmare: one 7 year old girl belting out "Let it Go" 100 times a second and one 5 year old boy screaming "Everything is Awesome" from dawn til dusk. It is the fault of winter, I swear. Because if the weather wasn't so awful I never would have taken them to the movies!
Jennifer - March 19th, 2014 at 12:53 PM
My children (all 5, 1 girl age 10 and 4 boys ages 12, 8, 5, and almost 2) ALL sing Everything is Awesome and the Frozen song, Let it Go almost all day long. To add to this, I home school, so they are around me all day too.
It's exhausting and I hope the fad passes soon.
Tammy Moore - March 19th, 2014 at 11:34 AM
Hilarious, Jen! The MS years diatribe could not be more on point. I have a 13 year old 7th grade boy and my stock reply to MOST of what he's dishing out these days is "You're lucky you're cute." O.M.G.
Ari - March 19th, 2014 at 11:35 AM
OMGOODNESS- they all resonate with me. My daughter is asking for the movie and I can not fathom the amount of irritation that will arise from my boys.
Loud Talkers slay me. I just want to join in and give my advise since clearly what I am doing is unimportant.
My iPhone is kept in it's own "Armour" because I drop it DAILY. It is no longer sleek and pretty. Why did I pick out the gold one? The fingerprint recognition is worthless. Yes, I am way too dependent on this small ruler as I type this with my thumbs on my tiny screen.
Again, I have already lived through it myself--shouldn't this pass me out of this phase with my children? If I thought I could survive homeschooling, I would but I believe that would create different drama.
Elizabeth VG - March 19th, 2014 at 11:35 AM
If you put clear packing tape over the face of your phone, your finger will be saved forever and you will be able to endure another 7 weeks :). It's genius.
Jenn Pena - March 19th, 2014 at 11:35 AM
Will you PLEASE be my BFF???
Oh the middle school years. How they should incorporate 9th grade back to that delightful place as they DO NOT belong in high school. Who thought it a good idea to move those little buggers up? 7th and 9th grade are where two of my children reside. I'm convinced they walk through the doors of Hades before they return home. I can't explain it any other way.
Heather - March 19th, 2014 at 12:37 PM
This. Every word of it. Fortunately we live in one of the few sane places that left the 9th graders in middle school where they clearly belong. And next year I shall have one in high school, two in middle school and two in elementary. I'm just gonna go ahead and bless my OWN heart, m'kay?
karla - March 19th, 2014 at 12:56 PM
We have the same setup re: "jr. high" - 6th grade stays in elementary, 7-9 jr. high, 10-12 high school. It was done for building reasons, but there really is something good about having 9th graders around to keep the 7th graders from flying completely off the handle, and 6th graders are much better served, imo.
Jamie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:36 AM
I have twins in 7th grade. You heard me. I'm doing this DOUBLE TIME. They're 10 grade almost-recovered-from-middle-school sister is saving their very lives.
Shelley - March 19th, 2014 at 11:36 AM
I can't start my list of annoyances because it is LOOOOOONG, and I would look unholy and and uptight, which I am the former and can be the latter, thankful for Jesus Amen!
But I can relate on the singing thing! Sometimes it is Frozen, but it can be ANY song that my 3 love to sing loudly and sing it BAD on PURPOSE! They think it's funny. Funny to see me go crazy, and try to yell louder than their bad on purpose singing! I threaten to ground them if they don't stop, that's how ridiculous I am! They are the southern version of precious! (Oh, and YES middle school SUCKS)
Krista - March 19th, 2014 at 11:37 AM
I'm 31 years old (almost - just accepting my fate now) and I work with a 26-year-old Disney LOVER. We don't go a day without hearing Let It Go and I kind of want to strangle her, except she's pregnant so my options are limited.
Karen - March 19th, 2014 at 11:37 AM
Always nice to know you're not alone!!!!!!
Jenn Pena - March 19th, 2014 at 11:38 AM
Will you PLEASE be my BFF???
Oh the middle school years. How they should incorporate 9th grade back to that delightful place as they DO NOT belong in high school. Who thought it a good idea to move those little buggers up? 7th and 9th grade are where two of my children reside. I'm convinced they walk through the doors of Hades before they return home. I can't explain it any other way.
Julie Burge - March 19th, 2014 at 11:39 AM
You said it!!!! I'm about to start my third round of middle school with my third boy. By the time it's all said and done, I'll have been thru 9 straight years of middle school adolescent boys with raging hormones. I WILL survive. I have no idea about them. Admittedly, just like your Caleb, their charm and cuteness is the only thing that saves their lives!
Jamie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:39 AM
Experienced the glass shards in finger from phone. Still dying over the amount I hear of What does a Fox Say and frozen soundtrack and I have boys. And I have to say that I can't stand the middle school phase, will easily leave a movie theatre if they are in site and already am in despair thinking my three year old and 5 year old will someday be themselves like this.
Alysa - March 19th, 2014 at 11:39 AM
Facebook Quizzes: What country should you live in and What Harry Potter character are you and What soda would you be and What kind of Facebook quiz are you and MAKE IT STOP. For the love.
Lisa - March 19th, 2014 at 11:39 AM
LOVE this and you! I need that sign in Remy's room. Anyone know where I can get one?
Dana - March 19th, 2014 at 11:40 AM

Frozen? Stupid

LPT? Experienced those in IAH and O'Hare. FOR. THE. LOVE.

Iphone? Just cracked the back of mine. $200 for a new phone? Over my dead body.

Middle School? My #4 is on the home's a miracle I haven't killed anyone. 2 1/2 months baby and then we RUN.

All those movie/dinner theaters? I want to like you! Really, I do Alamo Ice House! Your waiters are over worked, your food isn't that good and I think you watered down my malbec last night. You are dead to me.
Kelli S. - March 19th, 2014 at 11:41 AM
I AM that middle school teacher who also has a son in middle school. IN. MY. CLASS. Thankfully, it's only one hour per day though. God is good, and forty million might not be enough. Bless, is right.
AmandaC - March 19th, 2014 at 11:42 AM
I am no hater of critters, but I could do without fluffy little dogs who chase cars. Guess I should just wait a few weeks, they won't be a problem then. ;-) The card would read: "So sorry to hear about Precious. She was so light on her feet."
Aileen Stewart - March 19th, 2014 at 11:42 AM
This post is just too funny and so true. My daughter sings the Let it Go song from Frozen every morning and evening. And like y our daughter, she has even started printing out the lyrics on paper :-) I feel for you!
Heather - March 19th, 2014 at 11:42 AM
I am laughing and snorting at my desk reading this. Bless you for speaking the truth...and with such humor. Oh...and I too love when you speaketh in King James. :))))
Melissa - March 19th, 2014 at 11:42 AM
1. I watched Frozen yesterday on a plane after hearing the hype for months. I was very excited... I love Broadway and Disney and Adele Dazeem. But it just didn't live up to the hype. I mean, it was fun but I can't imagine having a child who listens to the songs on repeat.

2. I teach 8th grade science. In a rough neighborhood. To children who are in school from 7:30-4:30 every day and are squirrelly. I LOVE them, they are precious, but... they are not people. Bless their hearts, but all 150 of my precious students are insane creatures. Without brains. Somehow they survive on Hot Cheetos and drama. I haven't killed any of them yet.
Carissa - March 19th, 2014 at 1:05 PM
^Adele Dazeem.... hahahaha. Never gets old!
Janel - March 19th, 2014 at 11:44 AM
3 words: school drop off. such a great way to start the freakin' day.
Cindy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:45 AM
Hysterical! Been teaching middle school for over 10 years and have a 6th grader of my own. Hahahaha; I need to post this in the teachers' lounge. LOVE IT!!
Dee - March 19th, 2014 at 11:46 AM
I can only help you with one of these ... the rest? Keep praying! =) Ship your phone here and they will fix it!!!! :)

Cracked Up Mobile Repair Service
1023 E. Walnut St., Suite 3, Columbia, Missouri 65201
Jenn in TX - March 19th, 2014 at 11:47 AM
My husband would agree with you on the soundtrack..I cannot stop singing Frozen songs! As I type this I'm listening to the outtake songs on YouTube. :p Next time you get an iPhone you should get a Life Proof case! I'm prone to damaging all kinds of delicate things so it's a must for me. I've seen my phone topple down the stairs and my phone didn't have a scratch! Worth the $80 in my opinion, especially since the phone is like a zillion dollars. I hope Remy finds a new hobby for your sanity! :)
Melissa - March 19th, 2014 at 11:48 AM
I'm in my ninth year of teaching 7th and 8th grade. And I'm pregnant with my fourth child. Lord help my STUDENTS some days! Haha! I have been told more than once that I'm crazy to work with these kids, but I gotta tell you, I LOVE them. They are desperately trying to be "individuals" while at the same time not sticking out inanywaywhatsoever. They are quirky, moody, challenging, funny, kind, exasperating, and fun.

