Here’s the real, honest truth: Not everyone is ho-ho-ho-ing their way through December. If the sight of twinkling lights and endless Santa mugs makes you want to scream into the void, you’re not alone — and there’s definitely nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken.
Some people thrive in the holiday season. They’re the first ones to belt out Mariah Carey in November; their trees are up the day after Halloween; and they somehow, bafflingly, find joy in coordinating family photos where everyone is wearing matching sweaters. If that’s you, listen, we love you. But this one isn’t for you.
This one is for the people who quietly (or loudly) whisper, “I hate the holidays.” Maybe you say it when the first holiday ad interrupts your Hulu binge. Maybe you mutter it under your breath when the office Secret Santa is announced. Or maybe you’re the brave soul who says it out loud: I just cannot get into the holiday season. And you know what? You’re allowed to feel that way.
Why Do I Hate the Holidays?
Let’s unpack this, because nobody just hates the holidays for sport. If you find yourself dreading the season, there’s probably a reason (or five):
- Trauma and Grief: The holidays have a way of shining a neon light on everything we’ve lost or never had. If you’re grieving someone you loved or mourning the family you wish you had, December can feel like an emotional gut punch.
- Loneliness: Maybe you’re estranged from family, you’re single, or you’re far from friends. The endless commercials of big, joyful family gatherings can make an empty seat at your table feel even bigger.
- Pressure to Perform: The holidays come with an exhausting to-do list. You’re supposed to buy the perfect gifts, decorate like it’s a Pinterest board, and attend every party with a giant smile plastered on your face. It’s overwhelming.
- Financial Stress: Let’s be honest. Holiday magic isn’t cheap. When you’re scraping together funds just to get by, the expectation to spend and splurge is isolating.
- Toxic Relationships: For some, the holidays mean heading back into environments filled with tension, judgment, or unresolved pain. Nothing like a family dinner to stir up decades of resentment, am I right?!
If any of this resonates with you, I want you to hear me loud and clear: You’re not crazy, and you’re not broken. If you don’t enjoy the holidays in this season of your life, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you — it’s because you’re a human person with lived experiences. Of course you’re not thrilled to deck the halls when the holidays feel like a minefield.
Sitting in the Hard Stuff
So, what now? How do we navigate a season that makes us want to crawl under a blanket until February? First, let’s stop trying to force it. You don’t have to manufacture holiday cheer for other people’s comfort. If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re mad, be mad. You’re allowed to feel your feelings without apologizing for them.
Sitting with discomfort is hard, especially when the world around you is blasting holiday music and insisting you should be happy. But allowing yourself to feel what you feel — without judgment — is part of the healing process. If you’ve been carrying around the “I hate the holidays” secret for years, it might be time to ask yourself why. What hurts? What needs care? You can’t fix something until you’re willing to look at it, friend.
And for heaven’s sake, give yourself some grace. Maybe you’re not up for a full Christmas extravaganza, but can you light a candle? Wrap up in a soft blanket? Watch a movie that doesn’t involve Santa Claus? The season doesn’t have to look like a Hallmark commercial. It can look like whatever your soul needs it to.
Making the Holidays Work for You
If you hate the holiday season, it’s okay to redefine it. This doesn’t have to be about denying how hard it is — it’s about finding small ways to take care of yourself amidst the noise. Here are a few ideas:
- Opt Out: You don’t have to attend every party or event. Seriously. You can just…say no. Your emotional well-being is more important than anyone’s hurt feelings about your RSVP.
- Create New Traditions: Who says the holidays have to look a certain way? Start a tradition that feels good to you, whether it’s volunteering, going on a solo trip, or eating Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve.
- Connect with Safe People: If you’ve got a person or two who makes you feel seen and loved, lean into that. Call them. Invite them over. Send a text that says, “Hey, I’m struggling right now.” Let yourself be supported.
- Focus on Tiny Joys: You don’t have to find joy in everything. Can you find one small thing? A good book. A cup of tea. A favorite song. Sometimes the tiniest joys carry us through the heaviest seasons.
- Let Go of Expectations: You are not required to perform holiday happiness. You don’t have to do the gifts, the decorations, the traditions, or anything else that feels like too much. You get to decide what the season looks like for you.
You’re Not Alone
If you find yourself wondering, Why do I hate holidays? please know that you’re not the only one asking that question. You are not a grinch, and you are not broken. You’re just someone who’s carrying a lot, and that’s okay. You don’t owe anyone a shiny, happy version of yourself this season. You owe yourself care, compassion, and permission to show up as you are.
The holidays are complicated, messy, and sometimes painful. But you don’t have to pretend your way through them. You don’t have to bury your feelings under tinsel and bows. And you don’t have to do this alone.
This season, may you find space to breathe. May you allow yourself to feel without judgment. And may you remember that the holidays don’t define you — you define what they mean to you. You are seen. You are loved. And you are not broken.