Jen and Isabel Allende discuss her novel, Violeta, and why Allende makes her bold choices in characters, events, and settings. Allende shares her fascinating personal background – born in Peru, living as a refugee, and eventually immigrating to the U.S. where she began her writing career.
Allende explains how Violeta’s story was inspired by her own mother’s life and letters, which Allende has meticulously preserved over decades. The author discusses how Violeta’s complicated romantic relationships and experiences of political upheaval mirror Allende’s own life.
Particularly compelling moments include:
Allende’s description and showing of the extensive archive of her mother’s letters
The author’s insights on the challenges women writers face, having to work harder than men to achieve respect
Allende’s personal experiences with family tragedy that informed the novel
The author’s delight in crafting the “villain” character of Julián, as well as the beloved nanny character based on Allende’s own housekeeper
Overall, you’ll hear a dynamic conversation between Jen and Isabel on life, love, and loss.
Welcome to the For The Love of The Matriarchy series where we’ll explore all the different aspects of women working to embrace agency and celebrating their worth. As we celebrate the power of women and their accomplishments, we’ll also look at the challenges women have faced in a patriarchal society (and still face) and what that means for their bodies and autonomy.
Cait West is an author who grew up in an extreme patriarchal Christian community. She was taught from a young age that her sole purpose was to become a submissive wife and mother. This pervasive sense of having no agency or control over her own life, combined with the constant messaging that she was inherently sinful and unworthy, took a profound toll on Cait’s mental health, causing severe anxiety and depression from a very young age. Jen and Cait delve into how families can fall into toxic belief systems, and what recovery can look like.
Jen and Cait discuss:
The impact of being raised in a fundamentalist, patriarchal environment that severely restricts a woman’s autonomy, education, and life choices.
The healing power of finding community, sharing one’s story, and reclaiming agency after experiencing spiritual abuse and trauma.
The difficult but important choice of breaking free from oppressive systems, even when it means severing ties with your own family
If you’ve ever been a part of a toxic belief system, or felt the oppression of not having agency over your own life, Cait’s story will be a balm toward healing those wounds.
Hey everyone, Jen Hatmaker here, your host of the For The Love podcast. Welcome to the show. This series has been so good. We are in the Embracing Change series, and I can’t think of anybody in my entire life that this doesn’t apply to in some way. Whether you are in change that you are choosing or needing to choose or change has chosen you in some way, we’re all there. This episode, I think, is going to touch your soul in ways that you didn’t expect — including diving into the healing power of writing and reclaiming agency in the face of constant change and uncertainty. Our guest today is so remarkable.
Najwa Zebian is who we have today. She’s a poet, an author, and an advocate. Her words have been hope for literally millions of people around the world. She has millions of followers and you’ll see why. She has quite a story. We were just talking a second ago after we had finished recording, and she was like, “You’re such a good listener.” And I’m like, “You’re such a good storyteller. I just wanted you to tell me more and more and more.” I think you’re going to find a lot of points of connection. Even if we were raised in different cultures and with different circumstances, some of the themes of abandonment, a lack of care, uncertainty, and displacement are universal. She’s going to talk about what she learned, how she overcame, and how words were a part of that journey. Stay until the end, because we get to the crescendo at the very end of this interview, where she sort of steps into what felt like her life’s thesis.
So, let me tell you about her a little bit before we start hearing her story. Doctor Najwa Zebian is a Lebanese-Canadian actor, activist, author, speaker and educator. She’s got her doctorate in educational leadership. Najwa began to write to connect with and help heal her first students, which was a group of young refugees, which she understood. Then come to find out, she began writing to heal herself. She is the author of six books. She delivered the Ted Talk, “Finding Home Through Poetry.” She recently launched a digital school called Soul Academy and a podcast called “In the Clear.” Her latest book is called The Only Constant. It’s a powerful message of agency and autonomy and being able to trust ourselves as the primary leader of our own lives. You’re going to love this. You’re going to love her. Reminder, if you ever want to watch an interview, we video all of them over on my YouTube channel because, sometimes it’s just powerful to watch a guest tell her own story and Najwa is powerful to watch in addition to being spectacularly beautiful. So that’s over on YouTube if you’d like to watch it, in addition to listening to it. I am delighted that she was here and just moved by today’s conversation. So pour yourself a cup of tea and get ready to be inspired by the absolutely wonderful Najwa Zebian.
Continuing in our series of Embracing Change, Jen talks with an elite athlete who found their life caving in, leaving themselves with no other choice than to flow with the transitions. In this candid conversation, Jen and Olympic figure skater Gracie Gold delve into Gracie’s battles with mental health, disordered eating, and the intense pressures of elite athletics.
Gracie’s story speaks to immense strength – navigating the insidious grip of an eating disorder that spanned longer than many of her close relationships. Gracie recounts how the illusion of control through restrictive eating eventually triggered a “nuclear meltdown” forcing her to confront the compounding traumas.