I only hope that I continue to feel this way when my own are going through it.
lynse - March 19th, 2014 at 11:48 AM
Can we please bring an end to whining in the toddler years? I have been in it for six years. My youngest is 2 and I'm pretty sure she and her older sister, age 3, may not survive. I mean really when can toddler whining be over? I keep telling myself it's at 4, because that's when my oldest got sane. I'm just not sure the 2 year old is going to make it to 4.
Lucy - March 19th, 2014 at 1:32 PM
I very calmly but persistently told my toddler, "I'm sorry. I can't understand you when you whine." I even repeated myself with, "This is very frustrating. I just can't understand you when you whine." I refused to put up with it and it stopped. Wishing you strength and peacefulness.
Kim - March 19th, 2014 at 11:49 AM
Yes to clear packing tape for the phone! And, Interstate Battery (at least here in Dallas) can repair the shattered glass if you get desperate--cheaper than a new phone when you aren't eligible for an upgrade. Just happened to me last week.

the crazy lady who taught middle school for 5 years and loved it (which probably says something about my mental capacity)
Elizabeth - March 19th, 2014 at 11:49 AM
My daughter survived middle school relatively in one piece, and I have a son starting next year. Lord help me-the boy is harder than the girl! This is NOT what friends promised me would happen!
Carol - March 19th, 2014 at 11:50 AM
Oh myyyy! I'm seriously crying laughing. I have one survivor, one in the trenches on the front line (help me Lord Jesus), and one sweet, innocent, fun, happy go lucky 5th grader who truly has no idea!! These are seriously rough days. Thanks for the laughs and for being sooo real!
Eileen - March 19th, 2014 at 11:50 AM it, especially the middle school piece!! Those are some funky years for sure. Though as a middle school teacher, I love my job! It could be because "duty" and "do do" still make me giggle a bit. But also the relationship we have with our students is far different than how things play out at home. It will work out...hang in there!
Alyson - March 19th, 2014 at 11:51 AM
The toddler "NO!". Today I asked sweetly, "would you like some milk?". I was met with a resounding NO! Then there was some flailing of arms and running in the opposite direction. Also, a truck might have been thrown. And I'm all what the...?? Sometimes it's almost (read almost in italics) comical, and other times I just want to tackle him. It should be noted I refrain both from laughing and tackling. For now. 7 months and some change left on this deployment. Send prayers. And tequila.
Megan - March 19th, 2014 at 1:38 PM
Hahaha! Thanks for this, I laughed and related throughout its entirety! I have always been a patient person, and would like to believe I still am, but boy is my 19 m.o. son learning to test me! I feel as though the situation described above is every morning in our home! Do I laugh or throw him to the ground?! Well, since I've never thrown anyone to the ground, or even come close to that, I guess I'll just laugh and move on! Phew!
Amie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:51 AM
I gasped out loud when I realized that was an iPhone. One word. Otterbox. I am so sorry! OK, back to middle school...I am adding 5th grade to the mix, because I have done that twice now, and BOTH times started to question why on God's green earth I thought children were a good idea. Be strong--senior year is the second worst. Been there, doing that right now. This has got to be God's way of allowing us to get to the point where we WILLINGLY push the children out of the house towards that insanely expensive college bless their hearts. I am also adding HOLLISTER to that list. My oldest "works" there and I want to give them a piece of my mind on a daily basis. Lastly, I am so sorry, but you just need to embrace the Frozen thing...I love the entire soundtrack and I sing it to my kids all the time! I cannot carry a tune, but you KNOW I sound JUST like Eliza when I'm belting out Let it Go! ;) Love ya, Jen!
Heather - March 19th, 2014 at 11:53 AM
Yes. Yes. Yes. All of this.
HTG - Heather The Great - March 19th, 2014 at 11:53 AM
Love. This.
1. Having to pay a parking ticket at a place that has NO PARKING SPACES, therefore part of my punishment is walking 10 blocks to pay my overpriced fine.
2. Totally agree with Alysa above - she said it best "Facebook Quizzes: What country should you live in and What Harry Potter character are you and What soda would you be and What kind of Facebook quiz are you and MAKE IT STOP. For the love."
3. Sweet loving husbands who seem to have an invisible force field around their laundry basket and can drop clothes on all 4 sides of it, but not in it. I think I am going to start putting his clean clothes like that around the dresser and closet.
4. I really need to stop as this list could go on. Thank you for this!
Katie - March 19th, 2014 at 12:47 PM
Your hubby will love it if you do that with his clean laundry. Really. Saves him the trouble of opening a drawer or closet. It will only cause the problem to snowball. Ask me how I know.
Cheryl - March 19th, 2014 at 1:19 PM
Ohmigosh. You guys are cracking me up. No children but one husband who has the "force field around the laundry basket"....for 20 years I might add. LOL

Carmen - March 19th, 2014 at 2:21 PM
Can I just thank you?!? Aside form all the VERY valid and amusing points posted [cause the only words my daughter KNOWS of this movie she's never seen are "Let it go", talk about a non-stop loop when there are only 3 words!!!!!], the laundry thing TOTALLY HITS HOME!!! He can hit a trash can with a bottle top from 50 feet away, but the laundry is repelled by the basket!!!
Barbie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:55 AM
I love my 9 darling children. I do, but I am telling you if I hear one more joke that belongs on a laffy taffy wrapper I will give them all up for adoption. I can not fake laugh even one more time. Not once. Lord, give me strength.
Beth Bates - March 19th, 2014 at 11:55 AM
Oh middle school. There now. Jesus take the wheel. Or I just might derail this train!
Jenn S. - March 19th, 2014 at 11:55 AM
Sadly I cannot imagine dear Remy singing "Let it Go". I can only hear the wickedly talented Adele Dazeem.
Bri - March 19th, 2014 at 2:11 PM
Just in case I'm not missing your joke...the woman who actually sings in Frozen is Idina Menzel...she is amazing :). Also if Remy likes the frozen soundtrack, she might go for the original broadway soundtrack to Wicked which is fantastic (try looking for Popular and Defying Gravity). Idina Menzel is also the musical talent behind the "wicked" witch in the original broadway version.
Toni - March 19th, 2014 at 11:55 AM
Homeschooling, 3 kids, including a 6th grade during the worst winter Cincinnati has seen since 1978. The four of us whole up in the house with NOTHING to do to burn off the extra boy energy! No more, I say! I may or may not have threatened to send them back to school, more than once! I may or may not have exaggerated the pain level of my headache just to get 30 minutes of quiet. Thank you sweet Jesus for Spring.
Bek - March 19th, 2014 at 1:46 PM
We are just about dead here in northern KY too. The Zoo is usually our escape to run off energy, especially in winter when it's empty. But we haven't gone because of the freezing and the snow and the ice and... and... AHHHH! I realized today that I have reached my "shadow" limit. I'm not a chair, not a mama duck to be followed 24/7. Space. I need it. Now.
Julie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:56 AM
Love. This.
What I wish would go away?
Amoxicillin that you need to remember to give your child for 10 days in a row - two times a day even. That is way too long to remember that stuff.
All. The. Catalogs. Makes me crazy trying to keep track of these - I want to keep one in my house, just in case you know I get the green light on the budget spending, but then I want to keep the most recent and who knows in what stack the older one is and I'll never find it to throw it out in a timely manner and so then they all just take over my house.
The fact that when I send my husband to the store to pick up something and he picks up the basics too which always includes a gallon of milk, but then he never checks the expiration date and ends up bringing home one that expires in a day or two. I mean, come on.
That is just from this morning... ugh...
antonia - March 19th, 2014 at 2:04 PM
This reminded me that I forgot to give my child his amoxicillin this morning! thank you :)
Ericka - March 19th, 2014 at 11:57 AM
When I was pregnant with my first child, I think the only 'stages' I thought they'd go through was being a cute baby/toddler (I was very excited for them to walk because then they could get me things.. like the remote two feet away from me, or my glass of water on the end table that's further than my reach), and then them being in high school/college where they'd like me and be my friend. I have a five & six year old now and I can see that's not all there is to being a parent. Darn it. This middle school thing scares me.. Seriously. What do people do that don't have Jesus. I'd pull out my hair. I'd be bald.
Meg - March 19th, 2014 at 11:58 AM
My OtterBox has saved my iPhone three times so far. Worth every dollar. I agree with you on middle school. Except in some ways, I would say high school is worse. Especially when you have two boys there, and both are only minimally motivated. But I do remember that both of them were just over middle school by the end of the first quarter of eighth grade. I will keep you in my prayers with regard to frozen. Three boys in this house, and none of us even know how that song goes. If you would like to come over and watch the hockey that is on my TV all the stinking time, please feel free.
Linda Taggart - March 19th, 2014 at 12:02 PM
My husband, in a hotel bar, on the other side of the country, calls me and I can hear the phone conversation of the guy sitting next to him clear as day. LPT, these are precious times and you're interrupting.
Amy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:03 PM
Oh, mylanta! I think I love you, and we have the same children! Except, my oldest thinks she us Carrie Underwood. Bless you!
Daphne - March 19th, 2014 at 12:03 PM
I had my own kids in class WHILE teaching middle school. No escape. Although, I found teaching that blessed age group improved my prayer life! Gotta love those quirky, awkward years...pure entertainment.
PendleStitches - March 19th, 2014 at 12:03 PM
LPT are the worst. OtterBoxes will save your phone and your sanity. And having just been in the headmistresses office for the umpteenth time this year with my 6 year old, please don't tell me the worst is still to come. I'm holding on to the hope that this too will pass. It will...won't it????
Kim - March 19th, 2014 at 12:03 PM
God did not 'bless' me with daughters so I do not have to endure the Frozen soundtrack, but just all the play that it gets on TV drives me totally cray cray, wanting to stick sharp sticks in my ears. You're an amazing, long-suffering mom. BUT, I do have two boys, one of which is a 6th grader and the other will be in 6th next year. Please tell me you sage do I get thru these years with all of us alive? I have had my holy spirit filled friends praying. How do these young men know which buttons of ours to push? My son in middle school now has a diagnosis of RAD (adopted from poor orphanage in Bulgaria) and anxiety, so we have that baggage to deal with also. Help me Jen Hatmaker, you're my only hope (Star Wars reference).
Julie - March 19th, 2014 at 12:04 PM
My Facebook status this morning was LITERALLY asking the following "is it just my 12 year old boy that is completely insufferable or all of them?" I pray for his life...thanks Jen, as always I needed this.
Lesley - March 19th, 2014 at 12:04 PM
What do I wish would go away?%u2026

