Giving Up Guilt, Getting Back Joy with Valorie Burton

Episode 01

Right now, we all need some small wins. And in our brand-new series called—wait for it—For the Love of Small Wins, we’re talking to thought leaders who remind us to look for the ways kindness and resilience has showed up in our lives this year. First up, author and life coach Valorie Burton knows all about something we each struggle with: guilt. She knows what it looks like, how it can disguise itself, and how ingrained it is in our daily lives. Valorie helps us identify the difference between authentic and false guilt, and walks us through the different types of guilt we experience, especially in 2020: mom/daughter/friend guilt, guilt for not doing more or better, guilt for not being involved enough in the causes happening around us. Valerie gives us the tools to begin to let go of guilt, so we can take the first step on our journey to appreciating the small wins of 2020.

Episode Transcript

Thought-Provoking Quotes From This Episode:




“Whenever you’re using that word should, it’s a little warning sign. ‘Should? Where’d you get that from? Whose expectation is that? Is that your values?’” -Valorie Burton 


“Right now, you just might need more rest, a bit more grace, not only because of the direct impact of not being able to live life like you’ve lived it your entire life, but because the whole world is in this predicament.” -Valorie Burton


“Guilt is a message. It’s a message that says either you’ve done something wrong or you feel like you’ve done something wrong. So the question that you have to ask yourself is, ‘Is that true? Have I done something wrong?’ Because oftentimes, we haven’t actually done something wrong.” -Valorie Burton


“Look, guilt trippers are great at stating their needs. In fact, the relationship can be so unbalanced that you know everything that’s a requirement for them and they might not know anything that’s a requirement for you. So I think it’s really important to get clear about what your expectations are and ask for them. Sometimes you might have to repeat that request.” -Valorie Burton


“Guilt is rooted in our expectations. It’s “I haven’t been able to live up to these expectations.” So if you’re setting yourself up for guilt with the wrong expectations, then reset them.” -Valorie Burton


“What expectations make sense for us right now? What do we want? Let’s set our intentions together and then meet them. It’s just a completely different approach instead of letting everything happen to us so that we’re just reacting and responding all the time.” -Valorie Burton



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