There are books that entertain you for a weekend — and then there are books that linger. This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel is one of those unforgettable stories.
We read it in the Jen Hatmaker Book Club a couple of years ago, and I’m still thinking about it. It’s tender, timely, heartwarming, and real.
And if you haven’t read it yet, consider this your official nudge.
What Is ‘This Is How It Always Is’ About?
The story follows a loving, ordinary American family with a not-so-ordinary secret. Rosie and Penn are raising five wildly unique boys — until their youngest, Claude, tells them that when he grows up, he wants to be a girl. The family, determined to support Claude’s identity, makes the decision to keep their youngest’s gender journey private.
But secrets have a way of outgrowing the containers we put them in.
Set against a backdrop of parental love and societal expectations, this novel dives headfirst into what it means to support your child in a world that isn’t always ready.
Why I Loved This Laurie Frankel Book
Let me join the chorus of readers who have shouted this from the rooftops: this book is astonishing. It was a slam dunk in our book club — rarely have I seen that much emotion, discussion, and depth come out of one read.
It’s heartwarming. It’s sad. It’s beautiful. It’s funny. It’s just… lovely. Laurie Frankel writes with such compassion and nuance, and the story never feels heavy-handed or preachy. It’s just real.
As a parent, it made me pause and think about how I would show up for my kids if they shared something tender and true. And as a human, it made me want to be more curious, more kind, and more brave.
@realjenhatmaker You know I always come with book recs. And, this month for PRIDE, I’ve got a really good one for you… This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel. This book is astonishing. It is so good I put it in my Book Club a few years ago. And it generated so much emotion and discussion and feeling. It is heartwarming, it is sad, it is beautiful, it is funny, it is lovely. This is a 100% YES book. Have you read it? Other books you’d recommend for PRIDE month? ? Want to read incredible books like this with me every month? Click the link in my bio and tap “Join Book Club!” to get started. #booktok #booktoker #jhbc #jenhatmakerbookclub #jenhatmaker #lauriefrankel #thisishowitalwaysis #bookreview #books #bookrec #bookrecommendations #pride #lgbtqia #pridemonth #tbr #tbrlist #mustread ? original sound – Jen Hatmaker
Why ‘This Is How It Always’ Is Still Matters
This book isn’t just fiction — it’s a mirror. It’s a reminder that behind every big cultural “issue” are real kids, real parents, and real lives. In today’s climate — where conversations about gender identity are often reduced to headlines or debates — this novel feels more urgent than ever.
This Is How It Always Is invites us to lead with empathy and hold space for nuance. It doesn’t offer easy answers, but it shows us what love can look like when it’s brave.
Ready to Read It?
If you’re looking for a book that will make you feel everything and leave you thinking long after the final page, this is it. Trust me — no one finishes this book unchanged.
We loved this book so much, we made it part of the Jen Hatmaker Book Club, where we regularly dive into powerful stories like this one. If that sounds like your jam, come join us!
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Bonus: Study Guide Questions for ‘This Is How It Always Is’
- How did the family’s choice to keep Claude’s identity private impact each member differently?
- What moments of parenting in this book felt the most honest or relatable to you?
- How did the community’s response to Claude’s identity affect your view on societal progress (or lack thereof)?
- What role did secrets play in shaping the plot—and the characters?
- If you were Claude’s teacher, neighbor, or friend—how would you show support?
This is one of those books I recommend to everyone. Because it’s not just a great read — it’s a better way to understand each other.