POST-PARTUM WEIRDNESS. My eyelids are peeling, my armpits are on FIRE, my scalp is like a snow globe, my face is broken out, and my hair is so frizzy and huge and awful that my husband has started calling me "Hagrid's baby".

Lindsey - March 19th, 2014 at 12:41 PM
That sounds like Middle School.
Abigail - March 19th, 2014 at 1:57 PM
Oh it takes a lot to make me laugh. Those two comments did it. I hated middle school.
Tracie - March 19th, 2014 at 2:29 PM
Cannot stop laughing. Whatever the prize, mama, you win.
Jennifer - March 19th, 2014 at 2:32 PM
I'd do just about anything to have another baby. But yes, you have brought back some memories that remind me how incredibly like middle school it actually is.
Heather - March 19th, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Middle school was a stroll on the beach compared to the super-sassy attitude my highschool sophomore daughter owns. If I hear one more comment starting with "hashtag" ie. 'Hashtag whatever!', 'hashtag ratchet' I am gonna #rage
Jammie - March 19th, 2014 at 3:38 PM
Heather, you made me LOL!!! Hashtags drive me insane, along with my teenage son. Bless. Him.
Christy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:05 PM
Your comments on middle school were just shared with my lunchroom table. (8th grade) 2 of us currently have 8th graders. Good news, they do turn out okay! Train up a child.....and when they are "old" they shall not depart from it!
Lynn - March 19th, 2014 at 12:05 PM
Android=Gorilla Glass=Freedom from Apple=Sync with any Droid=Never Outdated.
Conniesue - March 19th, 2014 at 2:35 PM
Score!!!!!! Totally agree!!
Fran - March 19th, 2014 at 12:05 PM
Oh Jen...

I have two in HS and the "baby" in MS and I flat out hate it. Actually...i hate it all. School and social and junk just has me on the edge. And I have boys!!! Did you read Glennon's post (I don't know her but like to call her Glennon bc what a cool name) on "gifted children." Please go read and be blessed.

I am SO glad I'm not the one in school trying to find my way with social media. For the love of all things....its horrible. Its a miracle any kid feels any value of any kind bc they don't have enough likes, followers, or comments. Mercy. I'm like you...thankful these three of mine are cute because sometimes I just wanna throw the towel in and head south to the beach and serve us drinks all day. ;)

You inspire me...thanks for what you do! xo
Name - March 19th, 2014 at 12:06 PM
I could comment on it all but middle school wins out. My 5th grader is about to leave Elem School and I am so sad for the transition. I don't want to stop him from growing up, but I know he is not ready. He is so innocent, loves his Legos, and all things animated! Even he asked if I could homeschool him in middle school and then he promises to go to high school without complaint! If I thought we would survive a day at the kitchent able together I'd consider it. I read somewhere that middle school is far worse on parents than children. I remember middle school, so I am not buying it! Have I mentioned I am not a fan of middle school?
Belinda Bryan - March 19th, 2014 at 2:48 PM
If you don't work out of the home, then homeschool him. The dividends are incredible. I've homeschooled 5 middle-schoolers in all. Two went on to public high school; the other three stayed home. Hey, they're all normal, well-adjusted, productive adults who love Jesus. I didn't ruin them, and if I didn't, you surely won't.
Tami - March 19th, 2014 at 12:06 PM
On the final leg of Middle School years with my youngest. Can't wait for it to be OVER! It was hardest on my daughter, high school isn't much better, but I keep telling her college will be her time to shine!
Suzanne Heffner - March 19th, 2014 at 12:07 PM
Jen, you MUST be here, SOMEwhere in my house, because you are writing our script! Also, I cannot find our family pet...poor dog must be hiding from the three young men in here. If you see him, take him to a safe place, and tell him he will get a walk after the youngest moves out. May God Bless and Keep my husband who just informed me that he gets to escape **i mean** has to go on two back-to-back business trips in time zones that put us asleep and awake at totally different hours.
I also want you to know that you make me laugh so hard, outloud, that sometimes I scare my sons. It's good for them. Extra-terrestrials need to be kept on their toes...
Mom of three boys. ("We are all God's children, we are all God's children, we are all God's children...")
kelly - March 19th, 2014 at 12:07 PM
I laughed thru your whole post!!
1.HAVE a current 8th grade who is AWESOME but melodramatic queen #1..and a 6th grader who looks up to the 8th grade..for the LOVE of ALL THAT IS HOLY..and my first born who is a jr in high school and man oh man i HOPE she makes it as a sr...because she is not a melodramatic queen as she doesn't show ANY EMOTION for anything drives me bonkers!!
2.hubby and i took said lovely ladies to see Frozen...they LOVED it we hated it...& will soon be in our house because children have birthdays and its "THE" present of the moment..yea.. are on spring break and with GRANDPARENTS!!! OH YEAH!! you would think...that is not the case...hubby and i cant seem to come together and just be a couple...sigh..BUT ive got 48hrs to change that before kids get home...
4.$$$...trying to live simply and it just isnt happening....struggle struggle struggle.....
Sheila - March 19th, 2014 at 12:08 PM
Loud Phone Talkers In Airports
You have to try this tactic-- I saw this comedian do this-- you actually put the phone to your ear and act like you are talking. Get closer to them. Listen to what they are saying. Example.
LPT(Loud Phone Talker): Yes, I had a great dinner.
You : What did I eat at dinner?
LPT: No, Harry was not there. Only Jim, Tom and Sid.
You: Harry couldn't come. No but yes, Sid was there.
LPT: (Probably starts looking at you or moves away) Oh MAN! That was the best game!
You: Yes, can you believe the game? It was unreal. I know.
LPT: I think I get home in time to meet up and watch the game.
You: You want to meet up and watch the game?
Like rock climbing. Be the rock. Become the rock. Be the LPT. Become the LPT. Good luck!
Megan - March 19th, 2014 at 12:08 PM
As a mother of a five-year old Frozen-lover, an iPhone owner without a case, and a middle-school teacher, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

Better make that half-caf correctly, Starbucks.
Linda - March 19th, 2014 at 12:10 PM
Kids who are over 18 who are not totally adults yet. (I naively thought the goal of parenting was get them to age 18 and in college, and then it was done.)
Being a woman of a "certain age" that is not highly revered in our society.
Cold. (We can't all live in Texas.) Just cold, all this long winter, and it won't quit yet.
Wendy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:10 PM
My hubby is a MS principal and his mom and sister both teach it, too. Thank goodness for them, right? My hubby loves MS'ers! It's their parents (some) and some teachers that are the problem! Thanks for the laugh,

Mother of an 8th grader,
Jackie Gray - March 19th, 2014 at 12:10 PM
Loud talkers in the of my top pet peeves.
People on cell phones at the dinner pet peeve.
Close to that...people who call me and two minutes into the conversation tell me that they have another call and put me on hold.
Katie P - March 19th, 2014 at 12:10 PM
Those with girls are not the only ones plagued by Let It Go. My 8yo and 4yo boys love that movie and soundtrack, and if I have to listen to Let It Go one more time in the car.....

Girl, you need an Otterbox case, ASAP. Saved me a ton of money in cracked whatnots.

We're only on 2nd grade and almost kindergarten, so I can't even begin to imagine middle school. Ugh. At least I'm only dealing with boys, but STILL. Middle school sucks for all.
michelle Gomez - March 19th, 2014 at 12:11 PM
My daughter age 11.
Bedroom door.
Floor to Ceiling.

