August 27, 2022

The perfect, incorruptible breakfast: Soft-Boiled Eggs on Hot-Buttered Toast


39985348_1774884879277166_8061770510716895232_nDears, allow me to guide you toward the perfect, incorruptible breakfast.

I am obviously a FANCY cook because I once went to Food Camp and made a sauce called espagnole, but it has 10 ingredients and requires a FINE MESH SIEVE and nothing that complicated should be a part of our day before 9:00 a.m. or maybe ever.

Especially when for all that work, it was just sort of okay and I would frankly rather have jarred Alfredo sauce. But I’m getting off track.

This is the breakfast of champions: soft-boiled eggs and hot buttered toast. Can you handle eggs and sliced bread? Like an old-timey farmer? Then this is your breakfast journey.

This method is foolproof: In a small pot, bring water to boil (enough to cover your eggs). When it is boiling, carefully lower your eggs in with a slotted spoon and set your timer for exactly 6.5 minutes. I am sorry to be fussy, but longer than that and you have hard-boiled eggs and your day is ruined.

At the end of the 6.5 minutes, take the eggs out and run them under cold water or dunk them in a bowl of ice water.

While they are cooling down, drop your bread in the toaster. BUTTER GENEROUSLY. With real butter. If you come at me with Country Crock, we are in a fight. I cannot believe we are still talking about this.

I also leave my butter out on the counter in its vintage butter dish at all times because I am not precious about this. If you want to butter your toast with butter bricks from the fridge, please don’t come crying to me when it tears your bread and you have sad feelings.

Peel your beautiful eggs, cut them in half, and salt and pepper them like it is your job. Take a good look at them too, because those belong on a magazine cover.

This is very important: it is imperative that your bread-to-egg ratio is correct. EVERY BITE NEEDS SOME EGG AND SOME BUTTERED TOAST. This is not negotiable, I’m afraid, so if you are a Giant Toast Biter, you will need two pieces of toast for your eggs. And please don’t leave any yolk on the plate. Put your bread to good use and sop that -ish up.

This is all you need to eat for breakfast for the rest of your life. It will never cease to make you happy, and it has three ingredients.

A cup of sweet, creamy coffee with it is implied.

Speaking of food, you can find more recipe goodness in my debut cookbook,Ā Feed These People.Ā 


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