Friendship isn’t just a “nice to have.” It’s the glue that holds us together when life gets messy, the safe place we land when things go sideways, and the people who celebrate us like it’s their full-time job. But here’s the truth: good friendships don’t happen by accident. They take effort, intention, and the willingness to show up.
So, how do you be a good friend—the kind who’s not just fun at brunch but truly shows up when it counts? Let’s get into it.
1. Be the Friend Who Reaches Out First
We’ve all been there—waiting for a friend to text or invite us to something, wondering if we’re annoying them by reaching out too much. But here’s the thing: someone has to go first. Be that person. Send the “thinking of you” text, make the plans, show up for them first. Odds are, they’re craving connection too.
2. Actually Listen (Like, Really Listen)
Good friends don’t just wait for their turn to talk. They listen. Like, put-down-the-phone, ask-follow-up-questions, make-eye-contact kind of listening. The kind that makes your people feel heard, valued, and less alone.
3. Celebrate Their Wins—Loudly and Often
Your friend got a promotion? Text them all the exclamation points. They finally dumped that toxic ex? Take them out for cake. Research shows that celebrating your friends’ successes is even more important than supporting them through the tough stuff.
4. Show Up in the Messy Moments
It’s easy to be around when life is good. But real friendship happens in the trenches. When they’re grieving, struggling, or just having a terrible Tuesday, be the friend who brings a coffee, sits in the silence, or texts, “I’m here. No need to reply.”
5. Set (and Respect) Boundaries
A great friendship isn’t about saying yes to everything or exhausting yourself to meet someone else’s needs. Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re blueprints for healthy relationships. Honor your friends’ limits, and don’t be afraid to communicate your own.
6. Make Them Feel Seen and Appreciated
When’s the last time you told your friend something you love about them? Compliments don’t have to be about looks—tell them you admire their resilience, their creativity, their kindness. People need to hear that they matter. Say it out loud.
7. Apologize When You Mess Up
Because you will mess up. We all do. A good friend doesn’t pretend they’re perfect—they own their mistakes, say sorry, and do better. No defensiveness. No excuses. Just, “I love you, and I was wrong.”
8. Be Consistently Present (Even in Small Ways)
Friendship isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s built in consistency. A quick check-in text, a silly meme, remembering their favorite coffee order—small things matter. They show your people they’re on your mind, even when life is busy.
9. Know When to Give Tough Love
Being a good friend doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. Sometimes, love looks like telling them that they deserve better, that they need to slow down, or that yes, that was a bad idea. Be honest, but be kind.
10. Keep Showing Up, Year After Year
Friendship isn’t just for the easy seasons. Be the friend who sticks around through job changes, cross-country moves, marriages, divorces, babies, and everything in between. Because at the end of the day, the best friendships aren’t about convenience—they’re about commitment.
Friendship Takes Effort, But It’s Worth It
The friendships that truly sustain us aren’t the ones that happen effortlessly—they’re the ones we build, nurture, and fight for. Being a good friend isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, over and over again.
Want to go deeper in building authentic friendships? Check out my Me Course: Friendship for the Rest of Us—because great friendships don’t just happen. We make them happen.