The tween rendition soundtrack sung at break window decibels has yet to turned off.
Keren - March 19th, 2014 at 12:11 PM
I love this SO much! My son is approaching MS and has lost his mind already. BLESS IT!!!!!!!!
Eva Carr - March 19th, 2014 at 12:11 PM
If I get one more grunt from my middle-school-think-I'm-so-awesome son, one of you peeps is gonna have to call the Feds.
Sarah @ An Inviting Home - March 19th, 2014 at 12:12 PM
"that is the first clear evidence of end times." You are precious!!! (and I totally agree... ;-)

Nicole - March 19th, 2014 at 12:13 PM
Dear Goodness I can't wait to see your show! The Middle school thing, I thought I had one leaving (for 9th) one going (for 6th) then we move to a backwards district where Middle is 7th-9th!!!! Lord help me!
Nancy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:13 PM
We have two in HS, one in 6th, and two in elementary. Something stops working in their brains when they graduate from 5th grade. All their energy goes towards growth spurts, peach fuzz moustaches, and zits. The brain takes a hiatus until college.
Jennifer - March 19th, 2014 at 12:14 PM
Shouting Amen, Hallelujah, Preach It Sister. And brace yourself: freshman girls will make you stab your eyeballs with a corkscrew (after you finish off the bottle of wine). My skin has grown thicker than my Yellow Box flip flops for mere survival. I hear that this doesn't last forever, but sweet mercy, this is HARD!
Catherine - March 19th, 2014 at 12:15 PM
To possibly fix one of these hot button issues: the iPhone. If at all possible, get a replacement. Now you say, why would I do that if I will just drop it again? Think again my friends: the otter box is here to save you. Otter Box is a magical company that makes these cases called Defender Series. Mother of all cases. There is even a waterproof version if you want it. Commuter series does not have the built in screen protector that defender series does. It is pricey, I understand that, but soooooo worth it. I have had my phone for almost six months and dropped it from my hands to the floor at least 4 times and there is nary a scratch on it. I hope this helps!
Leslie - March 19th, 2014 at 2:14 PM
Absolutely agree! We live in Haiti were everything kills every electronic thing you own. Our floors, walls and ceilings are concrete. I've watched my iPhone bounce more times than I can count, all cozy in it's Defender. Tip - buy it on eBay. You can find them for half the price!
Gretchen - March 19th, 2014 at 12:16 PM
I actually LOVE middle school students. Seriously. While their emotions might be crazy, watching them go from concrete to abstract thinking, espeically in their faith journey, is an amazing thing to witness. They can ask some DEEP questions about faith, life, theology, you name it! Disclaimer: I've been a youth pastor for the last 11 years and my own children are 6 and under. I know my time is coming. I've made deals with other youth pastors to trade kids during the MS years though...that's my survival plan.
Haley - March 19th, 2014 at 12:16 PM
Love this! Dropped my phone around thanksgiving, put some packaging tape over the screen, and it is still working. I will not buy a new phone or replacement screen!
Steph - March 19th, 2014 at 12:16 PM
I feel your pain with middle school aged kids.. Our oldest is 14 and every year I have said, he survived another year when I thought for sure he was not going to survive 12..or 13.. and 14 is still questionable! Dear lord, help me! Our oldest daughter will be in 6th grade next year so we will begin again and from there we will always have 2 in middle school for the next 6 years.. I.WILL.SURVIVE! Thanks for the humor.. I laughed so hard I cried! :) Have a blessed day Jen!
Rebecca - March 19th, 2014 at 12:17 PM
I taught middle school for 25 years, and I sure wish I had that 40 million. At least I could send them home. :)
Sandi - March 19th, 2014 at 12:20 PM
I have "survived" Middle School three times now. Twice with girls and then or boy. I gotta say, though, having a five year old now that repeats everything he says at least FIVE times without taking a breath has nearly driven me to the point of psychopathic raving. Bless him.
Jen - March 19th, 2014 at 12:20 PM
Your posts encourage and scare me, simultaneously. Keep on, keepin' on sister friend. We'll all survive together.
LuAnn - March 19th, 2014 at 12:22 PM
Recorder practice. Violin practice. Piano practice. Any kind of musical instrument practice that sets my nerves raw, pierces my ears, pains my head. From the squeaking, shrilling "notes" to the slaughtering renditions of Mary Had a Little Lamb, to almost being impaled by the violin bow. And I'm the one who nags them to do it.

Insane mother who wakes up in the middle of the night with "Let it Go" running through her mind.

Tammie Haveman - March 19th, 2014 at 12:23 PM
Here's something I wish would go away . . .winter. In Minnesota. I am looking out at 6 fresh inches of snow today. Did you know it snowed until May 2 last year? MAY 2!!! And this winter we were treated to 47 days of below zero joy. I believe it was 17 in a row at one point. And several where windchills dropped into the negative 50's. Evidently it was the fourth coldest winter on record for our state. The meteorologists are all glad handing each other to have experienced this. The citizens are shopping for real estate down south. Jen I know you are headed our way in April. Be warned. We might greet you in flip flops, tank tops, and sunglasses should the temps be in the 50's. We are not weirdos. We just have to take "warm" weather when we can get it.
Julee Sylvester - March 19th, 2014 at 12:30 PM
I'm right here with you, Tammie! Just returned from Florida and spring break and seriously, snow again?! I will be at Jen Hatmaker's conference in April with my visor and mini know what I'm talking about! :-)
Shelbi - March 19th, 2014 at 4:37 PM
Fellow Narniasotan here. I'm with you, sister. Wanna know why they invented the phrase "Minnesota Nice"? Because it's the only way we keep from killing each other and small animals from November to mid-May. It's currently 42 degrees out, and I'm having to hold myself back from laying out on the deck. Why? Because I'd have to brush the snow off my lawn chair first.
**I wasn't born here, so I am missing the "Minnesota Nice" gene. Guess I'll just have to settle for Iowa Stubborn.
Amy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:23 PM
Sooo...I have an 11 year old finishing up 5th grade. She's older than most of her classmates and I believe we have started into this mess you speak of. Our "conversation" on the way to school this morning may have been a clue.

Your Caleb is just entirely too cute. Does he, unlike Remy, sing? Because I'm pretty sure you could take him on tour ;)
Judi - March 19th, 2014 at 12:23 PM
Middle school children are horrible! I am so glad we are done! My son was bullied beyond belief and my daughter turned into a mean, drug taking, boy crazy woman child! It was absolutely a nightmare for both of them. PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!! They survive and you will too. (I know it doesn't seem like it when you are in it).

By the way - the boy is now gainfully employed and the girl is in Cosmetology school, off drugs and doing great! (all A's!!!!!) There is light at the end of the tunnel. God is faithful!
Talysa - March 19th, 2014 at 12:23 PM
Teenagers that posses a license. I'm near a voluntary committal/drinking spree/crazy meds every time he steps out the door. And while we are on the subject of things I wish would go away...people that text/read/email etc. on their phones while driving. I see it everyday. Probably why I'm near crazy lady status over my teen driver. I just don't get the ignorance here. Nor the arrogance that all will be well while staring at a screen instead of the road while weilding heavy machinery down the road.
cindy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:24 PM
I have never been so glad to be an all boy mom as when Frozen erupted. I can't even get it out of my head b/c my sons' 18 year old girlfriend sings it around our house. Save meeeeeeeee!
Love you. Love your stuff. Keep being you Jen.
Melissa - March 19th, 2014 at 12:25 PM
My husband had to use a shattered phone for a while until he was eligible for an upgrade and he put clear packing tape on it (like a screen cover) and he could still use it...touchscreen and all.
Lisa - March 19th, 2014 at 12:29 PM
Minnesotans who say, "Are you enjoying this warm weather?" when it is 42 degrees outside. 42 is never warm. Ever. Not in the Arctic, not in Tennessee, and surely not in Minnesota. Can one commit a homicide with down feathers?
Nel - March 19th, 2014 at 5:56 PM
I'm pretty stoked about the inch of "grass" peeking out from our Rochester snowbank thank you very much! Didn't even mind the little ice rain this morning. I hear tomorrow is spring and all that! Woot woot!
Rachel - March 19th, 2014 at 12:30 PM
Oh emmmm G! I wish we were real friends. Because real friends would hi five, cheers and pee themselves at the dinner table about all of this, but especially middle school. As a former middle school teacher, I'll tell you they're better in herds.
Sarah - March 19th, 2014 at 12:31 PM
Love love love it! I have 2 boys but manage to have Let It Go in my head at least once a day. On my list of TIWWGA (things I wish would go away):
Leggings as pants (I know, that's judgy, but it's real) and Reply All

Lisa - March 19th, 2014 at 12:31 PM
Jen, you need an Otter Box!
Andrew - March 19th, 2014 at 1:19 PM
Yeah, I bet phones will get sturdier over the next few years. Otter Boxes are good; I like my SwitchEasy case since it gives some protection but isn't a gigantic thing:
Pam Sohan - March 19th, 2014 at 7:02 PM
Love my Otter Box !! Now if I could just convince the teenage daughter she needs one on her iTouch. Actually thats going to be a requirement for the iPhone she gets before she leaves for college in the fall. No Otter Box, no phone. And if she removes said Otter Box once she's in Savannah, well then thats her problem, she had better get a job to pay for the replacement phone LOL
Jenny - March 19th, 2014 at 12:32 PM
LOVE this! You are so right - middle school years are THE WORST, and I shudder looking back at my school photos from those years. I have one who is a freshman in high school, one in middle school, and one sweet little second grader. Middle school = The School of Awkward by far.

