Are You Happy? Dr. Sara Kuburic Wants Us To Stop Lying To Ourselves and Take Ownership of Our Choices

“We get to engage in life; we can take ownership, we can take responsibility, we can make choices, and I think that that’s really how I see human suffering. My question is always, ‘how much of it happened to you? How much of it did you inflict on yourself?’”

Episode 03

It’s time for this week’s podcast therapy session and we’ve got another great therapist in our “office” as part of our For the Love of Therapy series. Dr. Sara Kuburic is an existential psychotherapist, author and the force behind The @Millennial.Therapist account on Instagram. Dr. Kuburic believes that each of us is a free and responsible agent who determines our own development through acts of our will. Though this isn’t always a popular view to take, as we often look to outside forces to blame for our unhappiness, Dr. Kuburic wants us to understand that we have this amazing opportunity to engage in life and we can take ownership and responsibility over our choices. In that vein, she asks a very important question: how much of what we deal with in life happens to us, and how much of it did we inflict on ourselves? (that’s a fun thing to spend a few hours pondering). But as a therapist, she helps people find tools to address whatever stage of life they’re–maybe it is a bad situation and you just can’t change it–but as she likes to ask: “what can you change or how can you change your attitude so the situation is less painful for you?” In addition to thinking about our lives existentially, Jen and Dr. Kuburic also discuss the concept of self-loss and how we can deceive ourselves into thinking we’re living the life we want, when our bodies are telling us otherwise by devolving into depression, anxiety and panic. 

Jen and Dr. Kuburic get honest about: 

  • What it’s like when you love the “idea” of who you are more than who you actually are–and how to stop lying to yourself
  • What happens when not making a change in your life actually becomes more painful than changing
  • Realizing that our bodies do have limits–no matter how strong you think you are or how strong you’ve been—your body is sending up red flags with feelings of anxiousness, fear or panic for seemingly no reason
  • How sometimes our dedication to make something work can be so all consuming–even if that thing isn’t the right thing for our lives and hat commitment, which is normally a good quality, can lead us to our weakest moments if we don’t face up to the truth
Episode Transcript

Hey everybody. Jen Hatmaker here, your host of the For the Love Podcast. You guys, welcome to the show. I’m glad you’re here. I was certainly glad I was here for this interview. We’re in a series called For the Love of Therapy. We’ve had so many therapists on the show, but we decided to dedicate an entire series to having conversations with therapists and it just feels timely right now while so many of us are just picking through every manner of loss, change, sorrow, or both personally and in the world.

Dr. Sara Kuburic is known as being the very popular Millennial Therapist on Instagram, but she’s of course more than that. She calls herself an existential psychotherapist. She’s a consultant, she’s a writer, she’s a columnist for USA Today on top of being a nomad, which we’re going to talk about in a second. She is the author of a really great book called, It’s On Me: Accept Hard Truths, Discover Yourself and Change Your Life, which we’re also going to discuss. It just came out in September. Dr. Kuburic has lived in Europe, the Middle East, North Africa, and currently Australia all in the last six years. She has a really interesting and beautiful wealth of knowledge about humanity, just from her own lived experiences. What she brings to the table as a therapist is clear how much she has been inspired by this specific brand of humanity that she has personally witnessed.

She sums it up with this line on her website, which I love. She said, “My interest in psychology stems from my personal experience living through wars, navigating complex relationships, and continually learning what it means to be human.” I mean, you can see why we love her and wanted her on the show. As you might imagine, her work has been featured in tons of outlets we love such as Oprah Daily, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and The Guardian, it just goes on and on and on. She offers online therapy services that are grounded in honesty and openness with a dash of humor–my favorite. She specializes in identity, moral trauma, relationships, life transitions, and anxiety. So isn’t that all of us—at least a couple of those for sure. So Dr. Kuburic got the title “Millennial Therapist” from sharing tips that normalize human experiences and encourage self-reflection. Her Instagram is incredible, you’re going to want to follow her immediately @MillennialTherapist. It’s jam-packed with just excellent stuff. If you haven’t already, go give her a follow and I think you’re going to love this conversation. I found it honest and truthful and certainly hopeful. So, without further ado, enjoy my conversation with the wonderful Dr. Sara Kuburic.



It’s On Me: Accept Hard Truths, Discover Yourself and Change Your Life
by Dr. Sara Kuburic

Dr. Sara Kuburic’s USA Today Column

CONNECT WITH Dr. Sara Kuburic
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