Remember when making friends meant sitting next to someone in class and bonding over the same favorite color? Ah, the good old days. Then adulting hit, and suddenly, making friends feels like trying to join a secret club where everyone already knows the password.
But here’s the truth: Friendship doesn’t get less important as we grow up—it gets more important. And while making friends in adulthood takes more effort, it’s absolutely possible. You just need a little intention and a lot of courage.
So, if you’ve ever wondered, “How do you make friends as an adult?”—this one’s for you.
1. Accept That Friendship Won’t Happen by Accident
In school, friendships formed naturally because we were thrown into the same spaces every day. As adults? Not so much. If we want real, lasting friendships, we have to make them happen on purpose—which means showing up, reaching out, and taking some risks.
2. Embrace “Aggressive Friending”
You know those people who always seem to have tons of friends? It’s not luck—it’s effort. Dr. Marisa Franco (a friendship expert) calls it “aggressive friending”—aka taking responsibility for creating friendships instead of waiting for them to magically appear.
How? Try this:
- Introduce yourself to new people and ask for their number.
- Be the one to suggest plans (yes, even if it feels awkward).
- Follow up—a simple “Hey, great meeting you! Let’s grab coffee soon” can go a long way.
3. Go Where the Friend Energy Is
Let’s be honest: making friends as an adult is hard if you never leave your house. (Netflix and your dog don’t count as socializing—sorry.)
So, where do you make friends as an adult? Here are a few ideas:
- Join a local group (book clubs, running clubs, trivia nights, cooking classes).
- Sign up for an activity-based event (volunteer, take an improv class, try a group workout).
- Leverage your existing network—ask friends if they know someone cool to introduce you to.
4. Say Yes (Even When You Feel Like Saying No)
Sometimes, we get in our own way when it comes to making friends. We turn down invitations because we’re tired, nervous, or worried about feeling awkward. But friendship happens when we show up.
So next time you get an invite? Say yes. Even if it’s out of your comfort zone.
5. Get Comfortable with Vulnerability
If you’ve ever wondered, “How do I make friends as an adult and go beyond small talk?“—this is the answer. Real friendships require real conversations.
You don’t have to spill your deepest secrets on day one, but opening up—even in small ways—builds trust. Try sharing
- A personal challenge you’re facing
- Something you’re excited about
- A genuine compliment or appreciation for the other person
- Friendship expert Shasta Nelson calls this the “beautiful mess effect”—people appreciate vulnerability way more than we think.
6. Nurture Friendships Like You Would Any Relationship
Friendships don’t just last. They last because we put in the work.
- Check in. (A simple “thinking of you” text can mean everything.)
- Be reliable. (Show up when you say you will.)
- Celebrate their wins. (Good friends cheer each other on—loudly.)
7. Be Patient (But Keep Trying!)
Making friends in adulthood doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and—yes—some trial and error. Not everyone will become your person, and that’s okay. Keep showing up. Keep putting yourself out there.
Friendship Is Worth the Effort
Look, I know it’s tough. But you were made for community. The loneliness? The craving for deeper connections? That’s your soul reminding you that friendship matters.
And if you want more guidance on making and keeping real friendships, check out my Me Course: Friendship for the Rest of Us. Because great friendships don’t just happen—we create them.