I wish mean girls would just go away. I'm amazed at how young girls are these days when they start acting evil towards one another. It's an epidemic I tell you. I want to wrap my 2nd grader in bubble wrap to shield her from it. Then it goes on to girls being aggressive, not just towards one another, but in their pursuit of boys. Did I mention my older two are boys? Yeah, Mama Bear doesn't like it, and I may or may not have texted a snarky girl who was texting my son, telling her she probably shouldn't contact him anymore. True story. :-)
Barbara - March 19th, 2014 at 6:16 PM
Both of my granddaughters are in middle school and I bought each a copy of "Girl Politics" by Nancy Rue. I hope it helps them get through the land mines of MS (they are only in the sixth grade -cousins) without being scarred for life.
Holly Tumpkin - March 19th, 2014 at 12:33 PM
Well this blog and the comments on this blog confirm my experience that middle school is the most hated time of life! Which makes me go "yee haw!" because that's the focus of my ministry, workshops and blog. How many people are possessed enough to jump in the middle of middle school girls and patiently work out the craziness? Well I am one, and somehow God has graced me to survive and even enjoy it (after I said really? That's what you want me to do??) I have lived it with three girls of my own and seen plenty :) My blog to moms is and the workshops I do in community and schools is Girls 101, curriculum coming soon so some other brave moms can jump in too!!
Andy White - March 19th, 2014 at 12:34 PM
I want meddling people to go away.

Not just people who don't think that color works on me. But the people who need to get all preachy at me about my life decisions.
I tell people I don't want kids or to adopt kids, and what they hear is "Would you ignore my ability to be an adult and lecture me about what you think is right?"
My father is lying in a hospital bed about to die, and after 3 decades of no-show and silence it's been decided that my brother and I get to take a whack at doing his DNR paperwork.
Sorry, you don't get to put on your cute/fuzzy voice and preach at me. If I want to hate this guy, I will. If I'm okay with his COPD basically slowly drowning him to death over the years til now, that's up to me.
I'm pretty tired of my family and friends treating me like the bad guy when I have a laundry list of reasons that make it a miracle from the combined forces of Jesus and Buddha that I haven't set fire to him or thrown him through a wood chipper in previous years.
Speaking of meddling, the pater familias is mentally ill. And that's hereditary. So, I spent my 20's waiting for my circuits to fry and go crazy. I didn't. I dodged it or got lucky, but I still carry those genes around with a high chance of me having a kid that would be crazy as a bedbug. Like shooting up your kid's school crazy.
So, I've vowed to never have kids. I also decided not to adopt because I got a super quick temper from the pater familias and get pretty out of control sometimes- which is not okay with adopted kids who need love and support and understanding and all that. Ask me how I know.
One of the earliest memories I have is of my father abusing me and my brother.
But now I'm married, and meddlesome people cannot seem to stop suggesting to my wife that we have kids.
"Oh, y'all would have such pretty kids!"
"When are y'all gonna have some kids? Everybody needs kids! Y'all better get started, because you ain't getting any younger. Don't want those eggs to get old!"
And from all sides. Strangers, family, friends, the local pizza joint guy, all of 'em sooner or later have something to say.
And, of course, my wife is cracking under the pressure because I'm the fly in the ointment. She's just fine. So, I'll probably wind up divorced in the next year or so, and she'll go off and have kids with some other guy and they'll live happily ever after.

So, those are my gripes. Mostly I just wish people would leave me alone and respect my right to live my life the way I want, love and hate who I want, and take the high or low road as it pleases me.

Sorry, I know this is a drag, Jen. I'm a Debbie Downer today.
Beth - March 19th, 2014 at 7:02 PM
Well said, Andy. Your response is honest and I appreciate it. We never know what people have been through.
Jen - March 19th, 2014 at 12:38 PM
I have three girls ages 3-11 so, I feel you on all levels. I would also like to add to this list: Other kid's electronics at ridiculously loud levels when you're waiting for the sibling to be done with tumbling/ballet/insertyoursporthere. Turn. It. Down.
Youth Guy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:38 PM,default,pg.html :)
Ceil - March 19th, 2014 at 12:38 PM
Grown adults posting selfies...heck just seeing adults take them gets me!
Phone usage in public spaces- grocery store aisles, salons, place to think anymore!
Tracy J - March 19th, 2014 at 12:39 PM
As someone who teaches 6th, 7th, AND 8th graders, I can assure you that I'm still waiting for my forty million dollars. In the meantime, I keep reminding myself that my reward is in heaven.
Melinda - March 19th, 2014 at 7:51 PM
Me too! Keep up the good (hard) work.
Jodi Tucker - March 19th, 2014 at 12:39 PM
People write me and ask "We are thinking of adopting a middle school girl. Will there be issues? What is your advice?" I say "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES"%u2026and yes, I work for an adoption ministry. And yes, I get paid to tell them James 1:27 and buy Karen Purvis yada yada. But not if it is a middle school girl. In those cases I say: "Please tell me you still drink alcohol, and you plan to hide wine in your closet?"
DeAnna - March 19th, 2014 at 12:39 PM
People with no polite people skills working with the public!!! I was at the public library today with my 3 year old (and about 30 other 1-3 year olds which dramatically changes the vibe at the public library) during the part of Preschool Reading hour where the kids can "freely" explore one area of the library. Suddenly, my phone rang. It was my husband. Because he never calls me and almost always texts me, I thought it might be important, so I picked up the phone to whisper, "Let me get where I can call you right back."... It was like the male librarian was one of the Avengers the way he came over the counter, because no sooner did I answer my phone to say, "Let me call you back" he was on me, saying "Ma'am we don't allow cell phone use in the library". All moms looked around very quietly and I wanted to crawl under the table or do one of those Scarlett Johanssen (but slightly more mom-ish) sortof scizzor kick moves. "Yes, there are 30 toddlers here, but MY PHONE really is the BIGGEST DISTRACTION going on in the library right now...."
Meg - March 19th, 2014 at 12:42 PM
You have the wrong age range for Frozen, Jen - it starts at 2 and I have living proof in my house.
Also - UGH MIDDLE SCHOOL. Every day I chanted a mantra in my head "None of this matters. Just get to high school and none of this will matter." And you know what, it really didn't. All the cliques and bad grades and embarrassing moment, they all sort of faded away. You tell the chilluns that, k?
Jason - March 19th, 2014 at 12:42 PM
Telemarketing. All of it.
Malissa - March 19th, 2014 at 12:48 PM
Political ads....and middle school. I also feel there are similarities in the two which is why they both beat me to a pulp.
Meggan - March 19th, 2014 at 12:49 PM
People who shop to close to me/with me....Like you really need to be right up in me in the isle? And then follow me through the store? Back the F up! I need some space!
Dianne - March 19th, 2014 at 12:50 PM
This is HYSTERICAL! Loud phone talkers...yeah, just pray for em. While you're at it, pray for those middle school children...that the parents and teachers won't kill 'em!
Fortunately, I have boys who are not interested in seeing Frozen, so I have yet to the whole song. However, I have managed to drive my children bananas with 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams. teehee
Angela - March 19th, 2014 at 12:52 PM
I think I tried to warn you about that sound track, words like "ear" and "plugs" were included in said warning... It's good the first 12 times you hear it but after that all I've hear was "let it blah, blah blah blahhh" Luckily I've told my girl about the "soul" in her voice and have introduced her to Jimmy Needham's new album, "The Hymns Sessions Vol 1," which is full of enough soul for a little 10 year old white girl, and her mom...
Courtney - March 19th, 2014 at 12:52 PM
The drop by visit. I am an introvert and like my social interactions planned. I also have a 4 month old. You either wake him up, or we are in the middle of a feeding, or I have spit up down my shirt. If you do happen to catch us when he is awake , fed, I'm clean and he is happily playing, I should be doing dishes or laundry or any other basic household chore.

When you do a favor for someone, and they can't even he bothered to meet you half way.
Jennifer F. - March 19th, 2014 at 12:52 PM
It matters not how zen I am when I arrive, but after 30 seconds in the elementary school "let's forget we are adults trying to raise upright citizens and start acting like seagulls fighting over a piece of hotdog and race to the front all at once" child retrieval line, I am a raging lunatic. Make it stop. We don't have buses, which are surely their own form of wretchedness, but the pick-up line? Nope. And I am only on year 2 of like 10 of this mayhem. Jesus, take the wheel. Please.
Jennifer D - March 19th, 2014 at 8:06 PM
Amen!! My son asked me the other day "momma, why do you call everyone idiots at school". Yep, proud parenting moment for me.
Stacy - March 19th, 2014 at 12:53 PM
Loud phone talkers in public bathrooms. I say we all just start flushing. And flushing. And flushing.
Jenny - March 19th, 2014 at 3:30 PM
lisa m. - March 19th, 2014 at 5:09 PM
amen on this ma'ma. or what about saggy pants over boxers on young men. Don't those same gangsavy hoodsters know that it was the sweet male things, in the joint , that started saggy pants as a sign that you put out ass. Pull em up boys and be men.
Ann - March 19th, 2014 at 7:50 PM
Ha! I've actually responded to people who do that, thinking they were talking to me. I wait until they leave before I exit the stall.
Alexandra - March 19th, 2014 at 12:55 PM
cheese. i need all the world's cheese to cease and desist.

it tempts me with its awesome goodness, meltiness, yummy smells, and ability to pair with everything.
but then i eat it and the gas continues for days.
poor husband is tired of being dutch-ovened. i have been banned from the queso.

it mocks me.
Alisha - March 19th, 2014 at 12:55 PM
This whole list makes me happy, because it is ALL TRUE! I'm so thankful to know that I'm not the only person out there bothered by these "things" and asking for forgiveness BEFORE I actually go crazy.
Sandy Cooper - March 19th, 2014 at 12:56 PM
The middle school talk. I seriously have never laughed so long and hard at any blog post in the history of reading blog posts. I just...girl. I can't stop laughing.

