‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring — except me, sweaty and groused.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with cheer,
As I hoped that some sleep might remember I’m here.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While my mind ran a slideshow of everything I’d said.
My brain chose 2 a.m. to open the vault
Of every dumb thing that I feel like is my fault.
I tossed and I turned in my moisture-wicked despair,
Kicked off the covers, then yanked them back — too bare.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed with hormonal swagger.
To the window I flew, in another hot flash,
Then I forgot why I stood there and why the mad dash.
But then to my tired, wondering eyes did appear,
A jolly Mrs. Claus with a fan and good cheer.
She whispered, “You’re not crazy, you’re not losing control —
Estrogen just left the chat. And it’s taking its toll.”
She whistled and shouted and called out my plight,
“Now, Hot Flash! Now, Night Sweat! Now, Brain Fog and Fatigue!
On, Mood Swing! On Joint Ache! On Insomnia, it’s a whole new league!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away — all!”
I gave a politely enthusiastic round of applause
If only it could be that simple, I said to Mrs. Claus.
Instead, I glare at countless Hallmark Christmas movies
And throw popcorn like it’s confetti for the moody.
The tears come so quickly, the patience feels so thin,
And my body is changing without checking in.
Then, Mrs. Claus with her knowing, kind demeanor,
Handed me dark chocolate with a side of glasses cleaner.
Plus, a note that said, “You’re doing just fine.”
A reminder that this season will soften with time.
And I realized then, as the moon softly shone,
That I wasn’t broken or failing or alone.
This season I’m in may feel messy and new,
But I’m still me — just a little hotter than I knew.
With that, she laughed and vanished, and I muttered in doubt,
Did that really happen, or am I dreaming this out?
So, cheers to the women awake late at night,
Navigating a barrage of changes with all their might.
May Christmas bring comfort, a fan, and no petty fights,
You’re doing just fine — and good luck sleeping tonight!