There’s this thing people say about women in midlife—this trope that gets tossed around like a badge of honor or a whispered warning: You’re a mess. I’m a mess. We’re all a mess. And every time I hear it, something inside me pulls back. It doesn’t sit right.
The Myth of Having It All Figured Out
Here’s the truth: The middle is messy, but you are not a mess.
When we were younger, we believed midlife would be the season of finally having it all figured out. That by now, things would be settled—our lives neatly arranged into categories, our paths clear, our identities fully formed. The future version of us would be polished, put together, and wise.
Well, hi. Those of us standing here, right in the thick of it, can tell you—that was a lie we told ourselves to feel better.
Midlife Is More Like a Puzzle Than a Plan
Midlife isn’t neat and tidy. It’s a 5,000-piece puzzle dumped out on the table, except the picture on the box keeps changing. It’s a season of transition—people coming and going, roles shifting, identities evolving. Our bodies are changing, our relationships are stretching, our priorities are reshuffling. And while it is messy, that mess is not proof that you’re failing.
The mess is evidence of living.
You Are Not Failing—You Are Growing
At 50, here’s what I know: This season isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about having the courage to keep going, to keep shifting, to keep adjusting. To rebuild, even when the pieces you have don’t seem to fit the way you expected.
So you don’t have to rush to clean it all up. You don’t have to sort it all out today. You can just be here, in the middle, and breathe.
The Beauty Is in the Becoming
The beauty of midlife isn’t found in a finished puzzle—it’s in the wild, colorful, unpredictable process of figuring it out.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore my upcoming memoir, AWAKE. It’s a deeply personal story about losing what once defined me, learning to keep going, and discovering who I really am in the midst of midlife.
Together, let’s figure out the messy pieces together and awaken to a second act that is absolutely transformative and beautiful.