Jen and Gracie explore:
The toxic underbelly of perfectionism glorified in figure skating and its ties to disordered eating
Society’s tendency to stigmatize mental illness that doesn’t fit a textbook definition
The arduous, perpetual work of managing an eating disorder
Reclaiming authenticity after realizing her projected “ice princess” persona was unsustainable
With refreshing candor, Gracie shares how curiosity and embracing life’s small joys enabled her to begin reconstructing an integrated identity beyond skating’s rigid
expectations. Her courage to openly discuss such profound struggles is a beacon of hope for anyone confronting their inner critic.
We’re wrapping up our series featuring Black Trailblazers, and we couldn’t be more thrilled to have another guest who has broken barriers and basically created their own space as part of the national conversation, becoming the first black woman to anchor a cable primetime show. You may know her from her seat as a political analyst on MSNBC, or as the host of her own show, The ReidOut. It’s the amazing Joy Reid, everyone! Joy is a Harvard grad with a degree in visual and environmental studies and a concentration in documentary film. She also worked on the Florida branch of the Obama campaign. Her political writing prowess has landed her columns and articles everywhere; The New York Times, The New Republic, The Guardian, The Daily Beast, and The New Yorker, to name a few. PLUS she has a new book coming out that she gives us a special peek into; it’s the important and moving story of slain Civil rights pioneer Medgar Evers and his wife Myrlie, also an activist. It’s not every day we get to talk to someone who brings the goods about so many profound topics—civil rights, the fight for reproductive rights, immigration issues, the sacrifice for equality—and she and Jen shy away from none of them here. Joy’s passion for calling out injustice and her unwavering belief that we all hold the keys to preserving our rights and our freedoms gives us a reason to believe that we all can be trailblazers toward sparking change in our world.
In this week’s episode in our Black Trailblazer’s series, Jen may have leveraged her connections, and we couldn’t be more thrilled that she did. We’re excited to have a wonderful sit down with the amazing Jerrie Merritt (who just happens to be Jen’s boyfriend Tyler’s mother–and a Black trailblazer in every sense of the word). In addition to being Tyler’s mom, Jerrie’s currently the Senior VP of Community Development at the Bank of Nevada in Las Vegas. Her banking career spans 40 plus years, where her job now is discerning funding for community development projects in the city of Las Vegas (as she puts it; “I’m the only person at the bank who’s actually giving money away!”). She’s been the board president of the Rape Crisis Center, The Urban Financial Services Coalition, and the Chamber of Commerce in Las Vegas. She even recently got to work with the NFL when the Super Bowl took place in Las Vegas to lead the dispersion of funds they made available to 14 worthy organizations, which she chose. In 2021, Jerrie received an actual Trailblazer Award, presented by the National Coalition of 100 Black Women from the Las Vegas Chapter. Jerrie takes us back to where it all began; in a tiny town called Eutaw, Alabama, where Jerrie didn’t see much modeled to her in the way of dreaming of who she could be, but through generosity of spirit and a willingness to take a chance, she started blazing her trail. It wasn’t without its challenges, coming up during a time where women–especially black women–were often shunned in business and leadership settings. Despite this, Jerrie paved a way, and in turn is paving a way for those coming up behind her. Her infectious courage, intertwined with a humility that hits you right in the feels—will incite a fire with all of us to leave our own indelible mark on this wild, beautiful world.
If you’ve listened long enough to our show and also follow Jen, you probably know that the conversations we invite come in many stripes—thoughtful, timely, fun, encouraging, helpful, educational and inclusive—plus, we’re not afraid to veer into some of the deeper stuff. Important stuff that is sometimes hard to wrap our heads around, but if we don’t, no change can occur. Whatever we think about gun rights, there are voices to consider who are doing hard work to create a future where kids can safely attend schools, where people won’t be shot just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, where mass shootings become a thing of the past. Wherever you stand on the spectrum of this issue, at the end of the day, many polls show that roughly 90% of us agree that we should have stricter gun laws. So we’re opening the For the Love Floor to someone who is seeing and hearing first hand from families affected by gun violence, who makes it her priority to educate the public, and puts the issue in front of legislators for increased gun safety. Gloria Pan is the VP of Moms Rising, a group of caring moms who take on the most critical issues facing women, mothers and families. She’s the head of their gun safety initiative and works with their membership to accelerate impact on Capitol Hill and state capitols to affect legislative change. She’s also been a trusted voice who’s spread the message on CNN, with The Los Angeles Times, NPR, and all kinds of media platforms.
Gloria and Jen have a discussion around:
+ The origins of the 2nd Amendment and how the narrative of guns rights proponents has been shaped over the last 50 years
+ Practical steps toward what we all can do if we want to make our voices heard about this issue and take action toward better gun safety
+ Hope toward a new generation of young people who are engaged in creating a better future and are paying attention in ways perhaps previous generations haven’t
This work is not glamorous and can be full of disappointment, as moving mountains can often be. We’re grateful to people like Gloria who give us a glimpse from inside the fight, and bring us hope that change can really happen.
It’s another week of our illuminating For the Love of Being Seen and Heard series. We’re talking to people that are doing the life-changing work of helping each other see and hear each other–to see and hear communities that we are not a part of, to see and hear voices that have been traditionally silenced or marginalized, or even to see and hear ourselves in honest and affirming ways. Our guest this week is a powerful advocate, but with a tender heart who works in so many spaces that matter: feminism, racial justice, the arts, activism, self care and healing. Rachel Cargle is a writer and entrepreneur who has created powerful online learning spaces. She’s a regular contributor to Cultured Magazine, The Cut and Atmos. She’s been featured in the New York Times and Forbes as well. Her work centers around an invitation to pursue healing and growth, as well as re-imagining how systems that no longer serve us can be dismantled or changed to embrace justice and liberation. Her belief is that every one of us has power–the power to unlearn, relearn and reimagine–taking ourselves out of stuck spaces and creating places for understanding for everyone. Her thoughts on feminism are so insightful as she looks at how a well intentioned movement for the progress of women leaves out key communities and how reimagining how to see and hear the needs of every woman toward better conditions for all women. This powerful discussion centers around:
An explanation and brief history of the feminist movement and how communities of color often are left behind in this work
How the culture, both inside and outside of black communities often stereotype black women as workers, as strong, as able to bear pain differently than their white counterparts; and Rachel’s work to help black women feel cared for–which leads to an amazing ripple effect on families, organizations and communities
The Loveland Foundation, which gives black women access to black therapists, to self-care and to other resources that are so often not readily or affordably available
Simple ways that women can get involved in the conversation to become clear about this intersection of feminism and race by hearing and telling truths, and to engage in knowledge, empathy, and action.
Sometimes the truth can be hard to process, but when there is intentionality in how we exist in our efforts toward benefitting the condition of women, the result is liberation for all women.
We’re back for more of our Being Seen and Heard series! In a time where it feels like we are struggling to really see and hear one another, there are some bright lights who make it their mission to help one another understand each other a little better. Our guest today, Sara Cunningham, the founder of FreeMomHugs.org, is one amazing example of what can happen when we really see people for who they are and begin to hear their stories. Sara was on the show right at the beginning of her journey with Free Mom Hugs, and now the org—which started with the simple idea of attending Pride parades and holding up a sign that said “Free Mom Hugs,”—has become a national and world wide phenomenon. She uses her own experience as a guide to how she advocates, and is absolutely passionate about connecting with faith, civic, business, and government leaders in efforts to make the world a kinder safer place for our LGBTQIA+ family.
Sara and Jen touch on these topics:
Sara’s roots in conservative evangelicalism and how she found herself moving “from the church to the pride parade” after she reckoned with her son’s admission that he was gay and going to live in his identity
The stories of people who, after coming out, lost their families, were kicked out of their churches, and felt completely alone and found solace and comfort in the simple act of a mom extending a hug
Sara’s son Parker’s (as well as her own) journey of self-discovery and then coming to live authentically after seeing others, who had come out in faith environments, survive and thrive after loss
How we can affect change with our voices as it relates to legislation that targets the LGBTQIA+ community
We’re back with our series For The Love of Being Seen and Heard. There is so much right now floating around in culture about what happens to us when we don’t feel like we’re either being seen or heard. For most of us, the longing to be understood by others is a core need. And for some groups or communities, including the disabled community, the task of being seen, heard and understood is more challenging, and we’ll hear why as we talk with disabled scholar-practitioner Dr. Amy Kenny. Dr. Kenny has made it her life’s work to shed light on and help clear up misunderstandings around the abled community’s view of the disabled. Her latest book, My Body Is Not a Prayer Request does a deep dive into one of those communities—places of faith—and the particular biases and unintentional ableism propagated there. Amy compassionately offers insight and solutions toward understanding in a new way.
Jen and Dr. Kenny discuss:
Common misunderstandings that abled people have toward disabled people plus words and actions they can learn from disabled people toward connectedness
The “invisible qualities of God’s divine nature” and how we might be able to accept imperfections in nature, even considering them beautiful, but are unable to accept or find beauty in the imperfections of our bodies
“Inspiration porn” a phrase that relates to the overall view of disabled folks being the poster children for overcoming—putting them in the position of feeling as if they are objects on a pedestal and that their sole purpose in life is to inspire the abled
The challenges around access for disabled people and how to think differently about the right of access for all people
There’s hope in this conversation, and Amy guides us to a place where we can unlearn some ableist tendencies and learn more about a community that has much to contribute to our world.
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