Series 32: For The Love Of Reconnecting | Episode 06
Communication Drives Connection—and Healing: Dr. Mark Goulston
Get ready for a deep-dive into what it means to listen and connect with those around you with our next guest in the Reconnecting series: psychiatrist and executive coach Dr. Mark Goulston. As a former FBI hostage negotiation trainer, Dr. Goulston knows how to reach out to and connect with just about anyone. After the past twelve months, we’re all living on edge, and Dr. Goulston gives Jen a few communication tips to guide tense conversations toward calm. Plus, Dr. Goulston shows us how people are icebergs and why asking someone, “What’s really going on?” more than once helps us drill down and discover what the real problem is. And spoiler alert: when we vulnerably share what’s going on with us, and when someone listens and responds without judgment—whether we’re doing the sharing or the listening, true connection really does help us heal. And after 2020, we’re all due for a heavy dose of healing.
Hey, everybody, Jen Hatmaker here, your host of the For the Love Podcast. Welcome to the show. Whew, you either need to buckle up or grab a pen and paper, or at least be prepared to go to jenhatmaker.com later for the show notes, because this episode is packed.
You know that we’re in the middle of a series called For the Love of Reconnecting. As a team we’ve thought about you, our listener, and where we all are in our lives, in our families and relationships, and how we’ve just become so incredibly disconnected from one another. From ourselves, from God in some cases, and from our neighbors. So we’ve talked a lot throughout this series about ways to reconnect. In a lot of ways, we’ve been talking about reconnecting with ourselves, which is hard work, that often we have to do before we can meaningfully connect with somebody else. But it’s time for us to really begin to look sideways again, to look at the people around us as we begin to re-engage with the world.
I think one of the greatest tools that we need to assess, to consider, to really put into high rotation in terms of intentionality and practice and priority is listening – and that’s what we’re going to talk about today, how to reconnect with other people through listening. Gosh, I’m not doing the intro justice here because that sounds really basic, and this conversation is not basic. Because listening leads to understanding, and understanding leads to empathy, and empathy leads to the kind of relationships we are all craving.
So today’s conversation is with a true expert, psychiatrist and executive coach Dr. Mark Goulston. Dr. Goulston is very well known for having an almost magical ability for reaching people. I mean, he’s a TEDx speaker, he was a former hostage negotiation trainer, and he hosts the My Wakeup Call podcast. He has been called upon by endless corporate leaders for his gifts in conflict resolution. Wow, I mean, he’s just … well, you’ll just have to see. This is going to be a great conversation to put in front of you. His book, Just Listen, reveals the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone, anyone, which we’re going to talk about in just a second, so you’ll want to stay for that alone.
But this is the stuff, man. He puts the tools in our hands to break through, to get through, to heal our relationships. Put me in the hotspot a couple times. Oh, I love it when my guests turn it on me. This is a good one, you guys. Useful, practical, and tactile. I am so pleased to share my conversation with the very, very wise and smart and experienced Dr. Mark Goulston!
Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode
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XO – Team Jen