Finding Peace Within Our Grief: Sal & Im’s Tips for Good Mourning

“We hear a lot from grievers in our community that the second year is harder than the first. And that can take a lot of people by surprise because we anticipate that all the firsts are going to be harder, but it takes a long time to even process such a significant loss that’s happened in your life.”

Episode 02

In our ongoing pursuit of peace during the holidays, we’re tackling something this week that we might forget others are facing during the holidays (or perhaps we are trying to trudge through ourselves); grief.  Everyone’s grief journey is unique, but during a season where “joy” is being pushed 24/7, our grief can feel like it’s 10 times its normal size as we struggle to “show up” in the ways we usually do during the holidays. Our guests this week are here to remind us of several important things, including; it’s okay to grieve during the holidays, and it’s perfectly okay to take it slow, to pause, to rest. There’s no “right” way to grieve. 

And that’s why we’re grateful to have some return visitors to the show, the hosts of the Good Mourning Podcast – Sal and Im. Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn met in 2019 after their mothers suddenly passed away just months apart. Because of their shared grief experience, they met in a grief group and decided to launch a podcast together. They know that grief is intense. It hits you physically, emotionally, spiritually. And even during the holidays, during what should be happy moments. The community they’ve created around the topic of grieving brings people together during what can be a really lonely time and reminds them, they’re not alone. There are others out there who know exactly what you’re going through. And it’s okay to reach out, to seek help, and to take care of your mental health.

Sal and Im give us coping tools, show us how to establish boundaries when we’re grieving and also remind us; the pain does lessen over time. This is your journey, and you get to decide the pace. It’s not a race. It’s a process. So, take it one day at a time. You’re doing just fine.

Episode Transcript

Hi everybody. Jen Hatmaker here, your host of the For The Love podcast. Welcome to the show and I’m so very glad you’re here. I love this series. I love it almost as much as my two guests today. We’re in a series called For the Love of Peace. I don’t think I need to explain that we’re just in need of it right now. We need it always, but certainly this time of year and certainly just with the world right now. We wanted our show to be a place of rest and respite and peace here at the end of the year. Now, I think you know how special it is for me when I have guests back on the show for a second or even a third time because then we get to go more in-depth on topics.

We started discussing the first time they were on the show, but have way more places to keep going. Then of course we get to know our guests better. We get to ask questions that we ran out of time for on the first go around. So that is today. I hope you remember our guests Sal and Im. We had them on the show a little over two years ago. They are hosts of The Good Mourning Podcast and that’s Mourning spelled  M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G. They were in our Elephant in the Room series back in early 2022, and they just are amazing. We love them. Your response to them the first time was really strong. That particular episode charted very high and we always pay attention to that because that’s you telling us what you want to hear. So we are always noticing what has a lot of traction in our community and they certainly did.

As you know, the whole point of the series is to bring a sense of calm to the holiday season this year. But there is a specific group of people that need peace, especially right now, and that is the grievers. Whether you’ve lost someone near and dear to you and this is your first holiday season without them, or it could be that you’re mourning a friendship or a relationship of some kind. It could even be the loss of a job or a dream workplace. Any loss that creates grief, it feels doubly hard during the holidays. Everyone’s kind of expecting or even pretending that everything is to be filled with happiness when it isn’t. Sometimes we are right in the middle of pain so grief is normal and we deserve the time to grieve well and the way that we need to. It absolutely can and does co-exist with “the most wonderful time of the year.”

I’m so grateful to have Sal and Im here again to talk us through this, to empower us to walk through the holidays in whatever state we’re in, and help us navigate mourning when it feels like the whole world is rejoicing. If you didn’t listen to our previous episode together, Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn who go by Sal and Im met in 2019 after their mothers suddenly passed away just months apart. The girls are young because of their shared grief experience they met in a grief group. They decided to launch a podcast together and they have this super beautiful, hard, one-relatable approach to grief and what it feels like to deal with loss. They’ve created a beautiful community around it. Sal and Im released a book earlier this year called Good Mourning, [M-O-U-R-N again] Honest Conversations about Grief and Loss.

One of the reviews says this about it, “a comforting support group in book form. A must-read for grievers,”  which is incredible. They are a gift. They are a gift to us. I loved them the first go round and I remembered why today. They are earnest and approachable and honest and truthful and lovely, and we’re lucky to have them here. If you find yourself this year grieving in any way and for any reason, this is for you.  If you love someone who is grieving, send this to them. I love you and I’m so pleased to share my conversation with the wonderful Sal and Im.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

 

For the Love Episode with Sal & Im 

Good Mourning by Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn

The Golden Bachelor

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