Mom to Rebekah (fresh out of middle school)
Elijah (in the trenches of middle school)
Elliana (innocently elementary)
Wendy - March 19th, 2014 at 1:01 PM
Yup, I'm a moron, know nothing, but am expected to pull rabbits out of hats if the need arises. I can also drive at the speed of sound if a homework paper or anything else is missing. It has to be NOW Mom! (just don't tell the cops!) So yes, life has been/is rough. We are 8th grade now and seem to have a bit more tolerance (just a tiny bit!). Looking forward to the high school years (and driving next year!! OMG)

At least I don't have to listen to Frozen soundtrack, but the vibrate on his phone can be heard from the yard, and is just as irritating!

AND yes, they DO deserve forty million, I sub, but there is NO WAY I would ever contemplate walking into a MS classroom!!! Coffee and more coffee!!!
Jesse S. - March 19th, 2014 at 1:04 PM
Hmmmm.... I have an eighth grader, sixth grader and a fourth grader. Yes. That does mean that next year I will have one in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary. My hot buttons these days are related to smell, sound and the lesser known, endangered, sense.... Common sense. Let start with smell. Can anyone relate to the fact that when you have one boy going through puberty and one starting it... You start to notice a smell in the house. I call it Funk. Not the music, the odor. I'm at the point where I am going to leave sticks of deodorant in every room of the house!!! I'm tired of hearing "Oh I forgot " son, can you not smell yourself??? Ugh. Child... Go deodorize thyself! Now for sound. My boys are convinced I have the hearing of a bat. What I don't tell them is I can hear their arguing in the basement through the air vents. This fighting and whining is just a stage, right? Please tell me it is! Lie to me if you have to!! And the fight over the dumbest things!!! Who went over their video game time by 4.2 minutes, who ate the last banana, or the best yet... who thought it would be funny to stick their boy-funk armpit in their brother's face! And lastly, common sense. How does one teach this? I lose my mind on this one. Yes, that is the pan I used to just cook your breakfast so yes son, it is hot!!!!!
Well, thanks for letting me rant. I enjoyed meeting you when you came to my church to speak before Christmas. I laughed so hard at your depiction of your cruise that was still laughing hours later. You are a blessing to us all.
Anna - March 19th, 2014 at 1:04 PM
If you lived next door my son would fix that screen for you. Who knew?! I guess nerdy 20 year old computer geeks! I pinky swear, he found a x box while at a u pull it car parts place. I guess it was in a vehicle? Anyhow brought it home, said it had a ring of death. Put some part in the oven, did something with a penny or two and I kid you not, now has an Xbox. ( I didn't have the heart to tell him we hadn't bought one for a reason.) so yeah, I utter prayers it will one day have the ring of death again..... No such luck after six months. And while we are talking Frozen, can someone explain what the big deal is? We didn't care for it. I keep thinking we need to watch it again because obviously we missed something! Ha ha.
Christi - March 19th, 2014 at 1:05 PM
Love. This.
Ginger - March 19th, 2014 at 1:08 PM
For the love! Lord help me with my sixteen yr old's attitude. It's not sassy or disrespectful. Way worse! We are in a "goth" type stage (not the clothing or hairstyles thankgoodness) where it is trendy to be sad and forlorn. When I fall for it and suggest a reflection on our blessings to brighten up our mood I am met with a blank stare and forlorn eyes which seem to say, "You'll never understand my pain!" What pain, I ask? The pain of parents who love and nurture you, who want their daughter to flourish and love Jesus and life? I feel very close to smacking that "pain" right off her sad face! Which I think is her goal, because then she could gain more sympathy for having terrible parents. Blast it!!!!
MJ - March 19th, 2014 at 8:01 PM
You can dress "goth" for a few days and I bet she will reconsider! LOL
EH - March 19th, 2014 at 10:31 PM
Actually, it's not "trendy". Nobody wants to be forlorn, even if they are an angsty teen. Almost every teenager deals with depression at some point, and it seems like it's getting worse for kids nowadays. She's probably acting miserable because she IS miserable. Just thought I'd give a little insight--talking from experience. Hearing about her blessings might not be what she needs, even though it'd do us all some good to reflect on that more often! She probably needs sympathy and a nonjudgmental attitude. Otherwise, you could end up with a dangerous situation on your hands.
Kat - March 19th, 2014 at 10:42 PM
I second RH's comment. We thought the same of our daughter who had some major things she needed to deal with. We only saw sad drama. We didn't see her cutting (in the most hidden places), hating herself in the depths of her soul, and trying desperately to get our attention in the only way she knew how. Because tantrums and such are not what "good" girls do%u2026 Straight As, involved in all kinds of good things, good friends, etc. She's acting sad for a reason. Better to find out what it is%u2026and maybe you'll need a trusted friend, relative or counselor to tease that out.

misty - March 19th, 2014 at 1:08 PM
i laughed so hard reading this - i cried - literally, cried....and then i read it out loud to my husband sitting in the other room...and then i shared it on facebook because more moms need to know they aren't alone on this crazy mothering journey (especially those of us with middle schoolers).
Kelly - March 19th, 2014 at 1:11 PM
The everything is awesome song. Heaven help me when the movie comes out on video. I don't thing we will go to target for months for fear that my kids will see it is for sale.
Katie Free - March 19th, 2014 at 1:13 PM
Jimmy Fallon is not helping the matter of over-played Frozen sings by putting his own version on-line....thinks he's sooo cute too...hope his little girl learns to sing it really soon!!
I am sick of Rainbow Loom bands They are worse than roaches that won't go away...I vacuum them and they have baby rubber bands in the dust buster's tummy while I sleep!!!
Angela - March 19th, 2014 at 8:48 PM
Yes! Rainbow loom bands! Wishing this phase would end! They are everywhere!
Ron - March 19th, 2014 at 1:14 PM
People that continue to talk on their phone (or answer phone calls) in the BATHROOM. Can't tell you how many times this happens in my office. People come into the bathroom on their phone (not just a conference call they have muted - an interactive conversation), use the bathroom, flush, wash hands (sometimes) and then walkout - all while talking on the phone. YUCK!
Kristen Reichert - March 19th, 2014 at 1:18 PM
I'd like to add Bluetooth talkers to the LPT. I don't know if you're talking to me or the imaginary person in your ear. And bad drivers, especially those who nearly hit you head on because they're so busy on their phone or makeup or whatever it is they do instead of paying attention to the 2-ton vehicle they are operating at high speeds. You may not value your life, but how about the rest of us?
Nancy D - March 19th, 2014 at 1:19 PM
Queues. Some people need to get a clue on queues. If you're in a line to pay for or order something, you're in a public place. This is not the time to be worried about your personal space or any kind of privacy. Please step directly behind the person in front of you. Do not leave more than an arms length between you because then other people think you are not in line, and will step in front of you. And me, who is standing behind you. Plus, it gets crowded in the back in the line is long. If you'd step on up, we all could move forward and have some space.
Zaz - March 19th, 2014 at 8:49 PM
Nancy - see, I disagree. I like my private space in lines; so many people have BO, and sick, have loud screaming kids.... I don't need any of that. So I deliberately make sure I have a meter between me and the person ahead. And it have asked people behind me to give me some space too. If they don't, I just say under my breath "oh well... When they get sick next week with gastro, they will wish they had stepped back" and sure enough they move. My basic rule is - if someone couldn't tell if we're supposed to be seen together or not, you are standing too darn close.
Amy - March 19th, 2014 at 11:19 PM
Entertained by the use of the words "queue" and "meter", but entertained in a pleasant way.

Heather Carson - March 19th, 2014 at 1:20 PM
Haha! Loved this! I currently have triplet girls in Middle School. Just want shout a HUGE AMEN. We might as well hold our own Academy Awards and hand out Oscars with the fine level of dramatics that take place these days.

With multiples it's especially fun because there are built in friends/enemies in your same grade that live at your home, steel your clothes, use your hairspray, spill your makeup, tattle on you, don't clean their part of the room, etc.

