Doubting God & Having Faith: When Deconstruction Meets Relationship

Let’s be real—doubt feels different when it’s about God.

It’s one thing to question doctrine, theology, or the church, but what happens when your faith crisis gets personal? When the foundation shakes so hard that you don’t just doubt ideas about God—you doubt God?

For many going through faith deconstruction, this is where the grief hits hardest. You’re not just reevaluating beliefs; you’re reassessing a relationship. And if you grew up being told that God is always near, always answering, always present—God’s silence in doubt can feel like a betrayal.

So, what do we do when we’re doubting God and having faith at the same time? Can we even hold both? And if faith has always been framed as certainty, what does it mean when that certainty crumbles?

The Pain of Doubting Christ: When God Feels Distant

If you’re in this place, I need you to hear this:

You are not alone.

Many of us were taught that feeling distant from God was our fault—that if we weren’t “hearing” God, we weren’t praying hard enough, believing strong enough, or doing faith “right.” But if that’s true, then explain:

• The psalmist David, who begged, “Do not hide your face from me… do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior” (Psalm 27:9).
• Job, who, after losing everything, cried out, “Even today my complaint is bitter… If only I knew where to find Him” (Job 23:1-3).
• Jesus on the cross, crying out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

If doubt and longing for God’s presence were sins, then we have a lot of biblical heroes who missed the mark. But that’s not the case. Their doubt wasn’t the problem—it was a sign of deep relationship. Because here’s the thing: You don’t grieve the absence of something you don’t love.

Dealing With Doubt as a Christian: What Happens When the Faith You Knew Is Gone?

For many of us, deconstruction starts with theology but leads to questions about God. Maybe you started rethinking what you were taught about the Bible, church, or Christian culture. Maybe you realized that parts of your faith were built on fear, control, or exclusion rather than love, justice, and grace.

And then suddenly… God felt different. Not because God changed—but because the version of God you were handed no longer fit.

So where does that leave you? If you no longer believe in the God of fire and brimstone, but you’re still unsure how to meet the God of mercy and mystery, what do you do?

1. Stop Pretending—Honest Faith Is Better Than Forced Faith

Some of us were taught that faith means faking it until you feel it. That we should say the prayers, sing the songs, and “just believe” even when everything inside us is screaming, I don’t know if I believe this anymore!

But God has never asked for performative faith. In fact, Jesus reserved His harshest words for those who looked holy on the outside but were empty inside (Matthew 23:27).

If you are doubting God, say it out loud.
If you feel abandoned, tell God that.
If you’re not even sure God’s listening, name it.

God doesn’t need your rehearsed prayers. God wants your real heart.

2. Let Go of the Fear That God Is Disappointed in You

One of the biggest lies we absorb is that God is angry with us for doubting.

But where do we actually see that in Scripture?

• God didn’t reject Elijah, even when he collapsed under fear and wished for death (1 Kings 19:4-8).
• Jesus didn’t shame Peter, even when he denied Him three times (Luke 22:61-62).
• God didn’t punish Habakkuk, even when he boldly cried, “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?” (Habakkuk 1:2).

God’s response to doubt isn’t anger or rejection—it’s engagement. Which means your doubts don’t push God away. They might actually be drawing you closer.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve the God You Once Knew

If you’re in deconstruction, you may feel like you’re mourning two things at once:

1. The faith you once had but no longer do.
2. The God you once felt close to but now feel distant from.

And let’s be honest—that loss hurts.

• Maybe prayer feels empty now.
• Maybe worship doesn’t stir anything in you anymore.
• Maybe you miss the certainty you once had, even if you now know that certainty wasn’t the whole truth.

Grief is part of this process. And it’s okay to say, I miss what I used to have, even if I no longer believe it in the same way. But here’s the beautiful thing: Grief doesn’t mean it’s over. If Jesus taught us anything through death and resurrection, it’s that the end of something doesn’t mean it’s the end of everything.

4. Find a God Who Is Bigger Than the Box You Were Given

One of the hardest parts of deconstruction is letting go of a limited view of God.

Many of us were taught to see God through a very small lens—one tied to specific denominations, interpretations, or cultural norms. But if God is bigger than we can comprehend, then maybe our doubts aren’t leading us away from God.

Maybe they’re leading us to a fuller, deeper understanding of who God really is.

You’re Not Alone in This Wilderness

If you’re doubting God today, I need you to know:

• You are not alone.
• You are not failing.
• You are not abandoned.

You are in the wilderness, but you are not lost.

If deconstruction has left you feeling adrift, like the faith you once held is slipping through your fingers, please hear me: There is life on the other side of this. There is faith beyond certainty. But getting there? It takes time. It takes honesty. And it takes finding the right tools to rebuild in a way that honors where you’ve been—and where you’re going.

That’s exactly why I created the Me Course on Deconstruction & Reconstruction—because I know this journey can feel overwhelming. I know what it’s like to grieve the faith you once had, to feel misunderstood by your people, and to wonder if you’ll ever feel connected to God again.

This course is your companion through the questions, the fears, and the loneliness of doubt. It gives you permission to wrestle, space to process, and the tools to move forward—on your terms.

So if you’re in the thick of doubt and need a guide for what comes next, I’d love for you to check it out. Because no matter what anyone has told you—your faith journey still belongs to you. And if there is one thing I know about God, it’s this: God is not afraid of your questions. God is not scared of your doubt. And most of all—God is not leaving you. So take a breath. Sit in the uncertainty. Ask the hard questions. And trust that even here, even in this silence, He is still holding you.