Remember those carefree days when making friends was as simple as sharing a swing or trading lunch snacks? The simplicity of childhood camaraderie…
But now, in the whirlwind of adulting, forging and maintaining adult friendships can feel like navigating a complex maze without a map. Yet, here’s the beautiful truth: while the landscape has changed, the profound need for connection remains steadfast.
The Evolution of Friendship in Adulthood
As we journey through life, our friendships naturally evolve. Gone are the days when proximity and shared classes dictated our social circles. Now, our bonds are influenced by careers, family commitments, and personal growth. This evolution, while natural, often leads to a phenomenon some refer to as the “friendship recession,” where the number of close connections dwindles over time. But fewer doesn’t mean less significant; in fact, these relationships often deepen in quality, offering profound support and understanding.
Friendship Through the Decades: A Rollercoaster of Connection
In Our 20s
Making friends feels like a chaotic game of speed dating — roommates, coworkers, college friends, that one person you trauma-bonded with in a questionable bar bathroom. The possibilities are endless, but so is the turnover.
In Our 30s
We start getting picky. No more emotional vampires, flaky brunch friends, or group texts that require too much effort. At this point, we want quality over quantity — ride-or-dies who won’t judge us for canceling plans to stay in sweats and binge true crime.
In Our 40s
Friendships revolve around survival and efficiency. School drop-offs, work obligations, and family life mean that friendships often look like stolen moments in the grocery aisle or quick check-ins via text. The friends who stick around? They’re gold.
In Our 50s and Beyond
Okay, so I just entered this era, but I’ve noticed this: We stop pretending. There’s no more tolerance for small talk or surface-level friendships. We crave depth, laughter, and the people who have truly seen us through. At this point, we know exactly who our “call in the middle of the night” friends are — and we hold onto them for dear life.
The Truth About Adult Friendships
Listen, if you’ve ever felt like friendship in adulthood is basically a never-ending game of phone tag, let me tell you — you’re not alone. Adult friendships are beautiful, necessary, and deeply fulfilling, but they’re also a little… chaotic. And messy. And sometimes held together by nothing but shared memes and a “hey, sorry I forgot to text back two weeks ago” message.
Here’s what’s real about friendship after the age of “let’s be best friends because we sit next to each other in class.”
1. Time Is a Luxury — And Sometimes, You Just Won’t Have It
Remember in high school or college when friendship meant hours of deep conversations, sleepovers, and endless time to just BE together? Yeah… that was cute. Now, between work, kids, life responsibilities, and the general exhaustion of adulting, uninterrupted friend time feels like spotting a unicorn.
But here’s the truth: Friendship doesn’t require endless time — it requires consistency. Even if all you can manage is a 5-minute check-in voice note while driving to Target, that counts.
2. Your Friend Isn’t Ignoring You — She’s Just Drowning in Life
Did she leave your text on read? Has it been weeks since she last replied? Does she still love you? YES.
Friendship in adulthood means accepting the reality that people are busy—and giving grace instead of assuming the worst. Reach out again. Send the text. Invite her anyway. Because real friends don’t need constant replies to know they’re loved.
3. You’ll Have Fewer Friends, But the Ones Who Stay Are Gold
When you were younger, having a million friends felt like the goal. But in adulthood? Your circle might shrink, but the depth grows.
These are the friends who see you at your worst and love you anyway. The ones who show up when your world is upside down. The ones who don’t need constant maintenance to know you’ve got their back. Quality is greater than quantity, always.
4. Get Used to Unfinished Conversations
Ever try to have a deep, meaningful chat with a friend, only for it to be interrupted 14 times by screaming kids, work emails, or life just doing its thing? Yep. Welcome to adult friendships.
The trick? Roll with it. Accept that most conversations will end with “Hold on, I gotta go, but I’ll text you later”… and then just pick it back up next time like no time has passed.
5. Everyone Feels Lonely Sometimes — Even the People Who Seem Like They Have It All Together
Loneliness isn’t a personal failure — it’s part of the human experience. Even the busiest, most social, most put-together people feel it. The difference? Some people are just better at hiding it.
So if you’ve ever felt like you’re the only one struggling to find deep, real friendships, let me tell you: You’re not. We’re all out here wondering if we’re the only ones feeling left out. You are not alone in this.
Strategies to Cultivate and Maintain Meaningful Connections in Adulthood
Despite these challenges, cultivating rich and fulfilling friendships in adulthood is entirely achievable. Here’s how:
1. Prioritize Intentionality
In the hustle of adulting, spontaneity often takes a backseat. Be deliberate in reaching out, scheduling regular catch-ups, and showing up for your friends, even when life gets busy.
2. Embrace Vulnerability
Deep connections are built on authenticity. Share your joys, fears, and challenges. Opening up paves the way for genuine understanding and trust.
3. Seek Shared Experiences
Engage in activities that resonate with your interests—be it a book club, hiking group, or cooking class. Shared experiences foster deeper bonds and create lasting memories.
4. Leverage Technology
While nothing replaces face-to-face interaction, technology offers valuable tools to bridge gaps. Regular video calls, group chats, or even shared playlists can keep the connection alive.
5. Be Patient and Compassionate
Understand that everyone is juggling their own set of challenges. Extend grace, practice patience, and celebrate the small moments of connection.
Friendship in adulthood may require more effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. Embrace the journey, cherish the connections, and remember: it’s never too late to nurture meaningful friendships.
Want to go deeper?
If you’re craving real, lasting friendships but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve got you. My Me Course, Friendship for the Rest of Us, is a no-fluff, real-talk guide to making, keeping, and thriving in adult friendships. Because great friendships don’t just happen — we create them.