Awesome times.
Julie - March 19th, 2014 at 10:29 PM
Oh, heaven help us! We currently have a 15 year old girl and just-turned-ten triplets ~ they are 2 boys and a girl ~ that HAS to be easier than triplet girls in middle school, yes?!??!
leah'smom - March 19th, 2014 at 1:20 PM
YES to the young ones begging to be allowed to sing in public because they sound just like Idina Menzel. My daughters keep recording themselves and want me to post it on youtube so they can be famous. I cannot bear to do it. I am saving the recordings for their wedding day and will ask them then if they want to dance to it for their first dance. We also have the songs written several times over, and now may need a new one since they noticed they had some words wrong when they watched the movie with the closed captioning on.
sherri - March 19th, 2014 at 1:26 PM
Amen to middle school! Survived my own and three kids, I'm done!
I can't believe you didn't ist Austin traffic! I endured one day of it last week and it destroyed my very last nerve! So, traffic, especially CONSTRUCTION traffic, forces me to the altar every Sunday morning.
Tami - March 19th, 2014 at 1:29 PM
Been in youth ministry for 20 years. Used to chuckle about middle schoolers and their poor we have our first "baby" girl in 7th grade, with 3 more following close behind...we don't chuckle anymore...
Liz Mc - March 19th, 2014 at 1:32 PM
I'll see your Frozen and raise you a Kidz Bop. Just. Make. It. Stop.
Thanks a lot, Nana!!
Holly - March 19th, 2014 at 1:36 PM
Pandora stations with my middle-school aged SON's choice of "music." Just. stop. I can't take it anymore. If I hear, "Gonna tell every body, gonna tell every body... I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a maaan," once more time, I am going to SCREAM about how 13 years old IS NOT A MAN!!!
Kristen - March 19th, 2014 at 1:39 PM
Something I wish would go away, people who drive slowly while approaching a green light, making all the people behind them want to zip around them in order to catch said green light, BUT then it turns yellow & they speed up to make the light and leave all the people who put up with their pokey little puppy pace sitting through the red light...UGH. REALLLYYYY?!?!?!
Dee - March 19th, 2014 at 1:43 PM
From a different perspective%u20261. A mother with Alzheimer's 2. Adult children far from God 3. Aches and pains I never dreamed of%u2026send me your kids singing Let it Go, and make sure they bring a copy of Frozen! Keep your middle schoolers ;)

Jenn - March 19th, 2014 at 1:44 PM
Oh my land! Yes to ALL. Well, except change those loud phone talkers in airports to LPT in Target aisles and grocery check out lines. Seriously I do not need to know what you are sharing with the other 30 people within this little space. And Middle school, I just can't even. I have a middle school student and I work with middle school students. Thankfully I also work with 10th graders and they are awesome and redeem my day often.
Laura - March 20th, 2014 at 8:36 AM
Hey now, there are those of us who have Apple devices who are also busted and now can ONLY speak on speaker phone until their contract is up in 11 short months (!). Until then, everyone will be privy to my conversations, even as I take calls huddled in corners facing the wall which makes others think:
a.) Wow. She's socially awkward.
b.) Wow. She must be a secret agent.

In other words, pray for Apple to stop its malevolent scheming. It has to be stopped.

Also, I hear you on Frozen. I have four girls with excellent memories and can spew forth lyrics at any time. The songs haunt me in my sleep.
Shannon - March 19th, 2014 at 1:44 PM
Things I wish would go away:
The drum set....the frakin' drum set.
Teenage girl driver...she's gonna send me to the mental ward if she doesn't hurry up and get her license.
7th grade testosterone. No one warns you about the boys!
8yr old whining. They said it would die down at 3..."they" need to go to jail for lying.
My dear beloved husband's loss of hearing....and sight...and all around use of his limbs to find anything, everything that he has lost. Apparently I have "moved" his stuff to an unknown location. the e. Coli that has been hanging out in my gut for the past two weeks after I ate a bad something...please go away! My butt hurts.
Alison - March 19th, 2014 at 10:02 PM
Bahaha! I laughed so hard at this that I was afraid I'd wake up my kids. (No worries, the 3 year old has worn herself out performing Frozen songs and the middle school boy is dead to the world!)
Lydia - March 19th, 2014 at 1:44 PM
Here's mine:
"Duhn duhn du du du DUH dun du du du DUH dun du du du duhhhhhhh" over and over and over and over. What is that, you ask? My four year old singing the music to Star Wars.
Stef - March 19th, 2014 at 8:15 PM
Haha I bet I'm not the only one that sang along with your post!

My 6 y/o is stuck on the star spangled banner. Yep. (It's pretty cute, though.)

Lori - March 19th, 2014 at 1:47 PM
Wish hot flashes would GO AWAY. And winter, enough already. Otterbox! 'nough said. Thanks as always for the laughs.
Audra - March 19th, 2014 at 1:49 PM
All talking singing and light up toys!!! Grrr...I have silly voices and songs in my head all day...yesterday they were ALL dropped off at a consignment sale-PHEW!
Facebook! Too Much information all the time! Cannot compete with how AWESOME your day is and how PERFECT your world is. And when I don't go on FB I am left out of almost everything and everybody's life.
Texting. I miss long conversations with friends. Sadly they don't miss them with me.
Cars with technology. I love a GOOD GPS but everything else is just NOT necessary to get from point A to B.
ODD weather: what happened to the four seasons? :(
ALL reality Television excluding Food Network and HGTV.
So I think I need a time machine to go back to 1973. :)

Linda - March 19th, 2014 at 1:53 PM
As a teacher with 28 years of experience at the middle school level, I wouldn't trade the darlings for anything! I love the reference to the frontal lobe. . . are you aware that they now say that part of the brain isn't done developing until a person is 27/28 years old!?! Although middle school kids may make us crazy, they are so willing to love if only we show them love first. . . unconditional, "I don't care if your eyes are covered in orange eye shadow" love. They are kind of like 'big' 3 year olds : )
Cindy - March 20th, 2014 at 9:09 AM
So refreshing to hear your perspective! You are clearly doing what you were meant to do. I bet many of your students (who may have middle school age kids of their own) remember you as their favorite teacher!
Michelle - March 20th, 2014 at 9:48 AM
Big 3 year olds! Love! Thank you for that reminder. My middle schooler is as tall as I am and outweighs me by 40 pounds and it's hard to remember when the first word out of his mouth for ANY question is "NO" that he is still indeed only 12.
Mary - March 20th, 2014 at 11:13 AM
Did you know there's actually a disease that atrophies the frontal lobe after all that trouble to develop? Yep. Hits in the 50's and is the ugliest thing you ever want to deal with. I wish the effects of the consequences of those painful years would go away. Oops. Sorry. Forgot to be funny. Please don't report me as inappropriate; I promise to get better.
Duane - March 20th, 2014 at 11:30 AM
Linda, I have been a school bus driver for 29 years... you should give that a try sometime! I agree with what you are saying, but I sure wish I could face the kids while I drive and be able to have the time to show them love ... unconditional. But the problem is that on the bus there has to be know, things like: stay in your seat so you don't die or cause the bus driver to be distracted so everyone dies; keep the noise to a quiet roar, not the lion type for the same reason; keep your arms and other body parts inside the window so you don't lose it; don't throw things out the window...the car beside you does not want a broken windshield; and please don't leave your sticky gum on the floor or seats where someone else could be stuck forever! But, you know what! I won't give up this job until I have to because, like your job, I can make a difference in at least one persons life while doing it! (I wish I could get your pay). Thanks for doing a great job of loving on our kids for a better future!
Kristi Taylor - March 19th, 2014 at 1:56 PM
Actually love my middle schooler right's the 16 year old that's going to drive me to my grave! Middle school, strangely enough, was good for her too. I think they must be on some sort of Frozen soundtrack confession...I could listen to it all day!!! Thanks for the laughs and encouragement!!!
Valerie - March 19th, 2014 at 10:07 PM
Me, too!!!! She flew through middle school and is now stuck in a 15 year old funk!!!! Ahhhh
Hillery - March 19th, 2014 at 1:59 PM
When something expensive goes on sale right after you purchased it at full price and can't get a refund.

