On accidentally writing a cookbook

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I accidentally wrote a cookbook that doesn’t follow any rules and has some swears in it.

It is for normal people who like/need to cook but also have a medium amount of damns to give. It will especially work for people who want to read a recipe, definitely laugh, maybe cook.

008_010a_friedavotacos2_539148It contains the following sentences, among many others:

  • Taste each stage. Adjust accordingly. No one needs to know you double dip the whole time. They’re eating this food for free. 
  • The perfect hash browns are shredded and come straight off the greasiest fifty-year-old griddle at the sketchiest diner you can find, and if you don’t agree, come fight me.
  • If you know for a fact that your family will not eat green chilis, then do the obvious thing: trade them in for a new family.”

  • I reach for savory breakfast most times, but sometimes a pancake just HITS. I can get swept up in breakfast dessert mania too, because I am an American with rights.

  • On “Dip Dinner”: I pulled this term out of my ass one year when the kids were little and I wasn’t in the mood to beg them to eat like some pathetic lady shilling to kindergarteners.

  • On cold soups: Yuck. Why. If I’m eating something cold out of a bowl, it better damn well be ice cream, or you’re going to stick that gazpacho in the microwave.

  • Number one rule of Dressing Club: There is a Dressing Club and you are now a member and all members taste and adjust. Your dressing, your house, your choice. No one tells you how to live.

  • Our moms didn’t make three separate meals for their snowflakes’ personal preferences. Moms were like, “Eat that broccoli now or you will damn well eat it cold for breakfast tomorrow, and my morning playlist will be the sound of your tears.”

  • This recipe is for spicy ranch, which is a bit kickier, but just leave out the cayenne and boom: regular ranch, just like the pilgrims ate.

  • You bet your ass I use store-bought rotisserie for this. Chicken salad is the reason God invented rotisserie chicken.

  • I grew up eating vegetables during the 80’s, and it was a real culinary tragedy. If you haven’t ever eaten Brussels sprouts boiled to death in plain water, then I guess your mom didn’t hate you.

  • Thanks for not driving us to your sex dungeon, Marty. ???

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Anyway, the whole thing is like this. Plus the food is delicious.

Plus my photographer Mackenzie and her team made it gorgeous so there’s that too. It is called Feed These People and I think you’re going to love it.

It’s not very precious, so jot that down, but it is fun and real and yummy and for all us normal home cooks out here feeding our people. Come and get it, y’all.

If you want to know how this actually happened that I have a book in the wild now, here’s the story…

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