Let’s talk about sex—specifically, let me turn your attention to Come Together by Emily Nagoski. This is quite possibly like nothing you’ve read before—and it certainly is NOT a clinical how-to manual or a list of “top 10 bedroom moves.” So, do not worry for one second about that. This book gets ways deeper. It speaks to your heart, your patterns, your communication style, and your healing journey. Because all of these things? They’re intimately tied to your sex life.
I first discovered Emily Nagoski through her absolute powerhouse of a book, Come As You Are. We read it in the Jen Hatmaker Book Club, and let me tell you—no book in five years has stirred up more conversation, more vulnerability, more truth. That’s why when I saw she had a follow-up called Come Together, I was in, no questions asked.
What ‘Come Together’ Is Really About
This book dives into the science and art of creating lasting sexual connections—and yes, that includes the mechanics, but it goes so much further. In Come Together, Emily tackles the stuff most of us never learned:
- How to communicate your needs without shame or confusion
- How to understand your sexual patterns as a couple
- What to do when dysfunction or past trauma affects your intimacy
- How to move through long-term partnership challenges with empathy and connection
If you’ve ever wondered why something that once worked doesn’t anymore—or if you’re just ready to stop white-knuckling your way through disconnection—this book is a revelation.
Why YOU SHOULD READ ‘Come Together’
I’ve lived through the unraveling of a marriage, the rebuilding of myself, and the discovery of what a whole-hearted relationship can actually look like. And what I know now? Healthy, lasting sexual connection isn’t about perfection. It’s about trust, communication, and a shared willingness to learn.
That’s what Emily brings to the table. She isn’t preachy. She’s not trying to sell a one-size-fits-all formula. She’s honest. Smart. Grounded in science and compassion. She acknowledges our wounds without centering them—and that’s what makes her work so dang powerful.
“It’s not just mechanics. It’s heart. It’s soul. It’s communication. It’s patterns.”
Key Takeaways
- It’s not just about sex—it’s about relational connection.
- You’re not broken. Your relationship isn’t doomed. You just need tools.
- Trauma and dysfunction are not dealbreakers—they’re invitations to heal.
- This book is especially powerful for long-term couples looking to reconnect.
Come Together is more than a book—it’s an invitation. To examine what we’ve been taught (or not taught). To bring our whole selves to the table. To co-create something lasting with our partners, rooted in truth, joy, and healing.
Where to Get the Book (and What to Read Next)
You can grab your copy of Come Together by Emily Nagoski here.
And if you love reading this kind of smart, deeply engaging book, you have to join us in the Jen Hatmaker Book Club. We read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are awhile back and had the most honest, freeing conversations. And those types of convos happen all the time in Book Club—no matter what we’re reading, It is a space to explore so many topics with curiosity, courage, and community.
Study Guide Questions for ‘Come Together’
- What communication patterns in your relationship did this book help you identify?
- What part of your sexual story still needs healing or understanding?
- How did Emily Nagoski’s framing of sexual connection challenge or affirm your beliefs?
- What would it look like to approach intimacy as a collaborative, ongoing practice?