Otterbox cases on sale 70% off with a GROUPON code today. Wish I would have known that a week ago when I purchased one.
Miki - March 19th, 2014 at 2:00 PM
Tami - March 19th, 2014 at 2:01 PM
WHERE WERE YOU when my kids were in middle school? Probably enjoying your college days somewhere... happy to report we survived.
Bronwyn - March 19th, 2014 at 2:02 PM
Office "retreats" and "teambuilding" and really all corporate speak and false comraderie. I work to live, I don't live to work, so let's not pretend I'm super excited to be here. I retreat with my family and they are my team.
Ely - March 19th, 2014 at 9:34 PM
Jodi - March 20th, 2014 at 9:02 AM
We call that Forced Fun!
Anna - March 20th, 2014 at 10:25 AM
The military calls that "mandatory fun" which always made me giggle
Lisa - March 20th, 2014 at 11:43 AM
Ditto...everything you just said!
Rebecca - March 19th, 2014 at 2:02 PM
I would add after The Frozen soundtrack should come The American Girl doll catalog...seriously I don't know how it always gets "lost" in the house :)
C.b. grace - March 19th, 2014 at 2:07 PM
My husband was a youthpastor when we met and I agreed to help him "just don't put me with middle schoolers" (he did anyway). My current situation is 5 1/2....he seems to know everything right now and is constantly telling me what he is going to do. We have had some "come to Jesus" meetings lately about his attitude and especially the 5th time obedience this point, I hate to say at this point I would be okay with 2nd time obedience because I am sick of the sound of my own voice.
Christi - March 19th, 2014 at 2:11 PM
This had me laughing the whole time I read it! I feel the same way about Frozen, with 2 young daughters - 8 and 2, they are both singing those songs constantly!! My 8 yr old has even videoed herself and asked to put it on YouTube! And I loved the phone part, bc yes, my phone looks the exact same!! The screen protector, which isn't sticky anymore bc of the dirt and tiny shards of glass under it, is being held on by packing tape! LOL
Jill - March 19th, 2014 at 2:15 PM
I would like to do away with "morning people" who want to have actual conversations in the morning hours. I am not a morning person. I wake at 6:30 just to have an hour to myself before getting ready for work. But, even after that, there's nothing real important to talk about until I've been at work for at least an hour. Give a girl some time.
Sonya - March 19th, 2014 at 2:15 PM
I have three boys who have passed through the woes of MS and have barely made it. Daughter is now in 7th grade. I go from Saint Mom the Magnificent to maybe-i-shouldn't-be-a-mom in a flat second.
Jennifer - March 19th, 2014 at 2:21 PM
I have a high schooler, middle schooler, and twins who are in kindergarten. Bless you and Lord bless me. I get it!
Tiffany - March 19th, 2014 at 2:21 PM
Oh how I needed that today. I just want to survive middle school. And then start all over
Next year with another one. Can you please just write a book that will keep me laughing through the middle school years?
Jennifer - March 19th, 2014 at 2:27 PM
Things I wish would go away: the color chart at school. They didn't have one when my first (now in high school) went through school. Second one (now in middle) was always on "green". And now that the twins are in school and Izzy get's on "yellow" or "red" every other day, I really don't care about the color chart. They are 6 years old people. If she get's arrested one day, we can chat then. They have increased my prayer life though. Just sayin. Bless you Jen!
Nikki - March 20th, 2014 at 11:15 AM
I love this!! I feel a bit like this too :)
Mandi - March 20th, 2014 at 5:11 PM
Oh wow, I HATE the color charts! Are we in elementary school to learn ABC's and 1 3, or to study and critique every behavioral move?! Ugh!
Jan - March 19th, 2014 at 2:35 PM
I am a developmental voice specialist which is a fancy title that means I teach middle schoolers to sing. And yes, their favorite song is Frozen. I decided not to fight it. But to get it over with. Sing and purge. So, we are singing it and then it will hopefully be DONE. It's probably the worst song for a middleschool girl to try to sing, by the way.

What else would I get rid of? WHINERS: Why do we have to do this? that? the other thing?
One student I have, a 7th grade girl, literally whines about everything.
So, we're opening up a Mary Poppins medley "I don't like this song. Why do we have to do it?"
"Who doesn't like Mary Poppins? For reals, WHO DOESN'T LIKE MARY POPPINS???"

So, we're all dressed up, ready to sing for a competition. The girls look adorable, matching dresses, with the puffy rolled hem, little shrugs. they are happy. And then little Miss Can I Have Some Cheese with that Whiner? pipes up "I hate these dresses. Why do we have to wear THESE dresses."

By that point I'd had it. (weeks of going through this with her) "What do you like? Do you like pizza? Do you like to take trips? Disneyland? Your mother. Tell me one thing that you like."
Her answer? "Well, I don't like brownies and I absolutely hate brownies."

I give up.
MeMe - March 19th, 2014 at 2:44 PM
Yes, I am one of those blessed people who love working with middle school kids. I taught sixth grade for 38 years and let me tell you things from 1973 until now have changed tremendously. Examples: In 1973, there were no cell phones, no computers, no way of communicating other than the telephone and snail mail, unless you were face to face with a person, and what seems unthinkable now wasn't even invented back then. It was a safer time and kids would have looked at you like you were crazy if you talked to them about the dangers of chat rooms. Move forward to now and teachers' roles have increased in complexity. ADD, ADHD, bipolar disorder, Asperger's, "coke babies," living under a bridge, no food to eat, and the list goes on. One thing that hasn't changed is the need for kids to have someone willing to just listen to them and actually hear them. I hope that I touched the lives of many kids as they touched mine. I could and should write a book. I could and should teach student teachers at the university level; but, I do not have a Phd. or even a Master's degree. What I do have is a gift that God gave me of interacting with young people and getting them to listen. I retired three years ago at the age of 60. Why? Everything has become micromanaged in the public schools now. I heard it best described in this way: "Why do we work so hard on individual learning styles only to test students with a standardized test?" I'll stop because if I don't, my blood pressure will rise. When I taught, our reading group of teachers had students with excellent scores on the required tests. We dug and scrounged and agreed to go to prison together if we used something copyrighted and got caught. We picked stories that taught the skills and also captured to students' interest. The after I left, the great state of Texas implemented CSCOPE to be taught in all reading classes at sixth grade level. The scores have diminished and everything seems so stiff. Do not vary from the prescribed plan for any reason. So what if it's snowing when it rarely does. You can't build a campfire (easily accomplished) with white Christmas lights, (oh no, I said Christmas) and yellow and red tissue paper and some small wood logs picked up at the convenient store. We're supposed to be teaching blah, blah, blah today. What happened to teachable moments? Oh yeah, I said I'd stop. So I will.
Timmarie - March 19th, 2014 at 11:30 PM
THANK YOU for all of your years of service as a teacher. As a parent, I want you to know: I don't give a rip about standardized tests. I want my kids to learn, make great memories and practice acting like a kind human being. I cannot imagine the frustration of teaching in this current system.
Tracy Johnson - March 20th, 2014 at 5:04 PM
Thank you from another parent of three (1MS 2ES), I agree, I despise standardized tests. I want my children to learn to think, how to broaden and enrich their minds. I spend their breaks trying to expose them to nature, science, museums and observation. I attended Jr. High in the late seventies and do not recall a standardized test till my last two years in high school. I have always been a great tester, but many of my friends were not. The stress that it causes for both teachers, admin., parents and students is unbelievable. I observed, during my oldest's fifth grade year, how the teachers and admin. would keep repeating the mantra, "STAAR, is just a test, you have been taught this, you know the content on the test. It is just a test." I don't know that made me nervous. My straight A student started, good at taking tests, started having panic attacks as the test neared.
Carol - March 20th, 2014 at 8:24 PM
I graduated from a public high school in 1957, BEFORE Sputnik. Then the good students had little recognition. Most of my teachers were good . There was very little standardized testing. Latin and algebra taught me to think. I chose not to teach because I did not have the temperment to deal with disruptive boys. Personally I feel legislators should be required to take the Graduate Record Exam, Law School Admission Test, or something similar every year they vote on education bills--and the results should be a public record.
j. - March 21st, 2014 at 2:01 AM
We were so thankful for teachers like you all through the 21 years our five were in public schools!!! Big change happened in our local school when our district accepted government funding to accept untold numbers of students not living in our neighborhoods. We accepted control that came with that $$ and good education in the classroom went out the window. Parents investing in their children was no longer necessary - a free ride was now possible. As a stay-at-home mom for all of those years I loved learning along with our five, encouraging and discovering along with them and volunteering in the schools in so many ways every year. I loved seeing them and their friends grow. Any stage they were going through that was challenging sharpened us. I never thought middle school or any other age was a disaster. If that's the message you send to your students - that's what you will get - a disaster. God created masterpieces - it's our job to uncover each one! All of this complaining about our families is so counterproductive. Yes there are hard times, but we are teaching our children even in the ways we respond to them and react to every situation in daily life. Helping them navigate rough spots gives them tools for the future. Education is every moment every day, not just when our children are sitting in a classroom. There are so many things to learn if we know our children well enough and can join them in their pursuit of knowledge of their specific interests. That's how God intended it - to "train them up in the way he created them individually to go" - and he get's the glory for how they blossom : ) Let's quit whining and start looking for treasure in each of these young lives. We're shaping the future today : )
Kristin - March 19th, 2014 at 2:46 PM
Price tags on glass! When, not if, I am Queen for the day, I will abolish all pricetags on glass surfaces--especially frames!!!
Beth - March 19th, 2014 at 2:49 PM
Your Loud Talker Person reminded me of my Easter card hunting last week. ( You know some of those cards just get too carried away and then some have mindless messages that the holiday is a slot to be filled in.) Anyread, while I am trying to buy 3 cards for 3 different people (who know each other and compare) a woman decides to have a very loud conversation on her communication device (I don't think we should call them phones anymore), while "looking" at cards. I was trying to concentrate on the cards so badly that I started to read them a loud. Now I am the loud talker but not just talker but reading messages that have me uttering, "Oh no. Nah ah." or "Why do they have to write this junk? Can't they just make a normal, everyday card?"
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