I love getting older. I have lived half a century and I wouldn’t go back, even one single day if I could. The fires that have forged my life until now haven’t consumed me but have refined me and I could not have more gratitude for them. This life is sometimes hard, usually messy, and always, always beautiful.
In this second half of my life — this lovely place I am now referring to as a Middle-Aged Renaissance — I am purging myself of insecurities and fears and worries and a million other things that leech joy from my bones. I am walking — no, RUNNING — away from other people’s ideas of me, false ideas I have of myself and any idea that doesn’t ultimately serve the greater good for my soul.
Beloveds, life is short and I will be damned if I don’t die with a belly full of joy.
I am not alone. I hear this same mantra from girlfriends over wine and endless cheese boards. I hear it from guests on my podcast who are determined to redefine “aging.” And I hear it from you, my community of fellow Gen Xers, ready to embrace life and love with the courage (and, quite frankly, time) that has eluded us until now. We are ready to face the hard conversations that are the bridges from surviving life to finally and forever thriving.
One of these hard conversations — within my immediate community and you, my extended community — is often surrounding all things sex. Yes, sex. It is met with angsty feelings and all sorts of questions. Can you relate?
- Who is having it?
- How often?
- How do you keep it spicy when you’ve been married one thousand years?
- What are the rules for sex and dating?
- Menopause?
- Solo?
The questions are endless and I am here for Every. Single. One.
When Dr. Celeste Holbrook was my guest during my Sex Ed Me Course, the one thing that showed up over and over again was that there is no wrong answer when it comes to sex. From body image to purity culture, our generation of women are steeped in shame when it comes to our sexuality, and if
there is one thing I am no longer here for it is shame in any form. And so, dear friends, we will not only ask the questions but delight in the answers.
A few truths I am learning to embrace:
Intimacy is Key to Thriving
Whether it is with girlfriends, your family or your partner, humans thrive when in meaningful and intimate relationships. Intimacy looks different to everyone and I will no longer be caught up in trying to make my relationship look like the perfectly curated ones I see on social media. I simply cannot care about your “16 Step to True Intimacy” when I know that a home-cooked meal and a few episodes of Gilmore Girls does it for us.
Intentionality is the Key to Intimacy
Nothing kills my libido quicker than the word “schedule.” I am busy. I have always been busy. I will always be busy. From the earliest days of motherhood till now, my calendar has been my key to survival and I thank God for it. However, I am not here to survive intimacy but to thrive in it. If being intimate is something I love I will one million percent make room for it. I will not wait for these beautiful moments to happen to me but I will pursue them with the vigor of an empty nester embracing this glorious second half of life.
Fear No Longer has a Seat at this Table
After the shock of my divorce, I was riddled with a billion fears and insecurities. As if that wasn’t hard enough, perimenopause came rushing in on its heels and I thought the two of them would take me out for good. But they didn’t. Neither one. And do you know why? Because I realized I wasn’t alone. Every time I faced a fear, I heard someone in the community say, “Same.”
- I am afraid to be naked with someone because my body isn’t what it once was. “Same.”
- I am afraid of what people will say when I start dating again. “Same.”
- I am afraid my hormones will tank, my libido will die and sex will never have a place in my life. “Same.”
- I am afraid I won’t know how to answer the questions my kids have about their own sexuality. “Same.”
The more questions I asked, the less afraid I became. The less afraid I became, the more freedom I found. Beloveds, there truly are no wrong answers when it comes to your own sexuality and pleasure. Find the courage the ask the questions and realize you are not alone. You are never alone.
Like so many of us, you may not even know the questions you want to ask. My conversation with Celeste in our Sex Ed Me Course is a great place to begin exploring possible answers and finding your own freedom. Life is short, beloveds. Let’s go out thriving.
P.S. You can also get this course for $25 for a limited-time only.
SEX ED ME COURSE
