Someone needs to rebrand menopause, because why does it sound like a disease? It’s already hard enough, right?! It’s like menopause showed up to the branding meeting and got stuck with the worst name possible.
We could call it Private Summer. You could have your own personal summer right in the middle of winter, inside your very own body. No beach trip necessary—just a spontaneous burst of tropical warmth. And bonus? It’s completely free! Who needs the Caribbean when you’re radiating from the inside out?
Or how about Ovarian Retirement? Delightful. See you later, ovaries! Job well done. You punched the clock for decades, and now it’s nothing but leisurely brunches and hypothetical yoga classes you’ll never attend. Maybe we throw you a little party? A retirement cake with tiny fondant ovaries, complete with party hats. Too far? Maybe.
Feeling a little extra? Perhaps we go with Hormotional. It’s just what it sounds like: equal parts hormonal and emotional. One minute you’re sobbing over a dog food commercial, and the next, you’re rage-cleaning the baseboards. Everything is fine. Totally fine.
And of course, we can’t forget Brain Hiatus. Because truly, where did it go? We’re told it’ll come back. Maybe. But until then, just embrace the confusion. Keys in the fridge? Absolutely. Walking into a room with zero idea why you’re there? Every. Single. Time.
But if we’re being honest, maybe we should just call this our Wonder Woman Era. As in, I wonder where my keys are. I wonder why I walked into this room. I wonder what I was just thinking. I wonder if I’ll ever get a good night’s sleep again. And through it all, we somehow keep showing up.
Whatever we call it, this season is ours. It’s fierce and funny, frustrating and freeing. So cheers to all the Private Summers, the Hormotional spirals, and the Brain Hiatuses. We’re still standing—and sometimes, that’s more than enough (once we find our keys).
(And if anyone wants to workshop Estro-Gone or The Hot Flash Chronicles, call me. I’ve got ideas.)
For more ramblings about midlife, check out the links below:
