Today we’re revisiting the profound biological, psychological and social shifts experienced when becoming a mother – a process known as “matrescence.” Jen sits down with science journalist Lucy Jones, who experienced a seismic identity shift that arose after the birth of her first child.
Lucy and Jen unpack groundbreaking neuroscience research and they expose the deep-rooted myths and unrealistic expectations surrounding modern motherhood. From the minimizing of postpartum struggles to the pressure of “natural birthing” ideals, Lucy reveals how these systemic fictions can breed shame, isolation and maternal mental health crises.
Jen and Lucy discuss:
- The concept of “matrescence” – the biological, psychological and social transition to becoming a mother that renders profound identity changes
- How modern cultural myths and idealized notions of motherhood as blissful and “natural” can be deeply alienating and contribute to maternal mental health issues
- The systemic lack of scientific research and societal rituals to prepare and support women through the seismic transformation of matrescence
- The need to construct new narratives, share vulnerable experiences, and build community care around the modern realities of the matrescence
In the span of a single year, Abby Wambach lost her beloved brother, her wife Glennon Doyle was diagnosed with anorexia, and her sister-in-law Amanda Doyle was diagnosed with breast cancer. For the first time, the trio who host the wildly popular We Can Do Hard Things podcast, all found themselves simultaneously lost, looking for answers. So they turned toward the only thing that’s ever helped them find their way: deep, honest conversations with other brave, kind, wise people. What resulted from those conversations was a myriad of guideposts, words of wisdom from some of the most brilliant wayfinders in the zeitgeist today.
In this episode, Jen and Amy talk with Abby and Amanda about some of the most meaningful bits of guidance that they have received from inspirational voices like Elizabeth Gilbert, Jane Fonda, Michelle Obama, Ocean Vuong, Esther Perel, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, and others that they have gathered into a new book called, We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life’s 20 Questions.
Some of the conversations they delve into include:
- Why are we like this?
- How do we figure out what we really want?
- How do we let go, or forgive, or get unstuck?
- Why do we wake up every day having forgotten everything we know?
- Why self-loyalty is so damn hard for women?
She’s become a leading voice in the culinary world and today stars as the lead host of the same cooking competition show that launched her career. Kristen Kish was eliminated from Bravo’s season 10 of Top Chef, only to make a triumphant return through a Last Chance Kitchen opportunity that cleared the way for her to beat out the remaining competition and win the season.
Since that 2013 victory, Kristen has been everywhere – launching a new restaurant, Arlo Grey, in Jen’s hometown of Austin (and another restaurant opening soon in New York), hosting some of our favorite food shows including Kitchens at the End of the World, Iron Chef, and now Top Chef (the student has become the teacher). She’s also flexing a new muscle as an author. In her new book, Accidentally on Purpose, Kristen shares her story of being born in South Korea and adopted into a loving white, midwestern American family and what it was like for her to navigate her identity in all of its racial, sexual and professional contexts. Ultimately, what defines Kristen’s story is how she learned to find her voice and use it and, while accidents may be unexpected, they don’t have to be at odds with our purpose.
Our conversation today covers:
- Pivoting, embracing change, and building a life that is truthful and authentic
- How the road to success was so much more winding and complicated than it may have appeared from the outside
- Knowing internally that it’s time to make a change or take a new step forward
- How it’s the behind-the-scenes, off camera moments that nobody sees where the decisions and discoveries are made, where the unexpected meets the intentional, and where things get really interesting.
- Battling imposter syndrome and burnout and quieting the voice of doubt
- How life’s best opportunities often come from embracing the unexpected
If we’re lucky, most of us will live an abundant life that’s filled with a number of significant transitions. How we embrace those inevitable life changes and honor that growth can make a big difference in how we are prepared to meet future challenges.
Today, Jen and Amy have the pleasure of sitting down with Melinda French Gates to discuss how, at 60, she is stepping into this next beautiful season of life. By giving a rare glimpse into her interior life, and sharing previously untold stories included in her new memoir, The Next Day: Transitions, Change and Moving Forward, Melinda shares the heart-connecting lessons that we all can apply to the universal moments in our lives – including becoming a parent, the loss of a close friend, the loss of a marriage, knowing the right time to make a career move.
In this episode, we discuss:
- The art of letting go and beginning again and making the most of the time between an ending and a new beginning
- How growing up in a middle-class Catholic family influenced Melinda’s values and worldview
- What it looks like to loosen the bonds of perfectionism and embrace uncertainty in times of change
- The new projects, ideas and hopes Melinda has for the future
Maddie Corman is a seasoned American actress and playwright that you’ve seen in classic films including Some Kind of Wonderful, Maid in Manhattan, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, and our favorite television shows like Law and Order, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
Most recently, she has put her creative hand to writing and performing in a very raw and vulnerable autobiographical one-woman play called Accidentally Brave, that delves into Maddie’s personal journey following the arrest of her husband on child pornography charges in 2015. Today, Maddie shares her story of navigating the aftermath, focusing on themes of resilience, healing, and redefining normalcy when life takes an unforeseen turn.
In this tender and transparent conversation, we discuss:
- How Maddie’s life turned upside down after a public personal crisis—and how she found her way back
- What led to her decision to write a raw, hilarious, deeply moving one-woman show called Accidentally Brave (now a movie on MAX!)
- What she imagined midlife would look like when she was younger versus what it looks like from where she sits today
- What it’s like to walk (or sometimes crawl) through shame and loss—and come out with more freedom, more truth, more YOU
- Also, how motherhood shifts our perspective in crisis
- What practices or people help us stay grounded in the hard moments – Maddie shares some really great resources!
- Why midlife is actually the best time to tell your story and start again
Today, we’re taking a trip into the archives to revisit a 2023 episode with renowned clinical psychologist and listener favorite, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, where we dove into the deeply-layered topic of conscious parenting. Those of us in the middle of life, still parenting kids at home, adjusting to parenting adult children who just launched out into the world. or in any season of the parenting journey, really, will find much to learn as we look back (and forward) at our parenting patterns.
Highlights from this convo include:
- Defining conscious parenting and the three stages of the parenting map
- Debunking the notion that as parents we are supposed to create happy, perfect superhumans by following traditional parenting rules
- Dismissing the notion that there are good kids and bad kids—and how to avoid using these labels
- Revealing the five ego patterns that parents might not even realize inform their quest to raise amazing children
- The three reasons why children act out or misbehave and how you can learn not to shame them for it
- The results of over-parenting and how it shows up in your adult children
- How it’s never too late to become a mindful parent
Chip Leighton is a guy whose kids describe him as an “unemployed, middle-aged TikTokker“. He has turned the chaos of parenting kids – teens, in particular, into comedy gold. By taking hilarious text from teens and turning them into reels, he keeps the internet in stitches. With his hilarious take on raising teenagers that is so relatable and mirrors so many parents’ exact experiences, Chip helps countless moms and dads know that they are not alone in their wild journey. Now he’s compiling the best conversations from texts and real-life moments into his new book, What Time Is Noon?
Chip and Jen talk about:
- The names we are given as parents of teens: Gangster, Bruh, or Jen’s favorite….Pimp
- Ridiculous questions our kids have asked, such as: Did grandma have kids? Am I a notary? Am I on Medicare? What’s a stamp?
- Savage burns Chip’s kids have made about his wardrobe: Our favorite – “that looks like the material they make tents from”.
- Endless instructions from the teens on how not to be embarrassing in front of their friends
- Also, Chip tells the story of deciding to leave his corporate job to try his hand at standup (at the urging of one Caroline Rhea).
In this funny, refreshing, and irreverent conversation about parenting, Jen welcomes Caitlin Murray to the show to talk about her Big Time Adulting community space, the blog (and now podcast) that Caitlin started when her 5-year-old son was in cancer treatment for Leukemia, as a place to connect with other moms and parents craving funny, provocative, no-nonsense entertainment to distract themselves from the hamster wheel of life
Like a big sister, Jen offers encouragement to guide Cailin through the years to come, with the two ultimately agreeing that early childhood is hard but middle school is the real shit show.
They commiserate over:
- Spirit Weeks, PTA obligations, and signing reading logs
- The idea of the ‘Hardship Olympics’ that creates unnecessary competition among women / moms
- Comparison parenting and why authenticity resonates more with their communities than curated perfection
- How community and humor that can be found in the everyday chaos of parenting
